Awkward Situations Archives - Page 19 of 20

Umbrella Dos + Don'ts
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Umbrella Dos + Don'ts

Not having grown up in a city, I can’t make rhyme or reason out of how to navigate busy sidewalks holding an umbrella. Before I get an eye poked out, can you give me some pointers as to how to keep safe and dry, please?

–E. S., N.Y., N.Y.

For your own safety, save the golf umbrella for the golf course or an outdoor festival and use an umbrella proportionate to your size: you shouldn't be over-shrouded. You want to have a clear sight of oncoming foot traffic, and cars when you're crossing the street. Keep the umbrella closed until you're actually outside and unprotected. For the safety of others, don't tuck a closed umbrella under your armpit with the ferrule (point) jabbing out in back of you as you walk, climb subway stairs, or wait for a bus. The best way to navigate an oncoming crowd is to walk on the outside close to the street where you're less likely to be shoved against a building. If you're tall, raise your umbrella when umbrellas come charging toward you; otherwise, keep your umbrella close to your skull, but not rubbing up against the stretcher (metal inside) so that it doesn't catch and pull on your hair. Dispose of a broken umbrella in a trash can, don't just leave it on the sidewalk to become a runaway umbrella. Gently shake and tap the umbrella before closing it and strap it in prior to entering a protected area; leave it in an umbrella stand, and not on the floor to puddle and stain a wooden entrance hall.

~Didi

Life in The Cube
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Life in The Cube

For the most part I keep my head down working eight hours a day and eat lunch in my cube. One of 520 6-by-7 foot cookie-cutter cubicles. No window or door. Four neighbors, to the north, east, south and west. I know more about my coworkers than they would want anyone to know.

I know too many secrets that are private information about medical problems. For instance, medical information the company would consider serious in terms of health insurance and promotions. There are affairs between married coworkers. One has a guy crush on our scruff-chic boss. My question is this, how do I let them know that their secrets are not safe? If I know their secrets, others must, too.

–keeping my head down, Chicago

These sound like serious secrets that would jeopardize a career. It also sounds as though you want to be nice. Go ahead on an individual basis and tell each neighbor to your north, east, south, and west that if you know their secrets, others must have heard them too. Warn them to watch what they say on the phone and in person. You better not put anything in writing or say anything while in a cubicle or corridor. Look for a silent conference room and say, "Can I have a word with you in private?" Or simply walk out with them at the end of the day to tell them. To show your sincerity show your open palms so they get the sense that you have no alterer motive or ax to grind and trust you. What you're saying is what it is and they need to listen.

~Didi

To Attend A Funeral or Not
Creative Etiquette Solutions

To Attend A Funeral or Not

Would it be improper to attend the wake of and old girlfriend’s dad whom I have not seen in forty years?

–Jason, T., Woonsocket. RI

The fact that you're asking means you want to attend, but feel awkward having not seen the deceased in a long time. You would be attending his wake in support of the deceased's family and because you liked and respected him. Wakes can be a social occasion and an opportunity to catch up with old friends and acquaintances. If your gut tells you to go, then attend, because it would not be improper.

~Didi

Cellphone Etiquette
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Cellphone Etiquette

Is it rude to ignore a living mortal in favor of a cellphone?

I work on a checkout counter at a large home goods store where customers talk on their cellphones while checking out.

They’ll ask me a question, but don’t hear the answer because they’re listening to the cellphone at the same time. I feel as though they put me on hold and ignore me, when they should be paying attention to the transaction.

I’ll say they have to swipe their card again, but they’re too busy talking to pay attention to what I’m saying. In the meantime, they are slowing down the line making me feel less productive.

How does a guy get respect?

–Patrick, Providence

The customer may always be right in most instances, but when it comes to making someone else's job more difficult because he's being inconsiderate, it is time to take action. Tell your superior you want a No Cellphone sign at your register and tell him why customers on cellphones are slowing down the lines. If he says no, ask him to consider a compromise and allow you to post one for two weeks to see if the line works smoother. With the holiday shoppers upon you, you better put that sign up soon.

~Didi

Rudest Date Ever
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Rudest Date Ever

Having dinner at a popular Italian bistro-style restaurant in my neighborhood, I was shocked by my friend’s behavior. When he picked me up at my apartment he used the bathroom. After ordering our dinner in the restaurant he used the restroom and then after the main course he returned to the restroom again. Needless to say, he didn’t make me feel special. I assumed the second and third time when he disappeared to relieve himself that he was checking his messages. Three times all in the course of a three hour span. This is not the first time he has left me seated a couple of times during a meal.

