Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Five O'Clock Service
Q My wife is 51. We are attending a 5:00 PM wedding. She wants to wear a red dress which has a red jacket. What kind of shoe and what color should she wear? This is a Fall wedding indoors. The dress is long. She dresses very conservatively. She really never wears heels.

A In my opinion, your wife shouldn't wear a long dress to a five o'clock wedding. If she does, she will feel overdressed. She could wear her best cocktail dress that falls just below her knees and has sleeves. Alternatively, a dressy skirted dinner suit in a fine fabric would be a good fit. If she doesn't normally wear heels, she doesn't have to because pumps and ballet style flats are very much in fashion.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 10:00 a.m. Wedding
Q What is the appropiate attire at a 10:00 a.m. wedding? Is it the dressiest time?

A No, it is the least dressiest time. You would dress as if you were going to church and a fancy restaurant for brunch afterwards. This means suits or jackets and ties for the men and coat dresses or suits and hats, scarves and gloves for the ladies.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 11:00 AM Wedding: Grandmother
Q My grandson is being married at 11 am and the ceremony is a casual affair. I have always thought that the grandmother should dress in a solid color dress or gown. I have never gone to a morning wedding and also casual. Is it appropiate for me as the grandmother to wear a floral dress or suit?

A You can wear a floral dress, but I think that a solid dress with sleeves or suit that both fall just below the knees would be more appropriate.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 11:30 AM Service: Stepmother of the Bride
Q I am the stepmother of an adult daughter getting married for the second time at 11:30 a.m. She is wearing a lovely bridal gown, her father, my husband, is wearing a tuxedo. I have several lovely pretty gowns, solid colors...could I get away with wearing a long gown?? Thanks. The bride does not care if I wear long or short!

A I am sorry but you are not going to like my answer.

Don't wear a long dress to an eleven thirty wedding because you'll look and feel very silly. Most women over forty look incredibly dowdy in long dresses anyway, so why you would wear one when you don't have to is beyond me. As the stepmother of the bride you want to look dignified.

Find yourself a dress with a matching jacket or a very nice tailored suit that falls just below your knees. Since I don't know the date or climate of the wedding I cannot be more specific about what you should wear. However, I do know what you shouldn't wear. You shouldn't wear a long dress to a morning wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:00 P.M. Wedding
Q My fiance is wearing linen pants to a 3 pm wedding; what are the proper shoes? Also it's my best friend/aunt; I am wearing all white with teal heels and teal and brown accesories. Is that appropiate?

A It depends upon the color of your finance's linen pants. If they are light colored, wear gray. If they are dark, wear navy blue socks. It should be a solid color. I am not sure who is the bride here. The only person who wears white at a wedding is the bride; therefore, the bride would wear white shoes with her white dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 3:30 Wedding: Outside: Women
Q I am a 48 year old woman whose best friend is getting married at 3:30 in the afternoon outside (not on the beach) in Florida in March. I have no idea what to wear. I would appreciate your help.
Thanks!

A Wear a pretty dress with dressy sandals and a fun hat. I am assuming that the dress code is casual and not black tie. It is mostly about the quality of what you wear rather than the dressiness of the outfit. For instance if you have a wonderful fresh linen dress, you could wear it with a string of pearl, beautiful pumps and small clutch bag to dress it up.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:00 p.m. Outdoor Wedding
Q Hi, is it appropriate for a 29-year-old to wear a black and white knee-length strapless A-line w/empire waist dress to a July 4:00 pm outdoor park wedding in the Midwest? Dinner and dance immediately following at a lake-side supper club. Invitation style is informal.

A Yes, a knee-length strapless A-line, black and white dress would be appropriate. Wear bone, black, or red shoes, but not white.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 4:30 PM Black Tie or Not?
Q Having black tie/non-black tie dilemma for the wedding. On one hand, Manhattan in late November and venue is fairly formal (and having formal dinner and dancing party). On the other hand, perhaps a "bit much"? My ceremony is at 4:30 pm in the afternoon (which in my opinion is too early for black tie in the city) and let's be frank, I am not exactly throwing an over-the-top wedding in the Four Seasons. However, I am always happy to be invited to a black tie if only because it's so clear what both men & women are meant to wear. Any thoughts would be welcome!!!!!



A Because it is a 4:30 wedding it is not a black-tie wedding. The chicest New York weddings that I have been to in the past few years were not black tie. If the Bushes didn't have a black-tie wedding, then you know that the trend is non-black-tie weddings. At this moment in time, the trend is not black tie and a black-tie wedding seems pretentious. The exception would be if it was a candlelight ceremony starting at eight o'clock. That is a formal evening wedding these days; usually held in a glamorous (read tacky) ballroom. Dark suits are so easy for most men and little black dresses are de rigeur for most young women at weddings that time of year. I would rather go for chic than formal any day. Anybody can do formal, but to be chic is the ultimate in sophistication.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:00 Wedding: Women Guest
Q What is the proper attire for a lady to wear to a 5:00 P. M. wedding?

A It would depend upon the climate and the style of the wedding, as well as the age and build of the woman. The invitation should give you clues. For instance, if the wedding is taking place on a beach in Nantucket and there is a reception and dancing in a tent afterwards, you might wear a mid-calf dress with a pretty shawl or jacket. If the invitation states Black Tie, you would wear the kind of dress that you would wear to a dinner dance. If you are under 60, that might mean a flirty low cut dressy dress. If you are older, it might mean a dressy dinner suit or dress with matching jacket of good quality with, say, dressy buttons and trim. Wear comfortable but pretty shoes for the service that are also good for dancing and carry a small, dressy clutch bag. Shawls or jackets are a must because you might be going from a chilly church to an overheated ballroom, so dressing in layers is always a good idea when the venue changes locations. If you would like more specific information, you will have to tell me more about the wedding and yourself and I will help you find a flattering look for the wedding. For instance, I am a big fan of hats and gloves at the wedding that can be left in the car during the reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:00 Wedding
Q What is proper attire for guest of a 6:00 pm wedding? The invitation did not specify.

A As the invitation did not specify "Black Tie," you would not wear a tuxedo or a long dress. What you do wear depends upon your gender, age, build, the location of the wedding, climate, and whether it is a formal, semiformal or informal wedding. We've ruled out formal and time of day, so for a summer, semiformal evening wedding, a man might wear a dark lightweight suit or summer jacket with lightweight gray flannel trousers, a collared long sleeved dress shirt and a summer tie. Black shoes and black or navy blue socks that are high enough so that they don't let flesh show when the man is seated. Or he might wear a navy blue blazer with white pants, a colored or striped dress shirt and a tie with light socks and dark brown shoes. With either, he would wear a belt or suspenders but not both at once.

The location of the wedding reception might give you a clue as to whether you should dress up or dress down. For instance if the reception is a clambake on the beach, you might not wear a tie, jacket, socks or tie shoes or high heeled shoes. However, if the reception is at an expensive restaurant or private club, you would want to dress your best.

A woman might wear a pretty dress that falls just below her knees or is three-quarters length, with sling-back or strappy heels. She might wear a lightweight shawl or scarf and a small decorative evening bag. An older woman might wear a dinner suit in a quality fabric with decorative buttons or a beautiful long sleeved blouse and skirt that falls below the knees with sling-back low heel shoes for dancing, and a pretty evening bag. If the reception is at a hotel or restaurant she might want to be sure that she takes along something to cover her arms in case the facility is air-conditioned. The emphasis would be on simplicity of cut, quality fabrics, and small decorative touches, such as piping and buttons, pretty earrings or brooch.

If you would like to return to my Web site and ask the question again telling me more about the location of the reception and the climate at the time of the wedding, I will give you a more precise answer. I would also need to know your gender, age, and build.

www.newportmanners.com

Thank you, Didi

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30 Black Tie Optional
Q To a July black tie optional wedding, 6:30 p.m. in Houston, Texas, if my husband wears a tuxedo, can I wear a cocktail dress, i.e. plain black Suzy Chin dress, mid-calf length, V-neck in front and back, small-pleated skirt, dressed up with sparkly earrings and Weitzman black satin sandals?


A Absolutely, that entire outfit sounds rather chic, if not quite stunning.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 6:30 PM Outside Wedding
Q What should a man wear to an outside wedding on the coast at 6:30 pm? Can a man wear a white suit? The reception is at a church after. What should a women wear.

A The only person wearing white at the wedding is the bride. Why not wear a navy blue blazer with cream colored pants? A woman would wear a sheath dress that falls just above or just below her knees, or it could be a short dress with a jacket or a simple, short cocktail dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 7:00 PM Black-Tie Military Wedding
Q What does a female guest wear to a 7:00 p.m. Black-tie military wedding at a Temple? Husband will wear tuxedo.

A A dressy dinner suit with a pretty small hand clutch and dainty sling-back heels. The dressy dinner suit is made of high quality fabric and is often trimmed with a matching or contrasting color and interesting buttons. Because it is a military wedding, I would suggest dressing slightly tailored as opposed to wearing, say, a sweeping chiffon gown, and wear a very pretty dinner skirt suit with white kid gloves and good earrings.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: April 6:30 PM Wedding in Georgia
Q What do you wear to a wedding in April to an outside wedding at 6:30 p.m (in Georgia)?

A Of course what to wear would depend upon your gender, age and build and the level of formality of the wedding. Since I don't know those details, I'll have to guess here, so forgive me if I'm off base. Outdoor weddings are usually informal, but that doesn't mean jeans and flip-flops. It means that a woman would wear a knee-length, flirty but flattering cocktail dress with strappy sandals if she's under fifty, or a dressy skirt suit or sheath with matching jacket or shawl and sling back low heels if she is over fifty. She wouldn't wear a long dress unless she is going for the ethnic look of a long skirt with a pretty peasant blouse, interesting beads, and strappy sandals. Long dresses tend to look dowdy at receptions such as this, so don't wear one unless there is no alternative. Apparently the invitation didn't state black-tie, therefore a man would wear a navy or gray lightweight suit with a collared shirt, tie, and polished shoes. A navy blue blazer or other good jacket with light weight gray flannel slacks or dark khakis, would also be appropriate. Even though the wedding is not formal, you would wear your best informal dressy clothing and shoes and of course your best jewelry. Just a few pieces, but weddings are the perfect time to wear your pearls or cufflinks. Those small details and being well-groomed are important.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: At Home Wedding Ceremony
Q What do you suggest for a bride and groom to wear at their new in-home ceremony besides the traditional wedding and groom attire? This will be an informal wedding at their new home.

A Some of the chicest, nicest weddings are held in the privacy of one's home. As I don't know the age of the wedding couple or the time of year of the wedding, this answer as to what they should wear is quite general. The bride could wear a white or off-white knee-length cocktail dress or a dressy dinner suit. The groom could wear a dark suit with a white collared shirt, or a navy blue jacket with cream-colored pants, a striped tie and black shoes.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: BBQ Six O'Clock: Guest Attire
Q What is the proper attire for an evening outdoor wedding? The wedding is at 6 pm and they are serving bbq for reception. I am a middle-aged woman and large. This wedding is in Georgia in May.

A You would probably want to wear an outfit that consists of a loose fitting skirt or flowing pants with a matching flowing, light-weight jacket over a matching shell. Go on line to EileenFisher.com and look at the loose fitting styles, then go to a large department store and look for outfits that follow that style. Stick to one solid color in a soft muted shade such as a blue, grey, taupe, or beige; or a solid navy blue or black.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Birmingham: Six O'Clock
Q What attire to wear to a wedding in Birmingham, AL, on a Saturday that starts at 6:00 pm?

A What you wear depends on some huge factors: the dress code, which helps determine the formality of the wedding, your gender, age, and build.

Assuming that the invitation does not state "Black Tie," you are off the hook about having to wear a tuxedo. You would, however, wear your best dark suit with black belt, shoes and socks, a straight collared dress shirt, and a very good silk tie.

If you're a woman, depending upon your age, you would either wear a dressy cocktail dress or a skirted dinner suit (if you're over fifty) that covers your knees, or a flirty silk chiffon dress that falls somewhere above your knees. A six o'clock wedding usually means dinner and dancing, so you will need to wear your sexiest dancing pumps and carry a clutch bag for your lipstick. A good piece of jewelry in Birmingham is always appreciated, and you won't have to worry about a wrap because it hasn't gotten chilly there yet.

You must realize that with the limited amount of info, this is a rather general answer. How dressed up you get, also depends upon the place where the wedding is being held. A wedding at a banquet facility would be less sophisticated then, say, a wedding at a private home or club. Sophisticated doesn't necessarily mean "dressy." It means well-dressed; where less is more and when quality of fabric and design, and not fussiness, are key.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Dress to a Spring Wedding
Q I am attending my friends wedding in Boston on May 12th. It is at 5:30 pm. Is it proper for me to wear a simple black dress?? My mother is telling me I shouldn't wear black to wedding. Is she right or just old fashioned? I don't want to insult my friend or feel out of place. Should I buy a new outfit that is spring colors??? Thank you for your help!!!

A For a May 12th, 5:30 PM wedding in Boston, you most certainly can wear a little black dress. Perhaps you might accessorize with dangly earrings or a string of pearls, a small pretty spring bag (turquoise paisley design on a black background) and black or turquoise open-toed sling back shoes. Nowadays, at the chicest city weddings, you might find most of the women dressed in little black dresses and pearls. If the wedding were in Dorset, Vermont, or Northeast Harbor, Maine, I would say black might seem a bit too dressy, but Boston is quite sophisticated. Perhaps, you might wear a spring-colored pashmina or decorative sweater which you can take off while you're eating and dancing that will give your dress more of a springtime look. I understand what your mother is saying and she is correct, but the style at the moment is just as you say, but do add a touch of springtime.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Dressy Dinner Suit to Wedding
Q Is it acceptable to wear a black crepe dressy suit to an evening wedding in Dallas, TX?

A It is acceptable to wear a black crepe dressy dinner suit to an evening wedding in Dallas, TX; however, be sure there are some feminine touches: evening bag, pretty shoes for dancing, decorative buttons on the jacket, and good jewelry.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Patent Leather Shoes
Q At a 6:00 wedding in June in the South, can I wear a knee-length black dress, black with black patent leather 2 to 3 inch heel to a wedding that has the reception after at a country club? The club reception and the dancing will go on for several hours indoors at the club.

A The dress sounds perfect for a 6:00 PM wedding. Black is the new chic for weddings these days. The only thing that I question---which you obviously do, too---is the black patent leather shoes. Black patent leather is a more tailored look more suitable for daytime and even cocktails, but you need to think of the comfort factor: dancing for several hours in patent leather. You might want to go for a softer shoe, even a strappy sandal, open-toed or sling back. Think about a soft, black suede, satin, or silk texture because that might be more flattering and dressier. If you have small feet, the patent leather should be fine, as long as you're comfortable.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Shoes with Brown Dress
Q I am going to a wedding my dress has a lot of brown in it; can I wear black pumps?

A Yes, most definitely black pumps, especially if they are a bit dressy, would be fine with a dress that has a lot of brown in it. Beige might work well, too, if it is an afternoon wedding. Or even red, but since I don't know the other colors in the dress, this is a rather general answer.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Sleeveless Dress in Virginia at 4:00 p.m.
Q I am attending a wedding at 4:00 p.m. in St. Mary's Church, with reception to follow outside at a historic home in Colonial Beach, VA. I have found a dress that I like but it is sleeveless and black. My concern is that it will be hot outside and I want to be comfortable. Do you think this would be appropriate with a fancy sandal?

A The dress sounds fine, the only thing that I am not sure about is the date and having bare arms. Do you have buff arms? Will it be warm enough to have bare arms? Dressy sandals would be fine, as long as they are not too glitzy. Go for quality.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black Tie
Q If black tie is on the wedding invitation, does that mean only a tux is acceptable? Or, is a dark suit appropriate? If men wear a tux, should the woman wear a full-length dress?

A Yes, it means only a tux is acceptable. No, a dark suit is not appropriate, if the wedding invitation states "Black Tie." The woman does not necessarily have to wear a full-length dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black-Tie
Q We are attending a 'black-tie' evening wedding and reception. I assume my husband 'has' to wear a tuxedo. Is it appropriate for him to wear a black and silver sparkle tie and cummerbund?

Also, would I wear a dress pair of black slacks to the wedding or is a dress the only acceptable thing to wear?

Thank you.

A If the wedding is "Creative Black Tie," then you and your husband can wear whatever you would like: the black and silver sparkle tie and cummerbund and the black slacks. However, the wedding couple sets the dress code and if it is not creative black-tie, then it would be better not to call attention to your outfits. Therefore, your husband would wear either a black bow tie and cummerbund, or a bow tie and cummerbund that are not black, but without the sparkle. In my opinion, a lady would not wear slacks to a black-tie wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Black-Tie 4:00 pm Ceremony
Q Hi Didi:

Urgent - wedding this weekend.

Your website has been, by far, the most helpful, but I do have a couple of questions. Wedding at 4:00 pm in Austin, TX, followed by a dinner/reception at 7:00 pm (Black Tie) in San Antonio. I called the mother of the bride to inquire because I'd been to wedding receptions at the venue (Aygyle Private Dinner Club) and seen lots of older women (I'm 60) dressed in nice suits (not business, more like MOB). I have a beautiful chocolate crepe suit with a lovely neckline, brown patent leather pumps (dressy with cut-out sides), gold pearls with some gold bling, gold bag. She said that sounds great. Do you agree?

Also - what should my husband wear to look right with me. The dressiest thing he owns is a double-vested black jacket with gold buttons. I say that he should rent a dinner jacket and pants, but not a tux. What do you recommend? Thanks so much. SueAnn

A When the invitation says Black tie, then your husband needs to rent a tuxedo. Sorry, I want you to do the right thing here and if all the other men are in tuxedoes, your husband is going to feel out of place if he's the only one not wearing a black tie, white shirt, and tuxedo. Just be sure that the white shirt and tuxedo are conservative and tailored to fit him properly. My problem with him wearing his black dinner jacket is the brass buttons, which are sporty. Your dinner suit sounds fine, but I am not sure about the brown patent leather pumps with the gold bag. Patent leather pumps sound a bit tailored with a gold bag. If you have silk, satin, or suede pumps, either in brown or black, perhaps that would be chicer. Alternatively, you could wear the brown patent leather shoes and use a brown or black bag instead of gold. Gold is a bit brash at four o'clock in the afternoon. Of course, there is the option that you leave the gold bag in your car during the ceremony and use it just for the reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Boutonnieres + Guests
Q I am attending my godson's wedding. Although I'm not a member of the wedding party, is it bad form to wear a boutonniere (a different color than the wedding party)?

A No, it is not bad form to wear your own boutonniere in your left lapel to your godson's wedding. If there is one waiting for you at the church, you would be told in advance to arrive early to receive it. There are still gentlemen who wear boutonnieres, just the way there are men who sport a pocket hankie in their breast pocket.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Boys: Flower Girl Escort
Q My 8 year old son is in an evening wedding in New Orleans in mid-May. He will be escorting a much younger flower girl down the aisle (to insure that she makes the walk). She will be wearing an off-white dress. The groomsmen are wearing white dinner jackets, black pants. Bridesmaids are wearing tea-length or knee-length dresses. The ceremony is outside with a reception following inside and outside. The bride has asked that I choose what my son will wear. I do not care for the little tux look but don't know exactly what he should wear. I was thinking of either a flax or white linen suit or tan and white seersucker suit with white shirt and a tie that coordinates with the color of the bridesmaids' dresses. I don't know if this is inappropriate for evening or still too early in the summer. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you !

A The least expensive course would be to rent a white dinner jacket for your son and buy him a pair of navy blue trousers that he could wear with brown loafers. I agree with you about small boys in tuxedos.

What I want to tell you is that if you don't want to buy your son a suit that he might not wear again, you could just get him a navy blue blazer and a pair of white or tan pants that he can wear with a tie in the wedding colors--or even better a bow tie.

If that sounds too informal, you could go in another direction and he could wear a colored jacket, say, light blue, with white trousers. Other than cost, the important thing is that your son is comfortable with what he is wearing because he is going to have to be in the outfit for at least six hours. Before you decide, you might want to find out what the ring bearers are wearing and coordinate your son's outfit with theirs.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride: Jewelry
Q Is it appropriate for a daughter to ask a father for expensive diamonds for her wedding day? This is not as a wedding gift but as a sentiment gift.
Curious but out of touch father of the bride

A Traditionally, the parents of the bride give her a piece of jewelry to wear on her wedding day, if they can afford it. Lately, the trend has been in dangly diamond earrings.

What you might do is take your daughter to your local jewelry store and let her pick out something to wear on her wedding day, then ask the jeweler if you could borrow the piece for the wedding. A good local jeweler will loan them out in the hope of promoting the piece of jewelry to the groom and the wedding guests. Because it will have a sentimental attachment, the jeweler might be game to loan. If the jeweler won't loan the diamonds, then offer to rent the piece for the day. Believe it or not, this is done more than you think.

That way you will please your daughter because you arranged for her to wear diamonds on her wedding day, but you are saying that she'll have to work for them if she wants to own them. You just might appease her by borrowing them for the wedding. At least she'll know that you're doing your best to make her happy.

It is appropriate for her to ask, if she thinks that there is a chance that you'll want to give her a sentiment gift.

By the way, traditionally, the groom's parents give the bride a piece of significant jewelry as a wedding present, if they can afford it.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bride's Dress for Four O'clock Wedding
Q What length should my wedding dress be for a four o'clock wedding inside?


A Your wedding dress length would reflect the formality of the wedding. A formal wedding might allow for a long train and veil, whereas for a less formal wedding the dress might be long but not puffy, not have a train, and only a simple veil. If the dress code is black tie, then it is a formal wedding. So, as you can see, it is not so much the time of day as the dress code. Choose a style either formal, less formal (that is not black tie but navy blue blazers or dark suits), or informal and carry the theme throughout the wedding. If your reception is a seated dinner with a live band, then it would be formal or semiformal. If your reception is a barbecue, then you would not have the men wear tuxedos. Since your wedding is inside at four, but I don't know the plans for the reception, I would say the men would wear dark suits and shoes, the bride would wear a floor-length strapless well-cut, elegant dress with a short veil, and the bridesmaids would wear short strapless dresses, if they are under forty. If you would like to return to my Web site to ask the question again giving more details about the venue of the wedding, perhaps I can give you a more precise answer. For instance, if you are over sixty and have a large build, you probably would not want to wear a strapless wedding dress. So, the more details you can give me, the more help I can be. Also, if the wedding ceremony is not in a church at four o'clock, you would not necessarily wear a long dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaids' Dresses
Q My wedding dress is navy blue and white. What color should my briedsmaids' dresses be?

A Your bridesmaids' dresses could be navy blue or green. Certain shades of yellow and pink go quite well with navy blue, so it would depend upon the season. For instance, navy blue or burgundy might be better in the fall and winter, whereas green, pink, or yellow would be best in the warmer months.

Think about the wedding photos and the seasonal flowers that you hope to use in your bridal bouquet and the bridesmaids' bouquets. That should help you decide.

Usually the bridesmaids' dresses are the color of one of the wedding colors. You told me that your bridal dress is navy blue and white, but I would need to know the two wedding colors in order to give you my best answer.

For instance, navy blue and yellow are good wedding colors for spring because there are so many different shades of yellow flowers in season that time of year. Since your dress has navy in it, using navy and yellow would be perfect. Then the bridesmaids could wear navy blue, short, strapless dresses and carry a bouquet with shades of white and yellow flowers.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Bridesmaids Wear Black
Q Is it proper etiquette for bridesmaids to wear black dresses for a 2 o'clock in the afternoon wedding? Should the dresses be tea length due to the time of the wedding? What would be proper wear for the groomsmen? What length is appropriate for mother of the groom for a 2 o'clock wedding? The wedding is to take place at the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist in Savannah, Georgia. We are also considering a 7:30 pm wedding.

