Awkward Situations Archives - Page 3 of 19

Paying Minimum Wage
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Paying Minimum Wage

My parents have help with their daily care, but don’t pay a minimum wage. They are needlessly tight with their money, how do we get them to pay these loyal and devoted caregivers a minimum wage? We find it embarrassing to even talk to them about it.

When we try to discuss the injustice with my parents, they say, “We’ve always paid them that, why should we pay more?”

–Name Withheld

Find out the minimum wage in your state and explain so that your parents will listen, that prices have risen and their caregivers' current salaries should be based on the legal wage, whether it is fifty cents or a dollar more an hour, it will make a difference in their lives.

~Didi

Holiday Office Party Rules and Protocol for Professionals
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Holiday Office Party Rules and Protocol for Professionals

About the current rules for holiday office parties.

With the winner of the Time magazine person of the year the collective of women who have spoken out and are still speaking out about sexual assault and harassment, I feel a certain chill has come over Christmastime merrymaking.

Meanwhile predators are speaking up in denial sending a huge mixed message that some can get away with it while others cannot. What should we know when attending a Christmas office party?

–AD, Hoboken, NJ

Keep in mind the fact that the holiday office party is not the last time you will be seeing everyone in the office -- bright and early the following morning.

To play the game of office politics, you have to know the rules. To win respect you have to remember the protocol.

You must

dress appropriately, meaning dress festively.
remember that the holiday party is ruled by the good manners of the office.
have good hygiene, you're not off the grid.
turn off your cellphone.
keep track of your alcohol intake.
behave in a professional manner at all times.
keep the vibes convivial, it is not the time for petty grievances, revenge, gossip or political debate.
never bring a plus-one, SO, or spouse unless the invitation specifies that you can bring a guest. Guests don't bring guests -- and remember even at an office party, you are a guest.
be sure to wear your name tag on the right side, because it will be more visible.

try to keep your glass in your left hand to allow your freed right hand to shake hands.
remember that people will be watching and taking notes, which is why you keep your hands to yourself.
before departing, thank your host.
remember that you never want to be the last person standing.
report any sexual assault to #MeToo or #BalanceTonPorc.

You must never

miss the office party or arrive too late -- even if you have to pay a babysitter extra or miss finishing a report.
grope, grab, slap on the back, kiss or hug, without saying, for instance, "Can I give you a hug?"
talk and eat at the same time because food can go shooting out of your mouth.
drink too much.
discuss work matters, unless your boss asks you a direct question.
make a fool of yourself.
take a call, but you can look for messages and go outside the party to text or return the call.
forget to thank the host.

A recent survey of 150 human resources representatives found that the number of office parties will be the same this year, however, only 47.8 percent of employers will be offering alcohol -- down from 62% in 2016.

Holiday gatherings are taking a low-keyed turn toward focusing on team building such as volunteering to work on community projects.
Others are limiting the amount of alcohol by providing no more than two tickets for alcohol cocktails.

#Me Too #BalanceTonPorc

~Didi

What To Say When You Are Not Having Children
Creative Etiquette Solutions

What To Say When You Are Not Having Children

What I dread most about the holidays is fending off nosy relatives who feel compelled to warn me that, “The clock is ticking.” I’ve never wanted to bear children. My husband and career are enough for me.

What can I say that will close the door for good on these tedious inquiries? I’m seriously considering being sterilized, but there are stumbling blocks.

Requirements such as waiting periods and psychological evaluations that are much like the abortion legislation impacting women who wish to terminate a pregnancy!

–Elizabeth, West Hartford, CT

You are not alone, research the growing "childfree movement" for support. In particular, on Reddit there is a forum that is "childfree-friendly."

It just isn't fair that it is far easier for a man to find a doctor to perform a vasectomy than one who will perform a tubal ligation, or even, if you qualify, for an endometrial ablation.

Answer: "I don't want to bring a baby into this world."

The topic of conversation can then quickly move forward to politics or climate change.

~Didi

The Importance of Reporting Sexual Harassment In The Workplace
Creative Etiquette Solutions

The Importance of Reporting Sexual Harassment In The Workplace

My question is about how to go about reporting sexual harassment at work.

How do I go about reporting sexual abuse at my office without getting fired or sidelined?

I feel so powerless as to how to handle this. If I report the incident to HR, everyone will know. I’ll be a pariah. People will stare at me and avoid me. I’ll feel so uncomfortable that I’ll probably quit.