–Betsy, Providence

At the end of the next date when he's exhibited the same behavior, take his hand cupped in yours and say, "I'm worried about you, Charlie. Do you have some sort of urinary track infection or do you just need an excuse to check your messages in private?" Confront him head on.

~Didi

How to Get Out of A Social Obligation
Creative Etiquette Solutions

How to Get Out of A Social Obligation

–L.E., New York, New York

Color me shocked. You mean you don't want to spend a night with people you said you would sit with? Next time, tell the person that you have to check with either your husband, another friend or couple, before committing. Then be sure to say, "I'll call you, if we can join your table." Should she be so cheeky as to not get the hint and call you after you've essentially said, "I'll call you, don't call us." say, "Oh, dear, I thought I said I would call you, if we were planning on being seated with you." If she pushes, tell her you're sitting with people who had already organized a table. What about now that you're stuck? You have three options. Call the event person who organizes the sitting and say you do not want to sit with Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So, and to please not tell them. Professional event organizers deal with such requests more than you could imagine. Second, grin and bear it, but when she asks you about next year, tell her you will let her know, if you need a table. Lastly, be honest and say, "Thanks for calling, but we actually have great fun taking our chances by being seated with people we don't know. That's how we make new friends." Your brutal honesty might sting, but she'll get it.

~Didi

Children + Peanut Allergy
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Children + Peanut Allergy

We admit to being helicopter parents of a first grader who is allergic to peanuts. Peanuts are everywhere and this is the first time he’s taking his lunch. What can we do to make people, as well as his classmates, aware of the seriousness of his allergy? The school health clinic has his EpiPens and we hope he’s prepared for a life threatening emergency, to the best of his seven-year-old ability.

–D.S., Providence, RI

It sounds as though you've prepared the school and your son for an emergency. Hopefully, most schools understand the seriousness of the problem. According to the advocacy group FARE (Food Allergy Research & Education), one out of every thirteen school age child have a food allergy. Lunchrooms should be monitored, cafeteria food nut free, and epinephrine auto-injectors known as EpiPens (containing adrenaline for emergency treatment for anaphylaxis--a traumatic reaction that can cause death within minutes) are on hand. You're right in fearing that your son may be on the school bus, in the playground, at another child's house, or at a birthday party when he's given peanuts in some form. Whether or not you send him with an EpiPen sealed in a ziplock bag tucked into his backpack to school or to play, only you can train him to know what to do. Tell the grownup in charge about the seriousness of the allergy, the symptoms and where to find the EpiPen. Having unexpired EpiPens in school and at home are a must, but I don't need to tell you that. Aside from what you already know, lobby your congressmen to support national legislation in the form of the School Access to Emergency Epinephrine Act, which would require schools to stock prescribed epinephrine and allow authorized staff to administer it. The bill was passed in the House last July and will be voted on in the Senate this fall.

~Didi

Funerals Where Cultures Clash
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Funerals Where Cultures Clash

My mother just passed away; she was a very private person and did not want a public funeral service or obituary. My brothers, sisters and I have respected her wishes. She lived far away from all of us, so we all met at her hometown, and honored her privately.

A member of my wife’s family sent out a mass email to her extended family (cousins, etc.) announcing that my mother had passed away. None of these people knew my mother. My wife says this is customary and that people need to know so that they can send condolences. I’m sure they mean well, but this feels like our desire for privacy wasn’t respected. Is it really OK and “customary” for people other than the immediate family to send out announcements of this sort?

–E. B.

When cultures clash, social nuances are not always recognized or understood. Your wife's relative acted from the emotions of her culture where families encourage a lot of comforting through condolences and sympathy cards. A culture that does not reflect your mother's request for a modest and private mourning. Your wife's relative made a mistake in your mother's culture, but in your wife's culture her family would have felt slighted if they had not been informed and allowed to send their condolences. Funerals and burials are so emotionally charged that we have to make allowances for everyone to mourn the deceased in their own way and in their own time. Even if they didn't even know the deceased. Don't forget, your wife's family strongly believe that condolences are obligatory. On the other hand, you cannot keep this resentment bundled up inside of you. Take your wife out for dinner and have a relaxed evening talking about your mother and explaining how in her culture she took great pride in being modest and unassuming, because she didn't feel the need to call attention to herself--in life or death. Tell her you would like her family to honor these beliefs going forward, if you feel as she did. Be sure your wife learns from your explanation and doesn't just reply with a lot of meaningless words--albeit well-meaning. It is important that she learns the significant nuances of your culture---and you of hers---and you're the only one who can teach her. Of course, the condolences from her family will have to be acknowledged. Let your wife mourn your mother in her own way by having her write the thank-you notes to all of her family members who sent cards.

~Didi

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