A Whether you are considering an afternoon or evening wedding, black bridesmaids' dresses are considered the height of sophistication. Long dresses tend to be dowdy and dreary, especially in the afternoon, so have all the dresses fall just below the knees or mid-knee. Tea length can look drab. The bridesmaids dresses need to be all the same length, just as the silver shoes would be all the same height. The groomsmen could either wear navy blue blazers with cream colored pants in warm climate or gray flannel in the fall and winter, with white shirts and regimental striped ties and black shoes. The mother of the groom and the mother of the bride would both wear a dressy dinner suit or a sleeved dress that falls just below the knees. Traditionally, a 7:30 or eight o'clock wedding is referred to as a "candlelight wedding" and is often black-tie. A two o'clock wedding would not be black- tie.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Can Mother of the Groom Wear Black
Q Is it ok for the mother of the groom to wear a black dress to a very small, immediate-family only wedding?

A Queen Victoria in 1840 set the dress code for weddings by wearing a white wedding dress and dictating that black was not to be worn by women at a wedding; however, times have changed and since there is no rule other than Queen Victoria's, you might wear what you wish. However, you might want to run the idea of your wearing a black dress pass the bride and her mother. If it is a city wedding, black is fine; however, wearing black at a country wedding in a rural area might make you feel overdressed.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Can the Mother of the Bride Wear a Pantsuit
Q Is it appropriate for the mother of the bride to wear a pantsuit instead of a dress????

A Personally, I do not feel it is appropriate for the mother of the bride to wear a pantsuit to her daughter's wedding. The dress code for the wedding is set by the bride and groom, so it is really the bride's call to tell the mother of the bride what she should or should not wear.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Can the Mother of the Bride Wear Black
Q Can the mother of the bride wear black to the wedding?

A If it is an evening wedding, yes, by all means the mother of the bride can wear black. However, if it is an afternoon wedding, she might not wear a black suit or dress because she would not want to look as if she is going to a funeral. An alternative to black for a morning or afternoon wedding might be navy blue or beige.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Cancun: Four O'Clock Ceremony
Q Hi Didi My husband and I are invited to a Cancun wedding on Saturday, October 4th, 09. I am 5 ft and I weigh 128; my husband is 5"5 and he weighs 165. The ceremony is at 4 pm with the reception to follow on the beach unless it rains. Help please..... what should we wear?

A What fun that should be!

I gather it is not a black-tie wedding, thank goodness. You could wear a pretty cotton sundress with high strappy sandals. Your husband can wear a great Hawaiian style shirt with white or khaki shorts or trousers and sandals without socks.

The dress code in Cancun is from "Anything Goes" to "Clothing Optional." You will see some pretty creative outfits, especially after dark when you go clubbing. Nevertheless, you might want to wear a bikini under the sundress that you wear to the wedding ceremony.

You and your husband cannot go too far wrong with whatever you wear that's tropical; however, you just might dress slightly more daytime-ish to a four o'clock wedding--knowing that you can change into something more creative later on when you go clubbing.

Beware, because it is rumored that the bartenders in some of those clubs put funny pills in ladies' drinks.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Casual Attire
Q I'm going to an afternoon-evening wedding in June and the invitation indicated "casual attire". How casual does that mean? I was thinking of wearing a cotton sundress or even a cotton knit dress...would a knit be too casual? Also, would black be appropriate in this case? Thank you so much.

A When unsure about what to wear for an occasion when the invitation sounds vague, talk to close friend of the bride, if not the bride herself, and ask advice. Unless you are a large size person and need black to make you look slimmer, save black for night. Traditionally one is not supposed to wear black to a wedding, especially in warm whether. It is more appropriate to wear a cheerful color or print. The cotton sundress sounds fine especially if you accessorize with a pretty hat, strappy sandals, and one good piece of jewelry. "Casual attire" means the wedding will be relaxed and fun.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Casual Attire, No Tee Shirts
Q Is it proper etiquette for the wedding couple to put a dress code on their website for their wedding? This couple put under dress code casual attire, no tee shirts.

A Yes, it is totally proper for a wedding couple to put a dress code on their wedding Web site. It is their wedding. This wedding is all about them. They want their family and friends to understand the informality of their dress code as seriously as another wedding couple might insist on all the men wearing tuxedos.

By stating "no tee shirts" they are defining the dress code to mean: nice casual clothing but no tee shirts. Notice that they used the word "attire" as opposed to "clothing." That is your clue that quality is more important than being hipster/biker/cute/grunge/goth/retro.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Casual Cocktail Attire: Four O'clock Wedding
Q I have been invited to an August 9, 4:00 pm outdoor wedding (held in a canopy or ten)] at a river side resort in Montana. The couple is from Brooklyn, New York - the invitation states "casual cocktail attire". I would guess that Montana tends to be less formal than Brooklyn but I am at a loss as to what would be appropriate to wear for both my husband and me!
Thank You!
Julie

A Not knowing your build, or age, I would suggest that you wear a skirt that falls just below your knees with a pretty blouse, and strappy sandals. I am usually a big fan of a short dress with a bit of swing that is good for dancing, but it might be more fun to wear a festive skirt and blouse. Why not take both and ask the other women guests what they are wearing when you get there? Your husband would wear a lightweight jacket, perhaps a navy blue blazer, with light colored trousers and a collared shirt. He might take a tie in case he gets there only to find out that the other men are wearing ties. I've seen men wearing shorts at casual summer weddings with a jacket and tie, but that might be more of an East Coast look. To get back to you, if you do go the slightly festive route, wear some marvelous beads and earrings, and perhaps a wide belt, with the skirt and blouse. Casual cocktail attire in New York is dressier than it would be in Montana; however since it is a wedding, adding a festive flare to your outfit would make it more fun. In other words, the preppy East Coast look and the tailored New York look might seem a bit stiff in such a laid back, relaxed setting.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Casual Dress
Q What do would I wear to a 3:00 pm wedding with casual dress on the invitation? I am 52 year old female and have lost 95 lbs. help

A As I don't know the climate or location of the wedding, this is a very general answer. You would dress more warmly for a wedding in Burlington, Vermont, than in Taos, New Mexico.

If you live in the North, you could wear a well-tailored warm suit or a long-sleeved dress, that falls just below your knees, with a coat and sensible yet pretty pumps for dancing. In the South, you would wear a short sleeved dress that falls just below your knees and a pretty hat. The nice thing about an informal three o'clock wedding is that you can wear a nice hat.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Chicago Country Club 6:00 PM
Q I'll be attending an evening reception (6:00 p.m.) in November. The location is at a country club in Chicago. The couple will be married a month earlier on an island. What's the best attire for a 30 year woman?

A Wear a flirty cocktail dress that falls just above your knees and high heels. The dress can be draped, wrapped, or tailored, but if there is dancing at the reception, you would want the dress to have a skirt with a enough fabric so that you can dance comfortably. Make sure the dress fits your body to a T. If it doesn't, take it to a good dressmaker, or tailor, and have it altered to fit you as if it was made just for you.

To accessorize, carry a small clutch bag and wear a great pair of earrings. Take a warm coat and gloves because Chicago can be cold in November.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Color Clothing Not to Wear
Q What colors of clothing should the guests not wear to a wedding?

A Guests should not wear white to a wedding. The only woman wearing white at a wedding is the bride.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Color for Mother of the Groom
Q What color dress does the mother of the groom wear?

A The mother of the bride wears navy blue or beige.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Country Club: Three O'Clock
Q I am going to a wedding on October 24, 2009. The wedding is at a church at 3:00 p.m. and than the reception follows at 4:15 p.m. at the country club. The invitation says: black-tie optional. I don't know what to wear - I just bought a simple short (just above the knee black dress). I was hoping with some accessories I could get by with this, but I am not sure what to wear or what color of accessories to use. Also not sure what my boyfriend should wear. Thank you

A Your little black dress sounds perfect. You can accessorize with beads and beautiful shoes. Your boyfriend can wear a dark suit or a dark blazer with good khaki pants or grey flannel pants. With either he would wear a collared, long-sleeved shirt and a tie, dark shoes (preferably a black Gucci-style loafer) with black socks.

As this is a three o'clock wedding with a reception at a country club, he doesn't have to wear a tuxedo and you don't have to wear a long dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dress Length
Q I am attending a 5:30 wedding in Mississippi. The month is November. My question concerns the length of the dress. The dress is a brown silk with a bolero jacket. What is the correct length? At present the length is about half way between my knees and my ankles. Do I need to hem the dress or leave it where it is?

A Not knowing your age or build, this is a rather general answer. If you are over fifty, then the hem of your dress would fall just below your knees. Otherwise, the hem would fall just above your knees. The problem with a tea-length dress is that if you don't have the right build for the dress, the dress wears you. Shorter is snappier. Tea- length tends to make most women look dowdy. Pin the hem of the dress up and look in a full-length mirror to decide which length suits your age, height, and style.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Dressy Casual
Q As the parents of the groom, my husband and I are hosting the rehearsal dinner. We are sending out invitations (in large part to get guests' entree choices) and want to indicate expected attire. Is the term "dressy casual" appropriate?

A The term "dressy casual" is an oxymoron. Dressy is dressy and casual is casual, they are opposites. You might find it would be less confusing to use the word "Informal" in the lower left-hand corner of the invitation across from your RSVP. "Informal" will tell your guests that the dress code for the dinner is not Black Tie, but it is dressy. Nowadays "casual" means jeans and "dressy casual" might be interpreted as designer tee-shirts, jeans and cowboy boots.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Elegant Casual
Q This is the info I have: Oct 18, 4:30 Asheville, North Carolina, The Country Club of Asheville. Wedding invitation basic. Bridesmaid said their dresses are "elegant casual"(didn't specify length). MOB is wearing a dress like you would wear on Sunday morning to church (tea- length). My question: would a pantsuit be appropriate if I wear the right accessories? Houndstooth (long..like a dress jacket) jacket with dressy black pants? and a blouse in a fall color or is that too casual?

A In my opinion you would not wear a pantsuit to a wedding. The dress code states "elegant casual," which is why you feel that you can wear a "casual" pantsuit; however, "elegant" is not a houndstooth jacket with pants.

Picture young women dancing in short, strapless, chiffon dresses and you'll see what I mean. It sounds as if you are keen on the jacket, so why not wear a short, dressy, black skirt instead of the pants?

I'm not sure about a fall color for the blouse, a pretty white one might be more elegant. As for accessories, a good pair of gold earrings and an interesting brooch or necklace would go well, depending upon the neckline of the blouse. Again, think of pretty pumps for the dancing and carrying a small clutch bag in a fall color.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Eleven O'Clock Wedding In TN in October
Q My nephew is getting married October 17th at 11:00 AM at an outdoor venue, Magnolia Manor in Lenoir City, TN. What in the world do I wear?? Most of my wardrobe is spring/summer colors or black, neither of which are obviously appropriate. Help!



A A morning outdoor wedding is pretty casual, please don't stress. You would wear what you would wear to church on Easter or to an important business meeting. October in Tennessee is like September on the East Coast. By going to www.themagnoliamanor.com, you can see for yourself that it is a special event facility that specializes in weddings.

As I don't know your gender or build, this is a rather general answer. A woman would wear a skirted suit with a scarf and a sensible pair of good shoes that are pretty enough for dancing. A dress with sleeves would also be appropriate, she might even wear a hat or a warm shawl.

A man would wear either a light weight dark suit or a blazer with good dress khaki pants, dark socks and shoes, a collared long sleeved shirt and a tie. Although you might see tuxedos in the photographs on the Web site, since your nephew's wedding is at eleven o'clock, formal attire is not required.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Engagement Party Attire
Q What is the proper attire for an engagement party? It is being held in a restaraunt.

A The invitation will give you the clue you need to know how to dress. Check out the restaurant, either online or in person; if the restaurant is high-end and the waiters are wearing white jackets, the tables are covered with table cloths and there are fresh floral arrangements, you would dress appropriately. If you are a man, you would wear a lightweight summer suit, or a blazer and gray flannel pants, a long sleeved shirt with an attached collar and a tie, your shoes would be dark and your dark socks would cover the flesh of your leg when seated. If you are a woman, you would dress the way you would dress to go to a cocktail party, by wearing a dress. Depending upon the time of day of the party as well as the climate at that time of year, along with the style of the restaurant determines, you should be able to determine what to wear. If the restaurant is a fine old Irish pub with waiters in khaki pants and open blue collar shirts and there are peanut shells on the floor, you would dress down. To dress down, you would not wear a tie and you probably would take off your jacket at some point. A woman would be comfortable in a pair of well-cut slacks and a pretty blouse or thin sweater.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Five O'Clock Outdoor Formal Wedding
Q Is it appropriate for a man to wear a teal jacket , navy pants to a 5:00 PM outdoor formal wedding?

A Teal and navy are a great combination, but not for a formal wedding. If the invitation states "Black-tie," you will need to wear a tuxedo, or at the very least a dark navy blue lightweight suit with black shoes. You better check with someone in the wedding party to find out about the dress code because five o'clock is early for a formal wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Five O'Clock Wedding: Women
Q I'm attending a 5 o'clock wedding in Boothbay, Maine, August 2nd . The wedding is going to be outside . The bridesmaids are wearing a tank-style baby blue dress just below the knee. I think a satin material The reception is then going to be inside the inn. I'm not sure if a black dress would be ok or a sold color dress, what length to wear, or even what color. Would it be ok to wear a strapless dress? Please help.

A Yes, do wear a strapless, but maybe not black. If it were a big city wedding, I would say black is where it's at, but Boothbay, Maine, is more laid back. Depending upon your build and age, you can certainly wear a strapless dress that falls just above your knees. The color would depend upon your coloring. I, personally, love white chiffon with a floral pattern dress that has a good swing for dancing, with strappy sandals. Alternatively, a wrapdress or a silk sundress would be fine, too. For a solid color, you wouldn't want to wear baby blue; any color but red would be fine. At a wedding, you wouldn't want to draw guests' attention away from the bride by wearing red. As to length, I am not a huge fan of long or tea-length dresses, as they tend to make most women look dowdy. If you're under fifty and your legs are fairly decent, by all means, let the hem fall just above your knees. Older, the hem should fall just below the knees.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Five O'Clock Wedding: Women
Q What is proper attire for a 57-year-old aunt of the bride to wear to her niece's wedding at 5:00 p.m. July 10th at Padua Hills Theatre in Claremont, Ca.? Where is the best place to shop for this type of dress for Size 16? Thank you!

A It all depends upon whether or not this is a black-tie wedding. Let's assume that five o'clock is a bit early for a black-tie wedding and that the wedding is what is called "cocktail attire." Meaning that you would wear either a dressy skirt-suit or a cocktail dress. As the mother-of-the bride sets the dress code for her gender and generation, ask her to e-mail you a photo of her outfit. If she doesn't have one, then ask her to explain it or ask to see it. Even if you just find out where she bought it, you can go on-line and look for it yourself, if you have a good description and the name of the designer. If you just have the name of the designer, you can go directly to the designer's Web site to find the outfit that fits the description of your niece's mother's outfit. Then look on that Web site to see where there is a store near you.

In general, a size 16 woman would wear a well-tailored dress with three-quarter length sleeves, a skirted dressy suit, or a dress with a matching jacket. Since I don't know your coloring, I would say to stick to beige, or darker shades of blue, green or burgundy. If you know that it is a dressy wedding, then shades of taupe or silver can be most flattering.

Women our size need to look for good quality in the fabric and design, as well as the experience of a good tailor to give us a bit of a nip to our non-existing waistline.

Not knowing the dress code for your niece's wedding, this is a rather general answer. Try going on-line to some of the major designers and stores for examples of the above suggestions and perhaps an outfit will catch your eye. Designers that I personally like for our size are: Carolina Herrera, Anne Klein, Dana Buchman, Max Mara, Donna Karan, A-K-R-I-S, Armani, and Eileen Fisher, to name just a few.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Five O'Clock: Philadelphia
Q I am invited to a 5:00 wedding in October at a beautiful historic building in Philadelphia. The wedding and reception are in the same location. The invitation does not specify the attire. I am 53 years old and have a pretty slender figure. I bought a 2 piece dark purple outfit that looks like a gown and drags on the floor in the back, i.e. slight train as is the current fashion. It has no sequins or beads and the top is very fitted with 3/4 length sleeves and a little low cut. The skirt is straight with a slight flare at the bottom. I am concerned that it is too dressy given the 5:00 hour. I am wondering if I should buy a short dressy dress instead.

A In my opinion, the outfit you describe is too formal for an informal wedding. When the invitation doesn't state Black Tie and the ceremony is at five o'clock, you would wear a dressy skirted dinner suit or a cocktail dress, not a long dress and especially not with a train of any length.

The reason there is no dress code on the invitation is because a five o'clock wedding is not formal. Your instincts were correct and I'm sure your dark purple outfit is stunning, but at this wedding the only woman wearing a long gown will be the bride. Do go out and buy yourself one of those chic draped cocktail dresses that falls just below the knees.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Five Thirty In Vegas
Q I am attending a wedding at 5:30 pm in Vegas. I have a right above the knee black satin dress kinda form fitting. What type of shoes, earrings and necklace if one is needed?

A Any sparkling, dangling earring that you would wear in the evening would be smashing. Strappy high heels are always fitting for a short black satin dress. They don't have to be black; silver or gold would work, too. Whether you wear a necklace or not would depend upon the earrings. If the earrings are significant, then skip the necklace, but you could wear a cocktail ring.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Five Thirty Wedding: Men
Q My daughter is having a wedding on October 4th at 5:30 pm in a small church in a small town. The groom is wearing a coat and tie. She wants the groomsmen to wear matching pants and white shirts with matching ties. Should they be wearing suits in a church at that time of year and time of day?

A No, the groom and groomsmen do not necessarily have to wear suits. They can wear navy blue blazers with gray flannel pants, dark belts, and dark socks with black Gucci-style loafers, along with collared white shirts and striped ties in the colors of the wedding colors. However, I would suggest that the fathers wear dark suits with solid colored ties in the wedding colors. As you no doubt know, the wedding couple usually chooses two colors, which become the color theme of the wedding; those two colors are played out in the bridesmaids' dresses, flowers, decor, and in the ties of the men in the bridal party. If it was a more formal wedding, starting after six o'clock, then all the men--in the bridal party as well as the guests--would wear dark suits or tuxedos. The dress code follows the formality of the wedding and visa versa.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Formal Five O'clock Wedding in Newport
Q We are attending a weekend wedding in Newport RI end of August; there are 2 occasions: rehearsal dinner on boat cruIse at 4:30...next day 5PM formal wedding at the Goat Island Marina.

What is the proper dress for both men and woman for these occassions? Thank You

A For the rehearsal dinner, if the invitation didn't state "Black-tie" or "Jacket and tie," then a male guest would wear either a blazer and khaki pants or a shirt with shorts; a woman would wear a skirt or slacks with a nice top. A lightweight sweater casually tied over the shoulders is always a practical good look. How dressed up you get really depends if the rehearsal dinner is on a sailboat or a dinner cruise boat. It could be either. Some of the dinner cruise boats are quite formal and a jacket and tie is de rigueur; however, the less formal boats are more relaxed. For the formal wedding, if the invitation states "Black-tie," it means that the man would wear a tuxedo or dark blue lightweight suit and the woman would wear a short, dressy cocktail dress. Five o'clock is really too early for a "formal" wedding, which is why, in my opinion, you would not be required to wear a tuxedo or a long evening dress. It is best in an ambiguous situation such as this that you talk to a member of the bridal party, who is also attending the rehearsal dinner, about the dress code.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Formal Garden Wedding: 2:30
Q I am attending a wedding in October. The church service is at 2:30 and the reception is in a tent at a formal garden. The invitation for this wedding is formal but states that women should wear appropriate shoes. Help!! I am at a loss as to what I should wear. I really appreciate any suggestions. By the way, this will be in Illinois.





A Early afternoon garden weddings--no matter how formal the gardens--are rarely formal, so you wouldn't wear a floor- length dress or shoes with high heels.

Even if the reception is in a tent, Illinois will be chilly in October at an outdoor wedding which means that you might want to consider a short dress with a sweater; or if you are older, you might opt for a pretty skirt suit that falls just below the knees. Other alternatives would be a long-sleeved dress that falls just below the knees or a sheath with a matching jacket or coat. By the way, an afternoon wedding is the perfect excuse to wear a wonderful hat that goes with your outfit.

Because you will be walking on either grass or pebbles--and remember most tents are not floored--you would wear beautiful pumps or a low heel. Pumps are very chic these days and you'll be right in style. If the ground is dry from lack of rain, heels should be fine, if they are not too pointy. On the other hand, if the ground is soft from a lot of rain, most heels will sink into the ground which is why your hosts are cautioning you not to wear your stilletos to their garden wedding. Beautiful boots paired with a short dress is the chic look this Fall, so if you can pull it off, do it.

As I don't know your age, build, or style, this is a rather general answer.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Formal Two O'Clock Wedding
Q Hello Didi,

One of my co-workers is getting married and the invitation says the the wedding is at 2:00 pm and the attire is formal.

What do I wear????

A If you are a woman, you would wear a very good cocktail dress. Don't wear a long dress because you'll feel silly in a long dress at that time of day. If you are a man, sadly, you'll have to wear a tuxedo, or at the very least a very dark suit with a white shirt and dark tie and shoes. Try to get away with the dark suit because you'll feel like a head waiter at that time of day in a tuxedo.

What kind of cocktail dress depends upon your age, build, the date, and location. If you've got a good figure and are under 45, you can wear a flirty cocktail dress that falls just above the knees. If you are more mature, then you would wear a skirt suit and dress it up with beautiful shoes and bag and real jewelry. The best thing about a two o'clock wedding is that you can wear a beautiful hat.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Formal: Five O'Clock: Atlanta
Q What do you wear to a 5 pm wedding in Atlanta in August; reception at a private club; formal invitation?

A Depending upon your gender, if you are a man, you would wear a tuxedo when the invitation is formal. South of the Mason-Dixon Line (which divides the North from the South, as any state south of Pennsylvania and Delaware is considered to be in the South), he also has the option in the warmer months to wear a white dinner jacket with black tuxedo pants, a collared white dress shirt, and a black bow tie, along with black leather shoes and black garter-length socks.

A woman would wear a dressy short dress, dinner suit, sheath with matching jacket, or blouse and skirt, that, depending upon her age, either falls just below her knees or just above her knees (if she is under fifty).

A five o'clock wedding, even though it says formal is not as formal as an eight o'clock wedding, which is why the woman probably wouldn't wear a floor-length dress to a wedding that starts before six o'clock. Since long dresses tend to make most women look dowdy, the option to wear a short dress is usually taken.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Four O'Clock Service
Q I am invited to a wedding with a 4:00 pm church service followed by a reception. I have heard that some women will change their dresses for the reception since the service is rather early and in a church. Do you know if it is typical to wear two different dresses?

A It depends upon the time of the reception. If the reception starts at seven o'clock or later and the dress code is formal, then you would change from an afternoon church outfit into a dress that you would wear to a dinner dance.

It is customary to change outfits when there is a time difference of several hours between the service and the reception. For instance, English church weddings are usually held at two or three o'clock, followed by a Black- Tie dinner dance that commences at 7:30 PM. As you can see, there are two different dress codes involved with a mid-afternoon wedding and an evening dinner dance. Since this service is at four o'clock, whether you change or not depends upon the starting time of the reception.

