Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ambassador
Q How to address an ambassador?


A It would depend upon the situation. If you are addressing an ambassador at a formal occasion, on first meeting, the ambassador would be addressed as, "Your Excellence" and after that as "Sir" or "Madame," or by his or her given name. If it is a social occasion, the proper address is "Ambassador" or just use his or her given name.

In conversation a foreign ambassador is addressed as "His/Her Excellency the Ambassador of Malta," or "His/Her Excellency the Malta Ambassador." Also, if you are addressing an ambassador in writing, "His/Her Excellency" is used before any other title. A formal letter would begin, "Your Excellence" and a social note would start, "Dear Ambassador."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ambassador
Q Addressing an ambassador in a letter...

A When writing a letter to a foreign ambassador, you would write:

His Excellency
Charles Dickens
Ambassador of Great Britain
Then the address of the embassy

Dear Ambassador Dickens:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ambassador
Q Addressing a letter to an ambassador...

A When addressing a letter to a foreign UN ambassador, you would address it to: His Excellency Carlo Otto (the name of the ambassador), Ambassador of Austria, Permanent Mission of Austria to the United States, then the address.

The salutation would be: Dear Mr. Ambassador:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ambassador + His Wife
Q To send an invitation for dinner to an ambassador and his spouse - what to write on card?

A To an American Ambassador abroad you would address the envelope to:

The Honorable David Letterman and Mrs. Letterman
American Embassy
Address

Then substituting your own information, these lines would be centered on a white invitation card (4 1/2 by 6 1/2 inches):

Mr. and Mrs. George Henry Winston
request the pleasure of the company of
Ambassador Letterman and Mrs. Letterman
at dinner
on Thursday, October 10, 2009
150 Rue de la Tour
Geneva

Black Tie

The invitation should include a matching reply card with any instructions for security clearance. If the invitation is in honor of another diplomat, you would include a separate matching card (3 12/ by 4 1/2 inches) that announces the purpose of the dinner (substitute your own information and center the lines on the card):

On the occasion of the visit of
His Excellency
The President of the Republic of France
and Mrs. Sarkozy

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ambassador's Wife
Q How do you address an invitation to the wife of a foreign Ambassador?

A Customarily, you would address the wife of a foreign ambassador as Madame, followed by her married name. French is the universal diplomatic language.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: American Ambassador Abroad
Q When writing a letter to a current ambassador, what is the proper way to address him? Is it H.E. John Doe or H.E. Ambassador John Doe?

A When addressing an American ambassador abroad, he would be The Honorable John M. (middle initial) Doe. If it is a social letter, say, a thank-you note, it would be addressed to The Honorable John M. Doe and Mrs. Doe. The salutation of your letter would be Dear Ambassador, if it is a business letter, or Dear Mr. Ambassador, if the letter is of a social nature.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Archbishop
Q How do you properly meet and greet an Archbishop?

A Introducing the Episcopal Archbishop, you would say, "The Most Reverend and Right Honourable Archbishop of Canterbury (or York)." In conversation, it would be Archbishop.

Introducing a Roman Catholic Archbishop, you would say, "The Most Reverend Charles McLaughlin." However, in conversation it would be, Excellency Archbishop McLaughlin, or Archbishop McLaughlin.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Assemblyman
Q How does one address an Assemblyman in conversation?

A In conversation, you would address a State Senator as "Senator Whitehouse." A member of the U.S. House of Representatives would be "Ms. Whitehouse." A U.S. Senator could be just "Senator" or "Senator Whitehouse."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Assemblyman
Q Didi:

When addressing a Assemblyman, do you commonly use the term "The Honorable" or is that utilized only for a Senator? Thank you very much!

Marianne

A The honorific The Honorable is used for any and all elected officials. You are correct.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Bishop of the Baptist Church
Q What is the proper form of address to a bishop in the Baptist Church?

A An envelope addressed to the Bishop of the Baptist Church would read, The Right Reverend Charles Dickens; if it was a social occasion, it would read: The Right Reverend Charles Dickens and Mrs. Dickens; the salutation in a letter would be: Dear Bishop Dickens; in person and on a place card he would be addressed as Bishop Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Blank Inside Note Card
Q When writing on the inside of a "Blank Inside" note card which side do you start on, right or left?



A It would depend upon how much you have to say. For a short note you would use the right hand side; for a longer note, say, a thank-you note, you would probably use both sides starting the "Dear Jane" in the upper left hand corner of the left side and ending at the bottom of the right hand side.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: British Knight & His Wife
Q How do I address a wedding invitation to a British knight and his wife? Is it Sir John and Lady Smith?

A As an American, you would always write to that person in the same manner he writes to you---with or without the initials. For instance a titled knight might be listed as Sir Esmond Harmsworth, G.C.M.G. However, socially, whether making introductions or addressing an invitation envelope, it would be Sir John and Lady Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: British Knight in the Salutation
Q What salutation do I use in a letter to a British knight? Dear Sir John?

A You are correct if John is the first name. However, if the salutation is in a letter to Sir Elton John, then it would be Dear Sir Elton.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: British Knight's Wife
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope to the wife of a British Knight? Is is simply Lady Smith?
Many Thanks!

A You would write to her using the same name that she uses when she writes to you. The reason I say this is because many peers drop their titles when they're outside of the United Kingdom. Most members of the British Commonwealth outside of Great Britain are not as formal as the English. If you have not received correspondence from her, then you would address the envelope to Lady Smith. The salutation would be: Dear Lady Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Business Party: Couples
Q We are having a Grand Opening party for a new business facility and would like to know how to address envelopes to business associates (including their spouses). We will be sending our business associates invitations to their respective workplaces. How do you properly address a married person to include their spouse and send the invitation to the associates' work address? Also, do you put their name and then use c/o XYZ Co.?

A If the employee is married, you would address the envelope to Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens. If the employee is a woman and you don't know her married name, find out her married name by enlisting the Human Resources person to furnish you with that information. If you are not sure, then email the employee, or, better yet, pick up the phone and call the person to say, "We're sending an invitation to you and your spouse (partner), how should we address the envelope?" If you're going to do this, do it right. It makes people feel special when they know you want to get their name right.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Cabinet Member Who Was a Governor
Q I have two questions. First of all, what is the proper way to address the executive of the USDA in writing? Is it "Dear Mr. Secretary" (as in Mr. President), or simply "Dear Mr. Grassley"? Or since he is also a governor, should it be "Dear Gov. Grassley"?

Secondly, I'm sure you deal with this question a lot, but is it true that nationality determines the order of writing a married couple's first names? It seems that Americans tend to write the husband's name first (e.g. Roland and Louisa Jones), while Brits tend to write the wife's name first (e.g. Mary and Albert Collins), and Canadians tend to follow alphabetical order (Alan and Zelda Smith, Karen and Walter Rideau, Darrell and Lynn McGee, etc.) This is just my observation; are these actual rules?

Regards, J.C.

A I'm not sure what you mean by "executive." If he is a cabinet member, he would be addressed as:

The Honorable George Grassley
Secretary of Agriculture (or Secretary of Agriculture of the United States of America)
Washington, D.C. 20520

The salutation would be: Dear Mr. Secretary:

In conversation he would be referred to as Secretary Grassley.

As a cabinet member in the Federal Government, his cabinet position out ranks that of Governor. However, when he is no longer a cabinet member, he would resume his elected official title of Governor. When in doubt, use "The Honorable."

In answer to your second question, generally and universally speaking, it is safe to follow the rule that you don't separate a man's first name from his last name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Card Signing Etiquette
Q When signing cards, holiday and birthday, whose name goes first, the man's or the woman's?

A I am a huge fan of ladies first. If the woman is writing the card, then she would write her name first and then the man's. If, say, the card is clearly to someone who is closer to the man, then she might write his name first because it would be more recognizable. If the man and woman both know the person equally, then the person writing the card would write his or her name first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Christmas Card Signature for Unmarrieds
Q What is the proper way to sign a Christmas card from a couple that is living together (not married)?

A The return address on the envelope would have both full names at the same address, then on the card you have only to sign the first names of the couple; for instance, "Mary and John." If you are having the cards printed, you would still have both full names above the return address, but the card would read "Mary Winslow and John Carter." If you are on a first name basis with the recipient, then you would take a pen and slash a slanted line through the last names, like this /. By the way, the nicest Christmas cards come with a handwritten personal note or closing from the sender, but you probably already know that. Even the simple insertion of an affectionate or familiar "With love," or "All our best," is a nice personal touch to any commercial greeting card.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Christmas Card to Recent Widow
Q Send Xmas card to wife whose husband has died; what do I say?

A Address the envelope to Mrs. John Smith, just as before. Even though she is a widow, she is Mrs. John Smith until she remarries or changes her name. You only need to write a sentence or two because it is a Christmas card. Just say that you are thinking about her and that you hope to have lunch with her soon. Try to give her something to look forward to, such as a gathering or get-together that could include old friends, or just yourself. Don't say anything too sad on a Christmas card; if possible, you want to be jolly and upbeat.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Christmas Cards
Q How to address a Christmas card to husband, wife and family?

A On the envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Harry Smith and Family. Inside the salutation would be: Dear Harry, Joan, Josh, Alice, and George.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Christmas Cards by Hand or Printed
Q Should Christmas cards be hand addressed or computer printed?

A You are not going to like my answer by I am a great believer in hand addressing Christmas cards and invitations. It gives the personal touch when the receiver notices that you took the time to write out his or her name. However, if you are sending out business Christmas cards, it would be more professional to have them computer generated.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: City Councilman
Q How do I address a city councilman in correspondence?

A Members of a city council are addressed as "The Honorable."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Clergywoman & Her Husband
Q How to address envelope for a female clergy and her husband?

A It would be The Reverend Emily Dickinson and Mr. Edward Dickinson. If she is a doctor, then it would The Reverend Dr. Emily Dickinson and Mr. Edward Dickinson. If the two names fit on one line, great, otherwise you can put the names on two lines with the woman's name first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Combined Families
Q Re: Combined families
A mom remarries and takes her new husband's name, and they have one child together. Also, the mom has two other children from her first marriage that live with her, but those kids have the last name of her first husband. How do you address an envelope to the combined family?



A If this is a formal invitation, then the children's names would only be listed separately under the parents on the inside envelope:

Mr. and Mrs. Sherman
Miss Ross
Master Ross
Miss Sherman

If this is an informal invitation or a holiday card, the envelope would read:

Mr. and Mrs. George R. Sherman and Family

Alternatively, even more informally, it could be:

The Sherman and Ross Family

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Commissioner + Dr. Husband
Q I need to address an envelope and the husband is a Doctor and the woman is a Commissioner. They are being honored at an awards ceremony and we need to express our congrats.

How do I address the envelope?
Dr. James and Commissioner Mantura Gallagher?

A If she is a Commissioner of a U.S. government agency, she is "The Honorable Mantura Gallager." As she is still in office, her title proceeds that of her husband's tile of "Dr." Therefore, you would address the envelope to:

The Honorable Mantura Gallagher
and Dr. James Gallagher
Their address

I am assuming here that you won't be able to fit both names on the same line of the envelope. The "and Dr. James Gallagher" would appear on the second line slightly indented. (I need to clarify this because I don't know how this will translate from my system to yours.)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Congressman
Q When sending a invitation to a judge or a local politician - Congressman- how do I address the envelope?

A When addressing a social invitation to a judge, you would address it to Judge Charles Dickens; to a US Representative, it would be The Honorable William Shakespeare and to a US. Senator, it would be Senator Emily Dickinson. When in doubt, on a social invitation, such as a wedding invitation, you can always address any elected official as The Honorable.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Congressman
Q How do I address an envelope being sent to a US Congressman?


A Technically, Congress refers to both houses, the upper house, The Senate and lower, The House of Representatives. Just so you've got it straight, Senator refers to member of the Senate, and Member of Congress is used to refer to members of the House of Representatives.

The Honorable Patrick Kennedy
House of Representatives
Address

The Honorable Sheldon Whitehouse
United States Senate
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Count and Countess
Q How should I address an invitation to a count and countess?

Ct. and Ctss. Guillaume H. de Ramel or do I spell out count and countess? I've seen it both ways.

A On a formal invitation, you would spell out Count and Countess. On a less formal invitation and for business correspondence, it could be Ct. and Ctss.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couple
Q When sending an informal, do you address female first and male second; also do you close the same way or do you put the man's name first?

A I am a huge fan of ladies first. I am not sure if you are asking about an informal note, such a thank-you note, or an informal invitation, such as to a shower, brunch, or cocktail party. Whichever, you would write Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens on the outside envelope; however, the inside invitation or note would be addressed to Alice and Charles. The actual invitation would be from Elizabeth and William Shakespeare and a thank-you note from them would also be Elizabeth and William Shakespeare.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couple When Wife Hyphenated Her Name
Q How do you address a formal invitation to a wedding if the guest has a hyphenated last name? Guest Aaron Burget and Jennie Day-Burget (husband and wife), wife kept her maiden name.

A Most probably, you will need to use two lines on the outside envelope, indenting the second name slightly to show that the two are a couple.

Outside envelope:

Mrs. Jennie Day-Burget
and Mr. Aaron Burget
Address

Inside envelope:

Mr. Burget and Mrs. Day-Burget
No address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couple When Wife Kept Maiden Name
Q My friend recently got remarried and kept her last name. How do I address a Xmas card to both of them or any other card or invitation I would send?

A You would address the envelope to her name first and if there is not enough room on the line, you would add his name on the line underneath:

Ms. Anne L. Roosevelt and
Mr. James T. Fremont-Smith

By the way, if you do it as the above, you do not necessarily have to include the word "and." Work with the symmetry of the name placement on the envelope:

Ms. Anne L. Roosevelt
Mr. James J. McNaught

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couple Where the Wife Hyphenates Her Last Name with His
Q I am addressing a business envelope to a husband and wife. The wife hyphenated her last name to include her husband's last name. The husband uses only his last name. How should the envelope be addressed?

A Mrs. Helen Ross-Kelly and Mr. William Kelly

If both names don't fit nicely on the line, then put the husband's name on the second line.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couple: When the Wife Keeps Her Maiden Name
Q One of our clients has married, but his wife has kept her maiden name. Do you address a letter or invitation to Mr. Bob Cook and Ms. Kim Blase? Our church directory uses: Mr. & Mrs. Bob Cook/Blase--is that correct?

A You would not address an invitation to Mrs. and Mrs. Bob Cook/Blase. It is a reference for the church so that they know that Mrs. Cook is keeping her maiden name. Socially, it would be correct to address the envelope to:

Ms. Kim Blase and
Mr. Bob Cook
Their address

If the names do not fit on one line, then indent the second name on the second line. Also, if these are your clients, why not be more formal and spell out Kimberly (if she uses Kimberly) and Robert, instead of his nickname, Bob. When in doubt, look at the names on the checks that come in, or, better yet, call Ms. Blase and ask her how she would like her and her husband to be addressed. That's protocol.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Couples with Rank
Q Hello Didi,

As I address wedding invitations, I have a few questions regarding envelope etiquette:
1. When a husband and wife are both attorneys?
2. Husband and wife are both medical doctors? From your posts, it appears that Doctors Doe and Dr. Jane Doe and Dr. John Doe are both acceptable?
3. Retired Lt. Colonel from the Marine Corps, do you add "retired" in a line following their name?
4. When the wife is an officer in the Navy and the husband is not?
5. When the husband and wife are both Captains in the Air Force?

