Awkward Situations Archives - Page 18 of 20

'Wealfie' Brazenness
Creative Etiquette Solutions

'Wealfie' Brazenness

How do I get my fiancé to see that it is not polite to brag about his riches on social media by taking selfles while standing in front of his latest acquisition?

It’s embarrassing. He feels he has to show off his toys — including a private jet and Italian race car — on Facebook so that his friends and colleagues will see how successful he is. How do I help him understand that it is not polite — or cool — to brag about his wealth?

–Anonymous, London, UK

Artists have been painting and drawing self portraits for centuries. Taking a selfie, a photo of yourself, is not an anomaly. The need to connect and be recognized is inherently part of our makeup in a society that encourages self-expression -- taking photos of ourselves. Posting 'wealfies' is how your fiancé shows off his wealth by taking selfies along side his outrageously expensive props. Seeing a friend or colleague's 'wealfie' taken in St. Moritz about to ski a run and then sipping champagne on a yacht in St. Bart, gives glimpses of a privileged life. Mention your concern to your fiancé. Remind him that now that he has showed the world his expensive toys, enough is enough. Suggest that for you and his self-respect going forward, he makes a New Year's resolution to stop flaunting his riches. Tell him boasting makes him seem insecure -- and you know he's really cooler than that.

~Didi

Dreaded New Year's Eve Date
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Dreaded New Year's Eve Date

I didn’t have a date for New Year’s Eve. Now I do, but he is kind of creepy. Big teeth, thick glasses, scrawny, and he dresses badly.

Bright red plaid pants. Yes, you’ve got that, right? I saw him at a Christmas party and he was wearing them. At first they looked like pajamas, but then I saw they were pants! To me that’s not cool.

Although, he’s invited me to a totally cool party with a live band and a DJ, but I’ll have to kiss him at midnight. My friends will be there and they’ll see how desperate I’ll be feeling. Is it too late to back out?

–Christina, New York

Why drop him? What about the princess and the frog? There are many, happy, long-term marriages and relationships between a beauty and a beast. Why would you give up the biggest party night of the year -- and the chance to meet new friends and old? He's not asking you to marry him. He's invited you to a totally cool party. When he calls to confirm what time he's picking you up, mention dress code. Ask what he's wearing. It is not likely that he'll wear his bright red plaid pants on New Year's Eve, but if he's planning to, steer him in a different direction. As to the midnight kiss. Give him the head's up ahead of time that you won't be doing any kissing, because you think you may be coming down with a cold. Then at midnight, you can decide whether to join in the revelry -- and nobody will tell.

~Didi

Worst Dinner Guests Ever
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Worst Dinner Guests Ever

It is unbelievable to me that a person can attend a dinner party sick. This is the second time over the holidays when I have been seated next to someone with a full-out, blown-out cold or perhaps flu.

It was as though they just came down with the flu when they sat next down to me. Nose running, coughing into their hands, sneezing into the sleeve of their elbow, using their napkin as a tissue. The woman last night was so sick she spilled a full glass of red wine down the front of my jacket, shirt, tie and trousers. Today she texted to tell me she would pay for the dry cleaning. I don’t want to have contact with someone like her again. Don’t these people understand how common colds and flu colds are transmitted?

What do you do when you’re stuck with someone who is quite obviously really sick and should be home in bed? If you’re sick, do us all a favor and stay home.

–Furious, Washington DC

My sympathy to you who may come down with an airborne cold or flu, and to the two guests who were sick. Give at least one of them the benefit of the doubt that their cold medicine was wearing off when they sat down to dinner. Next time, suggest that the person lie down in another room until they feel better and say that you'll check on them after dinner to see if they need a ride home. As to the dry cleaning bill. She offered to pay. Have the entire suit and tie dry-cleaned and the shirt laundered. Then send her the bill with a stamped self-addressed envelope for her to return with your check inside. There is nothing to do at a social occasion, but be compassionate toward the person feeling ill. Don't find yourself in a similar situation, such as your sick dinner partners did -- making everyone in close proximity as miserable as you are.

~Didi

You're Bringing Who Home for The Holidays?
Creative Etiquette Solutions

You're Bringing Who Home for The Holidays?

Our daughter is bringing home her “girlfriend” for Christmas and we’re squeamish about the sleeping arrangements. We’re thinking about making up the pullout couch in my husband’s den for the girlfriend. Just after our son turned thirteen, he was killed by a drunk driver while riding his bicycle home from soccer practice, and we’ve since turned his room into a den for my husband.

The girlfriend’s parents are divorced and she doesn’t go back to southern California for holidays. Our daughter has a double bed in her room, but we would be more comfortable knowing the girlfriend is sleeping in the den. What should we do?

Also, since we’re helping our daughter pay off her student loans, we don’t give big presents. What can we put under the tree as Christmas gifts for them?