When the reception immediately follows the church service, you do not have to change your outfit. Depending upon your age, I would recommend wearing a flirty cocktail dress, if you are under 45. Otherwise, a dressy skirted suit that falls just below your knees or a dress with sleeves or a jacket would be appropriate. That way you can take off the jacket for the dancing.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Four O'Clock Wedding: Mother of the Bride
Q I would like to know if it is ok for me as the MOB to wear a mid-calf length dress. The bride has a very full cinderella type gown and bridesmaids are all wearing long dresses. I think the MOG wants to wear a long dress too. I am a size 0 petite and not quite 5' tall and feel I look better in a short versus long dress. The dress is navy silk sleeveless The wedding is 4PM early november in VA. The dress also comes in full length so I really could do either, what do you think?

Thank you,
Carol



A In my opinion, long dresses and tea length dresses are rather dreary and very dowdy looking on most women over the age of forty-five. For a four o'clock wedding the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom would look better in a dressy dinner suit, say, a silk suit that falls just below the knees in a soft color with nice details and dainty gold or silver heels. For a four o'clock wedding, I certainly wouldn't make the bridesmaids purchase long dresses. Why not have them wear a solid color, perhaps navy blue, short strapless dresses that they will be able to wear again and again, also with gold heels. I always think that at a four o'clock wedding the bride should be the only person wearing a long dress, as well as the only woman wearing white. The long dress look with the mothers and the bridesmaids, if it is not a candlelight eight o'clock dinner dance, is so over. Make it a chic four o'clock wedding and focus on the quality of a shorter designer outfit made of a better fabric, rather than having everybody wearing dreary long dresses that nobody will want to wear again. As for sleeveless, think of the wedding pictures. Unless your arms are incredibly toned from lifting weights or plastic surgery, upper arms on women over forty do not photograph well; when you see those wedding pictures, you might wish that you had worn a chic, dressy, fitted dinner suit to your daughter's wedding. My advice to you, especially if you are petite, is to stay away from that awful MOB look that most bridal shops try to sell and find an outfit that suits you and that you will wear again. Go with your gut: if you look better in a short dress, wear a short, chic suit that hits just below the knees and beautiful high heels.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Granada, Spain, November, Three O'Clock
Q What should I wear to a 3:00 PM wedding in Granada, Spain, in November? The reception is going to be outside, and the temp is 50's. Close friends and family only. I want to look hip and classy, but not freeze (I'm Texan). The mother of the bride is wearing a gown. I thought that was reserved for after 6. I'm 47. The bride is hip - music biz.

A Assuming you are a woman, you could wear a really good medium weight skirt suit, conservative, but trendy, with beautiful shoes and bag. That way, when you do go inside to dinner later, you can always take off the jacket for dancing, if you have a teddy or pretty shell on underneath the jacket. Alternatively, a straight short skirt with a long tailored jacket. It is hard to say which, because I don't know your height or build. Trust me, you do not want to be traipsing around Granada at three o'clock in the afternoon in a long dress.

My guess is that if this is like most European weddings, the afternoon ceremony and reception with champagne and cake will be followed later that evening with a seated dinner. Guests will probably retire and change clothes before rallying for a late dinner. With that in mind, you might want to pack a great wrap-dress (cocktail) dress, high heels, and a warm shawl to wear out to dinner.

A man would wear a medium weight dark suit with a beautiful striped collared shirt and tie, black shoes, belt, and socks.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride
Q What is appropriate for the grandmother of the bride to wear to an afternoon wedding?

A Whatever you do don't wear a long dress. Why not wear a lovely dressy silk suit with pretty buttons that falls just below the knees, matching shoes and bag, a beautiful hat and off-white kid gloves? Alternatively, you could wear a silk sheath with a matching jacket or coat, or a dress with long sleeves. Check with the bride about the wedding colors, because you wouldn't want to wear the same color dress as the bridesmaids. As I don't know your build or coloring or the style of the wedding, this is a very general answer. If you have a lovely brooch or pearl necklace, wear it.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride
Q Is it appropriate for a woman over 75 to wear a strapless formfitting formal dress to her granddaughter's wedding? (mermaid style)

A Women over a certain age tend to look dowdy in long dresses and unless her arms and abs are buff, she certainly wouldn't show bare arms and wear a skin tight dress. A dressy dinner suit that falls just below the knees is far more attractive, dignified, and elegant for the grandmother of the bride than the aging mermaid look. Alternatively, a dress with sleeves or a sheath with a jacket would be appropriate.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride
Q I am the grandmother of the bride who is having an outdoor wedding at 6 p.m. in July. She has not requested any particular style of dress. She said we can wear anything that will look good in the pictures and that is cool and comfortable. The reception is going to be a sit down affair inside. I don't do well for a long period of time in air conditioning, so I was thinking about something that has some type of sleeve in it. I recently lost 40lbs so my under arms are somewhat flabby. Her mother is wearing a long light blue dress. Her colors are dark blue and a brick or burnt orange so she said no red. Should I wear a long or short dress/suit? I have found several long dresses that have various types of jackets at Dillard's which I like. They are dressy but not formal wear and something I could wear again.

A I am not a huge fan of women over a certain age wearing long dresses because I feel that they make most of us look dowdy. I like the idea of a short dress with sleeves or a jacket, or a dressy skirt suit that falls just below the knees. Any shade of beige or taupe is always flattering for the mother or grandmother of the bride or groom. Sleeves are a blessing at most any age.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride
Q I am 60 years old and my granddaughter is having a church wedding at 3:00 on August. 1st. Is it appropriate for me to wear lavender, light weight, long sleeve, below the knee ensemble?? Also can you recommend shoe style??...Thank you.

A That sounds like the perfect ensemble for the grandmother of the bride. I would recommend good quality, beige, soft leather pumps with a slight heel. Sling-backs might be the most comfortable because you can adjust them as you see fit before the wedding. Alternatively, you can have a pair of satin sling- backs dyed to match the color of your outfit.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride
Q Could I as a 60-year-old grandmother wear black to granddaughters' wedding in august....3:00 p.m. church wedding??

A You could wear black to your granddaughter's church wedding in August, especially if the ceremony is taking place in a large city. Black can be hot in August and not all churches are air-conditioned, so you might want to opt for a dignified beige. Since I don't know your coloring or build, this is a rather general answer. Most big city churches are air-conditioned these days, so you might be absolutely fine in black, just be sure to wear beautifully soft black shoes with your black outfit.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Bride: Three O'Clock Service
Q My granddaughter is getting married at 3 in the afternoon. Her mother will be wearing a long dress and of course the bridesmaids. The other grandmothers are wearing pant suits or something with pants - is that appropriate? I really hate to invest in a dress because I never wear them. Her colors are champagne and brown. I currently have a brown suit I am thinking of wearing - it has both pants and a skirt with it. The jacket is called a cardigan cut - it looks fairly dressy.

A Do wear the brown suit with the skirt. I'm not a huge fan of women over a certain age wearing pants or long dresses. As the grandmother of the bride, you want to look dignified.

It would be nice if you could soften up the brown suit with a lovely beige hat. Hats are great for three o'clock weddings. A pretty hat would give your brown suit a fresh look.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother of the Groom
Q My grandson is getting married August 23rd. The attendants are wearing royal blue and silver. I would like to know if it would be ok if I could wear a navy blue long dress. The dress is sleeveless but has a jacket. My concern is if navy blue would be too dark for an August wedding. Mother of the bride and groom are wearing silver. I most likely will accent it with pearl jewelry and light shoes. Please reply ASAP. Thank you

A It would be fine to wear a sleeveless long navy dress with a matching jacket. Don't be concerned about navy blue being too dark for an August wedding. Navy blue is a very chic summer color. The white of the pearls will summer-it-up. What I am not happy about are the light shoes. It would be far better to wear navy blue shoes, or even black. Never wear light colored shoes with a dark dress, unless they are a metallic silver or gold.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Grandmother Wants to Wear Pantsuit
Q The bride is getting married in November in a small evening non-church wedding. The bride's mother is battling with the bride's grandmother (who is 85 years old) over the grandmother's insistence on wearing a pants suit -- not a dress -- to the ceremony. The grandmother hasn't worn a dress in 30 years and does not wish to start now (and there are mobility issues for her that preclude being able to put on pantyhose). The bride's mother is insisting that Grandma wear a dress and heels in the wedding party's colors (the color choice is also an issue for the grandmother). How would you rule on this?



A Since this does not appear to be a particularly formal wedding, the grandmother doesn't have to conform strictly to formal attire. Perhaps instead of a tailored pantsuit, the grandmother can compromise by wearing a lovely soft flowing skirtpant (wide legged soft pants), or a long skirt, topped off by a beautiful blouse or tunic. It is important for the grandmother to be comfortable and mobile because it will be a long night for her. It is also possible to find soft decorated flat shoes made of a dressy fabric, an equally dressy clutch, and a soft shawl to wear as accessories. Because the grandmother would be compromising by wearing something closer to a long skirt or pantaloon than a trouser, the mother might compromise by letting her wear a color of her choice. The grandmother does not necessarily have to wear the wedding colors. She can wear a color, or colors, within the palette of the wedding colors. For instance, if the wedding colors are blue and yellow, the grandmother could wear a moss green. Have the grandmother and the mother make a deal in which they both make compromises. You might also remind them that the wedding is not about either of them; that the wedding is all about the daughter and her groom, both of whom will pick up on the unpleasantness of this situation if it isn't resolved amicably and quickly. Good etiquette is all about compromise, compassion and consideration, so make it work. As you know, the mother and grandmother are role models for the daughter; how they handle the situation will teach the daughter the importance of compromise - a lesson that she will surely need to know going into marriage.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom + Groomsmen
Q Is it okay for the groom and groomsmen to wear beige to a morning wedding in a church in August or is the black tux more appropriate?

A In my opinion, beige suits would not be appropriate because there are so many different shades of beige. Think ahead to the wedding photos where the various different shades of beige will be evident and you might then wish that you had gone with a dark color. Why not have all the men wear navy blue blazers with cream colored pants, white collared shirts with a striped tie in the wedding colors? The older men, say, the fathers of the wedding couple, could then have the option of wearing a navy blue light-weight suit with white or blue collared shirts and solid ties in one of the wedding colors. With this slightly more casaual look you would want to designate the shoes so that all the men wear, say, black Gucci-style loafers or a less casual brown loafer. The color of the belt would, of course, match the color of the shoes. The groom's present to his groomsmen could then be the wedding tie, belt, or shoes of the dress code.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom + Groomsmen: Braces + Suspenders
Q At my daughter's outdoor wedding, she has a very formal wedding dress. The groom and his groomsmen do not want to wear tuxedos. They will be wearing black pants, colored shirts to match the dresses and a painted tie (done by the groom). I have suggested that wearing silk suspenders would look nice. Would that be appropriate, are suspenders in sytle? Thanks

A What? No jackets? The groom and groomsmen do not have to wear tuxedos, but unless this is a Texas hoedown, the men should wear jackets. The key to a chic wedding is choosing a style and sticking to it. If the bride is wearing a very formal wedding dress and the men are not wearing tuxedos, then I suggest that the men wear either navy blue blazers with cream colored pants and a tie with the wedding colors, or navy blue or black suits with colored shirts and the painted ties. If the men are wearing jackets, then by all means, it would be appropriate for them to wear suspenders. The only hitch, not to pun, is that some men are not comfortable wearing suspenders. Another thing is that not all pants have the waistband to accommodate suspenders, so you would have to be sure that all the men order the same trousers. At a very formal wedding, either all the men in the bridal party would wear suspenders or, alternatively, belts the same color as their shoes. Perhaps the best man should take a poll of the groomsmen to find out how many are in favor of suspenders (or braces, as they are also called) and how many are not. If only the groom wants to wear braces, he can wear braces and the groomsmen can all wear belts the color of their shoes, which presumably would be black and worn with black socks. Remember that the painted ties would perhaps be best matched with a solid color suspender.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom: Seersucker Suit
Q My son will be getting married April 24, 2009, it will be an outdoor wedding, bridesmaids will wear tea-length, but the bride will be in a long gown, he wants to wear a seersucker suit, is this proper, or would a tux be more appropriate?


A If it is not a black-tie wedding and the ceremony is performed in the afternoon in a warm climate, then your son can wear a seersucker suit with white bucks, gray socks, a white shirt and a solid color tie. The wedding couple usually choose one or two colors as the wedding colors; his tie would be one or two of those colors.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom's Father's Attire
Q I am father of the groom and not in the wedding party, per se. Must I wear a tux or can I wear a nice suit? My son is no help.

A If the father of the bride is wearing a tuxedo, he is your reference for dress code. You might feel more comfortable if you dressed up, rather than feeling awkward underdressed. Get the name of the tuxedo shop where your son is renting his tuxedo and go in and ask because the men usually use the same place for their tuxedos so that they all match. A good rental shop will have the wedding registered and be able to tell you what the men will be wearing. Also, the time of day of the wedding tells you whether or not you should wear a tuxedo because evening weddings can well be black tie, meaning tuxedos. If you still don't have a clue, pick up the telephone and call the bride's mother.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom's Mom Wants to Wear Pants to Wedding
Q Would it be proper for the mother of the groom to wear a dressy pant outfit to the wedding?

A No, a dressy pant outfit to your son's wedding would not be appropriate unless you are a cross-dresser and don't care that people know.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest in Florida + White Shoes
Q I will be attending a wedding in Tampa, FL, on March 4th. What is appropriate dress? I am from MI and don't wear white shoes or handbag until after Memorial Day. Is it okay in FL since it will be about 80 degrees to wear summer dresses and white shoes or sandals?

A Yes, the wearing of white is determined by the climate because white is easier to wear in the heat than darker colors.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest Register
Q What would be the appropriate attire for the guest registrar to wear at the wedding?

A It would depend upon the dress code of the wedding and the gender of the guest registrar. If the person is a man, he might wear a dark suit, white shirt, black shoes and socks, the tie would fit in with the color scheme of the wedding, and he would wear either a boutonniere or a white handkerchief in his jacket breast pocket, but not both. A woman might wear a well- cut skirt suit with one of the wedding flowers pinned above her left breast.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: 3:00 PM Ceremony
Q Urgent! I need help! I am a female who has been invited to a 3:00 wedding at a Presbyterian church in Williamsburg, VA, with the reception at a country club at 5:00. The invitation does not mention anything on the attire, but it is written in script and in black ink. I have bought 2 different dresses. With the style being long dresses now- a-days, would a long dress be inappropriate to wear to this wedding or should I go for the shorter dress?


A You would not wear a long dress to a three o'clock wedding because you would feel silly. Most women look dowdy in long dresses. These days shorter dresses are the way to go.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: 4:30 in the Park
Q Hi Didi,
4:30 pm wedding at a park, followed by reception at the Museum of Science in Minneapolis. Young-looking grandmother and very young-looking aunts (fit and healthy and appearing ageless) as well as two uncles wonder what we should wear. Read your column, which you suggested more specific info would glean more specific suggestions. Thanks for this wonderful service!
Very sincerely,
Kay Metherell
director@silverstar.com

A Assuming that this is a summer wedding since the ceremony is taking place in a park, you would not wear formal attire. On the contrary, the women would wear great day dresses, perhaps cotton sundresses with strappy sandals and the men would wear light colored slacks and jackets with collared shirts and colorful ties, and brown shoes, but not necessarily socks.

More specifically for the women, pretty, cheerful dresses or skirts with beautiful blouses. The length would be just below the knees or above the knees. Less of a tailored Ralph Lauren style and more of a flirty, festive look. Because I don't know your builds or coloring, this is a really general answer.

You might also think about the weather, because if it's been raining a lot, you wouldn't want to wear heels that are too high because they will sink right into the moist earth. It can still be sunny and hot at 4:30 PM, so a straw hat with a colorful band of flowers would be the perfect look for a late afternoon wedding in the park.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: Beach in the Fall
Q My husband and I are attending a 4:00 wedding on the beach this weekend. Although we are in the South, it is going to be quite chilly. I have a brown sweater dress that I thought I might wear with tights and heels. Do you think that would be appropriate? If not, any suggestions are welcome!

A Instead of the heels, which might sink into the sand making it difficult for you to keep your balance, why not wear a beautiful pair of soft, tall boots.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: Five O'Clock Church Ceremony
Q Can my husband wear a medium wheat to light brown colored jacket with dark pants to a 5 pm church wedding in VA (Aug. 29)? and would a black dress be an appropriate color for me to wear? I wear a size 16W.

Thank you.

A If the jacket is a good cut and made of high quality material, the medium wheat to light brown jacket should be fine; however, instead of the dark pants, he should wear a pair of lightweight grey flannels. If he would rather wear the dark pants, then he should wear a darker color jacket.

It is quite fashionable to wear a black dress to a five o'clock wedding, as long as it is not a long dress. You might want to lighten up the all black look with a pearl necklace and pearl earrings.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: Five O'Clock Church Ceremony and Country Club Reception
Q I have been invited to a wedding in South Carolina in September. The ceremony is at 5:00 p.m. in a church; the reception is at a country club at 6 p.m. The wedding website calls for "formal" attire, not specifically black tie. I was planning on wearing a black cocktail dress with spaghetti straps. The top is lace over nude illusion, with a few black crystals sewn on here andd there. The skirt is knee-length black chiffon and there is a cummerbund waist. I was going to wear strappy black sandals and take a pashmina for the service. Is this too over the top? I am about 5'9", 127 lbs., and 40 years old. I have been told that southern weddings are much more informal than weddings here in the northeast--and I have no one to ask, because I am going as a guest! Thank you so much!

A Your dress sounds fine. If not a bit busy, between the spaghetti straps, the lace over nude illusion, and the black crystals. At least it isn't a mini-skirt. It sounds as if there is a lot going on in that little dress, especially when you add the pashmina and whatever jewelry you decide to wear.

I like a silk chiffon dress with a flirty knee length skirt for country club dancing. What I am not sure about is the nude lace illusion combined with the spaghetti straps and the crystals. It sounds a bit much for a six o'clock country club wedding reception. There is just too much going on. It is too bad that you have to use the pashmina in the church because of the spaghetti straps.

Personally, I would rethink the outfit. Try to simplify your look by wearing a more classic silk chiffon dress that doesn't have quite so much going on. For instance, It would be better to wear a nice piece of real jewelry, rather than have crystals on the dress.

The dress that you described is over the top. It would be better suited for a black-tie formal dinner starting at eight o'clock. I think you would feel more comfortable in both the church and at the country club if you were wearing a plainer, and slightly more dignified silk chiffon dress.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: Four O'Clock Winery Wedding
Q What would you wear to a 4:00 pm semi-formal early September wedding held at an outdoor winery in central California if you were a 40-year -ld female? I was thinking black pant suit with a light shawl.

A Since I don't know your crowd, this is a rather personal answer.

You could certainly get away with wearing a black pant suit with a light shawl to an outdoor wedding at a California winery, but you might find that you'll have more fun in more festive attire. A beautiful silk tunic with pants or a festive blouse and skirt, both with strappy sandals, would be far and away more fun to wear to a winery wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: Four Thirty Coastal Wedding
Q My husband and I will be attending a 4:30 wedding on Sat., Sept. 19. The wedding will be in church with dinner and dancing to follow at a Coastal location, possibly outside. What is the appropriate dress for both of us? The invitation is sort of formal in appearance.

A I apologize for not getting back to you sooner but I've been away in Bar Harbor, Maine, at a family burial.

To get back to you. If the invitation doesn't specify that the dress code is "Black Tie," then you are off the hook about having to get all gussied-up, which means that your husband won't have to wear a tuxedo. He can wear a navy blue blazer and grey flannels pants with a collared shirt, black leather belt and shoes, and dark socks. Tie of his choice. Alternatively, a dark grey or dark navy blue suit would be quite suitable.

It also means that you won't have to wander around in a dreary long dress. Wear what you would wear if you were going to an upscale restaurant. According to your age, a cocktail dress or skirted dinner suit would be appropriate. The younger you are, the flirty and shorter the dress. The older you are, the more tailored and dignified the dinner suit or sleeved dress, with an emphasis on quality of construction and fabric.

Since I don't know which coast you're on, it is hard for me to gauge the weather. In the Northeast, if you're not wearing a dressy skirt suit or a dress with a matching jacket, you'll need a dressy sweater here, because at 4:30 PM it is about 60 degrees.

Since the invitation is "sort of formal in appearance," dress well and dignified, but simply. No flashy colors, print, or sequins. Do wear good quality jewelry, shoes, and clutch bag, if you have them.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: Men in Black
Q Is a black shirt and pants with a white tie and grey linen jacket appropriate for a Sunday lunch wedding reception, at the Bedford Post Inn Farmhouse restaurant - private ceremony took place on a different day?

A In my opinion, if this is a country Sunday wedding reception, a black shirt and black pants sound rather dreary. In winter that would be fine, but I am assuming that this reception is this spring or summer. A seersucker suit with white bucks might be more appropriate. Alternatively, a navy blue blazer with cream or colored slacks, or a light weight navy or grey suit would be most fitting for the occasion. Of course, a white shirt and a colorful tie would work with all three.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: Monogrammed Shirt
Q A debate is going on amongst my co-workers whether or not a man should wear a monogrammed shirt to a family function, such as a wedding. He will also be wearing a jacket, he is a guest and not a member of the wedding party.

A There is nothing wrong with wearing a monogrammed shirt to a family function. Some people have all of there shirts monogrammed.

Others would be upset to see the monogram on the cuffs of the shirtsleeves, but I find it amusing.

Sorry, but I don't understand why this is up for debate.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: October Outdoors
Q What do you wear to a four o'clock wedding that is outside in October?

A It would depend upon your gender, build, age, and the climate at that location. Therefore, this is a rather general answer since I don't know the dress code or the location of the wedding.

If you are a man and the wedding is in a relatively mild climate, you would wear a classic, two-button cotton poplin, dark suit with flat front pants, or a navy blue blazer with dress khaki pants or grey flannels. With either of these outfits, you would wear a white, long-sleeved, collared shirt that is not buttoned down, a silk tie, with a dark leather belt and shoes, and dark socks.

If you are a woman, you would wear a dress with sleeves that falls just below your knees, with a light sweater. If you are of a certain age, you would wear a skirt suit or a dress with a matching jacket. Since you might be walking on grass outside, you will need to wear shoes that don't sink into the ground if the soil underneath the grass is damp from previous rain. A beautiful pair of pumps or low heeled shoes should be fine, along with a clutch bag, and a good piece of jewelry. I'm a big fan of hats at outdoor weddings, so if you have one that matches your outfit, this is the time to wear it.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: White Evening Dress
Q I have been invited to a formal wedding in early April. I have a georgeous winter white evening gown with beading across the bodice that I just love. Is it inappropriate to wear a white gown to a wedding?

A I am terribly sorry, but you aren't going to like my answer. As a guest, you cannot wear white to a wedding. The only woman wearing white at a wedding is the bride. You will be making a horrendous faux pas, if you wear a white dress to a wedding. The other advice I can give you is not to wear an evening gown. The long dress look at weddings is so over. The only time you would wear an evening gown to a wedding would be for an eight o'clock formal wedding. Then I still wouldn't. Most women over a certain age look dowdy in a long dress. I don't know your age, your build, or the time of the wedding but depending upon those three, why not wear a short flirty chiffon dress, or if you are over a certain age, why not wear a really dressy dinner suit that has a skirt that falls just below your knees and lots of good jewelry.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: Woman: Five O'Clock at a Yacht Club
Q My grandson is having an outdoor wedding at a yacht club in July. It will be at 5:00 p.m. I am 81 years old and am wondering what to wear.
Thank you,
Bonnie Garrison

A A good summer suit or skirt with a coordinating jacket. A dress with a lovely thin cardigan would work, as well. The length would fall just below your knees and you would wear practical low-heeled, soft shoes or flats that you've worn in. If you do wear stockings or panty hose, make sure that the color is as light as your skin and not darker. Good opaque hose will cover any slight imperfections in skin tone. Then accessories with a couple of pieces of your very best jewelry. For instance, pearls and your favorite brooch. Most importantly, you can wear a chic, but dignified, hat.