I greatly appreciate your help!
Regards,
Kristin Carey


A Socially, as when addressing a wedding invitation, you would use the following:

1. For attorneys, the outside envelope would be addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Charles G. Dickens. The inside envelope, if you are using one, would just say Mr. and Mrs. Dickens.
2. Dr. Jane Doe and Dr. John Doe on the outside envelope and the inside envelope would say the Drs. Doe.
3. Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. Charles G. Dickens and the inside would say Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. Dickens.
4. It depends if the wife uses her own name or not. If not, it would be Ms. Jane Austen and Mr. Charles G. Dickens. The inside envelope would say Ms. Austen and Mr. Dickens. Up through the rank of lieutenant commander, all Naval officers are addressed as Mr. or Ms., never Mrs.
5. Again, this depends if the wife uses her own name. If not, it would be Captain Jane Austen and Captain Charles Dickens, and the inside envelope would say Captain Austen and Captain Dickens, or Captains Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Current + Former City Council Members + Commissioners
Q How do you address former local elected officials (County Commissioners, City Council Members) after their term when they either were not re-elected or chose not to run again for elected office? We frequently continue contact because these people tend to remain very involved in public issues.
Thank you!
Liz

A All higher elected officials carry "The Honorable" title through their lives. Members of the city council and commissioners, whether they are in or out of office, can always be addressed as "The Honorable." However, even though they are addressed "The Honorable," that person would never use that title on his or her stationery or letterhead. While in office they can be addressed either: "The Honorable" or "Councilwoman/man" or "Commissioner."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dentist
Q How to address or send mail to a dentist?

A Anyone with a doctor's degree is addressed "doctor" in conversation and "Dr." by mail.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Describing a Child When Father Is Deceased
Q My 14 year-old daughter is on the homecoming court. She will be escorted by her stepfather. Her father is deceased. What is the proper way to announce the "daughter of"? Should I say the late Jackson Smith??

Thanks


A It would be: "Amanda Smith, daughter of Mrs. Charlotte Smith Wilson and the late Jackson Smith, is being escorted by her stepfather Peter Wilson."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Diplomats
Q How would you address a former US Ambassador who is also a Doctor and a Reverend? The Honorable Reverend Dr Andrew Young? The Reverend Dr Ambassador Andrew Young? And is he still referred to as His Excellency when abroad? His Excellency The Reverend Dr Andrew Young? Or only while he is in office.

Is a former foreign president still referred to as His Excellency following the end of his term? For example how would one address former Nigerian President Olusegun Obasanjo?

And are Prime Ministers also referred to as His Excellency? If they are the Head of State? What about if they are not the Heads of State or of Government as in Cameroon?


A I am sorry, but I am not an expert on diplomatic protocol. I did want to help you, so I did a bit of research on the Internet and found the following:

Even though Andrew Young has 45 honorary degrees, he is referred to "Ambassador Andrew Young." It doesn't appear that he uses the titles of Dr. or Reverend. Contact his office to find out how to address him.

Again, in skimming Internet sites, former Nigerian President Olusegun Obasanjo is referred to mostly by his last name. The only use of a current title seemed to be "General." In this country we address the current president as "The President" and a former president as just "President." In foreign countries there are subtle nuances in forms of address; therefore, it is always best to telephone the Washington, DC, embassy of that country to find out how the elected or appointed dignitary is addressed.

Americans use "The Honorable" as a title before a person's given and surname. For heads of state, ambassadors, it is correct to use "His Excellency" or "Her Excellency" before the given name and surname.

His Excellency
Olusegun Obansanjo
Address

The Prime Minister of Cameroon, would be addressed as

His Excellency
Philemon Yang
The Prime Minister
Republic of Cameroon
Address

Please, either do more research on the internet or telephone the respective embassies before using the above forms of address.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: District Attorney
Q I will be inviting a State Legislator (not Senator) to a luncheon. How to I address her envelope?

I will be inviting the District Attorney from the same county to the same luncheon...how do I address his envelope, too?

Thank you!


A The State Legislator would be addressed as The Honorable Charles Dickens.

The invitation to the District Attorney would be addressed to: The District Attorney William Shakespeare.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Divorced Wife
Q Dear Didi,

How do I address this envelope?

My brother-in-law and his wife are divorced; however they are now back together and living with each other. I do not know if she went back to her maiden name, her children's last name or just kept my brother-in-law's last name. How should I address the envelope?

Thank you for your help?

A Address the envelope writing her name on the first line and his name on the second line, the street address on the third line, etc.

If she reverted back to her maiden name after the divorce, then use that. If she kept your brother-in-law's last name then use that. To be safe, you can use her maiden (Jones) and married name (Smith) this way: Ms. Amanda Jones Smith.

Ms. Amanda Jones Smith
Mr. William R. Smith
16 Honeysuckle Road
Newport, RI 02840

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Divorced Woman
Q How should one address a divorced woman in correspondence? Is it Mrs. John Doe, Mrs. Jane Doe or Jane Doe?

A Mrs. Jane Doe is the proper way to address a divorced woman; however, nowadays many women prefer Ms. If they don't have children, a divorced woman might go back to using her maiden name; or use the last name of her children. You might be able to check how she prefers to be called by referencing a recent telephone book.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Divorced Woman
Q What is the correct way to write a divorced woman's name if she has remarried? She was divorced and had kept her ex-husband's name. I was told I needed to place a hyphen in writing her name, for instance: Jane Doe-Riley, "Doe" being her ex-husband's name, "Riley" being her name she just acquired. Why the hyphen? Why can't I just write Jane Doe Riley?

I really need to know ASAP.

A Sorry, for the delay but it has been a busy day.

In answer to your question, you would not hyphenate her name unless she legally changed her last name to a hyphenated name. Your friend is either:

Mrs. Doe Riley
or
Mrs. Jane Doe Riley

Both are correct, the first being more formal than the second.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Divorced Women
Q What is the proper way to address a divorced woman in her 70's, Ms. or Miss?

A Only women under eighteen years of age are addressed as Miss. If she is modern thinking and in her seventies, by all means address her as Ms., whether she has been married or not. If she is a bit staid and has previously been married, then addressing her as Mrs. is proper.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor
Q What is the proper way to address a doctor when writing his name in a program notice?


A It would depend upon how the people who are not doctors are listed. If they are listed as Mr. or Mrs. or Ms., the doctor would be listed as Dr. Charles Dickens. However, if people are listed as John H. Whittaker, the doctor might be listed as Charles Dickens, M.D. It is courteous to ask people exactly how they would like to be listed on a program, it is not a detail that you second guess.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor
Q How do you send a card to a doctor and his wife if you know them both fairly well ... have always called his wife by her first name but, refer to him as doctor?

A If you are addressing the envelope it would be: Dr. and Mrs. Such-and-such. On the inside of the card, you would address them both by their given first names since you know them both "fairly well."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor
Q Co-worker has a PhD, how should they write their signature block? They send it out with DR. prior to their name; is this correct?

A It is one or the other, Dr. George Nelson or George Nelson, M.D. You would never use Dr. George Nelson, M.D.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor and a Lawyer
Q How to address an envelope when the husband is a doctor and the wife is a lawyer?

A If this is a social invitation that you are addressing, it would be Dr. and Mrs. James W. Smith. If it is not a social occasion, then you might put the names on two line:

Linda L. Smith, Esq.
Dr. James W. Smith

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor and Her Husband
Q How do you address a letter to a female doctor and her husband?

A Dear Dr. Dickens and Mr. Dickens would be the proper way to address the recipients in the body of the letter. On the envelope, you would include their first and last name and any initial.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor and Her Husband
Q If the wife is a doctor, whose name goes first on an invitation? Instead of Mr & Mrs Worley? Would it be Mr Thomas and Dr. Charlotte Worley? Would it be Dr. Charlotte and Mr. Thomas Worley?

A It would be:

Dr. Charlotte Worley and Mr. Thomas Worley
address

If there is not enough room on the envelope for the whole line, leave the word "and" on after the wife's name and put the husband's name on the second name.

Dr. Charlotte Worley and
Mr. Thomas Worley
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor and Her Husband
Q Please elaborate on your answer about how to address a letter to a female doctor and her spouse. It seems to be the only one for which you do not give an example. It seems strange for the outside of the letter not to have any prefixes or suffixes (no Dr. and no MD?)

A When addressing an envelope to a female doctor and her husband who is not a doctor you would use her title of "Dr." and his title as "Mr.":

Dr. Charlotte Jones and Mr. Charles Jones
Address

On the envelope you would use the title (prefix) "Dr." for Charlotte and the title "Mr." for her husband. You would use either a title (prefixes) or suffix, but not both for one name.
For instance, you would never write Mrs. Charlotte Jones, M.D. or Dr. Charlotte Jones, M.D. You would use a prefix or a suffix, but never both.

When it is a formal invitation, say, a wedding, you would spell out the middle names when possible. When both names don't fit on the same line, you would have the person with the higher title on top and the other underneath on the next line--slightly indented.

Dr. Charlotte Brown Jones
and Mr. Charles Wilson Jones
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor and His Wife
Q How do you address an envelope to a male doctor and his wife? Is it Dr. Stanley Smith and Mrs. Mary Smith?

A To address an envelope to a male doctor and his wife, you would write: Dr. and Mrs. Stanley Smith. You would not use Mrs. Smith's first name, unless she hadn't changed her last name to that of her husband's.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor and His Wife
Q Don't know if you can help, but...and it's not an address thing, it's a plaque we're making for a doctor and his wife - should it be Martha and Thomas Hope, MD? Thomas Hope, MD and Martha Hope? Other?
Thanks for any help you can give, Barbara Cook

A In my opinion, it would be Dr. and Mrs. Thomas Hope, but more and more we are seeing Dr. Thomas Hope and Mrs. Martha Hope. On a plaque the title would be in the prefix, not as a suffix.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor Who Is Also a Retired Colonel
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope to a retired colonel who is also a physician. Thank you.

A As the colonel is retired, you would use his title of Dr. when addressing an envelope to him.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctorate of Education
Q How do I address a letter to a doctorate of education?
Dr. John Doe, Ed.D
or
John Doe, Ed.D

A You would use either the Dr. or the Ed.D, not both. The envelope could be John Doe, Ed.D, and then the salutation would be Dear Dr. Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctors
Q How do I address and invitation to a couple when the wife is an MD and the husband has no title? How about when both are physicians (other than The Doctors Smith). Thanks

A When the wife of the couple is a doctor and the husband does not have a title, they are addressed: Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe. When both are doctors, they are: Dr. Jane Doe and Dr. John Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctors
Q When informally addressing an envelope to a couple and one is an M.D., how is it addressed? What if both are M.D.s?

A Informally, address the envelope to Dr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens. Or, if both are doctors, to The Drs. Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dr. + Ph.D and Her Husband
Q Correct address for husband & wife-Medical Doctor & PhD?

A When addressing a woman medical doctor & Ph.D. and her husband, the envelope would read: Dr. Emily Ross and Mr. David Ross. In the salutation, it would be: Dear Dr. and Mr. Ross. Remember you would use either Ph.D. after the woman's name or Dr. before her name, but you would never use both Dr. and Ph.D., as in Dr. Emily Ross, Ph.D.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dr. + Dr.
Q How do you address 2 doctors on the invitation? One is a dentist and the wife is a gyn doctor??

A The doctor with the highest degree would come first or they could be addressed the Drs. Whittaker, for example.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dr. + Her Husband
Q How do you address a sympathy card when the female in the married couple is a doctor?

A In the address on the outside of the envelope, the titled person's name comes first, so it would be:

Dr. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dr. + Mr.
Q I am a woman doctor but my husband isn't a doctor. Should I address letters with Mr. & Dr. Smith or Mr. and Mrs. Smith

A I don't understand why you would be addressing letters to yourself unless it was on a response envelope. You would use Dr. Amanda Whittaker and Mr. George Whittaker. The titled name would appear first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Dr. and Her Husband
Q I am getting married and my fiancee and I are in the process of writing invitations. We are trying to find what the proper naming convention is for addressing a husband and wife when the wife is a doctor.

Can you help me?

Thanks so much.

-Peter

A You would address the outer envelope Dr. Emily Dickinson and Mr. Charles Dickinson. If you need two lines for the names, that's fine. The inside envelope, if you are using one (and you don't have to), would read Dr. Dickinson and Mr. Dickinson.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Drs. or Ministers
Q How do write/announce the titles of two married people who are both doctors or ordained ministers("Rev. and Rev. Right," "The Drs. Right")?

A When addressing envelopes for invitations, you would write The Doctors Dickens or Dr. Charles Dickens and Dr. Caroline Dickens, or The Reverend Charles Dickens and The Reverend Caroline Dickens. However, if the wife has a higher degree than the husband, her name would appear first; for instance if she was The Right Reverend Caroline Dickens or if Dr. Caroline Dickens was a surgeon and her husband was a dentist.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Engraved Envelopes: Return Address
Q What is the formal way to engrave envelopes with the return address?
Do you print the name with the address or just the address?

A Just the address is engraved or printed on the back of the envelope.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Episcopal Bishop and His Wife
Q How do you address a personal letter to an Episcopal Bishop and
his wife?

A If he does not have a Doctor's degree the envelope is addressed to: The Right Reverend Charles Dickens and Mrs. Dickens. Inside the letter, the salutation would be Dear Bishop Dickens and Mrs. Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ex-State Senators and Ex-State Refresentatives
Q What is the proper envelope address for an ex State Representative and an ex State Senator? Should envelopes addressed to ex State Representatives and ex State Senators include "The Honorable" for life?

A You are correct. An elected officials keeps the title of The Honorable for life.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Family Members
Q My in-laws always address cards to my wife, daughter (4 yrs old) then me. Emails are the same. This really bothers me. Should it? We have been married 25 years.

Thank you,
Mike


A It sounds as though your in-laws practice the etiquette of ladies first. It shouldn't bother you because they are just being polite. Do not take it as a personal slight.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Family with Hyphenated Last Names
Q I would like to address a Christmas card to my friend and her family. Her last name is Shillington-Perez and her husband's last name is Perez-Jorge. I have been unable to find proper etiquette for addressing envelopes to couples each with a different hyphenated last name. Thank you for your time.

A Since you are addressing the envelope to the entire family, you would address the Christmas card to "The Perez Family."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Federal Judge + His Wife
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope to a Federal judge and his wife?


A Socially you would address a Federal or Associate Justice as: Justice Whitman and Mrs. Whitman.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Female Chairperson
Q How do you verbally address a female chairperson during a Board meeting?

A You would address her as either "Madame Chair," "Madame Chairperson," or Madame Chairwoman."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Filing the Suffix
Q I am making a file label and have trouble with how to type it correctly. Let's say the name is Thomas Ralph Long II: how would you type it alphabetically correct with the last name first? Long II, Thomas Ralph?? Thank you for your assistance.

A It would look like this:

Long, Thomas Ralph, II (or 2nd)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: First Name Basis
Q If an in-law never addresses you by your name in conversation or email or phone messages, is that a sign of disrespect?

A Do not take this personally. Going forward, go out of your way to address him on a first name basis. After a while it will still stick.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: First Names
Q When a couple is signing, for instance a Christmas card, or having their names on a list being recognized for some special achievement, I've been told that the man's name goes first if the last name is not with it, but if the last name is used, the man's name goes by it; i.e., Ross and Mary or Mary and Ross Smith.

A It does not matter on a Christmas card which name comes first; usually if the wife knows the person better, she would sign it Mary and Ross Smith. If the recipient is an old friend of the husband's, you would sign it Ross and Mary Smith because the name would be more recognizable to his friend. If the person would have no trouble remembering who Ross and Mary and Mary and Ross are, you would not use Smith or you would strike a line through Smith.

On a formal list, the organization would decide upon a uniform way to list couples. Most likely, if Mr. and Mrs. are not being used, it would be Ross and Mary Smith. However, many people feel the woman's name should come first when Mr. and Mrs. are not used.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: First Names with the Suffix
Q My husband's name is Harold Doyle III. If I want my first name on the return address label, how should it be written? Should it be written something like this: Roberta and Harold Doyle III? I would like my first name to appear, but I think it is not appropriate any other way than Mr. and Mrs. Harold Doyle III. Or is my only proper option to have my own mailing label separately, and never the two shall meet, excepting the Mr. and Mrs. III format?

