The Politics of Pleasure — How To Talk About Bad Sex
My question is about talking about bad sex.
What is the best way to talk about bad sex? I feel I need to talk about it, but I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding as though I’m shaming him or being critical. I don’t consider myself a “Second Wave” feminist or a Twitter feminist, I just like sex.
Bad sex for women is different from bad sex for men. What the guy perceives is stress from trying to keep pace so that when he arrives at the right time and with the right tempo, he won't be too exhausted. Bad sex for a women varies from sensing disinterest to succumbing to the grinding of a workhorse.
The classic cultural conditioning of submission: his organism is requisite, hers elective. The reward is self-esteem; the price is self-respect.
As women are expected/socialized to be the emotional nannies at their own expense, our sexually illiterate culture makes it difficult to talk about bad sex and the many nuances of consent or the curves of great sex.
If he likes to read, send him this short story:
- "The Cat Person," by Kristen Roupenian,
- from the online New Yorker magazine:
- Can You Buy Phentermine In Australia.
Hopefully, after reading this sexy story he'll then be open to a discussion about the intricacies of intimate sex and gender power dynamics.