If you are heavy set, then wear navy blue or beige.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: Woman: Ten O'Clock AM at Ski Resort
Q How would you suggest a guest should dress at a 10 a.m. wedding, being held at a ski resort in February? The invitation doesn't suggest much in the way of a dress code, but the invitation itself is quite non-traditional in nature, so I'm guessing it won't be too formal an affair.

A It depends upon whether the ceremony is outdoors or in. Believe it or not, wedding couples do get married on the tops of mountains and ski down to the reception in the lodge. My guess is to wear your best ski or apres ski clothes, which would include anything with fur. Fur boots, fur-lined vest, fur muff, fur hat. Be dressed warmly enough to stand the outdoor cold, but chic enough to look festive in the photos. If you've ever wanted to look like a "snow bunny," this is the time. Should you not wear fur, black leggings, a beautiful, soft sweater and hat along with apres ski boots would be just as chic.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: Women In Black
Q Would a dressy black sleeveless dress (knee-length - age 52) along with my pearls be appropriate to wear to a 7 p.m. plantation wedding in Nashville? The Bridesmaids are wearing black short after 5 dresses and heels. Is is in poor taste for a guest (myself) to wear black also? Our dresses nowhere near are the same.
Thanks!

A It is quite trendy to wear a short black dress to a wedding these days and you are fine doing so; however, because you do not want to look as though you are trying to compete with the young bridesmaids, you might want to wear a pashmina or scarf of another color on/off your shoulders to identify yourself as not part of the wedding party. You might even want to wear red, silver, or gold evening shoes, as opposed to black.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: Women In Red
Q is it appropriate to wear a sleeveless above the knee red dress to your sister-in-law's wedding?

A It would depend upon your build as to whether or not that bright red dress is appropriate or not for your sister-in-law's wedding. If you have knobby knees and oversized legs, then I would wear a dress that falls just below your knees. If you have flabby upper arms, then I would say you should wear a dress with short or three-quarter-length sleeves.

As to the color red, traditionally, you wouldn't wear red because it is the "look at me" color. When everyone should be looking at the bride in elegant white, you'll be stealing the show in your drop-dead gorgeous red dress. Red is not the best color to wear to a wedding because it is so eye catching and. therefore, it is perceived as a "look at me" color.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: Women: Shoes
Q My husband and I are attending a 5 pm wedding in Savannah Georgia. The wedding will be in a church. The invitation states formal attire requested at the bottom. I purchased a coral skirt suit to wear and my husband is wearing a sort of mingly grey suit.

My questions: Is this appropriate attire? What color shoes to wear?

A Black satin open-toed sling-back heels would work nicely. You could wear black patent leather shoes, if they were delicate, otherwise if clunky, they might look at bit like Halloween. Since coral is such a strong color, the black satin would be softer, more elegant than black leather. If you have beautiful beige, soft leather shoes, that would be my first choice.

Is this appropriate attire? If your husband wears a white collared shirt with a silk tie and black shoes, then he would be fine. If the invitation doesn't specifically state Black Tie, then what you've both chosen sounds perfect. The dress code is stated as formal because they want to be sure that the men wear a tie and jacket.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guest: 6:00 pm at Southern Baptist Church
Q I am 56, my neice is getting married in a southern baptist church at 6:00 pm, April '09. Can I wear a spring floral tea-length skirt? or should I wear something darker. I am 5-2 and about 140 lbs., white/silver hair Thanks Cathy

A Cathy, in my opinion, most women look dowdy in longish skirts and dresses. Go with a more tailored look that will flatter your figure. For instance, a dress with a matching jacket or a dressy suit, both of which would fall just below your knees and have a nipped waist to show off your form. A tailored dress with short or three quarter length sleeves would also be appropriate. You can wear a hat to the church and leave in your car when you go into the reception. A spring floral dress or skirt that falls just below your knees sounds fine, though a solid color or subtler pattern or texture might be more sophisticated, especially in April. For solid spring colors, blues, reds, and greens are always good with white/silver hair.

If your skirt is silk and you have a gorgeous solid silk blouse, you could certainly wear them with pretty high heels, although I think a more coordinated look will elongate your silhouette.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guests Wearing White or Light Cream
Q Is it improper for a guest to where white or light cream to a wedding?

A It is not proper for a guest to wear white or light cream to a wedding. Respect the bride who will be wearing white, or a shade of white, by letting her be the only woman wearing white. It is a matter of respect.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guests: Hats
Q My niece is getting married on June 26 at 6:15 in The Gardens of Elizabeth Chaney Mansion, attire is formal. Mother of bride, aunts (including me) are wearing black knee-length dresses. My dress is a strapless chiffon, I have found a black chiffon wide brim hat. Would it be acceptable for me to wear it?

A I went to the Elizabeth Chaney Mansion Web site to try to imagine a middle-aged women in a strapless, black chiffon dress wearing a wide brimmed black chiffon hat dancing in the ballroom, and I can't see. If you kiss the bridal party in the receiving line and greet longtime friends with a peck on the check, you'll, literally, have to hold on to your hat. With formal attire it is fun to be creative, but less is more. If the dress code for the wedding is short black dresses, it is a chic wedding. I want you to be dressed appropriately. Think of the wedding photos. Will they say, "Who is the woman in the big black hat on the dance floor?"

I understand that you want to dress up your dress. You can do so with other accessories: for instance, a necklace consisting of three strands of pearls along with pearl and diamond earrings, which don't have to be real. You can also drape a lovely scarf over your shoulders while sitting at sunset outside to warm yourself from the chill of the oncoming night, then use it playfully seated at dinner and on the dance floor.

One last point--and it is a big one. Will you feel awkward doing the two-step on the dance floor in a wide brimmed hat?
Why not wear the hat to the ceremony and then leave it in the cloak room before going into the reception.

At English wedding ceremonies, which are usually held at two o'clock, women usually wear hats, but the reception is hours later and those women have had time to change into evening attire after putting away their hats. Many older women wear hats to formal occasions, but they are fitted to the head and brimless.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Guests: Six O'Clock Wedding
Q Hello. Thanks for this site! We're going to a 6 pm wedding in California one hour from Los Angeles. The weather gets cooler around 7 and it's at a country club. The invitation was formalish. What does a mum wear (42), 5'.4" build? Dad (50), kids teen girl 16 and boy 12. Thanks in advance for your response...

A If the dress code doesn't specify "Black Tie," then you are off the hook about having to wear a long dress. You can wear a flirty cocktail dress that falls just above your knees. Your husband can wear a dark suit with dark socks, shoes and belt, but a very good, striped collared shirt with a coordinating tie.

As for the teen girl, she can wear what she would wear to a dance. In other words a fun dress, that isn't glittery but reflects her own style. The boy would wear a navy blue blazer with dress khaki pants, a collared shirt and tie of his choice. Brown loafers with navy blue or khaki socks would be fine.

By the way, since I don't know the details of the wedding (such as the dress code or location), this is a rather general answer.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: How Does Woman Dress for Black Tie Wedding
Q What type dress should I wear to a black tie wedding? Must it be long???

A No, you do not have to wear a long dress to a black tie wedding, but you might not want to wear pants, no matter how dressy. You might wear whatever you would wear to any occasion where the invitation states black tie: silk sheath with pearls, dinner suit, cocktail dress, three-quarter length flirty dress, satin strapless short dress. Don't forget an evening bag, pretty shoes for dancing, and good jewelry.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Invitation
Q Can you ask for dress code on wedding invitations?

A The style and form of the wedding invitation says a lot about the kind of wedding the bride and groom hope it will be. If the invitation follows a formal format and does not say "Black Tie," than it is assumed that it is semiformal and the dress code is that one wears one's best clothes. For men, that would mean a dark suit, collared shirt, tie, dark shoes and socks; for a woman it means a dressy dinner suit or dress, with pretty shoes, bag, and, possibly, a great hat. If the wedding is informal, the invitation will reflect that style; black tie would not be listed as the attire. If the ceremony is in a church or temple, guests will assume that the dress code, at the very least, is what one would wear to a religious holiday service. On the other hand, an invitation to a wedding on the beach in Nantucket, pretty much tells the guest the dress code: Dress Casual. If you are concerned that the format and/or style of your invitation does not give guests enough information about the dress code, than by all means, tell them what you want them to wear in the lower right hand corner of the invitation, or centered directly under the last line of the invitation: Black Tie, Dress Casual, Cocktail Attire, Semi-Casual. Traditionally, an invitation would only state the dress code if it is Black Tie.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Invitation: Levels of Formality
Q My fiance and I are starting to work on our wedding details, slowly but surely, and we have some family members who we have now seen at a few weddings wear jeans or other inappropriate clothing. What is the appropriate way to set a dress code for those who might not know what's appropriate?

A The level of formality, or informality, of the wedding invitation dictates the dress code. If you want guests to wear tuxedos and evening dresses, then you have the words "Black Tie" printed in the lower right corner of the invitation. On a less formal invitation, when you want to be sure that the men wear ties and jackets you can put "Jacket & Tie."

So, if you have an elegant or traditional invitation then the guest will get the picture that he needs to wear a dark suit and white shirt and tie. If you send an informal information that is not as traditional, then expect guests to dress informally.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Junior Bridesmaid + Bridesmaid's Age
Q First I must apologize because two minutes ago I was trying to write an email to you and by mistake I sent it without any content.

My sister is getting married and someone said bridemaids need to be of a certain age. I have never heard such thing and would appreciate it if you could confirm it.

Thanks and good luck with your book!!

Elizabeth

A Thank you for your kind words.

A junior bridesmaid is usually a younger sister, stepsister, or cousin of the bride or groom who is between nine and thirteen years of age. In other words, if a girl is old enough to be in high school, she would be a regular bridesmaid. This probably has as much to do with dress style as anything. A tween might not yet have the figure to carry off wearing most bridesmaid's dresses, as they tend to be strapless and have a nipped waist.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Marrying Child's Father
Q I am getting married for the first time and have a child by the man I am about to marry. Is it proper for me to wear a white wedding dress? Thanks!

A Yes, of course, my dear, you can wear a white dress. However, you might not want to wear a long dress with a cathedral train or a full-length veil. Instead, you might wear an elegant, long white simple dress with a short veil.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Matron of Honor
Q Hello,

My sister-in-law is getting married in an intimate garden ceremony in Rhode Island. I was asked to be the maid of honor and I happily accepted -- I'm absolutely honored that she asked me. When I asked her what I was going to wear she told me that it didn't matter, she didn' want me to go out and spend a bunch of money on fancy clothing since she wasn't going to. Since then she has bought a simple white gown with a small train. She hasn't mentioned what I should wear and I'm getting nervous since the wedding was planned in six weeks and we are about 2 weeks away from the wedding date. The ceremony is on June 28 at 1 pm (there will be a large informal party in early August). The groom and the best man are in the Navy and will be wearing their dress whites. The flowers will be mini calla lilies (various shades/bi-color -- mango, yellow, etc). There will be at most 15 people attending (this includes the wedding party, guests, photographer & justice of the peace). My question is: What should I wear? I have no idea what is appropriate to wear as a maid of honor in this situation. Also, my daughter was asked to be the flower girl -- when I asked her what my daughter should wear I was given a similar answer. What should my daughter wear? I'm 27 years old and I've never been in this position before -- I'm really nervous and not sure what I should do. I really do not want to offend anyone by overdressing or underdressing for the occasion. Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated!

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I look forward to your response!

A Why not wear a mango and/or yellow sheath dress, as those are your sister-in-law's wedding colors? The dress should fall just above or at your knees. If you cannot find a sheath dress, which is a dress in cotton, linen, or silk that has a slightly scooped neckline and no sleeves, another good choice would be a short strapless dress, with or without spaghetti straps. Alternatively, a cotton sundress would also be appropriate. Just make sure that the dress is short and snappy and in a solid color. If you cannot find yellow or mango, you can certainly wear navy blue, light blue, any shade of green, or any color that works well with mango and yellow. You don't want to wear white because only the bride wears white at a wedding. Your daughter can wear a party dress that she already has keeping in mind the wedding colors. If she has a long plain dress, you can always sew little yellow artificial flowers, such as daisies, on to the dress and/or sash. Find a small basket with a handle and fill it with daisies or rose petals which your daughter can distribute. Or certainly she could just carry a small bouquet of fresh daisies. By the way, if you are married or have been married, you are the matron of honor, not the maid of honor, because the maid of honor has never been married and doesn't have children.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Medieval Fantasy Attire
Q I have received a wedding invitation which includes a rather unusual request. The theme of the wedding is medieval/fantasy and guests are to dress accordingly. The wedding will take place outside in a wooded area at 7:30 pm. What in the world should I wear?

A You can call it creative black tie, you can call it festive dress, whatever you call it, the wedding sounds fabulous. As I don't know your gender, I would say that the dress code would be Maid Marion and Robin Hood, or Sir Lancelot and Guinevere. Since you'll most likely be sitting in pews consisting of a series of logs, you would want to dress comfortably. I don't mind men in green tights and suede jackets, and I love wearing a festive skirt, a pretty peasant blouse that shows cleavage, beads, and strappy sandals. Sir Galahad and King Arthur would be good looks, but nobody wants to wear chain mail. And then of course there is the court jester.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men and Woman: New Carolina
Q I am invited to a 6:30 pm wedding, indoors in NC...at a hotel. What is the proper attire?

A You can tell the formality of a wedding by looking carefully at the invitation to figure out just how formal to dress. If the invitation is engraved with formal wording on heavy paper and the words "Black Tie" are in the lower right hand corner, you know that you will have to wear a tuxedo or dressy cocktail dress because the time is after six o'clock and there is probably a seated dinner reception following the wedding. When the invitation is printed on decorative stock with less formal wording, then you can assume that cocktail attire is appropriate.

Since I don't know your gender, age, or build, this is a rather general answer. "Proper attire" for a wedding is always a tie and jacket for the man and a dress for the woman, what you need to find out is if the wedding is black-tie or not, because if it is, the man would wear a tuxedo and the woman a dressy cocktail dress with her best pearls.

Assuming that the wedding is not black-tie, the man would wear either a dark, lightweight summer suit with a collared shirt and tie, and dark shoes and socks, or in summer a navy blue blazer with white or colored pants. She would wear a flirty cocktail dress, if she is under fifty, or a dress with sleeves, a dressy dinner suit, or sheath with a matching jacket.

When in doubt, e-mail or phone someone else that you know is attending the wedding and say, "What are you all wearing to Jan and Tad's wedding?" Through the grape vine, or by talking to members of the wedding party, you will be able to find out the dress codes, if it has not been stated on the invitation.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men and Woman: New Orleans
Q Hi..I am 53. My son will be getting married mid-Sept...probably mid-morning or early evening in New Orleans, Louisiana. I don't have a clue as to what to wear! Please help!

A In order to give you a good answer, I need to know your gender, build, and the dress code in order to determine the formality of the wedding. This is a rather general answer for a morning wedding, to which you would wear a dark suit (father of the groom), or a tailored skirt suit (mother of the groom), a dress with a matching jacket, or dress with sleeves, if the ceremony is in a church. For a late afternoon wedding, you would wear cocktail attire, which also means a dark suit (man) or a knee-length cocktail dress or dressy dinner suit (woman). Even though the wedding is being held in New Orleans, most wedding facilities are air conditioned, so you will want to be able to cover your arms.

Once you know the time of day of the ceremony and reception, then you will have a better idea of what to wear. Morning weddings usually mean "best Sunday church clothes," whereas a late afternoon is more apt to be cocktail attire. Start by finding out if the afternoon wedding is black-tie, then you will know whether or not you have to wear a tuxedo (man), or a more dressier dress (woman).

The groom should find out the dress code for the wedding because he'll need to know just how formal or informal to dress himself. You'll also be able to tell by the invitation: the more formal the invitation, the more formal the wedding. For instance an engraved invitation on heavy stock with formal wording will tell you that it is a fairly formal wedding; then you just have to go by the time of day to figure out the dress code. If the invitation is informal with informal wording, then you'll know that the wedding will be informal, too.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men Family Members
Q What should the groom's and bride's fathers wear...do they have to wear a tuxedo? Also what should the groom's and bride's grandfathers wear?

A What the wedding couples' fathers and grandfathers wear would depend upon the formality of the wedding. The men's dress code is set by the groom, so you would have to ask him. If it is a formal wedding and the invitation states "Black Tie," they would wear tuxedos. However, tuxedos have become less fashionable as the dress code for most wedding these days. Especially for weddings that take place in the spring, summer, and fall and do not take place in cities. The trend right now is either dark suits or navy blue blazers with either gray flannels, white linen, or good khaki pants. I would also have to know more about the wedding, the location, the time of year and day, in order to give you a precise answer. For instance, bridesmaids in long dresses are not fashionable these days, nor are tuxedos on the ushers, so you would take your dress code cue from the bridal party. If the groom is wearing a tuxedo, then the fathers of the wedding couple and grandfathers of the wedding couple would wear formal attire as well. If the groom is wearing a dark suit, they would follow suit.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men: Seersucker
Q I am going to a wedding in Savannah GA. the last week of July. It will be hot and muggy, but the wedding is at 6:30 which is a evening event, even though the sun will still be bright. Is it ok to still wear my Seer Sucker suit??

A In my opinion, seersucker is too informal for an evening wedding. Remember that the South tends to be more formal than the North. You wouldn't wear a seersucker suit to an evening wedding. You will find that most men will be in white linen suits. You need not worry too much about the heat because everything in the South is air-conditioned and no one living in the South would plan an outdoor wedding at the peak of the summer. Assuming that you are a man, if you don't want to purchase a linen suit for the occasion, you could wear a linen jacket or a lightweight navy blue blazer with cream colored or white slacks.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men: Seersucker Sutit
Q Can my husband wear a seersucker suit and white bucks to a 6 pm wedding in Charleston SC on April 25?

A I would say that the attire he has chosen would work better for a wedding held earlier in the day.

When in doubt, he should ask one of the male members of the wedding party. Since I want him to do the right thing and not be the only man in a seersucker suit, he needs to ask your/his male friends; or you need to ask your girlfriends. If other men are wearing it, then he should go for it.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men: Shoes
Q Didi! Help! We are wearing Nantucket reds and blue blazers for my wedding. Big debate on shoes...guidelines? Suggestions? Wedding is August 30th... Thank you!


A Nantucket reds and blue blazers sound like the perfect dress code for a summer wedding.

Dark brown Gucci loafers would be perfect. They would go well with both the red and the navy blue. Navy blue calf length socks look best with any dark brown dress loafer.

You wouldn't want to wear Docksiders because the rubber soles are not great for dancing.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men: Two O'clock
Q What do men need to wear at a 2 o'clock wedding?

A For a two o'clock wedding, a man would wear a lightweight suit, either navy blue or a shade of gray, with a white, or a white with stripes, collared, long-sleeve shirt; a coordinating tie or bow tie, dark shoes and dark socks. A crisp, white pocket-handkerchief in the breast pocket of the suit always dresses up the look.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men: White Dinner Jacket
Q At a black-tie specified summer wedding, is it appropriate for male guests to wear a white dinner jacket?

A It would depend upon the location and the time of the dinner. For instance if the reception is at a very fancy place, such as the Rainbow Room in New York City and it is a seated eight o'clock dinner, then you would wear a tuxedo. Otherwise, I am a huge fan of the white dinner jacket, which can only really be worn during the summer months or in a warm climate. By all means wear a white dinner jacket.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men: White Dinner Jacket
Q I am going to a wedding July 10th and I am going crazy.
The wedding is at 4 pm. The reception is at 7:30 pm. It's in Long Island NY at the Larkfield Manor.

I am 32. I just bought a house, so I am on a tight budget. I own an elegant black dress that has a brush train, bateau neckline, and very low back. I have a peach couture shawl to add color and fun.

So here's the problem: my significant other went out and bought a white dinner coat with beige pants and a light yellow shirt. He insists on wearing it knowing I cannot afford a new dress. We are going to totally clash. I've tried talking him out of wearing the jacket. He insists that his outfit is appropriate for a summer wedding and that I should not wear black because it is a "Horrible" color to wear to a wedding.

Please help! I am running out of time, and I don't know what to do. Do you think my dress is in appropriate? Do we have to match as a couple?


A No, you do not have to match as a couple. Black is totally appropriate for a summer evening wedding, especially with the peach shawl. I understand your frustration, but your significant other doesn't know what is chic and what is not chic. What I need to know is this: is there a dress code on the invitation that states Black Tie?

If the invitation states that the dress code is Black Tie, then your gentleman friend has to wear a tuxedo, or at the very least a dark, lightweight suit. Customarily, a gentleman only wears a white dinner jacket in a tropical climate, and that doesn't mean a summer wedding on Long Island. Many say that there is seldom any good excuse for wearing a white jacket north of the South Carolina state line.

The last thing I want you to do is to get into a deeper argument with your partner. If you don't know the dress code, e-mail or phone around to find out what other guests are wearing. Just say, "Since the invitation doesn't state Black Tie, I'm wondering what you all are wearing?"

The dress code is even more complicated because the ceremony is at 4:00 PM and the reception isn't until 7:30 PM. You might find that some guests will actually change from a dressy daytime outfit to evening attire the way the British do when the reception doesn't immediately follow the ceremony.

Personally, I think I could tell by the invitation whether or not it is a formal wedding if, say, the invitation is engraved, then you know it is a formal, seated, candlelit, 7:30 dinner with place cards. However, if the reception immediately follows the four o'clock wedding, then you would know that it is an informal wedding and then your gentleman friend would wear a dark lightweight suit or a navy blue blazer with those beige pants he just bought.

Your outfit sounds great no matter what, so what you need to quietly figure out is what the other men are wearing.

This is a rather general answer because I don't know the dress code. I do know that your gentleman friend shouldn't be wearing a white dinner jacket to an evening wedding reception on Long Island, even if it is July...

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men: 3:30 PM Wedding
Q Does the father of the groom wear a tux or suit?

A The father of the groom and the groom set the dress code based on the formality of the wedding. You would consult with the bride, the bride's mother, and the bride's father so that you are all on the same page as to men's dress code for the wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Men: 3:30 PM Wedding
Q My daughter is to be maried in Orlando, Florida, October 2009. The ceremony is at 3:30 PM and the reception is at 6:00 PM. The groom plans to have the men wear a black tuxedo with a long (regular) black tie (not a bow tie). There is an interfering stepmother of the groom claiming that only a suit is apopropriate for an afternoon wedding for men in the wedding party.

I'll look forward for your feedback.

Thank you,

Carl Johnson
Orlando, Florida

A Carl, this wedding is all about your daughter and her groom, so the parents need to heed their wishes. However, I agree with the interfering stepmother that a dark suit would be more appropriate for an afternoon wedding. Tuxedos in daylight make most men look as if they are head waiters on their way to work and that is probably why the groom wisely choose straight ties. The groom might be concerned that some of his groomsmen might not own a good dark suit and therefore it would be easier for all the men in the bridal party simply to rent the same style tuxedo from the same shop. The rental package would include uniform socks, shoes, shirt, and tie, as well as the tuxedo suit. As you know, there are different kinds of tuxedos and you wouldn't want mixed styles. Bow ties are not fashionable right now for the younger set, and I personally feel that the straight tie is more distinguished. I want you to be assured that the groom is doing the right thing here. Because, he is. It might not be our taste, but it is an appropriate dress code at this point in time.