A You are mixing two styles, which is why you are having trouble deciding how to list your names on your return address label. Traditionally, as you know, the formal style is Mr. and Mrs. Harold Doyle III and the informal style is Roberta and Harold Doyle. There is nothing wrong with combining the traditional and the informal by using Roberta and Harold Doyle III. However, keep in mind that customarily, "Jr.," "II," and "III" are used if the men live in the same town, are employed by the same business, or are, say, a member of the same club as their namesake. If they don't reside in the same area, it might seem slightly pretensious to use a suffix after the sirname because there really is no need to differentiate between the Mr. Doyles when they live in different zip codes. The exception would be a formal invitation, such as a wedding invitation, at which another Mr. Harold Doyle is invited. Also, remember that when a man is named "the 3rd", it is because he is named after his great-grandfather or great-uncle of the same name. When that person dies, Mr. Harold Doyle 3rd becomes "the 2nd," if he is the nephew or grandson. If he is named after his father, he becomes "Jr." By the way, your husband's suffix can be used in either an Arabic numeral or a Roman numeral form, in other words, either "3rd" or "III." As the numbers designate the difference between living men of the same name, a year or two after Harold Doyle II dies, Harold Doyle III would change his suffix to "II." I tell you this because it looks strange when everyone knows that Harold Doyle III just celebrated his seventy-fifth birthday.
Once again, there is nothing wrong with using Roberta and Harold Doyle III. At any rate, you might not want to order too many labels with the suffix "the 3rd."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: First Names: Ladies First
Q When writing a couple without using mr and mrs, whose name goes first?

A Ladies first. I always put the woman's name first when there is an option.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: First Names: Ladies First
Q Whose name goes first when when writing a card to a couple? Should I write Dear Jane and John? or Dear John and Jane?

Thank you!

Sincerely,
Isabel

A I am a big fan of ladies first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Foreign Ambassador
Q How do you address a letter to an ambassador? And what should the salutation be?

A When writing a letter to a foreign ambassador, it would be:

His Excellency Charles Dickens
or, if titled,
His Excellency Sir Charles Dickens
Ambassador to the United Kingdom
Insert Embassy Address

The salutation would be:
Dear Ambassador Dickens:
or, if titled,
Dear Sir Charles:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Foreign President
Q How to address letter to a foreign president?

A Mr. President or Madam President both work. So it would be Dear Mr. President or Dear Madam President.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Ambassador
Q Didi, how do I address a Christmas card envelope for a former ambassador and his wife?
Mary

A As a matter of respect, American career and appointed ambassadors carry "The honorable" title throughout their lives. You would address the envelope to:

The Honorable Charles Dickens and Mrs. Dickens
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Ambassador.
Q How do you address a former ambassador in a letter, please? Thank you.

A It is always acceptable to address an appointed official as The Honorable. The person would therefore be addressed as: The Honorable Melinda Richmond or The Honorable George Elliot Wilson. The salutation would be Dear Ms. Richmond, or Dear Mr. Wilson.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Governor
Q How do I address envelope for a former governor and his wife?

A Even though he is no longer a governor, because he held a high office in the government he retains the title of "The Honorable" for life. You would address the envelope to:

The Honorable and Mrs. Charles W. Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Governor
Q We will be having an event honoring a former Governor.

How shall the invitation be addressed? Honorable John Doe, or simply referred to as Governor John Doe.

Thank you for your response.

A The form of address and salutation for governors varies in three states: Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and South Carolina, where a governor is referred to as Excellency. In the other states, the form of The Honorable is used.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Judge
Q How to address a former judge?

A A judge is addressed with the title "The Honorable" throughout her/his life.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Lt. Governor
Q When addressing a letter, what would be the title of a previous Lt. Governor? Is it still Honorable?

A "The honorable" is the title of respect bestowed upon retired elected officials, including Lt. Governor, so you are correct in using "The Honorable" in front of his/her name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Mayor
Q How do you address a city mayor who is deceased?

A He or she would be spoken of as "the late mayor of Newport, The Honorable Theodore Greene." You would refer to him as "the late mayor," if the mayor was recently deceased, and use "the former mayor," if he had been dead for some time. Because elected officials hold the honorific of "The Honorable" through their lives, he would be referred to as, "The Honorable Theodore W. Greene, the late (or former) mayor of Newport." Find out if the former mayor used his middle initial and use it, if he used it.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former President + His Wife the Cabinet Member
Q How would I address a letter to former President Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton?

A Dear President Clinton and Madame Secretary, Thank you for.....

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former President and His President Wife
Q How will Former President Clinton be addressed if Hillary is President?

A President Bill Clinton retains the title of President, as a former president he is addressed as President Clinton and when Hillary becomes president, mail addressed to them will be sent to:

The President and
President Clinton
The White House
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former U.S. Senator
Q How to address envelope to former U.S. Senator?

A Elected officials, such as a U.S. Senator, are addressed as "The Honorable," through their lives.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Former Vice President
Q How do I address former Vice President Al Gore, both in correspondence and in person?



A As a former Vice President, he retains his title as a courtesy even though he is no longer in office. However, he is no longer "The Vice President," he is Vice President Gore in conversation or Vice President Albert Gore in correspondence. Vice Presidents are among those who carry "The Honorable" title throughout their lives.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Governor
Q I want to write a letter to the Governor of a state. What's the proper salutation? Dear Sir, Hon'ble Governor, or like that, what's more appropriate? Thanks


A If this is a business matter, then you would address the envelope to:

The Honorable Charles L. Dickens
Governor of Rhode Island
Address

The salutation would be: Dear Governor:

If this is a letter of a social nature, then it would be:

Governor Charles L. Dickens
Address

The salutation would be: Dear Governor Dickens:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Governor's Wife
Q When writing a letter to the governor's wife, what would her title be?

A Her title is Mrs., if she is using the Governor's name: so she would be Mrs. Arnold Schwarzenegger. If she doesn't use the governor's name, she would be Ms. Maria Shriver. In the salutation, you would address her as Mrs. Schwarzenegger or Ms. Shriver. However, if she is a doctor, then you would use her title and it would be Dr. Maria Schwarzenegger or Dr. Maria Shriver; in writing a salutation, Dr. Schwarzenegger or Dr. Shriver. No matter which name she uses, only in an introduction or in conversation would she be referred to as "The First Lady." Nevertheless, in writing to her you would not address her as First Lady Schwarzenegger. Only Lady Bird Johnson ever used the title of Lady, but it wasn't actually a title because her nurse gave her the nickname Lady Bird, which soon replaced her given name and she was to use it her entire life.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Group of Ladies
Q I am writing a business email to three ladies at a company. I don't want to start it with "Dear ladies" and also do not want to use their first names. What is the correct way to send to a group of ladies? Miss' Smith, Jones, and Johnson? Misses Smith, Jones, and Johnson? please help.

A If you have no idea as to whether or not they are married, the best thing to do is use Ms. (don't use Miss and Mrs. as they would only be used if you are sure they are married). In fact, some women prefer to use Ms. because they don't like to allude to their marital status in a business context. The letter would begin:

Dear Ms. Johnson, Ms. Jones, and Ms. Smith:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Guest Who Is a Long-Time Partner
Q Hi! I am having a debate with my mother as to how an invitation should be written to someone who is in a long-term, serious relationship. She believes that the invite would be addressed to person and "guest" whereas I say it would be to both individuals given the seriousness of the relationship and imminent betrothal.

HELP!! Thank you for your help!

A It is polite and important to make every "guest" feel special by acknowledging his or her name when addressing the invitation. The first duty of a good hostess is to make every guest feel special and important. If that "guest" knows that you know his or her name, that "guest" will feel that you don't really care if they come or not.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Handing Down Names: Jr.
Q My father's name is Jesus Ramirez Rodriguez and my name is Jesus Belisario Rodriguez. Can I use the title of Jr. and be legally correct?

Thanks.

A "Jr." stands for junior and is not a legal title. It is a suffix added after the full name.

" Jr." originated to distinguish the difference between a father and son with the same name living in the same small community. Since you and your father have different middle names, there is no reason to use Jr.

On the other hand, when a son is named "the 2nd," it means that he was named after his grandfather or uncle. Therefore, if you have the same first, middle, and last name of either your grandfather or uncle, you could use the suffix for "the 2nd" after your last name using either the arabic numeral "2nd," or the roman numeral form "II"--like this:

Jesus Belisario Rodriguez 2nd
Jesus Belisario Rodriguez II

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: High Commissioner
Q How does one address a High Commissioner of some country (not an Ambassador) via mail when sending an invitation card requesting him to attend a civic function?

A Professional titles are always used in Europe, so you would not be wrong in addressing this person as High Commissioner; however, you would try to do so in the language of the country where the title is held. "Debretts," the great etiquette reference book in Great Britain, suggests that you telephone the High Commissioner's secretary first before sending an invitation to make sure that the date is open. If the High Commissioner is available that day, then you would send an invitation. During that conversation, you would ask how the invitation should be addressed.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Husband and Wife Judges
Q How to address husband and wife both who are both judges?

A Socially, two married judges would be addressed as:

The Honorable George Warren and
The Honorable Elizabeth Warren

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Hyphenated Name Couples
Q I need to invite professional women who use a hyphenated name and their husbands to a company holiday lunch. In most cases we do not know the husband's first name. What is the best way to address the envelopes?

Thank you very much.

A If you know the women well enough to invite them to a professional lunch, then you have someone in your organization call the office of the person you wish to invite to verify how to spell the husband's name. You can also try looking up the names in a telephone directory or calling information. Take care in hyphenating names because the trend now is to drop the hyphen and just use the two last names, as in Hillary Rodham Clinton. Also, be sure to verify that the husbands actually use the hyphen between the two names because many just use their own last name. The professional way to address the envelopes is to verify the correct spelling of the names by having a secretary or administrative assistant fact check the guests' names. When a couple hyphenate their two last names, they either choose to be addressed as, say, Mr. and Mrs. William J. McClintock-Smith, with Smith being the husband's last name, or both names are addressed on two separate lines, such as this:

Ms. Amanda L. McClintock-Smith and
Mr. George J. McClintock-Smith

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Informally
Q I am the membership chairperson of my neighborhood association and would like to know the proper etiquette for addressing our annual membership invoices. I would prefer to keep this somewhat informal and be able to use both the wife's name and the husband's, i.e. Mary and John Smith. However, I have other scenarios where residents are single, but live together, i.e. Mary Smith and John Doe OR John Smith and John Doe. Could you tell me the proper way to handle this situation where all scenarios will follow a common rule?

A When addressing names informally, the name of the person you know best comes first. Alternatively, I am a big fan of ladies first, so I always put the lady's name first. In the case of John Doe and John Smith, if you know them equally well, write their names alphabetically with Doe before Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: In-Laws
Q What is the proper etiquette for a son-in-law to address his wife's parents when in conversation? At the present time we are addressed as Mr. & Mrs. My daughter is extremely annoyed at this situation because she feels it does not create a family togetherness. My husband's culture is strictly European which likes titles, etc. I am fine with my son-in-law calling me by my first name. What compromise can I reach with my husband as far as my son-in-law addressing him other than Mr.? Any help you can give me to remedy this situation will be greatly appreciated. By the way my daughter addresses her husband's parents by their first name.

A Customarily, it is up to the parent to set the tone by asking the wife, husband, or partner of the child to call him or her by a first name. For instance, even if, say, a woman didn't want her daughter-in-law to call her by her first name, but didn't want her to call her Mrs. either, she might say to her daughter-in-law, "Why don't you call me Mother Bea, because my name is Beatrice." It sounds as if you have set the tone in your own way; now it is up to your husband to stop being so stuffy. By making his son-in-law call him Mr., he is treating him as an outsider, an interloper that he doesn't trust. Perhaps it is up to your son-in-law to build on that trust in some way. Maybe he could play golf, tennis, backgammon, chess or go fishing, hunting, sailing, or skiing with his father-in-law to help forge a stronger bond between them. On the other hand, your husband is keeping your son-in-law at such a distance that he might not want to make the effort. This is a situation that only your husband and your son-in-law can resolve. I am a huge believer that you can break any detente with humor. Someone, either you, your son-in-law, or your daughter, could broach the subject in such a lighthearted manner that your husband might be drawn into the conversation in a non-threatening way and suddenly say, "Jack, call me George." Another way to get your husband to start thinking about the dilemma is to have the son-in-law write a thank-you note to your husband addressing him as Mr. so-and-so and signing off with just his first name. That would be a written example of the problem that would stare your husband in the face. Remember that you can never thank men enough and even if your son-in-law has already thanked him in person, he can always start the note by saying, "I just wanted to thank you again for ....." As you know, most men don't like to be told what to do, but you can plant ideas ever so casually in the hope that either man will step up to the problem and break the ice. If your husband really is so very formal, then being ultra formal with his father-in-law is perhaps the way to break the ice. If the situation really bothers your son-in-law, perhaps he should formally ask your husband how he wishes to be addressed and give him a couple of examples: "What should I call you, sir? Mr. so-and-so or George? Perhaps your husband has been so backed into a corner about this that he needs an out. Ever so gently, a family member might ask your husband what his father called his father-in-law and so on.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Inside Envelopes
Q In writing out graduation invitations what do I put on the inner envelope? Do I have to write anything? How should the outer envelope be addressed?

A If you wrote Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens on the outside envelope, you would write Mr. and Mrs. Dickens on the inside envelope.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Invitations to Unmarried Relatives Not in the Same Household
Q How do you address Christmas cards and formal invitations to a mother and her adult daughter who live together (it's acutally the adult daughter's house), have the same last name, and happen to be your aunt and cousin?

A Traditionally, each unattached person over the age of eighteen receives his or her own formal invitation. I know that you are spending a lot of money on the formal invitations and so doubling up might seem like a good thing to do in this economic downturn, but if your aunt is of that generation that knows about etiquette, she will wonder if you know proper etiquette. On the other hand, if she is pragmatic and just pleased to be included, then why not send one invitation to both? If she mentions it, just say that you thought that she would understand because of the state of the economy and you didn't think she would mind. You might even give her the heads up by saying, "Aunty Betty, I know that I should have sent you and Caroline separate invitations, but..." In that case, address the envelope for both the formal invitations and the Christmas card to the eldest person on the first line of the envelope and the niece and cousin on the second line. Your cousin will understand why you have done it that way, and your aunt will be pleased. It would look like this:

Mrs. Charles W. Dickens
Ms. Caroline L. Dickens
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: JJudge and His Wife
Q How do you address a judge and his wife?

A Assuming that this is a social because you are also inviting the judge's wife, you would address the envelope this way:

The Honorable Charles Stuart Dickens and Mrs. Dickens
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Jr.
Q I need to refer to a married couple by their first names then the last name; however, he is a Jr. Would it be Mary and John Smith, Jr.,(which seems odd since she is listed first) or John and Mary Smith, Jr., (which seems funny since she's not the Jr.)or something else?

A It would be Mary and John Smith because you wouldn't use the suffix Jr. when you are not using the prefixes Mr. and Mrs. So it is either:

Mary and John Smith
or
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, Jr.

Remember that the suffix Jr. is used to distinguish the father from the son and the chances that the father's wife's name is Mary are slim. But of course if her name is also Mary, then you might want to use the Jr., if the father and son live in the same town.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Jr. When Sr. Is No Longer Living
Q John Doe Sr. is no longer living. Does John Doe continue to be addressed as Jr. (in correspondence)?

A Within two years, John Doe, Jr. would drop the Jr. because there is no longer a chance that the two men will be confused. Only men with well-known fathers do this, for instance J. F. Kennedy, Jr., and Franklin D. Roosevelt, Jr., because their fathers are so very famous.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge + Her Retired Judge Husband
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope when the husband is a retired judge and the wife is a practicing judge?

A Because the wife is still practicing, you would list her first: Judge Diana Wilson and The Honorable Henry Wilson.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge + His Wife
Q I'm writing an acknowledgment letter to a judge and his wife. If I understand correctly, the letter should be addressed to The Honorable and Mrs. Marvin Segal but what should come after Dear...?