–Squeamish Parents, Roxbury, MA

What we want you to do is to be gentle and try to lighten up. Holidays make us all feel fragile about those whom we've lost and those we hold tightly to help us bring back the past. Coming home is as difficult for your daughter -- and perhaps her friend -- as it is for you and your husband. Make up the bed in the den. Leave fresh towels for her on the bed. Should your daughter ambush you conversationally, tell her you made up the bed in the den so her friend could have her own space. It is your house, but where your adult daughter and her adult friend sleep is their business. Respect their privacy. Your daughter will tell you what she wants you to know. Don't ask or say anything judgmental. Such as, "We don't think you should sleep together in our home." Be nice, nice, nice. Even if they don't live in a cold climate, you do and they'll need a hat and gloves while they're staying with you. Find them each a warm hat, similar in style, but not exactly the same, along with solid-colored gloves. Wrap them separately -- colorfully and cheerfully.

~Didi

Complaining During The Holidays
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Complaining During The Holidays

Is it rude to complain? I was criticized at Thanksgiving for complaining about things I knew could not change. And yet, I bond with people over areas of common complaint.

For instance, my coworker and I complain about our boss. I didn’t really like this particular coworker until we confided in each other about our extreme dislike of our boss. Who, by the way, is the owner’s son.

–S.W., Providence, RI

There is nothing more cathartic than complaining to another person who feels the same way you do whether it is about a social injustice or escalating airfares. Hating your boss may well bond you forever. It may be time to come clear with who you really are. If complaining makes you happier, make the most of it -- you're really a griper.

~Didi

Breaking The Christmas Tradition of The Unwanted Guest
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Breaking The Christmas Tradition of The Unwanted Guest

For years we’ve had my voice coach and his wife for Christmas dinner, because we all enjoyed his company. He died two years ago after we had already invited them. Last Christmas while we were helping his widow tie up his affairs, she came for dinner.

Today, she phoned to hint that she is free to come for Christmas dinner this year, but none of us want her to come. She arrives too early, stays much too long and the whole time she only talks about herself repeating the same stories. Would it be rude not to invite her? We all dread having to spend Christmas with her.

–Reluctant Hostess, Boston, MA

There are two ways to handle this. You could lie and tell her you're going away for the Christmas holiday.However, you might still have to deal with her again next Christmas. Or you can compromise. Invite her with a clear timeframe, to arrive no earlier than just before you plan to sit down to dinner and tell her you will take her home directly after dinner. Just as you're saying goodbye, explain that you and your family will probably not be spending Christmas in Boston next year, so she will have to make a new plan for Christmas dinner. You've set up a tradition here, and obviously one that she has come to rely on with anticipation. Now is the time to stop leading her on. If nobody enjoys her company and she is not related, you are not obligated to lead her on further.

~Didi

Breaking A Family Christmas Tradition
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Breaking A Family Christmas Tradition

Not to be a Scrooge, but the size of our family has outgrown our budget and some of the joy has been taken out of the holidays.

My wife and I are retired. Even though we still live in our family home and can accommodate our children, their partners, spouses and our grandchildren for Christmas dinner, giving everyone a wrapped gift has become an expensive and time consuming chore for both of us.

The tradition is that we receive a list of names with a gift idea that we’re expected to buy and wrap to put under our tree. How, after all these years, do we break with that tradition?

–T.G., Swansea, MA

As soon as possible, send out an email or Christmas card on which you express your distress concisely with humor. It could say something such as this: "Santa called to say he won't be stopping by our home any more the night before Christmas because he feels that our adult children are too old for toys. Since he will still be visiting all of you the night before Christmas, we hope you will happily open your presents at home before you come. We look forward to gobbling with you on Christmas, Much love, ......" This way you still have time to decide if you want to give the children small presents for their parents to place under their own trees. ~Didi

~Didi

My Daughter-In-Law Is Starving Our Grandson
Creative Etiquette Solutions

My Daughter-In-Law Is Starving Our Grandson

What do polite grandparents do when we feel the newest born is undernourished? We have no right to intrude, but they stayed with us for a week over Thanksgiving and that baby is undernourished and too small for coming from two statuesque families. The mother breast feeds, but she NEVER eats. How do we politely voice my concern without loosing our son and his new family?

–Concerned Grands, Manhatan

Not wanting to create bad memories of the holiday, it sounds as though you were sensible enough not to express your concern at that time. If you were her mother, you could tell it to her as it is by questioning her: Why aren't you eating better to give your baby the nutrition he needs to grow normally? You could have gone online and Googled recent articles on why it is extremely important to eat well nutritionally while breast feeding at this stage - and any stage - for the brain and physical development of the newborn. You know what, you need to confront your son and the mother head on and demand to know why the baby is not being fed more nutritiously. You are not going to be at rest until your son and the baby's mother explain why they are "starving" their baby.

~Didi

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