Personally, I would prefer that the groom alters the dress code to navy blue blazers with cream colored trousers, a white shirt, and a striped straight tie in the weddings colors, with black loafers. Then the fathers, grandfathers and uncles can all wear their dark suits. Most of the groomsmen will already have a blue blazer and if they don't, they probably should have that staple in their wardrobe, along with the cream colored trousers. Furthermore, the blazer dress code is not as expensive as making these young men all buy the same dark suit and having it tailored. The groom knows his groomsmen.

Why not discuss the various dress codes with your daughter and she can gently open the conversation with her groom. If the bride is fine with the tuxedos with straight ties, then let the wedding couple set the dress code. Remember that consistency is the most important element of any dress code. Think wedding pictures: when the groom is lined up in a photo with his groomsmen, all the men should be dressed identically; with the exception of, perhaps, the groom's tie that is often a larger stripe or a solid in the wedding colors. It seems as if the groom is considering the budgets for his groomsmen in choosing his dress code, and that is proper etiquette.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: MOB + MOG
Q Colors are beige and wine/cranberry, date is July. What should I wear MOG, should I talk to MOB before selecting a dress/color? I am not a small woman.

A I am a huge fan of navy blue for spring and summer, even if you are not small. Navy blue is incredibly chic and terrifically slimming. As I do not know the time of the wedding, here are a couple of options: for a daytime wedding, you might wear a navy blue sheath with a matching jacket or a dress that falls just below the knees that has sleeves. You would accessorize with navy blue low-heeled pumps and a small clutch, pearls, off-white kid gloves and a lovely hat. If you wear glasses or tinted glasses, forget the hat because the hat would be too much. For an evening wedding from five o'clock on, you might wear a dressy dinner suit that ends just below the knees, which might have pretty buttons and trim, or you can dress it up with a pretty brooch, along with a pretty clutch purse and sling-back heels. You would accessorize accordingly to be in synch with the formality of the wedding; jewelry is the best way to dress up navy blue, with either pearls, gold or perhaps an interesting brooch. You are correct to talk to the MOB before selecting a dress/color; however, you might want to say something such as this, "I am thinking about wearing ...... or ....... What do you think?" Have at least two ideas, so that you have a back-up. Then ask her what she is planning to wear. You do not have to wear the same color, but there is no rule that says that you can't wear the same color. If she says that she is wearing navy blue and she would prefer that you wear another color, then suggest taupe, which is a light gray softened with pink, or ice blue, a pale blue softened with gray. I, also, love a good medium to dark green, but it is a hard color to find, so I've given you easier alternatives.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: MOB: Three O'Clock Wedding
Q Wedding 3:00 pm in San Francisco, CA. I am the MOB and want to wear a navy blue silk/chiffon dress with a little navy blue lace around the middle; the bottom is slightly flared. It has short sleeves and is fitted around the mid- section. I don't have a stomach; it is made to fit tightly around the mid section; so it defines my waist. My concern is that the bridesmaids' dresses are persimmon tea-length. Is this style and color appropriate? I am 53. Thank you. Wedding 8/15/2009

A Personally, I am not a huge fan of tea-length, especially if the bridesmaids are of varying stature. The color sounds fine as shades of orange are in vogue these days. Since you've just given me the fabric quality and color of your dress, this is a rather general answer.

I am not sure if your concern is about your dress or the bridesmaids' dresses... ? I want you to do the right thing here and getting into a negative conversation with your daughter if the bridesmaids' dresses have already been purchased is not the way to go. As you know, negativity is infectious. You have to think about the lingering memories. Do you want your daughter to remember that you made an issue out of the bridesmaids' dresses? I don't think so. Chances are those dresses were ordered months ago.

I mostly want you to feel good about your dress, which sounds elegant, dignified and absolutely lovely--all that a MOB dress should be. I love a beautiful navy blue chiffon with a pinched waist. My only concern is that if the dress is long, you might feel too-too formal for a three o'clock wedding. Otherwise, your navy blue chiffon and lace dress should be fine with the bridesmaids' persimmon. I always try to get the MOB to think about the wedding photos. As the MOB, you probably won't be in the formal shots with all the bridesmaids anyway, unless the bride has sisters, but even then you won't be encircled in persimmon.

Have confidence in your dignified style and don't give the nod to bitter memories.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: MOG Mexican June Wedding
Q I am mother of the groom - the wedding is in Cancun, Mexico, June 27, 2009. Would a rouge-colored silk or satin dress suit be fine? - it falls just below the knee. Also, what color shoes would you suggest? Thank you

A The shoes could be satin and dyed to match the dress or be in a slightly deeper shade of rouge.
Beige or black patent leather, soft pretty pumps or open-toed sandals would work, too.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Bride
Q What color dress does the mother of the bride wear?

A Traditionally, the mother of the bride does not wear white because the only woman wearing white is the bride. She also would not wear red or bubble gum pink, because both scream, "Look at me." The wedding colors would also not be a good idea because the bridesmaids most likely will be wearing one or both of the wedding colors. If the woman has a heavier build, she would wear, say, navy blue, cranberry, plum, dark green, or beige. Traditionally, the mother of the bride more often than not wears beige or a shade of ice blue. The climate, location, date, time, and venue of the wedding all factor into the choice of color and style. For instance, black would be appropriate for a sophisticated New York City wedding, but not at an informal country wedding. The mother of the bride should wear a color that suits both the colors of the wedding, her build, and coloring.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Bride
Q Dear Didi,
I am in California and my niece is getting married tomorrow. The wedding is at 4:00 outdoors at the family home. She is 25 and is having a Black and White Wedding. I was brought up not to wear black to a wedding, but I have a long straight black dress - is this ok? or I have a cream color that is almost yellow, cocktail dress....would this be out of the question. I also have the choice of a shorter black and white dress....HELP!

A In my opinion, you should wear the black and white short dress with beautiful black shoes and a small black bag, if it feels comfortable on you. You wouldn't wear a long black dress for a four o'clock wedding. It is best to stay away from any color close to white, if you can help it; however, a pale yellow might be quite elegant. I guess it would depend upon the shade of yellow. Perhaps, if you can take the yellow dress and put it next to the wedding dress, you could get a consensus of whether or not the yellow is too pale, or just right.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Bride
Q MOB- What style dress to wear? Early June wedding; BM's wearing knee length (platinum accented w/pale yellow ribbon); FOB (still my honey) is wearing a tux; and the invitation will suggest "cocktail attire." I don't want to wear a long gown. After hours and hours of searching, I finally found a one of a kind 1950's vintage knee length party dress (organza/cappuccino color) and a gorgeous Mon Petit Oiseau Bianca dress knee length (very Hepburn looking/buttery gold silk brocade)- both fit great and are beautiful...but, if the FOB is in a tux, do I need to wear something more partyish or can I stick with the more conservative Hepburn look? What does etiquette dictate? Thanks so much!! Boulder Chic MOB

A Please go for the Hepburn look. Etiquette dictates that the MOB is elegant and dignified, and doesn't wear white. In my opinion, the Hepburn looking/buttery gold silk brocade sounds absolutely perfect. If you feel that you need to dress it up, then dye a pair of white satin sling back heels the color of the dress. You can also wear short, cream-colored gloves, or/and perhaps a cocktail hat to the ceremony and then leave them in the car for the reception. The cappuccino organza sounds sophisticated and stunning, too; however, I am not sure that cappuccino is a June color, unless you live in a major city. If your hair is the color of cappuccino, then I might go with the cappuccino organza anyway. The important thing about the MOB's outfit is that you feel elegant and dignified, and it certainly sounds as if you do. You'll be absolutely fabulous. If you want to be reassured, why not try on the two dresses for your daughter and ask her opinion, too.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Bride
Q Our daughter is getting married in an early afternoon church wedding (2:00). What is the proper attire for the mother of the bride? Is the length of the dress an issue or is it appropriate to wear formal flyaway pants with a formal top?

A A two o'clock wedding is not a formal wedding. As the mother of the bride, you would want to look dignified in a skirted dress suit or a dress with a dress with sleeves that has a matching jacket that falls just below your knees.

As I don't know the location of the wedding or time of year, I am afraid that this is a rather general answer to a very important question. Perhaps, you might want to return to my Web site www.NewportManners.com and search my wedding information archives before deciding on an outfit.

By the way, remember that as the mother of the bride, once you decide on an outfit, you will need to communicate that information to the mother of the groom so that she knows what to wear. You take the lead as to what the mother's wear.

Lastly, in my opinion, you wouldn't wear flyaway pants to a church wedding and the formal top sounds too formal. You might want to go for a more tailored, dignified look. Think about the construction of your outfit and find a good tailor who will fit the outfit to flatter your body type.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Bride: 3 P.M. Wedding
Q What length dress should the mother of the bride wear at a 3:00 pm formal wedding?

A At a three o'clock wedding, the mother of the bride would wear a dressy skirt suit, a sheath dress with a matching jacket, or a short or long sleeved dress--all of which would fall just below the knees. Long dresses are very dowdy at an afternoon wedding, even if it is a formal wedding. Especially on women over a certain age, long is all wrong.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Groom
Q I am the MOG, the MOB is planning on wearing a tea length dress. The dress I have in mind is long. The bride doesn't care if I wear long or short. I think her mother is planning a yellowish tone, I am looking at a blue. I haven't ordered my dress yet, waiting on the MOB, she should go first. I truly don't want tea length. So my question is: do I have to wear tea length is she does????? Help. (wedding is 5/3/08)

A In my opinion, you wouldn't wear tea length and you wouldn't wear a long dress. Why not consider a chic, dressy skirtsuit (often called a dinner suit) or a dress with a matching jacket or coat? Since I don't know the wedding couple's colors, I cannot comment on the color. Traditionally, the MOG and MOB wear either ice blue or beige. Under no circumstances would you wear white. For a June wedding, you would want to be suited in an elegant, dignified skirtsuit that falls just below your knees. Unless it is an evening black-tie wedding, you wouldn't wear a long dress. I would have to know more about the wedding, for instance time of day, formality, and location of ceremony and reception in order to give you a more tailored answer. I know that you aren't going to like this answer, but dresses well below the knees tend to make older women look dowdy. Tea length tends to make short women look even shorter. At your son's wedding, you want to look elegant and dignified. Nowadays, the MOB sends the MOG a photo of her dress, or sends her an Internet photo of the dress from the store. Give the MOB until March to notify you of her choice. If you ask her too soon, beware because she might change her mind several times before making her final decision, so: it is best not to put pressure on her. Remember that all the pressure is on the MOB and she has many other things to think about than her outfit. Her dress might be the last To Do on her list, so be sure to cut her plenty of slack. In conversation you might drop a couple of clues as to what you would like to wear and ask her opinion, but don't pressure her to make a decision before May. Find your own look and if she hasn't sent you a photo by April, send her a photo of your outfit asking her opinion. You do not have to wear what she dictates, but you do need her nod of approval, as well as that of the bride. If she wants you to wear a tea length, tell her that it is not a flattering look on you and leave it at that.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Groom
Q I'm the MOG - the wedding is this summer, Aug 1 in central IL - HOT more than likely. Outdoors on front lawn of bride's great grandparents homeplace at 6:00 PM. Is it OK for me to wear lightweight flowing type pantsuit (if I can find one at this late date)? I'm very thick-waisted and dresses look just awful on me anymore - I'd like to have some type of flowing jacket over lightweight pants/top. Is that OK? Bride's mother has two dresses to choose from - one short, one long. ---- Also, since it will be outside, would it be OK to wear strappy low-heeled sandals? I'm 54 if that helps any! Thanks much.

A If you are the MOG, you really don't want to wear a pantsuit. If you're looking for something flowing, why not look at outfits by Eileen Fisher. Actually if you are thick-waisted, then you probably want to wear an outfit with more structure, not less. Flowing type pantsuits can make a woman look lumpy and dumpy. Why not look for a dressy dinner suit with a slightly pinched waist? A dinner suit falls just below the knees and is made of a quality fabric. There is often a trim on the suit jacket and/or dressie buttons. Even though it would be a lightweight suit, you could take off the suit jacket if you're wearing a silk shell. Look for Dana Buchman, Anne Klein, St. John, Armani, Giorgio Armani evening suits in better department stores such as Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdale's, Saks and Nordstrom, and on the internet.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Groom
Q Hi - The Mother of the Bride is wearing mid-calf dress with jacket for evening wedding in July. Grandmother of the groom is wearing floor-length and I plan to wear floor-length. Is that ok or do I (grandma will not wear anything shorter) need to be looking at tea-length dresses? I am about to try on two floor-length dresses and am now concerned that I will look awkward. Wedding Colors - Chocolate and lime green - MOB is wearing Water (light green or blue depending on lighting), Grandma is wearing SeaGlass (pale turquoise) and I am looking at Navy because the lighter colors tend to make me look washed out. Thanks!

A Since you didn't identify your role, I will assume that you are the mother of the groom. I like the idea of a navy dress with a jacket. What I am concerned about is the length of the dress. Since I don't know your build or height, in my opinion, tea-length and floor length dresses tend to make most women look dowdy. If you have decent legs and at least an average figure, why not wear a chic, dressy dinner suit? That way if you get hot dancing, you can always take off your jacket. The jacket might have three-quarter length sleeves, a scooped neckline, and be tailored to give you a bit of a nipped waist.

I agree with you about floor-length dresses looking and feeling awkward. For a ball or a fancy dress dance they are wonderful, but you're going to be in that outfit for at least six hours and you are going to want to look and feel fresh as well as comfortable. The trouble with tea-length is that unless you have a stunning figure and drop dead gorgeous legs, tea-length tends to make your legs look shorter.

As I said navy is a great color, but you might also look terrific in beige, a blue-gray, or a moss green. Also, remember that the mothers of the wedding couple do not necessarily have to wear the wedding colors. In fact, the colors I've recommended are traditionally the "mothers' colors."

Remember that in choosing your outfit, you are not trying to look like the others. You need to focus on what looks best on you. These days women are more apt to wear knee-length to an evening wedding than a floor-length gown. By the way, tea-length is just that, the length of a dress that one would wear to a tea dance.

The other important things to focus on are the quality of the construction of the suit, the quality of the fabric, and making sure that the suit is tailored to your body. You want to be wearing the suit, you don't want some dress wearing you. You have the right instincts, so go with what suits you best.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Groom + Black
Q Can the mother of the groom wear black?

A Yes, the mother of the groom can wear black, if it is, say, a sophisticated New York City wedding. On the other hand, if it is an informal country wedding, black might seem a bit out of place.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Groom: 5:30 PM Outdoor Wedding
Q I am the mother of the groom and need advice about what to wear to an outdoor 5:30 p.m. wedding at a rustic TN winery in late May. I am 61; size 6; small/medium build. The reception will be held in a barrel barn at the winery. Perhaps a street-length jacket dress with wedge heels for walking on grass to the ceremony?

A A dress that falls just below your knees with short sleeves or a matching jacket would be perfect for a 5:30 PM outdoor wedding. The problem with wedge heels is that they make dancing difficult. As the mother of the groom, you will be asked to dance by not only your son, but by the father of the bride, as well as numerous other wedding guests, so you will need to rethink the shoes.

A pair of pretty flats or pumps would be better than wedge heels, which are too darn stiff for dancing. Wear either around the house for a couple of months to break them in before the wedding to be sure that they won't cut into your skin. You will be in those shoes for about six hours, so you will want to make sure that they not only look elegant, but that they fit properly.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Groom: 5PM August
Q I am the mother of the groom for a 5PM wedding in late August in Virginia. The reception will be immediately following in a country club with dinner and dancing (live band). The attendants will be wearing a knee-length dress. What should I wear?

A By all means, whenever possible wear a dress that falls just below your knees. Long dresses tend to make most women look slightly dowdy. Why not wear a smart, chic, dress with a matching jacket or a dressy dinner suit? As I don't know your build or coloring, this is a rather general answer to your very important question.

If you have a medium build, wear a tailored silk suit with a jacket that has a nipped waist, a low neckline, and three-quarter length sleeves. It will be a long day, so you'll want to look as crisp and fresh at 5PM as at 11PM. Make this outfit an investment that you can wear to future special occasions. Have it tailored to fit your figure and flatter your figure. The colors of the mother-of-the-groom, and depending upon your coloring, are beige, navy blue, moss green, coral, ice blue, blue-gray, and taupe. If it is a church wedding, you could wear a hat and/or gloves to the ceremony and leave them in the car before going into the reception at the country club.

Customarily, the mother of the bride would send you a photo of the outfit that she is wearing so that you can coordinate length, style, and color. There is nothing wrong with you asking the MOB what she is wearing and if she has a photo of the dress that you could see and return. This is commonly done. You do not have to match her; you do not want to match her. If she chooses to wear sequins and stilettos at 5PM, please don't; you don't have to. Another thing that you'll want to find out are the wedding colors because you wouldn't want to show up in the same color dress as the attendants, because it might look as if you were competing with them.

Your son will probably know the wedding colors because that is usually a decision that the wedding couple make together. If the MOB doesn't respond to your questions about her outfit, back off because it probably means that she hasn't found her outfit yet and she's feeling pressured. Just tell her what you've been thinking about wearing and ask her advice. Then say, "Just let me know because I wouldn't want to wear the color you've already chosen." Even if you don't know what you're wearing yet, you can tell her that you're thinking about a dressy dinner suit so that you can take off the jacket for the dancing if it gets too hot. You can say, "Since you're the MOB you have first choice of colors and I'll follow your lead." Which you don't have to do, by the way, but you wouldn't want to wear the color she is wearing anyway. Nor would you wear white. When choosing a color and style, think about the wedding photos and how your outfit will fit in, or not, with the wedding colors and general style of the wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother of the Groom: Three O'Clock: Conntecticut
Q Didi, My son is getting married Nov 15, 3:00, in a castle in Connecticut. Semi-formal attire, fall colors; browns & burnt orange. The MOB is wearing a brown below the knee cocktail dress. I'm finding the trend in cocktail attire for the fall is black and grey. I found a beautiful black lace over ivory sheath dress with a black shawl that I love; do you think it appropriate? How about shirred black mesh over light grey lining? Both at the knee and sleeveless. I'm 39 and do not want to look dowdy.

Also, my husband (step-father) has his own tuxedo to wear, should he wear a black long tie or go with the same tie and cummbund (latte) as the wedding party?

Thanks so much for your advice!

A The beautiful black lace over ivory sheath dress sounds rather dressy for a three o'clock wedding. Plus, in November it is apt to be quite chilly in a drafty Connecticut castle. You would be much more comfortable in a beautiful warm silk or wool skirted suit that you could wear over and over. Or even a dress with a matching coat would be quite chic. You certainly won't look dowdy in either of those outfits, if they are well-made and tailored to flatter your figure. I am afraid that if you wear the shirred black mesh or the black lace over the ivory sheath you will look overdressed for a semi-formal three o'clock wedding.

As for your husband, since this is a semi-formal wedding he is totally off the hook about having to wear a tuxedo. He'll be far more comfortable in a winter-weight dark suit with black shoes and socks. If he has a good wool overcoat and gloves, he'll need those, too.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother-of-the-Bride: 1:30 PM Ceremony
Q I will be wearing a knee-length solid leaf green chiffon dress to my daughter's wedding. The wedding is in June at 1:30 pm and reception and dance following the ceremony. Her color scheme is chocolate brown and pink. Is this color appropriate? And what color sandals do I wear with this? My daughter loves the dress and she bought me neutral colored sandals for the dress. The actual color of the sandals is called meryl if that helps. I just need another good opinion. This dress did not come with a jacket, it is sleeveless with wide straps and a v neck wrap around neckline. Is this okay to wear alone in the church or should a wear something over it? And what would that be if I did? I don't like shawls!!

A Yes, the color leaf green is perfect. Unless it is a Catholic church or the ceremony includes communion, it is fine to wear a sleeveless dress. Remember that most wedding dresses these days are sleeveless. If your church is a high church, then your daughter would have been advised by now that she shouldn't wear a sleeveless wedding dress, and, therefore, you wouldn't wear a sleeveless mother-of-the bride dress.

I am not sure about the color of the shoes because I don't know the color "meryl." There is a very nice medium-dark green called "myrtle." Myrtle is immoderately dark, slightly more so than the color "spinach." You wouldn't want the shoes to be a lighter shade of green than the color of the dress. Shoes should always be either the same color as the dress, darker, or the same shade in an another color. I am assuming that your leaf green dress is a slightly lighter color of green than the shoes, which I think must be the color myrtle. So that is perfect, too!

As I don't know the climate of the wedding location, or in which part of June your daughter's wedding is taking place, I am not sure how to advise you about covering your arms. It would be nice if you could find a fine cashmere wool pashmina (perhaps over the Internet through google) to match the green or a soft blue in the same shade, at least you would have it on hand should the weather that day be blustery. You could leave it in the pew ahead of time where you'll be seated in the church and use it if the church feels chilly. Alternatively, a fine, thin cashmere sweater with nice buttons would work as well. There are shawls and there are shawls; some are bulky and some are so fine and so thin that they actually dress the part. Because pashminas can be so thin, you can use them casually draped around your shoulders as though they are a fine veil. They are meant to be worked, played, moving with the temperature of whatever room you are in.

One last point--and it is an important one. You don't want your legs to look too dark because lighter, sheerer looking legs will look dressier.

As I said, it all sounds perfect!

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother-of-the-Bride: Beach
Q My daughter is planning a beach wedding September, 2010. Her bouquet will feature orangey red flowers. What color dress would be the best to wear? I'm blonde and fair-skinned.

A Coral is a beautiful color; however, if the bridesmaids' dresses are coral, you would not wear coral. When you find out the color of the bridesmaids' dresses, then you can decide upon the color of your outfit. Also consider the color of your eyes; if you have beautiful blue or green eyes, by all means bring out the color in your eyes by matching the color of your dress to your eyes.

Traditionally, the summer colors for the mother-of-the-bride are beige and ice blue. Nowadays, I am seeing more corals, greens and shades of taupe. Obviously, you would stay away from pink and purple because of the orange-red flowers, but a soft yellow for an afternoon summer wedding would be lovely with blond hair and fair skin. On the other hand, if you are looking for a more slimming color, navy blue in summer is the most flattering. No matter what your build is, stay away from bright colors such as red, turquoise, Kelly green and any bold prints because you do not want to call attention to yourself. The mother-of-the-bride dresses to fit in, not stick out.

I want you to also consider length, because most women over a certain age look best in dresses that fall just below their knees, otherwise they tend to look dowdy next to all those stunning bridesmaids.

When the wedding couple has picked their wedding colors, then you can decide upon the color of your dress because you wouldn't wear either of those two colors. When you are deciding, try to visualize the colors in the wedding photos while you are choosing your outfit.

Once you have chosen your outfit, remember to let the mother-of-the-groom know exactly what you are wearing because she will be waiting to hear from you before she chooses her outfit. You take the lead by communicating to her about the length, fabric, style, and color of your outfit. If you can send her a photo of your dress, I'm sure that she will appreciate knowing exactly what you are wearing.

Lastly, if this is a daytime wedding, please, do consider wearing a wonderful summer hat.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother-of-the-Bride: Grandmother-of-the-Bride
Q I am the MOB. I recently purchased my 3rd MOB dress - and it is THE dress: floor-length, champagne-colored with a matching brocade jacket. My daughter and I were thrilled with this one! I talked to my sister yesterday and described the dress. She informed me that my 68-year-old mother purchased almost the exact dress (she lives in another state and I had no clue)-the last I knew she was wearing something entirely different. I feel she is trying to dress like the MOB instead of the grandmother. The MOG is wearing floor-length navy. What is your opinion? HELP - the wedding is in one week!