A Actually, as an acknowledgment is considered a social letter, the envelope would be addressed to Judge and Mrs. Marvin Segal, and the salutation would be Dear Judge Segal and Mrs. Segal. That is, of course, if you are not on a first name basis with Judge and Mrs. and Mrs. Marvin Segal.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge and Her Doctor Husband
Q How do I address a card to a husband who is a physician and the wife is a judge?

A Socially, on the envelope, it would be:

Judge Susan Nelson and
Dr. George Nelson
then the address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge and Her Husband an Attorney
Q How do you address a letter to a female judge and her husband who is an attorney? I will take a shot:

Mr. John Doe, esq. and The Hon. Jane Doe

Dear Mr. and Judge Doe:

A You would address the envelope to a judge and her attorney husband this way:

Judge Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe
Their address

The salutation would be:

Dear Judge Doe and Mr. Doe:

You wouldn't use "The Honorable" and/or "Esq." unless it is a business letter, and then you would spell out "The Honorable" and after Mr. Doe's name, you would spell out Attorney at Law:

The Honorable Jane Doe
Judge, Appellate Division
Supreme Court of the State
of Mississippi
and Mr. John Doe, Attorney at Law

Alternatively, socially, Mr. and Mrs. John Doe is perfectly correct.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge and Her Husband the Former Lt. Governor
Q How would you address an envelope to a couple with the following characteristics...she was just recently elected a judge and he is a former lieutenant governor?

If they are extending an invitation for a social event, how would they be listed as the host and hostess?

Thank you so much!



A When both husband and wife have rank, the envelope would be addressed either of the two following ways:

The Honorable Caroline Dickens and
The Honorable Charles Dickens

or

Judge Caroline Dickens and
The Honorable Charles Dickens

Because the wife is a standing elected judge, her name appears first. As a once elected official, the former Lieutenant Governor retains the title of "The Honorable" throughout his life.

If the couple is hosting a social event, they would list themselves as either:

Mr. and Mr. Charles Dickens

or

Caroline and Charles Dickens

As they are hosting the social event, they would not use their titles. One simply does not call oneself "The Honorable," that is how others address The Honorables. On the other hand, if the social event is in the couple's honor, then the host/hostess would use the honorifics.

The exception would be if the couple was hosting a formal social event, then they would list themselves on the invitation as:

Judge Caroline Dickens and Mr. Charles Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judge Who Is Also a Junior
Q I am inviting a judge who's name is Bob Smith, Jr. I need to know how properly to address him and his wife. Thanks

A For a social invitation, you would address the envelope to:

Judge and Mrs. Smith
Address

You would only use the suffix "junior" to distinguish Judge Smith from his father if his father was also a judge. Junior is used to differentiate a son from his living father. If the judge's father has been deceased for longer than two years or longer, the Judge would not be using the suffix.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judges: Married with Same Last Name
Q We are sending an invitation to 2 judges who are married with the same last name. What is the proper way to address the envelope and the salutation inside?

A Socially, you can address the outside envelope either of two ways: The Judges Dickens, or Judge Caroline W. Dickens and Judge Charles G. Dickens. If you are also using an inside envelope, then you would definitely address the inside envelope to: The Judges Dickens. I am not sure what you mean by the salutation on an invitation. Obviously, if you are on a first name basis you would write: To Caroline and Charles. If you are not on a first name basis, then it would be: To The Judges Dickens. If the invitation is in the form of a letter use: Dear Judges Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Judges: A Judge and His Wife
Q How do you address a judge and his wife on a Christmas card?

A Socially, you would address a judge and his wife on the envelope of a Christmas card as: Judge and Mrs. Charles W. Dickens. Inside the envelope, you would personalize the card with: Dear Judge and Mrs. Dickens, if you are not on a first name basis.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Junior
Q When addressing an envelope, what is the proper way to include Jr. in the name? Example: William G and Pamela D Croft Jr. or William G Jr. and Pamela D Croft?

A If the couple is married, which I assume is the case, the envelope would be addressed to: Mr. and Mrs. William G. Croft, Jr.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Junior
Q I recently got married and my husband's name is Gregory Bunn, Jr. I am trying to order address labels and I'm getting very confused. If I would like my first name on the address labels, should I order the labels as Gregory & Leah Bunn, Jr?

Thanks For Your Help

A You can use either Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Bunn, Jr., or Leah & Gregory Bunn.

However, in my opinion, you wouldn't use the suffix "Jr." with Leah & Gregory Bunn. The suffix junior (" Jr.") differentiates the two Mr. Gregory Bunns, Mr. Gregory Bunn, Sr. and Mr. Gregory Bunn, Jr. Therefore, unless Mrs. Gregory Bunn, Sr., is also called Leah, you wouldn't need to you use Jr. with Leah & Gregory Bunn.

You're asking about two different styles. I want you to be consist with your style. The informal style is: Leah & Gregory Bunn. The more formal style is Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Bunn, Jr. Choose one style for continuity. You can see that you wouldn't use the ampersand (&) with Mr. and Mrs., but with Leah & Gregory it looks good.

There are two other points that you might want to remember: when using Jr. as in Mr. and Mrs. Gregory Bunn, Jr., you place a comma between the last name and the suffix. Lastly, the suffix Jr. is dropped two to three years after the death of Mr. Gregory Bunn, Sr., because it no longer serves a purpose. The exception would be with a public figure such as Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Jr. Both father and son are referred to in history books, so it is important to distinguish the merchant from the president.

If you have formal note paper with your return address on the back of the envelope that you use for condolence letters, letters of congratulations, and thank-you notes, then you wouldn't need formal labels. If the primary purpose of the labels is for greeting card envelopes, bills, and sending presents, then the informal Leah & Gregory Bunn would be just fine.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Justice of the Supreme Court
Q I am writing to a Justice of the Supreme Court in New York. Do I address Justice ------- and say Dear Judge.......? I want to get the correct format.

A For business, you would address him this way:

The Chief Justice
The Supreme Court
Address

Socially, it would be:

The Chief Justice and Mrs. Shakespeare
address

The salutation would be the same for both:

Dear Mr. Chief Justice:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Knight in Australia
Q How do I address a letter of condolence to the wife of a recently deceased Knight in Australia. Is it Lady surname, or Lady first name?

A You would address the widow of a deceased Knight in Australia as Lady surname.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Late Spouse's Family
Q How should a man, after his wife's death refer to her and her still living family members? (ex, former, or are they still in-laws?)

A In my opinion, he would refer to his "late wife." His late wife's living family members are still his in-laws until he remarries. If he remarries, he would refer to his late wife's living brother as "my late wife's brother", or "my daughter with my late wife," or "my late wife's parents."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Latino In-Laws
Q What is the familiar and respectful way to address my soon to be Latino in-laws?

A The Spanish for all in-laws is "consuegros." It is common (although not universal by any means) to address a male in-law (mainly father-in-law) as "suegro" or "suegrito" and female in-law (mainly mother-in-law) as "suegra" or "suegrita." For comparison, the equivalent Spanish for Mother/Mom would be "Mama" or "Mami" and the familiar diminutive "Mamita."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lawyer
Q What is the proper title to address your lawyer - first name, last name or do you call him "counselor?"

A Lawyers are called Mr. but in addressing their name you would not use Mr. if you are using Esq. (for Esquire) after their name. So she would be: Mrs. Caroline Brown or Caroline Brown, Esq.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lesbian Couple
Q How do you address a letter to a lesbian couple?

A If they do not use the same last name, you would address their names alphabetically one on top of the other. If they don't have the same name but have had a commitment ceremony, you would put the word "and" after the first name. If the envelope is not wide enough to accommodate both names, then the "and" stays on the top line and the second name goes on the second line. You would list the names alphabetically, unless you know one person and not the other, then you would put the one that you know first:

Ms. Anna Marie Ross
Ms. Mary Louise Schwartz
address

Ms. Anna Marie Ross and
Ms. Mary Louise Schwartz
address

The salutation would be:

Dear Ms. Ross and Ms. Schwartz:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lesbian Couple
Q My daughter is getting married. How would you address the wedding invitation to her aunt who is a married lesbian? Also, both are attorneys (although one is not a practicing attorney).

I know this is a tough one. Thank you for your help.
-Helen


A Socially, attorneys don't have titles. As they are not appointed or elected officials, socially they are addressed as, say, Ms. Allison James and Ms. Charlotte Osborne.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lesbians With the Same Last Name
Q How would you address a formal letter to a lesbian couple with the same last name? Would it be 'Dear Ms. and Ms. Myers'?
Thanks-
Diane Freeman

A In the salutation of a formal letter to a lesbian couple with the same last name, you would use the title "Ms." just once. In this instance add "es" to the last name Myers to make the proper name plural:

Dear the Ms. Myerses:

The envelope would be addressed to:

The Ms. Myerses
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Letter to a President
Q Addressing a letter to a president of a country

The Honorable .....
President
city, country

Dear Mr. President

Is above correct form?

A Addressing a letter to the president of this country, it would be:

The President
(from abroad it would be "The President of the United States of America)
The White House
Address

Dear Mr. President

Addressing a letter to the President of a Republic, such as France, it would be:

His Excellency
Nicolas Sarkozy
President of the Republic of France
Address

Dear Mr. President:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Letter to an Ambassador
Q I wish to address a letter to an ambassador. What is the proper form of address? I am grateful for your kindness.


A A foreign United Nations ambassador would be addressed on the envelope as:

His Excellency (insert name)
Ambassador (insert country)
Permanent Mission of (insert country)
to the United Nations
add address

The salutation would read: Dear Mr. Ambassador:

The United States Representative to the United Nations would be addressed as follows:

The Honorable (insert name)
United States Representative
to the United Nations
insert address

The salutation would read: Dear Mr. Ambassador:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lieutenant Colonel & His Wife
Q How do I address an envelope to a man and wife if he is a Lt.Col and is also an MD?

A You would address the envelope to Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. Charles Dickens. When he retires, he could well be addressed as Dr. Charles Dickens, but while he is still in service he is Lieutenant Colonel Charles Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lieutenant Colonel and Her Husband
Q Hello! How would I address a business letter to this couple (these are their names as they appear on their bank check):
LTC. Jane M. Doe, USAF RET.
John M. Doe

I work at a nonprofit and I need to write them a thank-you letter for their donation. I have no other correspondence from them that would indicate how they prefer to be addressed.

A Socially, you would not use RET, which means retired, nor would you mention the Armed Forces. Address the envelope to Lieutenant Colonel Jane M. Doe and Mr. John M. Doe. The salutation would read: Dear Lieutenant Colonel Doe and Mr. Doe,.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Lieutenant Governor
Q I am writing a letter to the Lieutenant Governor of the great State of Florida, and would like to know the proper way to address him in the address of the letter, the body of the letter and in person. I've been told that we are to address him as the Governor, not Lieutenant Governor. Your help is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
-Theresa

A If this is a business letter, the envelope would be addressed to The Honorable Elizabeth Roberts, Lieutenant Governor of Rhode Island; in the body of the letter, the address would be Dear Lieutenant Governor Roberts. In person, you would address her as Lieutenant Governor, or Lieutenant Governor Roberts. Of all the many times that I have ever heard our Rhode Island Lieutenant Governor Roberts addressed, she was never introduced as just Governor.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Listing a Senior
Q How do you address a husband and wife in a program when the husband has the suffix title Sr.?


A As you know, when listing names on a program you want to be consistent with style. If you are using Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens, then you would add the suffix at the end after the comma: Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens, SR. ( The SR would be in upper case, but in a slightly smaller upper case.)

If you are listing last names first on your program, then you might list it like this: Dickens, Mr. and Mrs. Charles L., SR. (again upper case but smaller size).

or

Dickens Mr. & Mrs. Charles L SR (Dickens would be bold, no punctuation would be used, and the upper case SR is in a smaller size).

Styles vary, but you want to be consistent with your style. As I don't know the style that you are using, this is a rather general answer.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Listing an Army Office
Q I was recently told by a Lt. Col. that it is not proper to list his name as Lt. Col John W. Smith, but rather
John W. Smith, Lt. Col.
Can you please help?

A My husband, who is a military historian, says that your friend is correct. His name should be listed as John W. Smith, Lt. Col. USA.
The USA, of course, stands for United States Army.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Listing Couples: Wife is a PhD.
Q Wife and I are making a contribution. Wife is a PhD. Want our names to be listed properly on the donor list. Is Dr. Kathryn and Mr. Lee Jones correct?

Thanks

A Actually, it is more correct to do it this way: Dr. Kathryn Jones and Mr. Lee Jones. You can do it either way.

My guess is that the person who finalizes the list will be using a style approved by board members because there has to be a consistency of how people are listed. For instance, if prefixes are not being used, you might be listed informally as Kathryn and Lee Jones. On a formal listing, you would be listed as Dr. Kathryn Jones and Mr. Lee Jones.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Listing Last Names First With Suffix
Q What is the proper format when putting last name first, when there is a suffix at the end, i.e. John James Smith, Jr., or John James Smith, III?

A Smith, John James, Jr.
Smith, John James, 3rd (or III)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Listing Married Couples
Q Please advise as to which one is correct in printing names (of married couples) on souvenir programs:
(1) Mr. John Adams & Mary Adams
(2) Mr. & Mrs. John Adams
(3) Mr. & Mrs. John & Mary Adams
(4) Mr. John Adams & Ms. Mary Adams

A When using Mr. and Mrs. John Adams, you are identifying a formal social style. Nowadays, on giving lists and sponsorship lists married couples are often identified not by their titles but by their first names, middle initials, and last name: John J. and Mary W. Adams.

The key is this, you need to decide on one style and stick to it. Be consistent. Your first decision is to decide whether or not you will be using titles. You wouldn't use the husband's title and not the wife's. If you are using titles and the couple are married, then they would be Mr. and Mrs. John J. Adams. If you are not using titles, then it would be: John J. and Mary L. Adams.

(1) You would never use the husband's title but not the wife's.
(2) This is the formal style, but you would include the husband's middle initial when possible, especially with a common last name when there is a chance that there is another John Adams in the community.
(3) When using Mr. & Mrs. you would not include the wife's first name. Look at it, it looks silly with two &s.
(4) This looks as though you are identifying a father and daughter, or son and mother.

In my opinion, it would depend upon the nature of the souvenir program. For instance if this list is on, say, a commencement program, you would use Mr. and Mrs. John J. Adams to identify the graduate's parents. If this is a program, say, for a Little League souvenir program, it could well be the least formal: Mary & John Adams or Mary and John Adams.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Listing Married Couples: Husband Is a Doctor
Q Please tell me which is correct:
(1) Dr. John Doe & Jane Doe
(2) Dr. & Mrs. John & Jane Doe
(3) Dr. John Doe & Ms. Jane Doe
(4) Dr. John & Jane Doe

A (1) You wouldn't use the husband's title when you're not using the wife's title.
(2) When using the couple's titles of Dr. & Mrs. you wouldn't use the wife's first name.
(3) This looks as though you could be identifying a father and daughter. If you were just listing the wife's name without her husband, then she could be Ms. Jane Doe.
(4) Once again, you would not use the husband's title, if you are not using the wife's title.

The following are correct, use after determining formality of the use:

Dr. and Mrs. John W. Doe
John W. and Jane B. Doe

Lastly, when possible try to include middle initials. For very formal listings, you would spell out the middle initials and you wouldn't use an ampersand, you would spell out the word "and."

Dr. and Mrs. John Williams Doe
John Williams and Jane Brown Doe

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Male + Females on an Invitation
Q How do you address an invitation... male name first or females?

