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Tragic or Farcical Marriage — Relationships
I have a dilemma about a marriage and relationships. The daughter of a childhood friend who is also a work colleague, with whom I frequently play golf, is marrying a man who is gay. My knowledge comes from a highly reputable source. A big wedding will take place in a Catholic church, with a dinner dance reception at their estate for 300 guests; an expensive dance band will play all night. Everybody is happy, but me. I’ve known the family my whole life. What is my responsibility? Do I tell my childhood friend the next time we’re teeing off that his future son-in-law is gay? Or do I hypocritically attend the wedding with my wife, who also knows the groom is gay?
–Name Withheld, Eas Hampton, NY
This is not your dilemma no matter what you think about a marriage and relationships.
You might be heroic telling the bride-to-be, not her father, that you've heard from a reliable source that her fiancé is gay. But the better part of wisdom is simply to keep quiet.
- What happens if the bride doesn't believe you? It's probably a risk you shouldn't take. You and your wife couldn't go to the wedding. People would wonder why you weren't there.
- What if the bride already knows and says, "I love him and he loves me and we're getting married," and you hear Edith Piaf singing in the background, "Je ne regrette rien"?
You're walking a tightrope between comedy and tragedy.
- What if she acknowledges the situation? It will feel like a tragedy, and you will only come off badly.
- Or perhaps she is completely ignorant and you'll know you're part of a farce. Is she naive and too innocent to understand what she's getting into? Are you heroic enough to ask if they've made love?
As close as you are to the bride's family, it is none of your business. Dance with abandonment at her wedding, knowing that the situation in their marriage is not your concern.
- If you feel you really have to say something, ask your old friend the father-of-the-bride, if the bride and groom have a prenup. Leave it at that.