A I want you to be happy, therefore you must where the dress that makes you feel the most comfortable and the most dignified. Wear the champagne dress with the matching jacket. It sounds divine and I want you to wear it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the mother-of-the bride and the grandmother-of- the-bride wearing the same color and style dress because you will look different in your dresses. Champagne is actually the perfect color for both of your roles. Don't let your sister upset you or your mother. Take the high road and tell your sister that you are thrilled that your mother has the good taste to be wearing beige. Leave it at that. Chances are your mother will be wearing different accessories. Perhaps if you are wearing flowers, you can make sure that your flowers are different from your mother's, that way in the wedding photos people will see that the flowers are different and not focus on the similarity in the dresses. Once again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and your mother wearing similar dresses.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother-of-the-Bride: Pantyhose
Q My daughter is getting married in November in Maryland. Church wedding at 4:00. I have a black dress with some cream color on the V-neck and a pair of pretty black opened toe sandals. Do you wear hose?

A If the black dress with some cream color on the v-neck is long, then you could certainly get away with not wearing pantyhose.

However, if the dress falls just below your knees, you will want to wear pantyhose, because they will not only keep your legs warm, but will make them look nicely groomed and toned. Remember that because your shoes are open toe sandals, you'll have to look for pantyhose that do not have the reinforced toe so that your toe nail polish shows through. Otherwise, all you'll see is the material of the reinforced pantyhose covering your toe nail.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mother-of-the-Groom
Q October wedding, 4pm in Alabama, at an historic building, mother-of-the Groom, age 44.... dinner following at another historic location....Help..... Calf-length, long???? Am a minister's wife so want to be modest...don't mind strapless or one-shoulder, just not a lot of legs.

A As the mother-of-the-groom, you would wear a dress with a matching jacket or a dress with short sleeves, both of which would fall just below your knees. You wouldn't wear a floor- length dress to a four o'clock wedding, especially since you are a minister's wife, you would want to look elegant and dignified.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mothers' Dresses
Q Can the mother of the groom wear a dress in the same color family as the mother of the bride...mother wearing periwinkle and mother of groom wearing wisteria?

A The best thing to do is to take (or send) color swatches from both dresses to the bride and ask her what she thinks. As I do not know the wedding couples' colors and the colors in the bridal and bridesmaids' bouquet, you will have to run this by the bride. For instance, if the bride does not like shades of lavender or purple, she might not like periwinkle or wisteria with, say, the bridesmaids' coral dresses.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mothers of the Bride and Groom
Q Can the mothers of the bride and groom wear black? The bridesmaids are in a sage green and the groomsmen are in all black with green ties. The preachers are also wearing black. It is a May evening wedding.

A For a formal evening wedding, the mothers of the bride and groom can wear black, but you need to ask the bride how she feels about this. If she says that she prefers that they don't wear black, then they would not wear black. The two women should also consult with each other.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mothers of the Bride and Groom
Q I am 49 years old and the MOB. (Hourglass shape) My daughter is getting married outside, on the steps, at 4:00 p.m. May 17, 2008 in Gainesville, Florida, at antebellum Bed & Breakfast. She has one bridesmaid who is wearing a sleeveless cornflower blue long, net covered, (Vera Wang) dress.

My daughter's dress is formal.

What in the world do I wear?! And, what does the MOG wear?

A Let me tell you what the mothers of the bride and groom don't want to wear and that is long dresses because long dresses make most women over forty look dowdy. I understand about the hour glass figure, which is why you don't want to wear anything skimpy on top or anything made of a clingy fabric because clingy fabrics reveal more than what should be revealed. In my opinion, you should wear a dressy skirt suit made of a heavy silk or linen that falls just below your knees. The jacket of the suit could have three quarter length sleeves and a beautiful neckline or collar to accentuate your shoulders. The jacket should also have a nipped waist. That's where a good tailor comes in handy. Show off your hour glass figure by pulling in at the waist and broadening the shoulders. You will find that a good suit like this never goes out of style and can be worn to many occasions from weddings and baptisms to funerals and more. It would be best if the suit were a solid color, but since I don't know your coloring, I cannot advise exactly which color, but I can say that the mothers of the bride and groom usually wear beige, ice blue, navy blue, coral, or green. Under no circumstances should either of you wear a white suit. If you both wear dressy, soft, classy dinner suits, you would look very chic indeed. Alternatively, you can wear a sheath dress with a jacket. Unless you have very toned arms, you do not want to go sleeveless. Think of the big picture, how do you want to appear in those wedding pictures years from now? As an ingenue competing with the younger generation or as an elegant and classy MOB and BOG? Protocol says that as soon as you find your outfit, have the store email you a photo so that you can show it to the MOG. That way you both won't wear the same color, but you will be in step with compatible looks in length as well as style.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mothers of the Wedding Couple
Q My son is to be married in Oct. 2010 (not sure the day at this time)at 5:30pm. The wedding will be on a patio of a convention center overlooking the river and the reception will be inside the convention center. The bride has chosen champagne for me but I am not sure of the style or length. The MOB and I are very close and when we go shopping for our dresses, I want to make sure I know the proper attire to look for. Should we have tea-length or floor=length dresses? What style dresses should we shop for...embellished with beads, plain taffeta, chiffon, etc.? She and I are 50 and 52 years of age, I am 5'10", she is 5'7" and we are both slender.

A As I don't know the formality of the wedding, this is a rather general answer. I would be happy to work on this further since you have a while until the wedding so please feel free to get back to me with your progress.

In my opinion, women over a certain age tend to look dowdy in tea-length and long dresses, which is why I would suggest that you and the MOB start looking at well-fitted, well-made dressy skirt suits or dresses that fall just below the knees, possibly with a matching jacket. You need not be dressed alike, or even in the same color, but you will want to have the same length.

Since you are both "the mothers," you will want to look dignified and elegant. I cannot stress this enough. The only skin on your torso you want showing is that on your chest and your legs, which would at that time of year be covered with a light toned, good quality pantyhose, a tone the same as your skin, if not lighter, but not darker.

I want you both to look at the big picture. Seriously, think about the wedding photos. You should both have sleeves, preferably three quarter length sleeves, but not necessarily. You want to show continuity by dressing in the same style. From your question, I know that you are on to that.

To get started, I want you to look at various websites, including priscillaofboston.com and brides.com, specifically for knee-length outfits with three quarter length sleeves. Find outfits that go in tandem, but that are not exactly the same--only in length. Once you find the name of a designer(s) or design company, google them to find out where outfits are sold in your area and go and try them on.

Please, don't worry about having to find "champagne" because designers tend to call different shades of beige different names. The bride is correct in recommending beige and by all means look at anything in beige. By the way, the MOB, traditionally, should be looking at blues and greens, but I'm sure she knows that. She can also wear beige, but be sure it is not off-white.

You asked about embellishments and fabric. Look for quality fabrics such as a rich heavy silk and stay away from doodads such as sequins and beads in favor of a more classic elegant look.

Once you've found your dresses, the secret to your wearing the dress is in the fit. So if the shop doesn't have an excellent tailor, find one and have the dress fit to your body. When you walk up and down that aisle you want to wear the dress, you don't want the dress to wear you, which is why a quality tailor will be your "new best friend."

Go light on the accessories, less is more. Wear only really good jewelry (or fake jewelry that passes), such as a string or two of pearls and great earrings. Remember in the receiving line people will be looking at you from the bust up and having a little chest showing is not a bad thing, especially with the excuse of a couple of strands of pearls, fake or real.

Once you've found your dresses, look for shoes that are either the color or your dress, which should be easy for you, or a shade darker, but not lighter. Since you will both be on your feet for at least six hours including the dancing, make sure that you purchase your shoes far enough ahead of time so that you have a chance to break them in. I mean really break them in because you won't be wearing sandal-style shoes in October unless the wedding is taking place in the tropics. Wear those shoes around the house if you have to. You want those shoes to fit like a glove so that you won't have to give your feet another thought. Heaven forbid should the mother of the groom be dancing at her son's wedding in her pantyhose because her shoes were too hard on her feet. That is why I recommend either a soft Italian-style leather shoe or a satin-fabric, which could be dyed to match the color of the dress.

Most importantly, you ladies don't want to spend a lot of money on costume-style MOB and MOG dresses. Whatever you choose, you will want them to be so functional that you will wear them again. It won't just be the "dress you wore to the wedding," it will be your best dress. Best dress doesn't mean some long drippy thing with beads, it means a dress that is designed to flatter your body.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Mothers of the Wedding Couple: One Wants Long, the Other Short
Q Hi,
I am a youthful 50 year-old stepmother (mom is deceased). Stepdaughter is getting married in church on Saturday at 2:00 in March (in Pennsylvania). Groom's mom wants to wear a long dress. Attendants are wearing strapless, knee-length dresses. The weather will be still be chilly! What advice can you give me? My fashion tastes are very different from groom's mother. Please advise!

A I am sorry, but you certainly don't want to be wearing a long dress at two o'clock in the afternoon. Especially since the attendants are wearing knee-length dresses, you will want to be wearing either a very good slightly dressy suit or a dress with a matching coat or jacket that falls just below your knees. In my opinion, women over forty tend to look dowdy in long dresses, especially during the day. The mothers of the wedding couple should look elegant and dignified. I think you know that.

The real problem is that you and the mother of the groom need to coordinate your outfits somewhat. I think you know that, too. I'm not saying that you have to wear the same outfit or even the same color, but you really should be dressing in tandem for the wedding photos (if for no other reason), much the way the attendants will all be wearing the same style and length dress. If I were you, I would find a very nice well-tailored outfit in a really good fabric and either invite her to see it, or send her a photo of it with a note saying that, "In trying to find an elegant and dignified outfit for your daughter's wedding, I've come across this lovely suit that I think is quite special, but I wanted to get your approval." At least that will open the subject up for discussion, which is what you need.

Customarily, the only long dress at an afternoon wedding is on the bride. Unfortunately, many older women think that long is better because it's dressier, but that's not always the case and certainly not in the afternoon. Also, long is not always the most flattering look.

Concern yourself with finding an outfit that you really like and have it tailored to fit you perfectly. After the mother of the bride hears the details of your outfit, she might very well change her mind about what she should wear to her daughter's wedding. You might also want to mention that you hear that beige and ice blue are among the colors of the mothers and you were wondering what color she was wearing so that you didn't wear the same color. As gently as you can, try to suggest that short is chicer in the daytime and, needless to say, way more appropriate.

By the way, with your elegant outfit, there is no chicer accessory for a church winter wedding than lovely thin leather gloves.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: November 8:00 PM Reception
Q I am attending a wedding reception at 8:00 pm the first weekend of November. The bride and groom got married in an exotic location and are having a reception when they return. I am 25 and pear-shaped. I have always had a problem wearing short dresses because I look heavier in the hips and upper legs though I am not overweight. I am about 5' 8" and weigh 160. Are long dresses still appropriate? What about coverage on the top half for November? I have found a lot of sleeveless dresses. I have found a strapless/sleeveless dress with an empire waist that is long and black with silver beading under the bust. Would this be appropriate?

I have also selected a spaghetti strap dress with an empire waist that is a dark fuschia color and also has some beading under the bust. It is long as well with a chiffon/silk overlay on the skirt.

Kristen

A As you did not mention that the dress code is "Black tie," you might feel overdressed wearing an evening dress with silver beading. If it is a "Black tie" reception, the dress sounds fabulous; however, if it is not, you might want to wear a dressy knee-length skirt suit. As you say, it is difficult to find dressy dresses with sleeves, so for a pear-shaped figure, you might want to wear either a halter-style cocktail dress, or a dressy dinner suit because you can always take off the jacket for dancing. Alternatively, it might be more practical to wear a short dressy black dress with a pashmina or beaded sweater. If you really want to wear long sleeves, why not wear a flattering short black skirt with a long-sleeved lace blouse. In my opinion, long dresses can be dowdy and because you are twenty-five, short and snappy would be more fun. As nice as the empire waist dress sounds, it might look a bit too serious and you wouldn't want to appear overdressed. If you do go with the knee-length dress and you are self-conscious about your knees, then make sure that the skirt covers your knees. Another thing that you can do if you have that concern is to wear dressy stockings, either slightly shiny or fine, silky black. Experiment with the color so that a beige doesn't look too orange or tan; instead of covering up your legs, show them off.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: One O'clock Wedding: Guest: Woman
Q My niece is getting married Sept. 12th, 1 PM, Catholic church, I am not one to wear a dress..can I wear black trouser leg slacks, white V-neck blouse, pink blazer and black heels? What would you suggest instead?

The dinner and reception is at a bar/grill place where they met.

A Your outfit sounds fine as long as the slacks are not a tight fit. Since you aren't one to wear a dress, you should be OK especially if this is the type of outfit that you would wear to church. Personally, I'm not sure about the pink jacket, but if the outfit fits you well and makes you feel good, then it should be fine.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Open-Toe Shoes
Q I am going to an outdoor 4 p,m, wedding in the Florida Keys. I am wearing a flowing fun lilac flowered dress..I would like to wear slip-on open-toe silver pumps...
Would that work ??

A With a flirty dress, slip on open toe silver pumps sound fine as long as they are delicate, elegant and not clunky.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Outdoor Footwear
Q What is the best way to advise guests to choose appropriate footwear for an outdoor wedding ceremony? There is a separate reception card that will be included with the invitation. What wording would you include on this?

A High heels on soggy grass are a disaster. As are stilettos on a yacht. When a dress code is stated, guests take note. As I don't know the particulars, this is a rather general answer. For instance, on a yacht high heels not only poke holes in the soft wood deck, but if the yacht starts to rock, the guest could lose her balance.

If the ceremony is on a lawn, not only do the ballroom chairs sink into the turf, but so do ladies' heels. That is the reason that many outdoor ceremonies are under a tented floor. Not only will the wedding party and guests be protected from the rain, but they won't have to deal with sinking in the turf.

All that considered, the last thing that you want to do is say anything negative on the invitation or accompanying cards. With out-back and yacht weddings, instead of stating on the invitation Black-tie, you can say, Nautical Attire, or Mountain Wear. Being creative is part of the fun. Guests love being given directions and the more specific the better. We were married on a beach and those who wanted to take off their shoes did so leaving them at the bottom of the dunes, including me the bride. But my groom wore his English tie shoes on to the sand and off without a flinch. We didn't give our guests direction, the location said everything. Guests will improvise. Not to worry.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Pant Suit
Q Can a woman wear a pant suit to a wedding reception?


A It would depend upon the kind of wedding. If it is a formal or semiformal wedding, I would say definitely not. The bride sets the dress code and if she is wearing a pant suit at an informal wedding, then by all means follow her dress code. The other exception might be if you had some sort of medical problem where you were on crutches or on a walker and walking was difficult in a dress, then wear a pant suit, if you will be more comfortable.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Park Wedding: 2:00 PM
Q Dear Didi,

How should I dress for a 2 pm wedding (Sept.26) in the park? I'm 51 years old, but I look 35. Please help....

Thank you!

A It would depend hugely upon your gender, build and the climate.

If you're a man, for a two o'clock wedding in mid-September a cool, cotton-rich, two-button poplin suit with flat front pants in tan or navy would be fine. Accessorize with dark shoes and dark socks, a white collared button-down long sleeved shirt, and a snappy silk tie.

A woman would wear a lightweight cotton suit or a dress with sleeves that falls just below her knees. She might want to wear flats, if she'll be walking on the grass in the park.

As I said, this is a rather general answer because I don't know the facts. Late September in Arcadia National Park in Maine can be quite chilly, on the other hand, Savannah, Georgia is still quite summery at that time.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Post Ceremony Reception: Casual Dress, With Decorations
Q We received an invitation from a newly married couple for an afternoon (2:00 pm) post-wedding party at the home of the groom's parents for the end of November (in NY). It states "Casual dress, with decorations" and I'm not quite sure what that means. How should my husband and I dress for this? We're both in our 60s but dress fashionably.

A Dress fashionably and wear an interesting brooch or ring. Because you'll be celebrating a wedding, casual dress means a dress or skirt suit for you and a suit or blazer or jacket with grey flannel pants for your husband. He would also wear a collared shirt and tie, but he wouldn't necessarily have to wear black shoes and socks. He could wear brown dress loafers and argyle socks. His jacket need not be a navy blue blazer, but could be herringbone or hounds-tooth check.

Decorations for him can mean a lot of things from a decorative tie, socks, or shirt to the check pattern on a hounds-tooth jacket. Decorative for you can mean jewelry, color, pattern, or simply the buckle on your Ferragamo pumps or the theme of your Hermes scarf. Your hosts want you to feel relaxed and festive.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Rainy Afternoon
Q What do I wear to a 2:00 pm wedding with the reception outside? The weather is 40 degrees and rainy.

A If you have a good lined raincoat, that should keep you dry and warm. I'm pretty competent that the reception will be taken inside or a tent will shelter the wedding party and guests from the rain. Whether the tent will be floored or not is the question. Wear flats because you don't want your heels piercing through the sod and into the wet soil below. Boots are in, so wear them, if you have them.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Rehearsal Dinner + Wedding
Q Dear Didi,

I am giving a wedding and a rehearsal dinner and I would like to know how to list the attire.

The wedding party will be in tuxedos and long gowns.

I am concerned about how to indicate to my guests what is appropriate to wear.

For the wedding, I wish the male guests to be in suits, but as it is a spring, day wedding, the men can be in any color they choose, i.e. it does not have to be a dark suit. The women should be dressed in nice cocktail dresses, or equally lovely outfits.

For the Rehearsal dinner, I would like the guests to dress nicely, as if going out for the evening. I do not wish jeans. And, it is not necessary for the guests to be as dressed up as for the wedding. The men do not need a tie, but a sport jacket would be nice. The women should be in a nice dress, or dressy pants, but not in jeans.

So, I am stuck between the following terms:

Cocktail attire - everything I read says 'dark suit', is that true? And women in knee length dress - is that true?

Fancy Dress - what does that mean?

Dressy Attire - ? is it the same as cocktail attire?

Dressy Chic Attire - ?

Semi-Formal Attire - ?

Casual Chic - I am concerned that people will interpret this to wear their fancy jeans.... what does this term mean?

please, if you can offer any other terms, please do!

thanks so much!

rachel



A If I've got this right, it is not a "Black-tie" wedding because you want the male guests to wear dark suits and the women to wear cocktail dresses. You need not put a dress code on the wedding invitation, if it is not a black tie wedding. The formality of any event is established by the style of the invitation. If an invitation is very casual, then people will dress casually. However, if the invitations are traditional and there is an RSVP for the rehearsal dinner and a reply card and return stamped envelope for the wedding invitation, people will get the picture.

The bride communicates with her bridesmaids about what they will need to wear and the groom communicates with his groomsmen. Nowadays wedding couples create their own wedding Web site to keep the bridal party, relatives, and guests in the loop about everything from accommodations and directions to bridal registries and dress code. Presumably the bride and groom are close to their wedding party and therefore will communicate with them about every detail from the bridesmaids' color of nail polish and heels to the color of the groomsmen's socks and shoes. The father of the groom and the groom find the tuxedo rental shop and choose the style of tuxedo, shirt and bow tie and communicate that to the groomsmen, along with the recommendation for black shoes and socks. They would also tell them the dress code for the guests so that when they come in contact with other guests, they can give them the drill that the wedding is dark suits and the rehearsal dinner is jacket and tie.

Traditionally, rehearsal dinners are less formal than the wedding. In my opinion, with young people at such an important event, you cannot be vague, you must state on the invitation "Jacket and tie." Those fun dress codes that you quoted in your question are best left for cocktail parties. When you say "Jacket and tie" on the rehearsal dinner invitation, you are stating that it is a semiformal event. Don't forget that by word of mouth people will get the word out that they don't have to wear a tuxedo to the wedding, but they do have to wear a suit to the wedding and a jacket and tie to the wedding rehearsal dinner. Remember that nobody wants to be the only person who shows up in jeans at a rehearsal dinner or wedding. If there is someone that you think might be clueless, then you have one of the male guests remind that person that "nobody will be wearing jeans." Weddings have their specific dress codes.

By the way, "Fancy dress" means tuxedos and ball gowns or evening dresses. "Dressy attire" is one step down and means dressy but not necessarily "Black tie." "Dressy chic attire" means creative "Black tie." "Semiformal" attire is what you are going for, but it sounds very high school. I would drop the word "attire" and just use "Semiformal." "Casual chic," means nice jeans are acceptable. Another name for "Casual chic" is "Casual cool." So: create a wedding Web site to include dress codes; by word of mouth spread the dress code that you would like your guests to wear; do not use a dress code on the wedding invitation because you have one dress code for the bridal party and another for the guests. But do use a dress code on the rehearsal dinner invitation such as "Jacket & tie" or "Semiformal." Remember that "Semiformal" does mean ties, so if you decide against ties, you would have to use just "Jackets" as your dress code for the rehearsal dinner. However, remember that none of these dress codes would be in quotation marks.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Rehearsal Dinner and 2:00 Wedding
Q I am a young 58 year old female I will be attending an outside rehearsal dinner - I will also be attending the 2 o'clock wedding - what do I wear - I love the sleeveless fashions however my arms are not my best feature - what do I wear?

A For the rehearsal dinner you can wear a well-tailored skirt that falls just below the knees with a pretty blouse that has longish sleeves, then accessorize with pretty shoes and a thin pashmina, in case it is chilly that night. Alternatively, you could wear a beautiful tunic with good pants or a knee length skirt. If not a tunic, then a silk Chinese style jacket with frog buttons and silk slacks.

As to the two o'clock wedding, you would wear a dress with three quarter-length sleeves or a sheath with a matching jacket. You could also wear a pretty suit with or without a hat. Hats always look fashionable at two o'clock weddings. If it is a church wedding, you can leave the hat in the car when you get to the reception.

As to colors, by now you know your colors best.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Ring Bearer's Attire
Q Who is responsible for paying for the tux for the ring bearer, the bride and groom or the parents of the ring bearer?

A Traditionally, the attire of the ring bearer and all the bridal party are paid for by the participants. However, if you cannot afford the expense for your son, tell the wedding couple as soon as possible so that they can allocate money to help you meet the cost. But remind them that putting a ring bearer in a tuxedo is just not done because, traditionally, boys don't wear tuxedos until they are teenagers. Customarily, it is inappropriate for small children to be dressed in black. Perhaps you can convince the wedding couple that a nice pair of shorts, a white, collared long sleeved shirt with, perhaps, a bow-tie would be much more charming. If you can find a little light blue jacket or a navy blue blazer that he doesn't mind wearing, you might be able to get him out of having to wear a tuxedo. White shoes with white socks are traditionally worn by the ring bearer. Plus, you can buy him clothing that he might actually wear again. Yes, the parents of the ring bearer are responsible for paying for the attire for the ring bearer but don't let the wedding planners bully you into paying for a tuxedo. It is just plain silly.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Semi-Formal Outdoor 4:00 P.M. Wedding
Q I'm going to an outdoor, semi-formal wedding on a Saturday in August at 4 pm in Napa Valley, California. It will be hot. I'm a member of the groom's extended family, in my 50s, and wear plus sizes. Can you suggest something appropriate and flattering to wear? Thanks for your help.

Middle-aged mom

A I am a huge fan of Eileen Fisher, who makes loose fitting separates in fine quality and nice solid colors. What about a tunic over a long skirt or a thin weight jacket over a shell with a tea-length skirt. Other designers who work well with plus sizes are Dana Buchman and Anne Klein. Why not go through a couple of issues of More magazine or go to www.more.com to get some ideas?

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Seven O'clock Wedding
Q My husband and I will be attending my cousin's wedding in South Carolina in July at 7:00 p.m. as well as the rehearsal party the evening before. The wedding is formal and the rehearsal party specified "cocktail attire".