A If you are not inviting Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens, but Charles and Alice Dickens, you can write either first name first. I am a huge fan of ladies first, so I would write Alice and Charles Dickens. If the man is a person who you know better, you might write Charles and Alice Dickens. If Charles and Alice have different last names, I would put the woman's name on the first line and the man's on the second, unless I did not know the woman well. However, if the invitation is Susan and Josh Ross invite you for drinks..... Then, surely you would address the invitation to Alice and Charles Dickens. In other words, follow the style all the way through from the invitation to the envelope.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Attorneys
Q How do you address a wedding invitation when both the husband and wife are attorneys?

A Socially, as on a wedding invitation, both the husband and the wife are addressed as Mr. and Mrs. William Shakespeare.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple
Q When addressing husband and wife, whose name comes first......Dee and Ted Beck or Ted and Dee Beck...I have seen where it is said that the man's first name is never to be removed from his last name when addressing, i.e. never Ted and Dee Beck....Your opinion, plz

A I am a huge fan of ladies first, but you are right, the man's first name is usually never separated from his last name when addressing or signing the couple's name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple
Q When addressing a letter, is the first name of the female spouse listed first, followed my the male name and then family name?

A Informally, you would address the envelope and letter to Jane and John Kerry. More formally, such as addressing an envelope invitation to a formal wedding, you would use Mr. and Mrs. John Jay Kerry. Don't forget, on a formal invitation you would spell out the middle name when possible and just the man's name is used proceeded by "Mr. and Mrs."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple When She Retained Her Maiden Name
Q How to address invitation to a couple when wife retains her maiden name?

A On the envelope write Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. Charles Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple When the Wife Kept Her Name
Q How do I address a wedding invitation where the wife keeps her maiden name?

A When the wife has kept her maiden name and you cannot squeeze both names on the first line of the envelope, you would use two lines starting with her name on top and slightly indenting the second line:

Ms. Emily Jane Dickinson and
Mr. Charles William Dickens
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple Who Donated
Q We are having a disagreement at work on the address to a husband and wife on a donation thank-you letter. Which is correct: Mr and Mrs. John Doe or Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe? And is the greeting Dear Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe or Dear Mr. & Mrs. Doe?

A If the donation is from the couple, then you would address the envelope and the salutation to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. Whenever an organization goes to list a donor, someone checks with the donors to find out how they wish to be listed in the annual report. You would use that information going forward whenever addressing that couple.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couples
Q Is it ever correct to address a married couple as Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe? When the charity I work for receives donations, sometimes the checkbox for Mr. and Mrs. is checked and the first name line has John and Jane on it. I would interpret that as the donors telling us that they are married and offering both first names as information (since our envelopes only have one first name line), but that to address them as Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe would be incorrect. However, some co-workers think it would be okay to address them so.

A It is either one way or the other, it is a matter of having the organization choose one style or the other and staying with that style. As you no doubt know, the older more traditional style is Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. More and more, the trend is in using the the first and middle names, or middle initials, preceding the last name:

John W. and Jane C. Doe

John Warren and Jane Crawford Doe

The using of the middle name evolves from the time not so long ago when married couples sometimes hyphenated their last names, which didn't really take because the last names in many cases became too long. Then a lot of women wanted to keep their married names, until they had children and it became too complicated to explain why mom had a different last name than dad. No they aren't divorced. The end result is the trend in using middle names, which for a woman is her maiden name.
It is also the way a married couple files their tax return, if they file jointly.

Just because the couple check off Mr. and Mrs. doesn't necessarily mean they insist on having those titles precede their name, they just check them off out of habit. By the way, you would never use Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Couple's First Names: Ladies First
Q Typically you address an envelope Mr. & Mrs. but if you use first names, shouldn't you use the woman's first name and then the husband's?

A Yes, use the woman's first name and then the husband's. You are correct. Keep the man's first name with his given last name:

Sandra & Jack Wilson

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Doctors
Q How does one address an envelope to married doctors?

A The medical doctor would be listed before, say, the dentist or Ph.D., whether the medical doctor is a man or woman.

Dr. Susan Ross and Dr. Donald Ross
address

Or:
Dr. Amanda McClintock-Smith and
Dr. George R. Smith

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Doctors
Q Salutation for letter for husband and wife who are both doctors with same last name. Dear Dr. ????? Thank you!

A Dr. Doctors Schwartz: Thank you for your interesting inquiry....

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Doctors
Q Hi Didi,

I thought you could address a couple (both MDs) this way:
Drs. John & Mary Doe...if they use the same last name OR
Drs. John Doe & Mary Smith...if woman uses her maiden name.

A To address an envelope to married doctors with the same last name, you would write it this way:

The Doctors Doe
Their address

When the wife keeps her maiden name:

Dr. John Edward Doe and Dr. Mary Elizabeth Smith
Their address
or
Dr. Mary Elizabeth Smith
and Dr. John Edward Doe
Their address

If this is a formal invitation, you would spell out the middle names when possible. When both names don't fit on the same line, slightly indent the second line three spaces.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Elected Officials
Q How would I address an envelope to a State Senator (John) married to a municipal councilwoman (Shelley) last name Traff. They are both elected officials.

A You would address the envelope to State Senator John Traff and Councilwoman Shelley Traff. However, socially, for instance on a wedding invitation, it would be The Honorable Shelley Traff and The Honorable John Traff.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judge
Q What is the proper way to address a married female judge in written correspondence?

A On the envelope it is:

Justice Sherman
The Supreme Court
address

Or socially:
Justice Sherman and Mr. Robert Sherman
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judge and Doctor
Q What is the proper way to address a judge and his doctor wife? I need to write them a thank-you note.

A Socially, you would address the envelope to:

Judge George Nelson and Dr. Amanda Nelson
Address

The salutation would be:

Dear Judge Nelson and Dr. Nelson,

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judges
Q How do you address a wedding invitation to a judge and his wife, or a judge and her husband?

A Addressing married judges:

Judge and Mrs. Charles Dickens
address

Judge Charlotte Dickens and Mr. Charles Dickens
address

or, if you the names are too long for the envelope:

Judge Charlotte Dickens and
Mr. Charles Dickens
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judges
Q How do I address a thank-you note to a judge married to a judge?

A You would list both judges, probably on separate lines on the envelope, as the Honorable Frank Furter and the Honorable Elizabeth Furter. The salutation would be simply Dear Judge Furter.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judges
Q If a couple is married and both are judeges, how do you address an envelope and/or letter?

A Assuming that both judges have the same last name, you would address the envelope to: The Honorable Caroline Dickens and The Honorable Charles Dickens. You could also use: Judge Caroline Dickens and Judge Charles Dickens. Both are correct. Then the salutation would be: Dear Judges Dickens:.

If they do not use the same last name, the salutation would be: Dear Judge Brown and Judge Dickens:.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Judges
Q Proper salutation for a business letter when both members of the couple are judges?

A If they have the same last name, they would be addressed as the Judges Smith. Otherwise, you would address them separately as Judge Smith and Judge Brown.

Examples:

Dear Judges Smith:

Dear Judge Smith and Judge Brown:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Lt. Colonels
Q My cousin and her spouse were both recently promoted to the rank of Lt. Colonel in the Army.

What is the proper way to address postal envelopes for them?

Thank you.
Bonnie Rose

A If your cousin kept her maiden name, then you would address the envelopes to both names. If your cousin took her spouse's last name, then on the outside envelope it would be:

Lt. Colonels John Jay and Mary Blair Brown
Their address

For the inside envelope of, say, a wedding invitation, you would write:

Lieutenant Colonels Brown
or
The Lieutenant Colonels Brown

If at all possible, on a formal invitation you would spell out Lieutenant, as well as the middle name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Medical Doctors Who Use Husband's Name
Q How to address invitation since both are medical doctors...she uses her husband's name

A The Doctors Wilson, or you can write: Dr. Charles Dickens and Dr. Caroline Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Ministers
Q How do you address mail to two married ministers?


A It would depend upon the faith of the ministers. For instance, an Episcopal minister who is not in a particular religious order might be called "Father," so in writing to them, you would write: The Reverend Allison Winslow and Reverend Father Winslow; if not, or if they are Protestant clergy: The Reverend Allison Winslow and The Reverend Henry Winslow.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Ministers
Q How do I address the wedding invitation when the husband and wife are both ministers?

A You have two options, both are correct:

The Reverends Wilson
Address

or

The Reverend Allison Wilson
and the Reverend John Wilson
Address

If both of the ministers have doctorates, it would be:

The Reverend Dr. Allison Wilson
and the Reverend Dr. John Wilson
Address

When using two lines for the names, you would indent the second name. Also, if only one minister is a doctor, then the minister with the higher title would appear first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Ministers Who Are Doctors
Q How should the envelope be addressed to a couple who are both ordained Baptist ministers and doctors?

A Clergy with degrees have the option of using their degree initials after their names, but usually don't for social occasions. Socially, if they are both doctors, you would address the envelope, indenting the second line, to:

The Reverend Dr. Charles Dickens
and The Reverend Dr. Caroline Dickens
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married PhDs
Q How do I address an envelope to two married PhD's?

A It would depend upon whether or not the couple uses the same last name. For instance, if they are the Drs. Jane and Charles Dickens, it is easy. However, if the wife uses her maiden name, they might be: Dr. Jane Austen and Dr. Charles Dickens. If the envelope is not long enough for both names on the same line, then you would put her name on the top line, because ladies always come first, and his underneath:

Dr. Jane Austen and
Dr. Charles Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Reverends
Q How do you address an envelope to a married couple if each are Reverends?

A The Reverend Alice Dickens and The Reverend Winston Dickens would be how they are addressed on the outside of the envelope.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married U.S. Senators.
Q How would you address an invitation to husband and wife if they are both Senators?

A Socially, you would address the invitation's envelope to married U.S. senators this way: Senator Sandra Whitehouse and Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (if the couple are State Senators, you would use the word "State" instead of "U.S.").

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Woman by her Maiden Name
Q When writing a letter, what is the correct way to write the address to a married woman using her maiden name?


A To address an envelope to a married woman using her maiden name, it would be Ms. Didi Lorillard. The salutation would be, Dear Ms. Lorillard. Ms. is an honorific title for all women over the age of eighteen whether they are married, divorced or widowed just the way Mr., which also doesn't identify the person as married, is the honorific title for a man too old to be addressed at Master. Mrs. is used to identify a woman as either married, divorced or widowed.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Women
Q How do you address a baby shower invite to a married woman? Is it addressed to Mrs. John Doe or Mrs. Jane Doe, or either?

A It would depend upon how she calls herself. If you know she uses her maiden name with Ms., you would use that. If she is married, you can't go wrong addressing the envelope to Mrs. John Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Women
Q If a woman gets married and you send her something in the mail, does her maiden name become her middle initial?

A It would depend upon how you are addressing what you are mailing. For instance, if her name is now Betty Guthrie and you are sending her something, you might write Ms. Betty W. Guthrie, because the W is the first letter of her maiden name Willis. However, if you are using Mrs. Thomas Guthrie, you would use his middle name first initial, so it would be Mrs. Thomas T. Guthrie.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Women
Q My middle initial is "E". However, my mother-in-law insists on writing a "D" as my middle initial, which is my maiden name. It drives me crazy. Which is correct?

A My maiden name is Edith Pray Lorillard. When I use my married name, Cowley, I am Edith Lorillard Cowley or Edith L. Cowley.
Your mother-in-law in correct.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Women
Q When addressing a baby shower invitation, should it be addressed Mrs. John Smith, or should it be Mrs. Susan Smith?

A Traditionally, if Susan Smith is married to John, the invitation is addressed to Mrs. John Smith. Alternatively, you might use just Susan Smith or Ms. Susan Smith, if Susan is the same generation as the baby's mother. If Mrs. Smith is the generation of the baby's grandmother, then you might prefer to use Mrs. John Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Women With the Same Last Name
Q How do you properly address a wedding invitation to a same sex married couple when one has changed her name, so that they both have the same last name? i.e. Mrs. Mary Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith or Mrs. Mary and Jane Smith?

A The proper way to address two married women with the same last name is to address them as, "Mmes. Jane and Mary Smith." Be sure to list the first names alphabetically. More formally, as on a wedding invitation, it would be, "The Mmes. Jane and Mary Smith."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Master
Q Is it correct or at least OK to use the title "Master" when sending a card to a very small child?

A Yes, a boy is addressed as "Master" until he turns ten years of age.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Mayor
Q What is the correct way to address the city mayor in the address of a letter to him: The Honorable...or simply, Mayor William, etc?

A When addressing an envelope, it would be The Honorable Robert Wagner, Mayor of New York, or socially it would read Mayor and Mrs. Robert Wagner. In the salutation of a letter, it would be Dear Mr. Mayor; however, socially it would be Dear Mayor Wagner. When in conversation, it would be Mayor Wagner and his place card would read The Mayor of New York.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Mayor + Her Doctor Husband
Q How would I address an envelope to a couple with the same last name but different professions: she's a mayor, he is a doctor? Is it her complete title + first name + their last name and his complete title + first name + their last name?
Thank you

A Socially, it would be:

The Honorable + her first name + their last name and
Dr. + his first name + their last name

You might have to use two lines. You can also use the title of Mayor in place of The Honorable, both are accepted socially.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Mayor and Council Person
Q How do I address the envelope to a small town city mayor and the councilmen that handle our concerns (of any kind)? I just want to thank them for their time. They are elected but serve freely. Is it proper to insert a paragraph also thanking the zoning committee which has to decide and then they present their decisions to the council and council has authority to go along with or against their decisions on land and street zones and changing boundries? Recently this was the issue. Meetings are open to all unless it needs private attention. Also would the letterhead be the same way? Thanks June Key 613 Ackerman St., Rockdale,Texas 76567

A You would send two separate letters, one to the mayor and the second to your council person, because he/she represents the people in your ward (section of town). It could be the same letter altered slightly.

Envelope to the Mayor:

The Honorable Charles Dickens
Mayor of Newport
City Hall
Address

Salutation: Dear Mr. Mayor:

Or Dear Mayor Dickens:

To your council person:

The Honorable Kate Leonard
Her home address

Salutation: Dear Councilwoman Leonard:

Or, if you are on a first name basis, it would be: Dear Kate:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Member of the Royal Family
Q How should one address/open a letter to His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales? "Dear Prince," sounds too familiar; "My dear liege," both too familiar and archaic.

A I am sorry but one does not write directly to the Royal Family, you would write to: The Private Secretary to His Royal Highness, The Prince Charles, Prince of Wales, followed by the address.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Michelle Obama
Q I want to send a gift to Michelle Obama and do not know the appropriate salutation for the letter I will enclose. Is it Dear First Lady?

In the address, should it be Mrs. Michelle Obama?

I appreciate your response.


Eileen Haller

A The president's wife is the only official woman, who, out of respect, is always addressed as Mrs. Obama," without a given name:

Mrs. Obama
The White house
Address

The letter salutation would be Dear Mrs. Obama; in speaking to her, you would call her Mrs. Obama, and even her place card would be just Mrs. Obama. You would never use "First Lady."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Minister
Q How do you address a letter to a minister?

A To a member of the Protestant clergy: the envelope would read The Reverend George Nelson; however, if he was a doctor, it would read The Reverend Dr. George Nelson. In the letter it would be Dear Mr. Nelson, or if a doctor, Dear Dr. Nelson.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Minister & Her Husband
Q In preparing and labeling design plans for my clients, how would I list a couple when the wife is a minister?

A It would depend if the wife has degrees, because many ministers have quite a few degrees. If she has a doctorate, it would be:

The Reverend Dr. Jane Austen and Mr. John Austen

To be sure that you get it right, you should ask your client because a clergy member with degrees might use their degree initials after their names, so it might be "The Right Reverend Jane Austen and Mr. John Austen" or "The Right Reverend Jane Austen, D.D., L.L.D. and Mr. John Austen."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Minister with a Ph.D.
Q How does one properly address an envelope to a retired Presbyterian minister who has his Ph.D.?

