My step-grandson is having a 4 o’clock outdoor wedding in October. in middle Alabama at the bride’s grandparent’s home. They are very wealthy and we have never met the bride or her family. I am a young 60 ish 😉 and I have a quirky since of style and like to be different. I am also a hat girl. Would it be appropriate to wear a hat?  Suggestions on what to wear?
–Kristy, Alabama
Hold on to your hat, because you are not going to like my answer. Don't get me wrong, I love hats. But for a wedding such as this you don't want to wear a straw hat with a lot of fake flowers or you'll look like a hick. I'm all for being quirky, but quirkiness has its place and the place is not this wedding.
As the step-grandmother you should look elegant and dignified. Wedding etiquette suggests that you dress in the same style as the other "mothers" (grandmothers, mothers, aunts, grandaunts, and godmothers). Find out from your step-son's mother, his step-mother, or the bride the style, length and color palette of the dress code for the other "mothers" in the wedding party. You want to blend into to the wedding photos and not stick out like a misfit. Find out if any of the other "mothers" are wearing hats.
Should you decide to wear a hat, make sure that if it has a brim, it is narrow or the hat looks like a cloche that fits close to your head. Often called a 'dinner hat,' it is worn indoors as well as outdoors (I'm presuming there will be a tent for the dinner and dancing). Another alternative is the fascinator, which is a marvelous wide headband with a fascinating decoration, the color would coordinate with your outfit.
To illustrate the kinds of dresses that a woman over forty would wear to an upscale wedding, I recommend the website Halsbrook.com. Not only will you find an appropriate dress, but the accessories that work well with it. After browsing the trends, you can look in department stores near you for similar styles.