Would it be appropriate for my husband to wear a dark blue pinstripe suit? If so, could he wear the same suit to both events but with a different shirt and tie?

I will be wearing a LBD to the rehersal and a plum tea-length chiffon overlay halter dress to the wedding.

Also what should teen (15 & 16) girls wear to such a wedding? And what about a 4-year-old girl? Would just a cream eyelet lace short dress be appropriate for the 4-year-old?




A If the wedding is a "black-tie," then your husband will have to wear a tuxedo to the seven o'clock wedding. If the wedding invitation does not state "Black-tie," then he could most certainly wear a dark blue pinstripe suit to both the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, with different shirts and ties. If he has a navy blue blazer he could wear that with cream colored pants to the rehearsal dinner, then his suit would be fresh for the wedding. I don't know about your husband, but if there is dancing at the rehearsal dinner, or if it is hot that night, he will probably need a fresh jacket for the wedding the next night. South Carolina in July will be hot, air conditioning or not.

A long black dress sounds a bit dressy for the rehearsal dinner, if the invitation states "cocktail attire." For "Cocktail Attire" you would want to wear a cocktail-length dress that falls at the knees, either just above or just below. The plum tea-length chiffon halter dress sounds fine for the wedding; however, I am not a huge fan of tea-length because that length tends to look dowdy. For dancing there is nothing more fun than a short chiffon dress that moves with the music.

The teenage girls would wear knee-length short dresses to the wedding. I've always found that teenage girls are very good at figuring out which dress makes them feel the most comfortable. Since their comfort is of importance here, I would just take them to a department store with a good selection of junior dresses and let them try on as many as they like until they find the right dress. For the four-year-old, you would want to stay away from white because the only person at the wedding wearing white is the bride. On the other hand if the dress has a wide ribbon of another color around the waist, it wouldn't look so all white.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Six O'Clock in the South
Q I'm 58 years old and attending a 6:00 PM late October wedding in a rural Southern state with the reception given at the bride's family home, a stately mansion. I have three choices of what I might wear: 1) black dinner suit, no embellishments on suit except satin on the collar and satin bows at the cuffs, 2) black skirt suit with silver jacket that has sequins scattered on it, 3)blue and black toned multi-colored dress (straight) with 3/4 sleeves. I would carry a black clutch with each of these. I can wear strappy heels with all of these or patten-leather flats. Which would be be appropriate? Which would not be appropriate? What jewelry should I wear and which shoes would be best? The wedding is next weekend, please help! Thank you! A

A All three outfits sound suitable. Personally, I am a huge fan of the dressy dinner suit. Should you want to take the jacket off for the dancing, you could wear a pretty shirt under the jacket. I am also a huge fan of dresses, especially if you hope to be doing some dancing. Since I am not fond of sequins on anything but an evening dress, that outfit would be my third choice.

Think about your comfort and then decide which outfit is the most elegant. I am all for elegance at our age. Wear comfortable, beautiful shoes, whichever look the most elegant.

Wear real good jewelry, or well-made fake jewelry. Earrings are good with either a fabulous brooch or a necklace of pearls or gold. My favorite accessory for after six parties is the cocktail ring, if you don't wear the brooch, both of which can be conversation starters.

At home weddings are the best. They can be dressy, but it is not necessarily about the sequins. It is more about the good quality of the fabric or jewelry that you wear, and not the quantity, so if you wear, say, a beautiful necklace, you wouldn't wear a fabulous brooch. More is less, but the less has to be of good quality and design.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Six O'Clock Reception: October: Charleston SC
Q Party after wedding 6 to 10 pm, invitation says casual will be held at a park in Charleston S.C. in October - I am over sixty, what should I wear?

A If you are a man, you would wear either a two-button dark poplin suit with a white collared shirt, silk tie, and dark shoes and socks, or a pure cotton, two-button seersucker suit with white bucks. Alternatively, a navy blue blazer with dress khakis or grey flannel pants are always classic.

If you are a woman, you would wear a dress with sleeves that falls just below your knees, or a beautiful blouse with a long skirt. If you have a decent figure, you can wear pants with a gorgeous tunic. As the reception is outside, you will want to wear flats or pumps because high heels will sink into the grass, if the soil beneath the grass is damp.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Six O'clock Wedding: Guest: Women
Q Southern summer wedding - what should a female guest wear? Ceremony is outside in a garden of a Victorian house at 6pm. Reception is inside house. Invitation was not formal, but funky. Groom is from England and there will be guests from many parts of the world.

A Depending upon on your age and build, you could wear a silk chiffon flirty floral dress that falls just above your knees. If you are over forty, you might want to look dignified and elegant by wearing a dress with short sleeves that falls just below your knees. Whether the dress is cotton, linen or silk chiffon, the quality of the fabric and design should be your top priority. Beautiful shoes, real jewelry, and a small clutch would be your only accessories.

British women love their hats, especially at weddings, so if you have a special summer hat, this is the time to wear it. However, you would leave your hat in your car before going into the reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Six Thirty: Rainy
Q I am going to a 6:30 wedding on October 23, 2009. I am a 66 year old female. The weather will be in the upper 60s with rain. What should I wear.

A Sorry for the delay, we had a temporary computer glitch here at the office.

If the wedding is indoors, the rain shouldn't be a problem, just take your umbrella and wear black patent leather shoes. Patent leather is virtually waterproof, while still keeping a very flexible texture, furthermore the glass-like finish catches light, which makes them perfect for more formal dancing.

Otherwise, take a discreet bag for your dancing shoes, and wear your best rain boots. You can change into your dress shoes in the lady's room or cloak room, and check the boots there. If there isn't a coat check, then hang the shoe bag with your boots in it under your raincoat on the hanger, should you fear leaving them on the cloak room floor.

Wear a dress with sleeves that falls just below the knees and your best raincoat. Since I haven't seen the invitation, it is hard to know how dressy that dress should be. Because it is a six thirty wedding, I am assuming that you would wear a very good quality cocktail dress accessorized by a couple of pieces of your best jewelry.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Stepfather of the Groom
Q My stepson is getting married in September in Austin, TX, his mother will also be in attendance. I was wondering what would be proper attire for me to wear.

A Assuming that this is not a black-tie wedding, you're off the hook about having to wear a tux. A dark lightweight navy blue suit or gray pinstripe suit would work well with a white shirt and a tie in the color, or colors, of the wedding. The wedding couple usually have one or two colors that carry through as a theme from the flowers and bridesmaids' dresses to the men's ties. You would wear black shoes with dark socks, that could be navy blue. A white handkerchief in your breast pocket will look dignified and might come in handy as an offering to your wife, should she needs a hankie. Find out what the wedding colors are and see if you can find out what the father of the bride is wearing. That should help you decide. Your wife should be able to find out that information without your having to ask around.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Stepmother of the Bride: Outdoors at Six O'Clock
Q What would the stepmother of the bride wear? The wedding is at 6pm in September. It is outside at her grandparents' home; their colors are yellow and khaki pants for the groom, rather informal. I don't have a clue what I should wear.

A Look for clues as to what to wear. For instance, you say that the groom is wearing khaki pants, which are less formal than gray flannels, and much more less formal than a tuxedo. Assuming he is wearing a navy blue blazer with those khaki pants, you would wear a very good skirted suit or dress with sleeves that falls just below your knees.

September can be tricky weather-wise. Since I don't know where the wedding is taking place, this is a rather general answer.

As the stepmother of the bride, you would want to look dignified. A dressy dinner skirt suit or a dress with sleeves that falls just below your knees would be quite suitable. You wouldn't want to wear high heels because the earth underneath the grass can be quite damp if there has been rain and high heels would sink into the ground. Dressy ballet flats or pumps with a sturdy heel would be safer. Depending upon the location, the weather can be rather chilly, so you will want to have a dressy sweater or jacket that you can take off when the dancing starts.

As to what colors you would wear, traditionally the mothers of the bride, whether birth, adopted, or step, wear beige or a shade of blue. But at less formal weddings, such as this, they wear shades of green (not bright) and taupe. You would need to check with the bride's mother, if she is in the picture, or the bride herself, to find out what her mother is wearing. Then you would follow her lead--somewhat. For instance, you wouldn't wear the same color dress as the mother of the bride, but you could wear, say, navy blue, if she is wearing ice blue. If she is wearing a dress with a matching light-weight coat, you could wear a sheath with a jacket. You could both wear dinner suits.

If there isn't a birth mother in the picture, then as the stepmother, it is your job to communicate with the groom's mother about what you are wearing. For instance, if you are wearing a dress with a matching jacket that falls just below your knees and she shows up in a floor-length gown, she will feel over dressed. You wouldn't want that to happen, so talk to the groom's mother. Tell her, say, that you are wearing a moss green dinner suit, then she won't show up in exactly that color, but she might wear a navy blue one. Do, also warn her about walking on the grass in high heels, since the tent is outdoors.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: The Bride
Q Who gives the something blue, something borrowed, something new, something used to whom for a wedding? Are these gifts for the bride?

A No, they are not necessarily gifts for the bride. For instance the something borrowed could be a string of pearls that the bride is borrowing from her mother, sister, or godmother. The something new could be a garter (usually sold in bridal boutiques); customarily the groom takes it off with his teeth. I have never heard of "something used." Borrowed yes, used no. But there is usually something the color blue. For instance the garter might have a blue ribbon or her panties might be pale blue. She could borrow sapphire earrings. So: the bride is not necessarily given these things, they are usually loaned to her by close women relatives, the maid of honor, matron of honor, or perhaps whoever is helping her get dressed. Think of these as talismen, such as a rabbits foot, that are considered trinkets for good luck.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Ties + Jackets
Q When sending a wedding invitation, I want to make sure everyone wears attire appropriate for the wedding. Does putting formal attire on the invitation require everyone to be in a tuxedo? I don't want that formal, but coat and ties on the men is a definite. Thanks.

A Getting guests to adhere to your dress code without actually spelling it out is tricky business because you don't want to insult those who could not think of going to a wedding without wearing a tie and jacket. Wedding invitations fall into three styles: formal, semiformal, and informal. By picking a style and sticking to it, you will help avoid any confusion. Guests should be able to tell by the information they receive from you on the invitation and reply card that, say, men have to wear ties and jackets when you have an enclosed RSVP, for instance, that has a cut off date: Please return by May 15th. Another sign would be that you have a cut off age for guests, also, printed on the enclosure card: We are sorry but we cannot accommodate children under the age of 16. The more boundaries you set for your guests, the less ambiguous they will feel about deciding how to dress without your having to dictate what they should wear. By using an inside envelope as well as an outside envelope for the wedding invitation, list on the inside envelope exactly to whom the invitation is directed. If the children's given names do not appear on the inside envelope, then they are not invited. Also, remember that everyone 18 years and older receives his or her own invitation, unless, of course, they are married or are in a committed relationship. I believe strongly in the word of mouth, so get the word out to friends and family that ties and jackets are the dress code and you will discover the power of spreading information through word of mouth.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Traditional Contemporary
Q I am having a May 30th wedding at 4:00 in a small chapel and a 6:00 reception in a historic Inn/Restaurant. I would like the atmosphere to be "less formal" or semi-formal. I am wearing a white, floor length A-line gown (no train) and an elbow length veil. I have picked out periwinkle bridesmaids dresses that are just below the knee with silver shoes and accessories. My aunt has expressed concern over the length of the dresses. All my maids are under 30 and not married. I thought given the atmosphere I wanted and the time of day/year as well as my dress it would be ok. I also wanted to pick out something they could possibly wear again. Most of the maids have already ordered their dresses. Should I be concerned? Also if this does convey "less formal" or semi-formal, what should the guests wear?

A In my opinion, you have set the perfect dress code. Long dresses on bridesmaids are so over---unless you are having a black tie dinner dance in a very fancy hotel ballroom. A good hostess, even if she is the bride, makes the dress code easy for her guests. It sounds as if your dress code is cocktail dress code, which means dark suits and jackets and ties for the men and knee length dressy dresses for the woman. You do not need to list a dress code on your wedding invitation. Through word of mouth your friends and relatives will learn the dress code from one another. If you don't put "Black tie" on the invitation, then most men won't wear a tuxedo when it isn't necessary. By describing the bridesmaids' dresses, the women guests will know not to wear an evening gown. Nowadays, most wedding couples create a wedding Web site to keep family and friends in the loop about everything from accommodations and directions to dress codes and bridal registries. Tell your aunt that you are having a "traditional contemporary" wedding. Frankly, I feel that older women usually look dowdy in long dresses at weddings. Spread the word, email your friends photos of the mother of the bride and groom dresses, as well as the bridesmaids. In my opinion, the only woman in a long dress at a wedding should be the bride.

On a personal note, my 27-year-old daughter was married last June in a Colonial church here in Newport with a reception at our beach club. I wore a green silk suit that fell just below the knees, the mother of the groom wore a silver suit the same length. The bridesmaids wore a short Vera Wang navy blue strapless dress with strappy silver heels. The groom and groomsmen wore navy blue blazers and cream colored pants with black Gucci loafers. They wore white collared shirts with a navy blue and yellow regimental tie. The groom's tie had the same colors but was different. The father of the bride wore a dark navy suit with a light blue collared shirt and an excellent pale yellow tie; the father of the groom wore a dark gray suit, white shirt, bold yellow tie and both wore black shoes and socks. The bridesmaids' bouquets were white and bright yellow, the bride's was white, cream, and pale yellow. As you can see, the wedding couple chose navy and yellow as their wedding colors. No, it was not a formal wedding, but it was a very classy wedding thanks to my daughter's good taste. It is your wedding, my dear, you get to call the shots. Long dresses on most women, except the bride, look dowdy.

As to your guests, I would say the perfect guest dress for a young woman would be a knee length pale chiffon dress, perhaps with flowers. They look great on the dance floor with strappy heels. The male guests can wear blazers with gray flannels, or even good khakis, and a bright tie. If you would like to see wedding pictures, let me know and I'll give you access to view them online. Have fun and that means having your wedding the way you want it. All my best to the wedding couple.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Tuxedos + Wedding Party
Q Would it be appropriate for the ushers and fathers of the bride and goom to NOT wear tuxes.....groomsmen are wearing tuxes?

A Most definitely the ushers and fathers of the bride and groom do not have to wear tuxedos. Nor does the groom or his groomsmen. Nowadays, it is very chic for all the men in the wedding party to wear either very good dark suits or, say, in the summer navy blue blazers with cream colored pants. Unfortunately, most rented tuxedos have that head waiter look, so it is far better to have the men wear their best quality attire. Even if they have to buy a suit or blazer, at least it will be a good investment for their wardrobe. These days tuxedos are best only for charity balls. By all means have the bridesmaids and the mothers of the bride and groom wear knee length dresses, so at least they can wear them again. The long dress look at weddings is so over and the mothers especially look much more attractive in, say, a silk knee-length dinner suit or a dress with a jacket than a dowdy long dress that they will never wear again. The only person wearing a long dress at a wedding should be the bride. I would say that you are totally on the right track for a traditional but also contemporary wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Two O'Clock Ceremony: Mothers of the Wedding Couple
Q My daughter is getting married at 2:00 p.m. Is it okay for me to wear a lavender long dress? Her bridesmaids are wearing black knee-length dresses with champagne sashes. Her flowers will be pink peonies mixed with hydrangeas. Her wedding gown is ivory/champagne.
Thank you

A In my opinion, you wouldn't wear a long dress to a two o'clock wedding unless you are the bride. The mothers of the bride and groom would wear dresses with sleeves or matching jackets or skirt suits that fall just below the knees. Traditionally, the mothers' colors are beige, ice blue, taupe, green, navy blue, and coral.

Is it okay to wear a lavender long dress? No, unless you feel that you need to cover up your legs for whatever reason, you don't want to be wearing a long dress at two o'clock in the afternoon. Most women over a certain age look dowdy in long dresses, and especially in the afternoon.

Whatever you decide, let the mother of the groom know exactly what you've chosen to wear because she is waiting to hear from you so that she can follow your dress code.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Two O'Clock Outdoor Wedding in October
Q I'm invited to a 2:00 p.m. outside wedding with reception immediately following in October. I am in my mid-50's, size 12-14. What would be the proper dress code? My 31-year-old handicapped son has been invited also. His handicap is being non-verbal; but also he has depth vision problems; what should he wear? Would it be appropriate for him to wear shoes that he wears daily that he is accustomed to?

A For an outdoor two o'clock wedding in October you can wear a skirt that falls just below your knees with a nice sweater twin set and a light-weight jacket, along with pretty shoes that have a sensible heel because, if the soil is damp beneath the grass, high heels could possibly pierce through the turf and make it difficult for you to walk. Alternatively, you could wear a skirt suit or dress with a matching coat or jacket.

Since I don't know where this wedding is taking place, this is a rather general answer.

Your son can wear a jacket with a collared white shirt and tie of his choice. Khaki pants would probably be fine with the shoes that he usually wears.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Two O'Clock Outdoor Wedding in October
Q I'm invited to a 2:00 p.m. outside wedding with reception immediately following in October. I am in my mid 50's, size 12-14; what would be the proper dress code. My 31-year-old handicapped son has been invited also. His handicap is being non-verbal, but also he has depth vision problems; what should he wear? Would it be appropriate for him to wear shoes that he wears daily that he is accustomed to?. By the way the wedding is in middle Georgia.

A Hi, I think I just answered this question, but since I want to be sure that you received my answer and I didn't see that the wedding was in Georgia until too late, here is a slightly better version of my answer.

You could wear a skirt suit that falls just below your knees with good jewelry, good leather shoes with sensible heels, and a good, smallish leather bag. If you have a dress with a matching jacket, that would be perfect, too. Alternatively, you would be quite proper wearing a sweater twin set with pearls and a dark A-line skirt that falls just below your knees. I want you to be warm if it is chilly, but I also want you to look dignified. If the weather has been rainy, you would not wear shoes with a high heel because the heels might sink into the ground and throw you off balance.

Your son is the easy one. If he has a nice tweed jacket or navy blue blazer, he could wear either with a collared white shirt and the tie of his choice. Please, don't worry about the shoes. If he is wearing a pair of darkish khaki pants, he can wear whatever shoes make him comfortable. He probably should wear either khaki colored socks, if he wears khakis, or black socks, if the shoes that he usually wears are black. At any rate, his socks should match either the color of his trousers or the color of his shoes.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Wearing Red
Q Can you wear red to a wedding?

A Yes, if you are a man, you can wear red in your tie, shirt, or cummerbund, but not in your socks. A woman wearing all red might look as if she is going to a Christmas party so, accenting with red is fine. Wearing red from hat to the shoes and bag, including the dress, would scream, "Look at me, look at me." This is the bride's special day and one would not want to take attention away from the bride. However, red shoes are always great.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Wearing Red
Q Is it okay to wear red to a 3:00 wedding?

A Wearing red to a wedding used to be slightly taboo, but there is red and there is red. Nowadays, it is all right to wear red, if you are not trying to upstage the bride. If the dress screeches "Look at me, look at me!," then you would not wear it to a wedding. It is polite to the bride to wear discreet clothing to her wedding. For instance, a red dinner suit or coat dress might be fine; however, a red strapless mini-dress might be too revealing.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: White Tie
Q The invitation for this wedding in Austria says "White Tie (Black Tie)." My reaction would be to wear black tie, as I'm not an important participant in the wedding and I'm an American. On the other hand, white tie is pretty cool. Thoughts?


A A "White Tie" wedding is the most formal of weddings. By offering the option of "Black Tie" as an alternative, the host is letting men who don't own a "White Tie" off the hook, if they only have a tuxedo. On the other hand, if he has to rent an outfit anyway, he might as well rent "White Tie." In my opinion, "White Tie" is very cool.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Winter White for Guest
Q I'm attending a wedding and the bride has asked me to wear a long cream dress to her wedding. She is asking those that hold a special place in her heart to do so. Her wedding is a very intimate wedding (about 60) in December, right on the water in Long Beach California. Ceremony starts at 5:00pm -10:00pm. I'm 29 years old, about 5'7 and size 12 and am having the hardest time finding a young looking, cute, long cream dress. I don't want to go broke buying a dress for this wedding. Is a cream dress appropriate for a December wedding? I'm thinking I can get away with a knee-length dress if anything? Any suggestions on where I can look for a dress???

A Actually, another name for cream is" Winter White," so don't give up looking for an off-white dress. I totally agree with you about wearing a dress that falls just above your knees. Long dresses make most women look and feel dowdy.

I usually don't do this, but I was interested to see what was out there in Winter White. I went on to the Neiman Marcus Web site and found a couple of dresses by Diane von Furstenburg that would be perfect. One was a cream, short, lace dress for $325 and she also has a cream, felt wool dress for $385. Additionally, I liked a strapless, cream, seamed dress that was $485 that is now reduced to $291. Theory had a great cream floral dress that was reduced from $265 to $133.

The reason that I am reporting all this is because if you have some time, I want you to go on to a major department Web site and click on Shop-Sales & Values. Then click on dresses.

There are some wonderful values out there, if you have the time to look. When the bride says "cream dress," that can mean a floral cream dress. So, use your imagination and search the net. Also, remember, that if you see a dress on a department store Web site that you like, but it is too expensive, then at least you've narrowed it down to what you are looking for ultimately. Lastly, when you find such a designer, you can go directly to the designers' site to look for a better price.

At any rate, I am not a personal shopper, but living in a beach resort town myself, I know how difficult it is to find clothing, especially dresses. Luckily, we have the Web. So, look for a Winter White dress that you like and then look around and bargain shop. There are a lot of great bargains out there, if you are willing to spend the time.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Woman Wears Black + White in April
Q Is a black and white outfit acceptable for an April afternoon wedding?

A Assuming you are a woman, a black and white outfit is terrific for an April afternoon wedding. Black and white are one of those chic, classic combinations that work well year-round in any climate. You might wear black shoes and tote a small black bag. I love white gloves at an afternoon wedding, so if you have them and it is a city wedding, you might wear them.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women
Q We are having an outdoors evening wedding on the grounds of a lovely family (old southern-style) home. The bride is wearing a formal gown and mothers of the bride and groom wish to wear long gowns. The bride would like her bride's maids to wear tea-lenghth gowns rather than long gowns--any problem with that length given the circumstances? The reception will be on the informal style with mint juleps, wine, beer, Gone With the Wind picnic style bar-b-q, etc. --all in the spring of the year--there is also a lovely landscaped pool area for the children. This is a close-knit New Orleans family who has been through much in the last year and treasures partying together in celebration of new beginning. Any problems with the short dresses for the evening wedding and if not, must the mothers wear short dresses also? Thank you for your opinion.

A Don't worry about short dresses. The vogue of wearing a long dress at a wedding is so over. At the nicest and chicest weddings, the dress code is not long dresses. So: on the contrary, short dresses are in vogue right now no matter how formal the wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: 4:00
Q What kind of dress should you wear to an outdoor wedding that takes place at 4:00 P M?

A It would depend, of course, upon your age and build. Assuming the climate where the wedding is taking place is mild, you might wear a flirty, strapless, three-quarter length chiffon-type dress with high, strappy heels and a string of pearls. You might want to take along a black or white sweater or shawl just in case it gets chilly when the sun sets or you go indoors to air-conditioning. If that's not your style, a woman of a certain age, whatever her build, might wear a dinner suit or dress with a soft dressy jacket in good quality fabric, perhaps with dressy buttons, sling-back heels for dancing and an evening bag. The hem would hit at least an inch or two below the knees. If this wedding is literally on a mountain top or on a beach, you might want to take it down a couple of notches. Not knowing more about the formality of the wedding or your age and build, this is a rather general answer. If you would like to return to my Web site and give me more details about the location, the formality, and yourself, I would be happy to give you a proper answer.

www.newportmanners.com

Thank you, Didi

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Five O'clock Wedding
Q I am attending a 5:00 pm wedding at the end of May (in a suburb of Chicago). It will be held on a golf course with the reception to follow in the clubhouse. My husband is the best man. What kind of attire would be appropriate? A black cocktail dress or a mid-calf black and white printed dress?