A You would address the envelope to Dr. so-and-so:

Dr. Charles Dickens
Address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Most Honored Order
Q In correspondence, how would I address an elected police juror or a school board member? (i.e. I am trying to list their names on a printed program also)

A What you have to remember about adding names names to lists is that there has to be continuity. So, take a deep breath. The most honored are at the top. You have to decide style. Do you want to use titles such as Dr., Mr., Ms. and Mr.? Do you want to eliminate titles and use full names? Get back to me. I'm here for you.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Name Won't Fit on One Line
Q How would I address an envelope to a married couple if both names don't fit on one line?
Example: Mr. and Mrs. Alfonso DeStefandinado

A First, try using the symbol for the word "and," which is &. Using the ampersand character for "and" should make the name tighter. This is a common problem, so if that doesn't work, you can write Mr. and Mrs. on the first line and then under that the first name and surname: it would look like this:

Mr. and Mrs.
Alfonso DeStefandinado

However, you might want to find out if "De" is actually followed by a space, as in De Stefandinado, because I want you to address the envelope correctly.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Navy Officers Through the Rank of Lieutenant Commander
Q How do I address a wedding invitation (inner and outer envelope) to a gentleman in the Navy who's title is LTjg?

Thanks for your help.

A Up through the rank of lieutenant commander, all officers in the Navy (and Coast Guard) are addressed as "Mr." Since your friend is a Lieutenant, junior grade, you would address the outer envelope to "Mr. Charles Dickens" and the inner envelope just to "Mr. Dickens."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Past City Council Member
Q Do you continue to call a man or woman,
"The Honorable" after they are no longer
a member of the City Council?

A You would use "The Honorable" before a person's name, if the person holds or has held a high office at either a federal, state, or local level. "The Honorable" would then be used throughout the rest of that person's life. When I say high office for a city office, that means the Office of Mayor. A City Council representative would not be called "The Honorable," unless at some point that person had held a higher elected office either on the city, state or federal level. For instance, if that City Council representative had previously held the office of state representative, then he or she would qualify for "The Honorable."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Pastor When He Is a Senior
Q How to address a pastor and wife in an invitation when pastor has sr. after his name.

A He would only use Sr. for senior, if his father has the same last name and is also a pastor. The title of Pastor would differentiate the two men. The father would be Mr. and he would be Pastor. Therefore no need for Sr.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: People Whose Name You Don't Know
Q What is the proper word when addressing a woman and you don't know her name, first and last, and you also don't know if she is single or married...

Recently, I fielded a call from a customer. When I realized that she had the wrong department I said "You have the finance dept., Ma'am" and she became irate saying, "Don't talk to me like that". My boss says that Ma'am is totally improper and I should have used miss.

I say that Ma'am is proper and courteous which is correct etiquette.



A In my opinion, using ma'am and sir can be dicey to use. Many non-Southerners do take offense when they are addressed as ma'am or sir because they connote an air of servitude that no long exists. Miss is perfectly correct; however, Madame is always safer.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Ph.D.
Q How to address someone with a Ph.D.

A If you are addressing an envelope, it would be: Alice Adams, Ph.D. or Dr. Alice Adams. It would never be Dr. Alice Adams, Ph.D.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Physical Therapist With a Ph.D.
Q Hello,
How would you address a physical therapist with a PhD?

A "Doctor" refers to a medical doctor, not someone who holds a Ph.D. Nonetheless, it is appropriate to address a person in academia who holds a Ph.D. as "Dr." when addressing a social invitation.

Therefore, if you are addressing the physical therapist on a business matter, you would not use "Dr."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Place Cards for Married Doctors
Q What is the proper form of address for a wedding place card for a married couple who are both doctors?

A In the case of addressing place cards when a married couple are both doctors, one would read Dr. Jane Doe and the other would read Dr. John Doe. The same would hold true if you had two Mr. Does, one would be Mr. John Doe and the other would be Mr. Stephen Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Police Chief
Q How does a selectman during a selectman's meeting address the chief of police? He referred to the chief as mr. and I think he should refer to him as chief. The selectman is also a sgt. on the same police force. I was told during the selectman's meeting the selectman should address the chief as mr. because he is acting as a selectman and not part of the police force. All of the other selectmen refer to the chief as chief xxxxx. This selectman does not like the chief and refers to him during the meetings as mr. xxxx. I will be happy and move on with your answer....thank you very much.

A The general rule is that it is customary to address an important official by title and not by name. He would be addressed as "Chief."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Police Chief, Mayor and Judge
Q How do you address a letter to the following:
The city Mayor
The Chief of Police
and a Judge
Thank you in advance for your time.
Truly,
Vivian

A Often elected and appointed officials are addressed differently officially than socially. The Honorable is used when addressing a letter to them at their office. Therefore, here are both forms of address:

Professionally:
The Honorable Jean Marie Napolitano
Mayor of Newport
(state + zip)
Dear Mayor Napolitano:
or, socially:
Mr. and Mrs. Edward John Napolitano (preferred usage)
The Honorable The Mayor of Newport (and Mr. Napolitano)
Home address

Chief of Police, depending on the state, are called Chief of Police, Police Commissioner, Police Superintendent, or Chief Constable. In NYC, there are two, one is called the Police Commissioner and Chief of Police. Louisiana has an elected and an appointed chief of police. It would be best to call the local police station, but don't dial 911, to find out.

The Honorable J. Terrance Houlihan (Dear Judge Houlihan:)
Judge, Appellate Division
Supreme Court of the State of Rhode Island
Address
or, socially:
Judge and Mrs. J. Terence Houlihan
Their address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Prefix + Suffix
Q I am typing a form for a person to complete for a social event. I need to ask their full name and title (example of what I need: John Wilson Jones, Jr., M.D.). How do I ask that on a form?

Please List Full Name and Title?

Thanks

A A title that is placed before a person's name is a prefix; (Dr., Mr. Mrs. Ms.) and a title that is placed after the last name is a suffix: (Jr., Sr., 2nd, 3rd, or 4th). On forms you often see a blank line to write in a prefix as well as blank line marked suffix when it is important to list names correctly. Just remember that you would use one or the other, you wouldn't use Dr. Charles Dickens, M.D. It would be either Dr. Charles Dickens, or Charles Dickens, M.D.

You ask for the title by having a short blank line before the lines for the first and last names, followed by a fourth blank line for the suffix. In very small print under the respective lines, you would print "prefix," "name," "last name," "suffix."

Remember to be consistent when listing titles. If most of the people are Mr. Mrs. and Ms., then you would use Dr. not M.D. You would, however, use Mr. as the prefix, if the suffix is either Jr., Sr., 2nd, 3rd, or 4th.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: President of Brazil
Q What is the proper salutation in a letter to the President of Brazil?

A The salutation in a letter to the President of Brazil is this: Dear Mr. President:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Prince and Princess
Q I am having dinner tonight with a Prince and Princess in a private home in the States. Should I bow or kneel to him, do I shake his hand? Do I bow to her and grasp her hand lightly and kiss it?
Thank you!

A When introducing a prince and princess, you would call them by their title and surname, and not use their given names. In conversation you would call them "Prince" and "Princess."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Prince of Monaco Informally
Q How do you address the Prince of Monaco at an informal gathering?

A At an informal gathering you would not address the Prince of Monaco. You would introduce people to him. You would not use his name because the assumption would be that everyone knows his name already. You would say to him, "I would like to present Elizabeth Leatherman," while looking from Albert to Elizabeth. Or, you might say, "I would like you to meet Elizabeth Leatherman," as you glance from Albert to Elizabeth.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Rear Admiral and Ret. Lt. Colonel
Q How do you address an invitation to a Rear Admiral and a Retired Lt. Colonel who was in the army?

Thanks

A Socially the first would be addressed as: Rear Admiral Charles Dickens, or Rear Admiral and Mrs. Charles Dickens.
Socially the second address would be: Lieutenant Colonel William Shakespeare, or Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. William Shakespeare. You wouldn't mention retired on a social invitation.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Remarried Widow
Q How do you address the widow of a decedent when you know the widow has remarried but you do not know if the widow took the name of her new husband and you don't know the last name of her new husband?

A Address her by her former name. Then in the body of the letter apologize for not knowing her married new name. Alternatively, you can check the on-line white pages. Often you can find the new name by looking up the old name. Another way to find her would be to call someone that you both know, either a friend in common or a relative.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Remarried Woman Who Kept Her Last Married Name
Q How do you address an envelope for a woman who has divorced her first husband but had opened a business during their marriage, became successful, and kept her married name. Now she has remarried but kept her "business" name?

A If you are addressing an envelope that is delivering a social invitation to, say, a cocktail party, dinner party, dinner dance, wedding, etc., you would address the envelope to the married name of the woman and her new husband: Mr. and Mrs. John Randolph Edwards. If this is an invitation to, say, a lady's lunch or shower, or it is business related, then you would address the envelope to the "business" name: Ms. Charlotte Wilson.

If, in fact, you know that she prefers her previous married name and thus is still listed in the local phone book and information under that first married name, then you would address the social invitation to:

Mrs. Charlotte Crane Wilson
and Mr. John Randolph Edwards
Address

Assuming she uses her maiden name for her middle name, you would use that with the previous husband's last name. If the names to do not fit on one line, be sure to indent slightly the name on the second line. Also, remember that for formal wedding invitations you spell out the middle name when possible.

When in doubt, for a formal invitation or a business invitation, pick up the phone and find out how the person wishes to be addressed. That's good etiquette.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Colonel Doctor and Wife
Q How does one address a wedding invitation to a medical doctor whom is also a retired Colonel USAF and his wife? Thank you, Didi.

A Even though the doctor is a Colonel in the USAF, he is retired; therefore, you would address the outside envelope to:

Dr. and Mrs. Charles Stuart Dickens (spell out the middle name)
Address

The inside envelope would be:

Dr. and Mrs. Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Doctor and His Wife
Q Would you still address a retired doctor and his wife, Dr. and Mrs. John Smith?

A Yes, doctors carry their title throughout their lives. "Dr. and Mrs. John Smith" would be the correct form for addressing a retired doctor and his wife.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Judge
Q Do you call a retired Judge, Judge?

A Judges retain the title of "The Honorable" through their lives. You can call him Judge to his face, but when addressing an envelope or a letter to him, it would be: The Honorable Charles Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Judge
Q When sending personal correspondence to a retired judge, do you use Judge Roger Smith or Mr. Robert Smith?

A You would address the envelope to either: The Honorable Robert Smith or Judge Robert Smith.

The salutation in the letter would be: Dear Judge Smith:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Judge + His Wife
Q How do I address a wedding invitation to a retired judge and his wife?? Please use John and Mary Smith as the example. Thank you.


A Socially, the retired judge and his wife would be addressed as:

Judge and Mrs. John Smith
Address

Much like the titles of medical doctors and the military, judges retain their title of "Judge" through life.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Lawyer Judge
Q Proper way to address an envelope to a retired lawyer judge and his wife. He was an elected official. They are personal friends but noticed their return address on a Christmas card envelope was printed with Hon. Should I be amused? They are not pretentious people.

A Just between you and me, I wouldn't tell him this: one would never use an honorific, such as "The Honorable," in any form when referring to oneself. His Honor and his wife might not know it looks pretentious, and that's OK. Nonetheless, it is well-known that a person addressed by others as "The Honorable" doesn't put the honorific on his or her letterhead, invitations, Christmas cards, etc. It is quite clearly an honor conferred by others on a man or woman, and not by the person on him/herself.

Yes, you should be amused and, by all means, do address the retired judge as "The Honorable" on his Christmas card, because the honorific is justly deserved.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Lt. Colonel
Q I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE PROPER WAY TO ADDRESS A CARD BEING SENT TO A RETIRED LT COL AND HIS WIFE.

A You would address the card to:

Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. Charles Dickens
Address

Socially, you wouldn't use the word "Retired" on the envelope. You would, however, spell out Lieutenant.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Married Judge and Senator
Q How do I address an invitation to a married couple who happen to be a retired judge and retired senator? The husband is the retired judge and his wife is the retired senator.

A If the married couple goes by the same last name, then you can address the retired judge and the retired senator as: The Honorables Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Military Officer
Q How should invitations be addressed to retired military personnel?

A A retired officer in the Army or Air Force would be addressed on the invitation as Major Charles Dickens, USAF, Retired, or socially as Major and Mrs. Charles Dickens. If he was in the Navy or the Coast Guard, Rear Admiral Charles Dickens, USN, Retired, or socially as Rear Admiral and Mrs. Charles Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Military Person
Q How do I write the rank and branch of service for a retired military person?

A Only Navy and Coast Guard officers with rank of commander and above keep their titles after retirement; however, officers in the Reserve do not. For instance:

Rear Admiral Robert Cowley, USN
Retired
the address

For a retired officer in the Air Force or Army:

Major Richard Simmons, USAF
Retired
the address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired Police Chief
Q What is the proper way to address a wedding invitation to a retired police chief?

A As he is a retired police chief, and police chiefs are appointed and not elected, he would be addressed as Mr. The title of The Honorable is only bestowed on former elected officials.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired State Court Judge
Q How does one address a retired state court judge?

A The retired judge would be addressed as The Honorable Charles Dickens. In conversation, if you were introducing the retired judge, you would say, "I would like you to meet Judge Dickens." Elected officials retain his or her title after retirement, so you are safe calling the retired judge The Honorable.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired State Senator
Q How do you address a retired state senator?

A A state senator carries the title of "The Honorable" throughout his life. Any person who holds or has held a high office at the federal, state, or city levels carries "The Honorable" title throughout their lives.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Retired State Senator
Q A retired state senator was a guest and speaker at a Veterans Day celebration. The American Legion would like to send him a thank-you note.
What is the proper way to address a retired state senator?
Thanks

A It is proper to use the title of "The Honorable" in front of any person's name who has held high office at the state level. Therefore, you would use the title "The Honorable" in front of his name when addressing the envelope, and the salutation would be Dear Mr. Shakespeare (insert his name in the place of Shakespeare).

The Honorable William Shakespeare
(his address)

Dear Mr. Shakespeare:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Reverend
Q Proper salutation for Reverend?

A In the Protestant church, if the clergyman has a Doctor's degree, he or she would be addressed on an envelope as The Reverend Dr. Charles Dickens and socially, the Reverend Dr. Charles Dickens. The salutation in a letter would be Dear Dr. Dickens. In conversation, it would also be Dr. Dickens. Otherwise, it would be The Reverend Charles Dickens, or socially The Reverend Charles Dickens and Mrs. Dickens. The salutation in a letter and in speaking would be Dear Mr. Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Reverend + Her Future Husband
Q How do you address a female reverend and her husband before they are married?

Thank you very much.

A You would address the envelope to:

The Reverend Charlotte L. Wilson
Mr. George B. Smith
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Salutation for Senior
Q When a couple are called Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, Sr., how do you address them after "Dear"? Is it Mr. and Mrs. Doe, Sr., or just Mr. and Mrs. Doe?

A It would be "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Doe," if it is a social letter, such as a thank-you note. It would be "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Doe:" for a business letter: a comma after a social salutation, and a colon after a business salutation.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Salutation When You Don't Know the Gender
Q How do you address someone in a letter (salutation) if you don't know their gender?

A Not to worry, it happens all the time.

You would use both genders this way:

Dear Madame or Sir:

Then the body of the letter.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Same Sex Couple
Q What is the proper way to address a wedding invitation to a same sex couple?

A If they are married or have had a commitment ceremony, you respect that and use the last name that they have chosen. If they have kept their last names, then you would connect their names with the word "and," preferably on the same line, but if the two names don't fit, leave the word "and" on the first line and list the partner on the line underneath. You would list them alphabetically. If they are not in a committed relationship, you would list them alphabetically, one under the other, but you would not use the word "and."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Senior or Sr.
Q On our daughter's wedding invitation we will put
Mr. and Mrs. Warren Smith, Senior
do you put Senior on the invitation - do you put a comma before the word Senior and do we make it capital?

thank you so much,
Vicki Smith

A The suffix " Senior" used to be used when more than one family member living in the same town had the same exact name. Nowadays, zip codes help the post office get the letter to the right Mr. and Mrs. Warren Smith. It would be best to use a middle name instead of "Senior." However, if you live in the same city as your son, of course, you can use" Sr." after the surname in order to make it crystal clear to everyone that it is your daughter who is getting married and not your son's daughter who is getting married.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Single Mother + Child
Q What is the correct way to address a card with one adult and one child as the recipients? ex Mrs. Jones and Kim or Mrs. Jones and Daughter?