–Name withheld

You are not alone. One in three women have experienced sexual harassment at work -- and yet 71% of these incidents go unreported. Only two in ten female harassment victims dare to file a complaint.

There are those who think that when women in the workplace go along to get along, they become part of the problem.

It's extremely important that you document the harassment in order to have an accurate record of exactly what is (or was) going on when and where.

The good news is that the younger millennials joining the workforce are changing the culture for the better.

Because so many of them have had working mothers, these millennials are more sensitive to issues of women in the workplace, and are better able to monitor and control their own behavior.

Let's do more than just hope that we are at a crossroad.

It all depends how forcefully women -- who apparently are far better at reading facial expressions and body language than men -- voice their opinions on sexual harassment.

As even more self-help options become accessible, those numbers will improve. In the meantime:

The app Blind lets employees at more than a hundred companies, including Facebook, Google, Uber, Airbnb and Amazon, sign up through their work email to chat about sexual harassment in a way that prevents the person from being specifically identified by name. Whether they are a victim or uncertain as to what is considered sexual harassment, or simply have witnessed it as a bystander, they have a voice.
Additionally, the online how-to guide to handling sexual harassment at work called Betterbrave has had over 300,000 visits since its launch last summer. It's an excellent resource providing, tools, and employment lawyers to targets, whether you have a fear of retaliation or distrust HR.

Hashtag: #MeToo

Hashtag: #BalanceTonPorc

~Didi

Preventing Sexual Harassment at Holiday Office Parties
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Preventing Sexual Harassment at Holiday Office Parties

What flirting is O.K.?

In planning our holiday office party, we’re wondering what the sexual boundaries are concerning flirtation? I’m not asking about the blatant crotch grab or fanny pat, but about the more subtle flirtations. The banter, the teasing.

It would be easier not to celebrate at all than raise the issue of harassment with fellow workers. Should we cancel the party this year until we’ve figured out company policy on how women and men should socialize in an after hours setting fueled by festive booze?

How exactly do we know when someone has crossed the line between party banter and hanky-panky?

–BT, Chicago

Thank you for your question about preventing sexual harassment in the workplace.

Wouldn't it be great if there was an app for that. So you could listen to what you're saying to another person and a little birdie, or Siri, who's monitoring your conversation would say, "You're being a tease by harassing her, pull back." Or "Keep your hands to yourself, take your hand off her shoulder."

The solution is not for men to avoid exchanges with women, because it is healthy for society to mentor and encourage men and women to be full participants in the workforce.

Quite a few companies have long mandated anti-harassment training as a way of educating all employees about sexually abusive behavior. Although the jury is still out on the effectiveness of the training.

Talk about Hugs: Hugging an old-friend is one thing, hugging a co-worker may have a different connotation. What about a half-hug?

Ask a co-worker directly if they feel harassed.

The more naturally the topic of sexual harassment is talked about in the workplace, the stronger the bond between co-workers. When a colleague makes it clear how s/he feels about the harassment issue, s/he is safer from being harassed.

As far as harassment on social media, many companies make their policy clear to employees that they have a right to monitor electronic communications and many actually do.
Additionally, to avoid temptations for after party liaisons, move the holiday party date and time from a Thursday or Friday evening to a Monday or Tuesday in the late afternoon.
Open bars can include game zones.
Water down the signature drink -- less alcohol in the holiday punch.

~Didi

Seven Great Tips for Gracefully Saying NO
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Seven Great Tips for Gracefully Saying NO

My question is about how to go about saying NO nicely.

I very much want to be a good citizen, good friend and help people out, but there are times when I really want to say NO, but end up resenting having said YES.

My friend asked me to spend a day helping her pack and move. Recently separated, she is moving into a smaller place. She assumes that because I work from home I can take off for a day and work for her for free.

I told her I would think about it and get back with my answer.

It may not sound like a huge commitment, but it means that I would have the back-aching chore of taking out two car seats (then fastening them back in again the next morning) and laying the seats flat in my SUV for her stuff that I’m packing.

Also, I would have to pay a sitter to pick up my kids from school, walk them home, and stay with them for an undetermined period of time until I get home!

Please let me know what I should do as soon as possible.

–Name withheld, Bangor, ME

In regard to your question about how to go about saying NO to a friend.

When a person hesitates with hems and haws, catch that as a NO.

Here's hoping your friend got the hint when you put her off by stalling your answer. Stalling means MAYBE. MAYBE usually means NO. Phone her to say, "That day doesn't work for me."