A The mid-calf black and white printed dress would be more appropriate for a spring wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Formal
Q What color gowns should a woman wear to a black-tie wedding in the fall that starts at 6:30 at the Franklin Institute? Is blue appropriate? It isn't dark blue. It's brighter then that. Also is silver o.k.?

Thanks

A I am not a big fan of gowns on guests at weddings, because I feel that most floor length dresses make a woman look dowdy. A chic cocktail dress or dressy skirted dinner suit that falls just below the knee is a fresher look. However, if you have these gowns and are going to wear one or the other, dark blue is a great fall color. Silver is fine too, although it might seem a bit glitzy, but if it is a glitzy wedding, it should be perfect. Since I don't know your age or build, this is a rather general answer.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Four O'clock in Georgia
Q Wow! Your site has been most helpful! However, I'd like an answer specifically for me. What is the appropriate dress attire to wear to a 4 o'clock wedding in November? Location is at a former Catholic Church in Georgia. I'm a mid 20's female and the wedding is for a co-worker. I don't want to appear too dressy. Also, what should my husband wear, he refuses to wear a jacket? Thanks so much! -MC

A Thank you for your kind words, but I am afraid that your husband is not going to go along with my answer. If the wedding couple were getting married on a farm, then he could dress as a farmhand, if they had chosen a mountain top, then he could dress as a ski bum, if the marriage were taking place on a beach in Hawaii, he could wear a lei around his neck and not much more. The problem is two-fold: Because the wedding is being held in a church (even though the church no longer holds services and has parishioners), the bride will most likely be wearing a conventional wedding gown and her groom a jacket and tie; therefore, your groom should wear a jacket and tie, as well. When in Rome, as the saying goes, do as the Romans do. The second reason is that I don't want your husband to feel uncomfortable being the only man over the age of 21 who is not wearing a jacket and tie during the ceremony. Why don't you compromise? Remind him sweetly that when he gets to the reception he can take off his tie and jacket and dance up a storm.

You, my dear, are free and clear to wear a fun cocktail dress with high heels. Yes, of course, you can wear some dowdy long dress that is not as dressy as an evening dress, but I want you to have fun with your husband and co-workers, so wear something slightly daring. Perhaps a pashmina over your shoulders during the ceremony, but if you have half-way decent legs, show them off and wear a dress that you can have fun dancing in and have a good time.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Four O'clock Wedding
Q What colors and attire for a 72-year-old lady, pear shaped, long waisted, 170 pounds, would be appropriate for a 4 o'clock wedding, followed by a sit down dinner and dance?

Any information would be very much appericated.

The wedding is 4/4/09 in South Carolina.

Thank you
Bobbie

A Why not wear either a dressy dinner suit or a dress with a matching jacket, because either will allow you to take off the jacket for the dancing, if it gets hot. Also, a dress with short or long sleeves (but not sleeveless), with a slightly nipped waist that falls just below the knees is most flattering. I am not a huge fan of long dresses at four o'clock in the afternoon, and I'm especially not in favor of woman over forty in long dresses because they can look dowdy, if the woman's proportions aren't even.

Alternatively, you could wear a silk tunic with pajama style pants, if you dress it up with very good jewelry, but then you wouldn't wear a hat or gloves.

As you will be in your outfit for at least six hours, you will want to look fresh and crisp, and you'll want to wear low comfortable heels or flats because you will be on your feet quite a bit. A small clutch bag and pearls or gold jewelry will help you accessorize your outfit. If your attire is a solid color, then you can accessorize further by wearing a hat and gloves to the church, which you can leave in the car when you go into the reception.

As I don't know your coloring or the wedding couple's wedding colors, suggesting a color is not easy. Stay away from wearing a solid color, including white, that is one of the wedding colors. In April, beige, moss green, ice blue, taupe, and navy blue are always good colors. Even in the South, you wouldn't get into wearing the tropical colors until May.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Garden Setting
Q I will be attending an outdoor wedding in early October. The wedding is in Wilmington, NC, and will be held in an upscale public garden with the reception following. Since the wedding is at 6 pm, must I wear a black cocktail dress? I have a beautiful teal tea-length dress but have no clue about shoes, shawl, jewelry, etc. I know it's safe to go with the black dress but it gets tiresome to have the same look as all the other guests.

A You're right, black is chic for weddings right now, but in a garden setting the formality of black looks stark, so: please wear that beautiful teal tea-length dress. Your shoes could match the teal, but if that's not possible, you could certainly wear delicate silver sandals with a matching bag, if you don't have a clutch bag that matches the dress. As for a shawl, see if you can find a very thin, high quality pashmina in a shade of teal, or a color in that hue. Simple pearls, of course, look particularly lovely at weddings, even if they are not real. Remember that you wouldn't want to wear gold if you decide on silver shoes and bag. Since I don't know your build or age, these are rather general suggestions. If you can wear a higher heel with the tea length, it will give you more height; however, if you know that you will be walking on lawns at the public gardens, you wouldn't want those spike heels sinking into the turf.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Military Wedding
Q I have been invited to a military wedding. The invitation says black-tie attire or formal military dress. I am not in the military and neither is my husband. Does this mean the ladies wear formal long gowns or will a dressy black skirt be appropriate? If skirt is appropriate, what type of top?

My husband is officiating the wedding. Can you help?

A Your husband would wear a tuxedo or at the very least a dark suit with a white collared shirt, dark belt, shoes and socks.

No, you do not have to wear a floor-length gown to a black- tie/formal military dress wedding. A short dressy black skirt that falls just above your knees would be perfect. With the skirt you could wear a white lace blouse, or a dressy twin set with a strand of pearls. Most any beautiful blouse would be appropriate, along with pretty shoes and a clutch bag.

If the wedding is in the Northeast this fall, you will need a jacket, even if you are wearing a sweater set, or at the very least a really warm shawl. The jacket could be as simple as one of those black quilted Chinese-style jackets with the "frog" cloth closures. You want a soft, pretty jacket, nothing utilitarian looking because you might need to keep on your jacket until the dancing starts.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Outdoor Reception: Louisiana:
Q Dear Didi
I am an invited guest to an evening wedding in mid-October, South Louisiana Plantation, outdoor reception. I am mid- fifties female, average height and weight. Could you please tell me what type of attire (dress and shoes,etc.) would be appropriate for this occasion? Thanks for the information, Didi. It will be a great help. Ann

A Assuming that it is not a Black-Tie wedding, you can wear any dressy cocktail dress. When I say, "dressy," I don't mean sequins. It means that I want you to wear a dignified, elegant cocktail dress or skirted dinner suit made of a very good fabric that is well-constructed. Have the dress tailored to fit your body as if the dress was made for you. The dress should fall just below your knees and might be draped, if the style suits you. If your arms are not tightly buffed, be sure the dress has sleeves. It doesn't matter what kind, short, three-quarter length or long, as long as the sleeves cover any hanging flesh.

Accessorize with very good jewelry. Less is more, so if you have fabulous earrings, that could well be enough.

Shoes for an outdoor reception are difficult to recommend. If the ground has been especially wet this fall, spiked heels could very well sink through the turf and into soggy sod. However, if the tent is floored, you won't have to worry about that. We don't want you toddling around on grass in high heels and fall, so look at some of the pretty ballet flats that are decorated with a bit of sparkle. Beautiful pumps with a sensible heel should be fine, too.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Pants
Q I have a 6:00 p.m. wedding to go to next week in Charleston, SC. We are invited to the rehearsal dinner which states "coat and tie". I am 61 and everyone tells me not to wear hose, which I hate. I have a wonderful white ruffled blouse that I would like to wear with black, very wide-leg flowing pants, or page grey raw silk tight leg fitted pants (coming to the ankle) so I can wear sandals to match or even a pale gold raw silk tight-leg fitted pants (coming to the ankle). These all would look great with my white ruffled blouse with a sash bow. Are pants a no to the rehearsal or wedding?

A Are pants a no-no at a rehearsal dinner or wedding? It depends upon the formality of the invitation, the quality of the pants, and the build of the woman wearing those pants.

It sounds as if you've made your decision to wear pants with your elegant white ruffled blouse with bow, so I am going to make it easy for you to decide between the three choices.

Wearing the black and white combination is incredibly chic; however, the thing about very wide-leg flowing pants is that you have to be fairly tall to carry off that excess material or else people will assume that you are trying to hide your short, fat, stumpy legs. The page grey raw silk tight-leg fitted pants with the matching sandals sound sophisticated as long as the pretty blouse covers any unseemly bulges or noticeable lines. The pale gold silk tight-leg fitted pants would be slightly dressier, but you would have to be careful about the shoes. You wouldn't wear white shoes and a bright gold would be too dressy, so you might want to go with a softer color gold or a more neutral taupe.

Personally, if I had long legs, I would wear the black very wide- leg flowing pants. Second choice would be the page grey raw silk tight leg fitted pants, since you have the shoes that match.

My only concern about the pants being so "tight leg fitted" is that they might convey a lower level of formality. When a 61-year-old attends a rehearsal dinner or wedding, she wants to look dignified and elegant, and not as if she is trying to compete with younger women in the springtime of life.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Pantsuits
Q I am 73 and will be attending an outdoor 4 PM wedding at a resort in So. Calif. Is a pantsuit OK?

A In my opinion, you wouldn't wear a pantsuit to a wedding, even if it is outdoors and begins at four o'clock. Wear an elegant skirted suit that falls just below your knees or a dress with a jacket. A dress with three quarter-length sleeves would work as well. Think about looking elegant and dignified.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Pantyhose
Q I am attending a 4:00 wedding at an upscale inn/marina. Do I have to wear pantyhose and if so should they be black?

A If your legs are well groomed, then you don't have to wear pantyhose. No matter where you live, it is still a little early to be wearing black pantyhose.

As I don't know the location of the marina (North, South, or in between), or the date of the wedding (September, November, or June), this is a rather general answer.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Semi-Formal
Q My husband and I are invited to a wedding September 25th in Canada. The invitation states that black tie is optional. My husband is going to wear his dark suit; would a tea-length dress for me in black be proper as opposed to a long one?
Thank you.

A If black tie is optional, then it is a semi-formal wedding and you do not need to wear a full-length dress. A tea- length black dress would be perfectly proper. Wearing a black dress to a wedding is quite fashionable these days.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Women: Guests Don't Wear White
Q Dear Didi, My brother is getting married for the third time and it is his fiancee's second wedding. They both had big weddings each time; now they are having another big wedding, white dress and tuxedos. I recently purchased an ivory dress that I just loved for no real reason other than I liked it and it was on sale. When I was told about the wedding I thought about the dress I bought and thought I could wear it to their wedding in June, but my daughter said I could not wear white or ivory to a wedding. I knew about the white rule but I think since they are being ridiculous by having another big wedding why can't I wear my ivory dress and wear bronze or brown accessories? I am a married 49-year-old female. Thank You

A It is just not in good taste to wear white or off-white to another woman's wedding. I know it sounds silly in this day and age when anything goes, but you wouldn't want to call attention to yourself by wearing white. And in this case you certainly wouldn't want to be mistaken for your brother's bride by those who had not yet met her.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: 5:30 PM Wedding: Guest
Q What would you wear to a black-tie wedding at 5:30 PM in California? The wedding and reception are at a resort, and weather will be warm. My husband has a tuxedo, do I need to wear a floor-length dress? (I am in my thirties.) I have a teal satin floor-length dress that is strappy on top.

A You do not have to wear a long dress to a 5:30 PM black-tie wedding. At a warm weather resort, a silk chiffon dress with a flirty skirt that falls just above your knees would be perfect with beautiful shoes.

Of course, if you wish to wear a floor-length dress, you certainly can do so, but for dancing at a resort in warm weather, you might feel more comfortable in a short chiffon with a skirt that has some swing to it. A long satin dress sounds a bit hot for a warm summer night.

You asked what I would wear: I would wear a pale chiffon dress, perhaps with a floral pattern, that falls just above my knees and really good quality, elegant, open-toed, sling-backs with a medium height, thin heel. I would accessorize with a soft cloth clutch, a pearl necklace or beads, and a colorful cocktail ring on my right hand.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Groom and Groomsmen
Q We are planning our daughter's wedding. I need help choosing what the groom and groomsmen will wear. The wedding will be June 26th in North Carolina outside on the lawn of a family estate. The bride will come out of open french doors, cross the terrace and out onto the lawn to be wed. The invitation is simple, traditional, engraved with a side fold. The wedding will be at 6:00. (I will write another question about that in a moment.) The reception will be indoors at a club. The bride will wear a strapless a-line gown of lace with a veil that reaches just to the end of the train which is short - perhaps 18 inches or so.
What should the groom and groomsmen wear as far as formalwear? A tux (with cummerbund or vest?), a white tie? White jacket? Are tails worn anymore? Even though the wedding is outdoors, I expect the male guests will wear suits because of the time and invitation. Do you think that is right?
Thank you for your help.

A The plans for your daughter's wedding sound splendid, and I would be happy to be a sounding board for you and your daughter over the course of the next nine months. It is my understanding that the plan is as follows: the ceremony will be held outdoors at the family's estate immediately followed by a reception inside a private club towards the end of June in North Carolina.

As this is not a seven o'clock Black-Tie wedding, there is no need to put a dress code on the invitation. Therefore, you can expect that gentlemen guests will wear dark business suits or dark jackets and slacks.

What the groom wears should be left up to him. The groom, his father, brother(s,) and best man decide between them what their dress code will be. Dark suits would be fine. Also, a lot of men are deciding on navy blue blazers with cream colored trousers, a white shirt and a striped tie in the wedding colors (which the groom would supply).

Alternatively, the men in the wedding party could wear white jackets with tuxedo pants and a black bow tie. Whichever, the men would wear black leather shoes (possibly Gucci-style loafers) with black garter length socks and black leather belt. The fathers of the bride and groom would definitely wear very good dark suits.

If you moved the wedding to seven o'clock, then you could have the groomsmen wear tails but then the invitation would state "Black Tie". Six o'clock is too late for morning clothes, which in this country are occasionally worn to morning and afternoon weddings, but if the reception is a seated dinner, the men would change into black tie for the reception, which makes it complicated for out-of-towners. It is just one too many costumes for them to have to worry about.

It has been my observation that the least amount of items the groomsmen have to worry about the better. It is one thing to forget to bring one's cuff links, but another to forget one's studs. The chicest weddings these days are not black-tie weddings, so, please, do not feel that the groomsmen's dress code has to be formal, because it does not. Most men in that age group have good blue blazers, whereas they might not have a good tuxedo and, if they do, there are so many variations on style of tuxedos that you would want them all to be the same style. A groomsman should not be expected to buy a tuxedo for this one occasion, as splendid as it may be.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Code: Tie or Not
Q My husband and I are attending a 4:00 wedding in San Jose, CA, in October. Will cocktail length dress be appropriate? And for him, suit with or without tie?

Thanks
Ginger

A A gentleman wears a tie and jacket wherever he goes. If your husband has the self-esteem to wear a tie and jacket, encourage him to do so. If, perhaps, it ends up being a non-tie crowd, he can always take it off---just the way men take off their jackets before dancing.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Codes: Bride
Q What does a first-time bride age 42 wear to her wedding?

A What is the style of your wedding? Is it formal, semi-formal, or informal? Once you've chosen a style, everything from the invitations to the wedding dress reflects that style. The style is defined by the time of day, the location, and the venue for the wedding. Does the ceremony take place in a church at six o'clock and is immediately followed by a seated candlelight dinner? Or is it a morning ceremony followed by a brunch? For the first you could wear a long white dress with a veil, for the second you would wear a very snappy white suit or dress with a matching jacket or coat that falls just above the knees.

Then there are all those options in between from a destination wedding in Mexico to a ceremony on top of a mountain in Sun Valley where the guests ski down for the reception in the lodge.

More than likely the style depends upon the budget. So I suggest that the first thing you do is talk to your groom about where you want to get married and how many people you want attending your wedding. Then talk to your parents to see how much they are willing to contribute. My last suggestion is to browse through the wedding magazines at a large book store to try to get the feel for the ambiance you are looking for and perhaps for the style of dress that you hope to wear. Another way to help decide upon a style is to go to one of the many bridal shows around the country; they feature fashion shows as well as samplings from the various florists, bakers and bands in your area that specialize in catering to weddings. It is a great way to help figure out what you want and what you definitely do not want.

Decide upon a style and stick to it. Then do return to my Website NewportManners.com once you've chosen a style and ask your question again telling me which style you've chosen with the time of day and the venue. The more information you give me about the wedding, the better I am able to answer your question. You are also welcome to browse through the wedding archives on my site for free information on weddings.

By the way, if the reference to your age means that you're concerned as to whether you can wear a long white dress or not, it is not a factor. If you were previously married and were in your fifties, I would suggest a knee-length, dressy, white dress. At forty-two you can wear whatever suits the style of the venue of the wedding.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Codes: Guest: Black Dress
Q I am going to my boyfriend's brother's wedding next weekend. The wedding is at 1:00, and I have two dresses I am considering wearing. One is a knee-length turquoise dress. The other is a black, knee-length dress with pink trim and a pink silk belt. The black one looks much nicer, but is it okay to wear it to the wedding?

A Wear the dress of better quality. Whichever dress is the best well-made will probably fit you the best. The dress that fits the best will flatter your figure the most. Don't worry about wearing black. Black is very popular right now to wear to a wedding. Just don't look over-dressed by wearing too much jewelry, or having too many accessories. Keep it simple and chic, and you'll be elegant.

When in doubt, look in the mirror and take off one accessory.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Codes: Guest: Three O'Clock
Q I have a wedding of my nephew to attend at 3 on Jan 2 at The Cedars in Jackson, Ms. I have a really cute red dress with bolero jacket. Is red too strong a color to wear to weddings? I am 53, and always look conservative, this is cute and trendy. Am I safe, or do I need to stay blah? Sincerely,Kathy

A You are safe wearing a strong color, as far as being trendy is concerned, for a three o'clock wedding. Red is a "look at me color" so you'll want to tone down the accessories. Keep jewelry to a minimum--only your best, which doesn't necessarily mean your dressiest. Wear bone or other muted color shoes and clutch. Navy and of course black look well, too, with red as long as your dress isn't an orangish-red. Keep away from glitter. Be sure that the hem of your dress hits your knees, unless you have incredibly good legs. Remember that there will be a lot of pretty young women in very short dresses and you don't want to look as if you're trying to compete with them. Being trendy at our age also means being chic, elegant, and dignified.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Codes: Guest: Woman: Five Thirty Church Wedding
Q 5:30 pm wedding, historic college chapel, reception at nice restaurant (though I can't attend it), and in SC with high temperature of 43 degrees F in December.

Because I can't attend the reception, my attire is probably less formal than it needs to be. But maybe not. I'm trying to blend what I've heard about Christmas weddings and black being en vogue. Please let me know if this outfit is a mistake. I am wearing a black velvet, fitted jacket over a red holiday top with black skirt that stops right at the knee and has a little flounce to it at the bottom though it is not made of sheer or other super lightweight fabric. It is also a matte black color. Also I plan to wear black heels, but am unsure if they should be conservative pumps or strappy heels due to the occasion and cold weather. Also unsure if I should wear tights or hose and what color if so. The time of day, weather, and fact that this is a Southern wedding are all confusing me at this point. I am 30ish yrs. old and plus sized. Even though I am not attending the reception, since everyone else will be dressed accordingly, I don't want to stick out like a sore thumb. I've always struggled with putting my best fashion foot forward, so any advice you can give to spare me embarrassment is much appreciated.

A Thank you for all the details. It makes it so much easier. I am sorry you are not attending the reception because I think your outfit sounds great for the reception as well as the church. Since you're not going to be dancing, I would skip the strappy sandals and be comfortable in beautiful pumps with stockings a slightly lighter shade than your legs. And play down the jewelry. You will be fashionable, elegant, dignified and mysterious--because you won't be showing up at the reception.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Codes: High-Heel Boots at 5:00 Wedding
Q I have a friend who is going to a 5:00 wedding in Texas in Jan. This is an inside wedding. She would like to know if she can wear high heel dress boots with a nice skirt?

A Find the dress code for the wedding. If this is a black-tie wedding, meaning a formal wedding, then leather boots would not be dressy enough. Most five o'clock wedding are informal, so I am sure that high-heel dress boots with a nice skirt would be perfect.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress Codes: Mother of the Groom
Q My son is getting married in July, an outdoor wedding (weather permitting) in the afternoon in Ontario. The bridesmaids are wearing cornflower blue chiffon dresses (knee-length). What colour, style and length dress should I, as mother of the groom, wear? What type and colour of shoe would be suitable? Do mothers wear their corsages on the wrists or on their dress?
Thanks

A As I don't know the time of day (day or night?) or the location of the reception (ballroom or barbecue pit ?), or your body type, this is a rather general answer. It sounds like a morning or afternoon wedding if it is taking place outdoors; therefore you would wear a very good summer suit or dress with a matching jacket. Beige or ice blue are the traditional colors of the mothers, but that doesn't mean that you can't wear, say, navy blue, if you are on the heavy side. You wouldn't wear white, off-white, red, or any bold print, and certainly not cornflower blue because you don't want to look as though you are competing with the young bridesmaids. There is an old adage that the mother of the groom should fade into the background and not call attention to herself, or be needy, in any way.

Whatever the time of day, the mother's dress in an elegant and dignified manner. Think about the quality of the fabric and design and have the outfit tailored to your body so that it fits you perfectly. Don't let the outfit wear you. The length would be just below the knees. Any length longer tends to make woman over forty look dowdy, so look for a chic outfit that suits your body type.

You don't want to wear a corsage because you will be shaking lots of hands. Traditionally, the brides family will give you a flower to wear above your left breast that signifies you are a person of honor at the wedding. The flower would be the same as one of the flowers in the bride's and bridesmaids' bouquets. However, if you are wearing a very expensive dress that is of a delicate fabric, you can opt not to stick a pin in your dress. More and more, women are wearing corsages less and less. Also, for practical reasons you wouldn't want to wear a corsage that gets crushed every time someone hugs you and the wrist corsage looks dreadful after a couple of dozen handshakes. Focus on the quality of your outfit and be sure that it is tailored to your figure, no matter what your size.

Wedding Etiquette: Dress: Yacht Attire: Women
Q What do you wear to a Newport wedding being held on a catamaran sailboat at 1 pm September 28, reception top follow at the Naval Officer's Club? I am 54 and a size 12. My husband is wearing navy blue blazer with khakis. Should he wear shirt and tie or silk tee?
Thank you

Cristy


A If you have a navy blue blazer, wear it with a turtle neck or a tailored long sleeved shirt and slacks or a comfortable skirt that falls just below the knee. As I don't know whether the ceremony will take place out on the bay or docked at a mooring, I am suggesting that you bundle up in layers. You can, of course, leave your dancing pumps and any change of clothing in your car and change at the Officer's Club, so it is just a matter of what to wear on the catamaran. On board, you'll need to be wearing shoes with a rubber sole, either driving loafers or docksiders. If you don't have a nice blazer, then wear a beautiful warm sweater which you can take off when you get inside the club. In my opinion, a gentleman wears a collared shirt and a tie to a wedding, even if he has a sweater vest over his shirt. He can always put on his tie before entering the Officer's Club, if the groom is wearing a tie. If the ceremony is out on the bay, you might want to take windbreakers. Remember that rubber sole shoes don't slide on the dance floor, so you both will want to change into leather sole shoes before the dancing begins.

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