A On the envelope you would write:

Mrs. Alice Jones and
Miss Kimberley Jones
Address

You would use the title Miss, if the daughter is under eighteen years of age. Over eighteen, she would be Ms. I am assuming that Mrs. Jones is divorced but has kept her married name so that she would have the same last name as her daughter. Mrs. Jones' title would be either Mrs. or Ms., both are correct.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Single Mother and Her Daughter
Q What is the proper way to address a woman and her young daughter if you know both of them very well?

A You would address them both on the envelope and then on the card informally, such as the following:

Ms. Allison Jackson
Miss Charlotte Jackson
Address

Inside the card, you would write:

Dearest Allison and Charlotte,

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Single Woman + Guest
Q Do you still address a single woman as Jane Doe and escort? Or is it guest?

A If the single woman is eighteen years or older, it would be Ms. Jane Doe and Guest. Try to find out the name of the current beau and use that, if you can. However, if that is not possible, then Guest will do.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Someone You Don't Know
Q My daughter is a college student and has introduced us to her new boyfriend of a couple months. She has met his parents but my husband and I have not met them. The boyfriend gave us a loaf of homemade bread his mother made for us at Easter. The mother had asked the son to give the bread to us via our daughter. Now, I need to write a short note thanking the mom for the bread. Since I have not met or been introduced to her should I use Dear Mrs. Schell or do I find out her first name and use it? Some friends think I should use her first name but I think it should be formal until we meet. Could you please reason this out for me? Thanks, Jane

A As a matter of respect, you would write: "Dear Mrs. Schell,"
When she telephones you to thank you for your note she'll say, "This is Susan Schell."

Then you can respond by saying, "Hello, Susan, that was the best bread. How thoughtful of you........

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Staff Members
Q How do you address a staff of an organization? Dear Staff of .... or Dear Maplewood Elementary Staff ?

Thank you.

A If you are also on the staff of Maplewood Elementary, you would address the letter as follows:

Dear fellow staff members:

Nowadays, it is fine to address a specific group in memo form, such as this:

To the staff of Maplewood Elementary:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: State Legislator
Q In a Commencement program, if the speaker is a state legislator do you identify him/her as the Honorable... or Representative...?

A You can call the person just The Honorable; however, on a commencement program and in an introduction, you might want to use the more formal address and list him/her with their elected title. All three are correct:

He would be introduced as:

The Honorable Charles Dickens, Representative of the State of New Hampshire (or just, Charles Dickens, Representative of New Hampshire).

You could use either of the below as well:

The Honorable Charles Dickens

State Representative Charles Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: State Senator + Her Doctor Husband
Q How do I address an envelope to a couple when the husband is a Doctor and the wife is a State Senator?

A As the wife is an elected official, you would list her first. Socially, it would be: State Senator Charlotte Winslow and Dr. James Winslow.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Supreme Court Judge
Q Wedding invitation addresses, proper reference for a State Supreme Court Judge.

A Socially, it would be Judge Edward Hines or Judge and Mrs. Edward Hines, if he is married.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The 3rd
Q Is there a comma after someone's name if they are the 3rd? i.e. William D. Jones, III?

A It would be Mr. William D. Jones III. There is no comma.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Chief Justice of a State Supreme Court
Q How do I address the outer and inner envelopes of a formal invitation to the Chief Justice of a state supreme court?

A Socially, the outside envelope would read: The Chief Justice and Mrs. Charles Dickens. The inner envelope would read: The Chief Justice and Mrs. Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The First Lady
Q I need to write a letter to Laura Bush, the First Lady. Do I address it as :

Mrs. Bush
The White House

Thanks very much

A You are absolutely correct. Out of respect for the First Lady, you would not use her given name because she is the only official woman addressed as Mrs. Bush. The envelope would read: Mrs. Bush. The salutation would be: Dear Mrs. Bush.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The First Lady
Q How do you address a letter to Mrs. Obama? Thank you, James Edgar

A Until her husband is elected on January 20th, you would address the envelope to: Mrs. Barack Obama; the salutation would be: Dear Mrs. Obama. After January 20th, you would not use a given name when addressing a letter because the president's wife is the only woman always addressed without a given name; therefore you would address the letter to: Mrs. Obama. A social invitation would be addressed to: The President and Mrs. Obama.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The First Lady
Q How do I address a letter to the First Lady?

A The salutation in the letter would be:

Dear Mrs. Obama:

The envelope would read:

Mrs. Obama
The White House
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Governor and His Wife
Q How do you address and invitation to the Governor and his wife?

Thank you.

A Socially, you would address the invitation to Governor and Mrs. Arnold A. Schwarzenegger.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Mayor
Q What is the proper way to address an envelope to the Mayor of a city? Would it be the Honorable Jeff Hardin or simply Mayor Jeff Hardin?

A In business, it would be:

The Honorable Jeffrey Hardin
Mayor of Providence
address

Socially, it would be:

Mayor Jeffrey Hardin
address

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Pope
Q How to address the Pope?

A To address an envelope to the Pope and to introduce the Pope it would be, "His Holiness, the Pope" or "His Holiness, Pope John IV." In the body of a letter, the salutation would read, "Your Holiness:"

In conversation with the Pope, he would be called "Your Holiness" and his place card would read "Your Holiness."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The President and Her Husband
Q Typically we have a President and a first lady. If Hillary Clinton becomes President (or any woman in the future), what would we call their spouse?

A When the woman has a higher ranking than the man, her name comes first:

The President
and President Clinton
The White House
Address

In conversation, she would be "Madam President" and he is "President Clinton." Traditionally, when a president is no longer in office, he retains the title as a courtesy but the word "The" is dropped. Unless it is a social invitation addressed to the couple, President Clinton's mail would be addressed to his office and The President's mail would be sent to the White House.

If in the future the president's husband is not a former president, then he is addressed as, "Mr." Shakespeare (or whatever his last name might be):

The President
and Mr. Shakespeare
The Whitehouse
Address

The salutation of a letter would be: Dear Madam President and Mr. Shakespeare. Also, in conversation she is Madam President and he is Mr. Shakespeare, or whatever his title is, for instance, if he is a Dr., then he is Dr. Shakespeare, otherwise he is "Mr. Shakespeare." We would call her spouse "Mr." adding just his last name. Her place card would read "The President" and his place card would read "Mr. Shakespeare."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The President of the United States
Q What is the proper greeting used in writing to the President of the United States?

A When writing to the President of the United States, you would address the envelope as follows:

The President
The White House
Address

In the body of the letter the salutation is:

Dear Mr. President:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Second Generation: Jr. + 2nd
Q My wife and I recently gave birth to our first born son. We decided to name him Hayden P. Ridore, II. I have encountered a lot of contemptuous comments. It appears the world prefers to call every namesake Junior "Jr." I do not want him to be referred to as Jr. Is it proper for me to write and/or sign my name as Hayden P. Ridore, I? I am also an attorney. Is it too much to incorporate "Esq." as part of the name with the Roman numeral? Also what is the proper title for this type of namesake?

A Your nephew could be named Hayden P. Ridore, II. Your son would be Hayden P. Ridore, Jr.

There is no need to call yourself "Senior," because you are the first man with that name; therefore, you would never refer to yourself as One because you are number one.

The history is such: Junior, Jr., II, and III, evolved where there were several generations living in the same town with the same name. In terms of identification and mail delivery, those with the same name identified themselves as the son, nephew, or grandson of the person who had the same name by adding a suffix after their last name. The son was identified with the suffix Jr. (Junior), the grandson was identified as III (or 3rd). When the male child is named for his father's uncle or grandfather, he is identified as II (or 2nd) to identify him from the son of his uncle.

Remember that your son is not stuck with being Jr. (junior) forever. Two years after you're deceased, your son is no longer considered Jr., as he becomes Senior (Sr.). Then he drops the suffix Jr.

Here is how you and your son would be addressed:

Hayden P. Ridore, Esq. (or Esquire)
Hayden P. Ridore, Jr. (the son of above)

So, the answer is "No," you would never call yourself the first. You can call yourself either Attorney Hayden P. Ridore, or Hayden P. Ridore, Esq. Should your son become a lawyer, he would be Attorney Hayden P. Ridore, Jr. to identify him as your son.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Secretary General In Conversation
Q How would one address the Secretary General of the United Nations in conversation? Would it be Secretary General Smith? Or Dr. Smith?

A You would address him in conversation as "Mr. Secretary General."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Titled
Q I am sending correspondence to a married couple who are each titled.
He is an attorney and she is a PhD. How should they be addressed informally?

A If this is correspondence of a social nature, you would not necessarily have to use the titles. If this is of a professional nature, then I would put the woman first because I am a huge fan of ladies first. Since the titles are of equal status, it would be:

Jane Austen, Ph.D. and William Shakespeare, Esq.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: The Wife When the Husband Has the Title Sr.
Q If the husband is a Sr., how do I address the wife's place card for a wedding?
Would it be Mrs. Patrick McDermott, Sr.?

How do I address place cards for young men ages 12 and over?
Would it be Mr. Willard Andrews IV?

A Yes, you are correct, the wife's place card would read:

Mrs. Patrick McDermott, Sr.

All men ten years and older have the title of "Mr." Again, you are correct, he would be addressed as Mr. Willard Andrews lV. However, if his great-great grandfather, or great-great granduncle (whomever he is named after) is deceased, then he would be Mr. Willard Andrews lll. The exception would be if that person he is named after is a famous name in the community.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Therapist
Q When writing a business letter to a therapist (Licensed Clinic Social Worker, or Marriage Family counselor, etc.) what is the proper salutation? I'm thinking 'Dr.' is not accurate. Perhaps I am wrong?

A Someone who has a masters degree in social work most likely is not a medical doctor, therefore you would address the letter to Mr. or Ms. and not doctor. To be accurate, telephone the clinic or practice where the person works to find out if he or she has a Ph.D. in psychology. You probably won't have to explain anything, just ask for the title of the person. If the social worker or counselor does not have a doctorate, the title of Ms. or Mr. is appropriate.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two Different Last Names and Adult Son
Q How do you address a husband and wife that have two different last names and the wife is a Dr. ?

Also, if I am inviting a family (husband & wife) and their adult son living with them, how do I address the envelope?
Mr. & Mrs. _______ and
Mr. Craig __________ ?? Or do I put "and family"?

A Answer to the first question:
The envelope would read:

Dr. Alice J. Adams and
Mr. William H. Shakespeare
address

Answer to your second question:

Customarily, children over the age of eighteen receive their own invitation. There are no rules carved in stone, so if it is an open house and you want to use just one invitation for the parents and the adult son, you can do so either of two ways:

Mr. and Mrs. Wiliam H. Shakespeare and Family

The William Shakespeare Family

Because the son is an adult it would be best not to point out that he is still living with mum and dad and just address the invitation to "The Family," which is often done during the holidays. For a formal occasions, he would have to have his own invitation, as you know.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two doctors
Q When addressing an envelope to a married couple who are both doctors, is it proper to write "Dr. and Dr. Smith"? And is there an abbreviation for the title of "Master" when addressing an envelope to a young boy? And at what age do you start using "Mr." instead of "Master"?

A It would be either:

The Doctors Smith
Their address

Dr. Alice Smith and Dr. George Smith
Their address

You would list the doctors alphabetically and connect the names with the word "and."

Master is used when addressing a lad nine years and younger. There is no abbreviation.

Master Charles Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two Married Men
Q How is a letter addressed to two married men?


A It depends whether the two married men have hyphenated or combined their last names, chosen one or the other of their last names, or kept their names. When addressing both men, you would use the title "Messrs." (the abbreviation for the French word messieurs). The envelope would read: The Messrs. ......

The Messrs. Ross-Kelley
Address

The Messrs. Ross Kelley
Address

The Messrs. Ross
Address

The Messrs. Kelley
Address

The Messrs. Scott Kelley and George Ross (alphabetically)

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two Men
Q How do I address an envelope to two men? Is it Mr. Bob Smith and Mr. Joe Black?

A Do it alphabetically, or address the person you know best first. Both are correct.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two Single People
Q When sending an invitation, announcement or holiday card to a couple who is not married but live together, what is the proper manner to address the envelope?

A It depends a lot on the couple's relationship and your relationship to the couple because you want to personalize the envelope. For instance, if your guy friend recently moved in with his girlfriend because it was originally her home, you would write out her name, say, on the top line with the word "and" after it and then write his name on the line underneath. If they both moved in together or have been living together for a long time, then you would write the name of the person you knew better first. When in doubt, I always write the woman's name first if it is a toss up. By the way, if they are both the same sex, I always write the name of the person I know better first. If that is a toss-up, I write the names in alphabetical order. If you were sending, say, a wedding invitation to an old college friend and including his live-in girl friend in the invitation, you would write his name first if it was originally his address because you would want to make sure that the invitation got delivered properly:

Mr. Charles Dickens and
Ms. Emily Dickinson

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Two Women at the Same Address
Q How do you address a letter to two unmarried ladies?

A If the two unmarried ladies live together, but are not in a committed relationship, or have a partnership, then you would send separate letters to each. If they are partners, then you would address the envelope to both women:

Ms. Anna Baldwin
Ms. Lucy Ross
address

The salutation would be:

Dear Ms. Baldwin and Ms. Ross:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: United States Senator
Q How do you address an envelope for a United States Senator?

A Officially you would address the envelope to: The Honorable Sheldon Whitehouse, United States Senate, followed by the address. Socially, it would be: Senator and Mrs. Sheldon Whitehouse, then the address.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Unmarried Families
Q So, how would I address a Christmas card to an unmarried couple living together who have a child? Say Jane Doe, John Smith and little Abbie? I would like to include the child, but I can't exactly address the card to the "Family Doe-Smith" or can I?

A You can address the Christmas card to "The Doe-Smiths," or alternatively, to all three names spelled out.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Waitstaff Addressing Customers
Q What is the best way to address a woman or a man at a table? I ask this question because I am a server in a 31/2 star restaurant and I want to be able to address all women and men 16 to 61.

Thanks So Much

A In my opinion, you would not address a man or a woman at the table in a personal way. If the customer recognizes you, he will say, "Nice to see you." Pick up your cue from the customer. When you arrive at the table to take the order, you would say to the woman, "May I take your order?" There is a bit of controversy about using forms of address such as "Sir" and "Madame," so it is best not to go there, unless you are working in, say, a French restaurant. You would wait patiently beside the customer for him or her to notice that you are waiting for their order. You would return after they have had a chance to test their meat, to ask if everything is "satisfactory." You would wait to bring the check until you are signaled to do so. You would never engage the customer in conversation by saying something such as, "Are you folks ready to order?" You would never say, "Where are you folks from?"

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: When Wife is a Doctor
Q Proper way to address an envelope when the wife is a doctor?

A Dr. Caroline Dickens and Mr. Charles Dickens

or

Dr. Caroline Dickens and
Mr. Charles Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: When You Don't Know Their Title
Q How do you address:

A) A King (from a subject)
B) A Minister (from a subject)
C) Head of an Educational Institution (from a parent)
C) Head of a business firm


A In all cases you would contact the person's assistant or secretary to learn how to address the person you are writing to correctly. She or he will know. There are many nuances. For instance, you would never write to royalty directly, you would write to their secretary for your request. For a minister, it would depend whether the minister had a doctoral degree and if he/she uses the title Dr. Same with an education institution; many heads these days are doctors, so check it out. For a business firm, the person you are writing to could be a director, a CEO, or the president, so it is best to check with his/her secretary.

