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  • “NEWPORT ETIQUETTE”
  • Using Sir and Mam — In Correspondence and Conversation
  • Creative Etiquette Solutions

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Using Sir and Mam — In Correspondence and Conversation
My question is about using Sir and Mam  —
When writing a letter or message and I don’t know the name or gender of the person, do I write Dear Sir or Madame:? Or do I just write Dear Sir:? 

–Allison, Madrid, Spain

When using Sir and Mam ---
 
 The politically correct greeting in an email or letter when you haven't a clue as to the recipient's gender -- let alone their name -- may not sound warm and friendly, but it certainly won't offend anybody. Absolutely nobody would ever be displeased or insulted when you use: To Whom It May Concern
Otherwise, it is perfectly correct to use Dear Sir/Madame, when you don't know the name of the recipient. Although every effort should be made to find out their name.
  • Of course it is always much better to address the person by name: Dear Mr. Brown or Dear Ms. Greene. So if you are writing to the personnel director, for instance, discover his or her first and last name on the company website and address the email or letter to him or her. If her first name is Olivia and you don't know if she likes to be addressed as Ms. or Mrs., use Ms.
  • When you're already familiar with the person, use their first name only, e.g. "Dear Vanessa."
  • When in doubt, follow how the person signed off in previous correspondence. But be careful to observe that even though his name appears as Robert J. Adams on his letterhead, he may have used Rob -- and not Bob or Bobby -- in the closing of a letter to you.
  • Otherwise, opt for the formality of Mrs., Ms., or Mr. until you assertion what first name to use. 
One last word about Sir and Mam:
  • In conversation, when you don't know the their first and last name you wouldn't say, "Hey, boy" or "Hey, Miss," you would say "Sir" or "Mam" to grab someone's attention or express your appreciation.
  • Sir and Mam are both general-purpose words of respect used in polite conversation when you don't know the stranger's name.
  • You wouldn't use the title Mr., Ms., or Mrs. unless the title is in conjunction with the person's last name: Mr. Brown or Ms. Greene.
Don't forget to:
  • Use a subject line when possible.
  • The tone of the sign-off, or closing, depends on the salvation. So if' you've addressed the letter Dear Ms. Greene, then the sign-off is Sincerely yours, or Kindest regards.
  • But if you've addressed the email to Dear Sir/Madame, then close with Yours faithfully, or Yours truly.
 

~Didi

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  • Addressing The Honorable — Elected and Appointed Officials
  • Creative Etiquette Solutions

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Addressing The Honorable — Elected and Appointed Officials

When addressing a letter to the secretary of state of your home state, do you address them as the Honorable ….?

–HB, Torrington, WY

When addressing a letter, message, or thank-you note to an elected or appointed official: You would address the secretary of state of your home state as The Honorable. Whenever you use the  honorific The Honorable always make the T in The Honorable upper case.
 
Addressing the envelope
 
For official business: 
The Honorable Ed Murray Secretary of the State of Wyoming
Cheyenne, Wyoming (the capital of your state)
 
Socially, a personal thank-you note:
The Honorable The Secretary of State of Wyoming
 
Salutation
Mr. Murray
 
Complimentary Close
Sincerely,

~Didi

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  • Using Ms. or Mrs. — Addressing
  • Creative Etiquette Solutions

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Using Ms. or Mrs. — Addressing

My question is about addressing and whether to use Ms. or Mrs.

I work at a real estate agency and I’m writing to the owner of a house I am contracting to sell for her. She is married, but I don’t know the status of her marriage. The house is in her name. How do I address her, as Mrs. Jane Jones or Ms. Jane Jones? She is 65 and rather conservative.

–BM, Newport, RI

Thank you for your question about addressing and whether to use Ms. or Mrs. You got me at the fact that she is "rather conservative." Ordinarily I would recommend that you address the letter to Ms. Jane Jones, because Ms. is universally correct. But since your client is "rather" traditional and this is a business letter, to be safe address the letter to Mrs. Jane Jones.

~Didi

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