Saying NO:

Don't make detailed excuses.
Don't lie, you could get caught.
Don't feel guilty about saying NO.
Don't give mixed messages such as, "I should be working, but I want to be helpful."

When one NO is not enough, repeat the same answer: "That day doesn't work for me."

If she changes the day, be truthful, "I can't take a day off from my work."

Support in a different way:

Give her a firm NO answer within a day.
Be honest, say you have to work and suggest someone else who might be able to help her move. Look for 'Guy with Big Truck' ads in your local paper and give her the phone number.
If she says she can't afford to pay for help, offer to give her the cost of having you hire a sitter to mind your kids -- if you had said YES.

Stick to your own priorities. When saying NO, say it fast, be brief when explaining why you're saying NO, and offer support in a different way.

~Didi

How To Gracefully Recover From Forgetting A Guest’s Name
Creative Etiquette Solutions

How To Gracefully Recover From Forgetting A Guest’s Name

What do you say when you’re having a lapse in memory and can’t remember a guest’s name when he arrived for dinner, and so you don’t know how to introduce him to the guests who are already there? I was mortified.

–GP, Brooklyn, NY

Here's what to do when guests are arriving and you can't remember a guest's name.

Be a chicken. You should have ushered him in to meet the other guests, and then quickly excused yourself to "tend to something in the kitchen."
With you out of the room they would have been forced to introduce themselves while you slyly eavesdropped at the door to recharge your memory.

Entertaining can be surprisingly stressful. No matter how much you love the company of friends, there is much to do in preparation. Details upon details. Stress can certainly cause you to forget names as easily as to neglect to put butter with the bread or a pitcher of ice water on the table.

It happens to us all. Once I was having such a good time playing hostess, I forget to bring out the salad course! Of course, I didn't discover till the next day that my beautiful salad had missed the dinner party -- when I spied it snugged in the back of the fridge.

Three times -- that I can remember -- I've been called out on forgetting to show up at splendid parties that I had accepted. For me, life is far from all about parties. Although, in all three cases it was a huge faux pas.

To help you remember names - aside from writing out every guest's name on a separate place card that you place in front of their place setting, to help guests remember the person's name - here is a good exercise:

Next time you entertain: Rehearse your guest list ahead of time by repeating the names out loud over and over again. It will help you not only to learn the names, but remember them as well.

~Didi

Battling The Opioid Crisis One Good Friend At A Time
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Battling The Opioid Crisis One Good Friend At A Time

My question concerns the opioid crisis.

What to say when your good friend nearly overdosed on opioids? After a ski accident three years ago, from which his back hasn’t been without pain since, he became addicted to painkillers. He is a coworker and we find ourselves at work covering for him most days, in one way or another.

–GL, Boston, MA

I'm sorry your good friend is addicted to opioids. That must be tough on your friendship, especially since you work together and see him practically on a daily basis. Try to get support from a colleague, because you shouldn't be dealing with this alone.

In answer to your question: It isn't just about what you say to the person, because most addicts have convinced themselves that "once a junkie, always a junkie."

They'll tell you themselves exactly what recovering alcoholics say, "One is too many, and a thousand aren't enough."

Remember, nobody wants their life to be controlled by an addiction. Too easily, taking two pain killers every six hours progresses to taking three every four hours.

But what you can do is to help your friend visualize the larger picture by stating pertinent facts:

We are facing a national opioid problem of epidemic proportion with over 64,000 overdoses last year - up over 25% from 2015.

GL, be his buddy and talk to him with virtual reality:

What he should know is that a recent study found that almost twelve percent of patients who took opioids for chronic pain became addicted, so he should look at other methods of dealing with his chronic pain to find out how other opioid addicts figured out how to safely handle continual physical suffering.
He needs to follow a plan and think about safety first and detoxification, then abstinence.
His focus should be on his cognitive process and questioning his "thinking errors," because opioid addiction is a known cause of brain disease.

Suggest that he looks into alternatives - perhaps after a psychological intervention - such as biofeedback, stress management, yoga, and relaxation training.

Keep on bringing up the subject of his figuring out how to get well.

Don't give up on him. Talk to him and don't let him blow you off when you ask him how he's doing.
Remind him that he's not alone.

Everyone has something that they are dealing with which they have to figure out how to handle.

Here's a link to an excellent Washington Post article on the opioid crisis: http://wapo.st/2nNkEHh?tid=ss_mail&utm_term=c152f8223db4

~Didi

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