Go to the source for accuracy. Pick up the phone and find out how the person you don't know should be addressed.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q How do I address a letter to a widow? Is it Mrs John Smith or Mrs Mary Smith. I do not like to use Ms.

A Until she remarries she is still Mrs. John Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q How to write the name of a person whose husband has died? Is it Mrs. Mary Smith or Mrs. John Smith? This would be on a wedding invitation.

A Even though her husband is deceased, she is legally still Mrs. John Smith until she re-weds. The exception would be if she chooses to return to her maiden name or use Mrs. Mary Smith.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q What is the proper way to address a woman once her husband is deceased; Miss, Ms. or Mrs.?

A Until a widow remarries, it is safe to use Mrs. John Doe. However, when her married stationery runs out and it is time to renew, she can use whichever name she chooses to use; many younger widows will use their maiden names between their first and last, as in Mrs. Jane Brown Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q I am having a hard time on deciding how to address a widow. I checked your website and found nothing on that. If you could please clear that up for me, is it Mrs. or Ms.?

A Actually, if you click on my "Frequently Asked Questions" at www.newportmanners.com, you will find that information in my archives under "Codes + Conduct: Addressing." Formally, until she remarries, a widow is addressed with her married name, say, as Mrs. John L. Wilson. A widow choses how she wishes to be called when she orders new stationery and lists herself in a directory. Informally, she can be Mrs. Jane G. Wilson or Ms. Jane Wilson. So: for a formal occasion or a condolence letter, the envelope would be addressed to Mrs. John L. Wilson. For a birthday card or informal party, she can be addressed as Mrs. Jane Wilson. Since this often depends upon the age of the widow, as some widows were married for so long it is too hard to call herself anything but Mrs. John Wilson, honor that. The best guide to an individual is to find out how she lists herself, what name her stationery is now. When in doubt, ask her how she wants to be addressed. A widow might well return to a former name, either her maiden last name or the name she used as the mother of her children.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q Mrs John Doe is a widow. Should she be addressed in correspondence as Mrs. Jane Doe or Mrs. John Doe?

A Until Mrs. John Doe remarries, socially she is still Mrs. John Doe. However, when reordering social stationery, she can certainly use Jane Doe, but perhaps with her middle or maiden name.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q HOW DO ADDRESS AN ENVELOPE TO THE WIFE AFTER HER HUSBAND DIES? IT HAS BEEN OVER 1 YEAR SINCE DEATH.

A Traditionally, a woman keeps her married name until she remarries. Nowadays, women often take the option of going back to their maiden name, or keeping their husband's last name and using their given name instead of their husband's given name. In that case, it would be Mrs. Elizabeth Shakespeare. As she replaces her social stationery, she might try several levels of formality. To be safe, use Mrs. William Shakespeare. If she sends you a thank-you note from Mrs. Elizabeth Shakespeare, you'll know for next time.

Excuse me for saying this but: when you use only upper case letters throughout your email, it looks as if you are screaming. Your friends might be slightly offended by that, so why not use upper case letters just at the start of each sentence?

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q Didi, What I am wanting to know is when addressing an announcement and not using Mr. or Mrs. Does the man's name come first or the woman's? Example: David and Jane Smith or Jane and David Smith. 2nd question: When addressing to a widow, do you use her first name or the deceased husband's name? Example: Mrs. Jane Smith or Mrs. David Smith.

A Yikes, so many questions at once. I am a huge fan of ladies first. So, it would be Jane and David Smith, because it is David's name, and that is his birth name.

When a woman's husband dies, legally she is Mrs. David Smith until she remarries. Depending upon her age, she will decide, in her own time, whether she goes back to her maiden name or calls herself Ms. Jane Smith, or continues to call herself Mrs. David Smith. In her own time, and in her own way she will figure it all out when she goes to renew her stationery. As I said, it hugely depends on the age of the widow.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q Which is more correct in addressing the outside of an envelope to a widow:
Mrs. John Doe or Mrs. Jane Doe?

A Socially, a widow carries her husband's name through life, unless she remarries and changes her name. She can also revert to her maiden name legally. In her own time, she might change the listing in the phone book, for instance, to read J. Doe, or she might have social stationery made up for Jane Doe, but the "more correct" form of addressing her socially on the outside envelope is Mrs. John Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow
Q Hi Didi,

When you address a widow, do you say Mrs, (Mrs) or (Miss)? I have seen using brackets in such context.


A A widow keeps her married name unless she chooses to change it. For instance, if she remarries, she has the option of taking her new husband's name. A widow can also revert back to her maiden name. Unless she notifies you otherwise, you would address an envelope and address her in person as Mrs. John Doe. Whether remarried or not, she might use Ms. instead of Mrs., but you would never address her as Miss, if she is eighteen years or older.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow of a Baronet
Q When and Englishman holds the title of "Sir' as in Sir John Smith, I know his wife is called "Lady Smith." However, when Sir John Smith dies she still retains the right to call herself Lady Smith. Now my question is this. Lady Smith remarries to a businessman with no title and is known as just "Mr. Thomas Jones." Does Lady Smith retain her privilege to refer herself after her remarriage as: "Lady", or Lady Jones Smith, or Lady Jones? In remarrying does she lose the privilege of holding onto the title of "Lady" and is now referred to as only Mrs. Thomas Jones? What would now be the manner in which to address her in correspondence or face to face introduction to others?

A According to Debrett's "Correct Form," the honored authority on titles and styles: Should she (the widow of a Baronet) remarry, she would take her style from her new husband."

Lady Smith is now known and addressed as Mrs. Thomas Jones.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widow of Five Years
Q My fiance's dad and his girlfriend have been living together for about 5 years. She is a widow. Do I still address her as Mrs. or is it more appropriate in this situation to use Ms.?

A As she is a widow, her proper name is Mrs. William Shakespeare; however, since she is in a committed relationship with a new man, she can certainly be addressed as Ms. Elizabeth Shakespeare.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widows
Q What is the proper way to address a recent widow in social correspondence?

A You would not be asking this question, if you did not think it a sensitive issue. You are right to ask because the person you need to be asking is the widow or her friend or relative. It depends upon the widow. A very dear family friend of ours has been widowed once and after divorcing her second husband went back to using her given name and the last name of her first husband. When you think about it, it makes perfect sense. No doubt, your widowed friend has had to order new stationery and has decided how she wishes to be addressed. Traditionally, she is, say, Mrs. Charles L. Dickens until she remarries; however, many widows after a period of time will use their given name and the last name of the father of their children and therefore call themselves, say, Mrs. Alice Dickens. It is best to ask someone who knows her well.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Widows: Formal Invitations
Q We are making formal birthday invitations and we're wondering what will be the proper address for widows?

A When addressing formal invitations, you would address the widows by their married names. For instance, Mrs. John Cabot Wilson, or Mrs. John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Remember that middle names are spelled out in formal invitations.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Wife + Using His Suffix
Q If using only the woman's formal married name, do you include junior, senior, II or III as a suffix, i.e. Mrs. John Cheney Clark III?

A In my opinion, most people don't use the suffix correctly. If Mrs. John Cheney Clark's husband's grandfather has been dead for at least two years, the grandchildren wouldn't be using the suffix III. Originally the suffix came into play when families lived in the same small town to designate which generation was which. Nowadays, mix-ups are less likely to happen because zip codes on addresses direct the mail. Socially, people still do use the suffix to establish the fact that they are the younger. You just don't see Sr. used anymore. An exception would be when the family is historically prominent. For instance, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Jr., who during his life wanted to distinguish himself from his father by using Jr., is still referred to as Jr. It is perfectly correct for Mrs. John Cheney Clark to list herself with III, but most people prefer 3rd. A suffix can be either a roman numeral or an arabic numeral. Because the numbers are supposed to make a distinction among living members of the same name, when John Cheney Clark, Jr., dies, John Cheney Clark 3rd, would do well to drop the suffix within a year or two. If there is a IV, he would then become III. So: If Mrs. John Cheney Clark III is listed, say, in a private woman's club directory where she and her mother-in-law are or were prominent, she would use the suffix. Otherwise, the woman would not use her husband's suffix when her husband is not involved. There are no rules carved in stone, people pretty much call themselves whatever they wish to be called. Just remember that there is a distinction between Jr., and II, because Jr. is the son and the nephew is the 2nd. To answer your question, nowadays, Mrs. Clark would not use her husband's suffix unless there is a chance that she would be confused with her mother-in-law. Therefore, on a list, say, at her son's nursery school, she would not use the suffix. However, at a private club tea where her in-laws are prominent, she might be listed as Mrs. John Cheney Clark III.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Wife Has a Title
Q How do you address a Mr. and Dr. when the Dr. is a female?

A The Dr. comes first. Titles always go first.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Wife of a Governor
Q How do you address the wife of a governor?

A The envelope would say Mrs. William Shakespeare and the salutation would be Dear Mrs. Shakespeare.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman & Her Husband
Q Hi - First of all, I love your website! Thank you for this fantastic service you provide. Second, I need to send invitations to a married woman and her husband. Do I just address it Mrs. Jane Doe and guest? Thanks!

A No. Sorry, but if you are sending an invitation to a married woman, then you probably need to send it to to Mr. and Mrs., as in Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens. If you are really unsure, find out how to address the invitation. If she has an assistant, ask him or her. The phone book can even be a good source.

Thank you for your kind words. I would love to hear from you again about other areas which you think I should provide more information.

Once again, it is either:

Ms. Jane Austen and Mr. Charles Dickens

or it is:

Mr. and Mrs. Charles Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman Lawyer
Q I don't have a question - I just found a typo on your page and wanted to point it out to you so your readers don't make embarrassing mistakes when writing to a married couple.

You write

Addressing a Doctor and a Lawyer
Q How to address an envelope when the husband is a doctor and the wife is a lawyer?

A If this is a social invitation that you are addressing, it would be Dr. and Mrs. James W. Smith. If it is not a social occasion, then you might put the names on two line:

Linda L. Smith, Esq.
Dr. James W. Smith

The 'Esq:' after Linda's name needs removing - or is she is man?

Kind regards

Jean Lennox

A Thank you for your concern. I do greatly appreciate being alerted to any typos, mistakes, and inaccuracies. Maybe not in Europe, but in the United States a woman lawyer sometimes uses the professional title of "Esq." after her surname. Apologies for not getting back to you sooner, but I wanted to check with various women lawyers before getting back to you. The consensus is that women lawyers are slowly opting to use the title of "Esq." just as women in the sixties opted to use "Ms." instead of "Miss" or "Mrs." Now "Ms." is commonly used when addressing a woman who is eighteen years of age or older, although "Miss" is still an option when addressing a social invitation such as a wedding invitation to a woman who has not been married. As you know, etiquette evolves through usage and usage comes about because it has a purpose. So in conclusion, using "Esq." is not a typo because, in fact, the title "Esq." is used at the discretion of women lawyers in this country. Remember that not so long ago only men used the title "Dr."

Once again, many thanks for your kindness in calling this question about the usage of professional titles for women to my attention. I hope that you will continue to use the site and, please, do not hesitate to let me know if you find any typos or inaccuracies.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman Mayor
Q Our new city mayor is female. How do I address her at our next city council meeting? Madame Mayor?

A Just "Mayor" is fine. "Mayor," like "General" or "Senator" does not have a specific gender.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman Mayor + Her Mr.
Q I am addressing an invitation to our town mayor (a woman) to the open house of our new church hall (a different denomination than hers). The mayor has recently remarried and I am confused as to how the invitation should be addressed and whether or not it should be mailed to the mayor's office or to her home.

A It would depend upon whether or not you are inviting just the mayor or the mayor and her husband. If it is a social event, you might include the husband as a courtesy. If it is a fundraiser, you might also include the husband but draw a line through the part where you fill in how many tickets you are buying and hand-write the word "complimentary" in bold letters on the invitation. When the wife has the title, her name goes first. On the envelope you would write:
for an invitation relating to business:
The Honorable Mary McLaughlin
Mayor of Newport
then the office address;
for a social invitation:
Mayor Mary McLaughlin and Mr. William McLaughlin
then the home address.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman State Senator + Husband
Q How to formally address an invitation to a husband and wife --- she is a member of the State House of Reps. He is a regular businessman. Thanks for your help.


A In addressing a formal social invitation to a husband and wife, when she is a member of the State House of Representatives and he does not have a title you would write: State Senator Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe. If it is an invitation for a formal business or political event, it would be: The Honorable Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman Twice Widowed
Q I wonder how to address a woman colleague who was widowed twice. She was just recently widowed in April by her second husband.

A You would address the recently widowed woman colleague by her legal married name. She is not divorced, therefore she retains the name of her last deceased husband unless she decides to go by a different name, such as reverting to her maiden name. If her last husband's name was Charles Dickens, then she is Mrs. Charles Dickens and in conversation is addressed as "Mrs. Dickens."

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Woman You Don't Know
Q When you address some of the female gender and you don't know anything about them is it proper etiquette to use ma'am?

A Proper etiquette would be to address a woman that you don't know as Madame. Ma'am is considered slang outside of the South.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Women
Q How do you address a married woman Mrs., Ms., divorced woman, single woman?

A A married woman can be addressed as Mrs. or Ms. Janet Wilson or Mrs. Harold T. Wilson; a divorced woman can be addressed any way she wishes: Ms. Janet T. Wilson, Mrs. Janet T. Wilson, Mrs. or Ms. J. Thornton Wilson. A single woman can be addressed as Miss until the age of eighteen, then she is Ms. until she marries when she then uses Mrs. or Ms. Traditionally, if she is addressed along with her husband and she has taken his last name, it would be Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Working Women
Q What is the proper way to addessa bridal shower invitation: Mrs. Robert Clark or Mrs. Susan Clark?

A It depends upon the age of the woman. Most married women over the age of forty respond to Mrs. Robert Clark. If your friend has professionally another name, then you might want to address her as Ms. Susan Clark.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Young Children
Q How do I address an envelope to a young child,as in inviting them to a party?

A If the child is a girl under the age of eighteen, you would address her as Miss, as in Miss Charlotte Wilson.

If the child is a boy under the age of ten, you would address him as Master, as in Master Charles Dickens.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Young Man
Q The proper title for addressing a letter to a young man of 14 years, i.e. Mr.

A Since the young man is fourteen years of age, he would be addressed as Mr.

The title "Master" is used to address lads ten years of age and older.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Young Men
Q When should Master be used and what age should Mr. be used instead of Master?

A When a boy becomes a two digit age he is no longer master, he is Mr. Once a boy turns ten he is a Mr.

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Doctor + Her Lawyer Husband
Q How do you address an envelope for a married couple where the wife is a M.D doctor and the husband is a J.D doctor?

A You would address the envelope to Dr. Caroline Dickens and Attorney Charles Dickens, if this is a business matter. Socially, it would be Mr. Charles Dickens and Dr. Caroline Dickens

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Married Doctors + Divorced Doctors
Q Hello,

How do you reference divorced doctors in a letter? Is it appropriate to use "Drs." in this kind of situation?

Thank you so much.

Lexy Spett

A I'm assuming the two doctors were once married to other spouses and are now married to one another. Whether married doctors were previously married or not doesn't matter. If they have the same last name, two married doctors are addressed as The Doctors Wilson:

The Doctors Wilson
Their address

Dear Doctors Wilson:

If the doctors you're addressing are no longer married, you would address separate letters with separate envelopes.

To her:
Dr. Elizabeth J. Wilson
Her Address

To him:
Dr. William G. Wilson:
His address

Dear Dr. Wilson:

Codes + Conduct: Addressing: Mayor + City Council Members
Q How do I address a mayor and city councilmen at a city council meeting?



A Customarily, in conversation we address very important officials such as a mayor by titles, so it would be "Mr. Mayor" or "Madame Mayor." Individual council members are addressed by title and last name, as in Councilman Duncan or Councilwoman Leonard; when addressing the mayor and all the city council members, you would say, "Madame Mayor and Council Members..."

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