Entertaining Archives - Page 3 of 19

New Year’s Eve Proposal
Creative Etiquette Solutions

New Year’s Eve Proposal

It’s gotten complicated because I had it all planned out to propose to my girlfriend more intimately on New Year’s Eve, but now she’s making me go to a big party — which has stolen my moment. Any suggestions?

–Name Withheld

Don't let a New Year's Eve party steal your big moment. You can whisk your girlfriend outside just before midnight and on bended knee ask her. Better check out the exit and exact location ahead of time to make sure the ambience is pleasing.

~Didi

Christmas Gift Tips — Family
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Christmas Gift Tips — Family

My mother, by proxy from my dad, makes all the decisions on gift giving. They have sixteen grandchildren, half of whom have working highly paid parents who can afford to shop to their heart’s content.

Mom asks us two months in advance what Christmas gifts they should send our children. We let her know and send her the links.

But often the toy, article of clothing, or book is SOLD OUT and mom goes off on her own sending gifts that they don’t like.

So when they ask the four-year-old grandchild, “Do you like your toy guitar,” we’re embarrassed.

Point of fact, she didn’t like it, we sent it back and found something else.

How can we help mom and dad spend their money more favorably?

–HT, Peoria, IL

Try having each family send your parents a list of two presents for each child, with the links. If that doesn't work, it would be OK if your parents purchased each grandchild a gift card that works at a box/online store, such as Barnes & Noble that stocks books, CDs, and toys.

The gift cards are sent to the parents who then attach the envelopes to the Christmas tree or put it in the Christmas stocking.

~Didi

Tips On Holiday Tipping
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Tips On Holiday Tipping

I find the whole idea of tipping at Christmas confusing and bad ass difficult to figure out. There are people who support my life that I really need to tip because if they didn’t like me, I would have to find someone else to do what they do so well. But there are those that you’re stuck having to tip.

Who do I tip and how much?

–HG, Miami, FL

It sounds as though you may have several categories where you tip individuals during the holidays. Remember that a tip is never necessary or required.

Although some apartment buildings send residents a list of the building's employees, which you may want to acknowledge with the suggested tip, if you want continued good service throughout the year.

Weekly Worker

Housecleaners and housekeepers are the best compensated because they not only know your secrets and bad habits, but they pick up after you when you're too busy to do certain things for yourself.

The median may be to tip $50, but you have to evaluate the tip by how many hours a month they spend taking care of your home.

If you pay $15 an hour and she works for four hours a week, her Christmas tip should be at least $120, two weeks salary, for a year's worth of taking care of you.

What does the service of a full time domestic, such as a nanny, personal caregiver, cook, butler, housekeeper, mean to you? It could be worth anywhere between a week and up to a month's salary, plus a small gift.
Although, if you're just tipping because it is expected, apparently you can squeak by with a $50 holiday tip.
When there is a long running history of care, loyalty and devotion, then $250 would be appropriate.

Daily Worker Dog Walker, Nanny and Caregiver, or any other daily domestic help, would receive, again, a tip equal to two weeks of salary.

Other professions typically receive a gift card for $20, or just that in cash.

Cash is always preferred. Gift cards are always appreciated, but if there is a problem with it or it has expired, then the worker is stuck in the embarrassing situation of having to explain that they were not able to use your gift card. Then you have to hem and haw and make good on the card or give cash to make up for the mishap.

Boxed and wrapped gifts are not so popular. Unless the worker has specifically asked for an electric tea pot, but when there is a problem returning the gift, the worker is put on the spot.

To get back to the cash, make the gift look nice and festive by placing the cash in a holiday card, with handwritten words of thanks.

At the end of the year, it is all about how dearly you appreciate the quality and frequency of the service, your relationship with the recipient, how long you've been using their service, and your budget.

Then factor in your location, because workers commuting in dense urban locations are apt to have a more lengthy and expensive commute.

Also under consideration:

Homemade gifts, such as propagated plants, baked goods, or homemade jam, are charming and show your sincere appreciation when your budget doesn't provide for end of the year tipping.
Already readily tipping your hairdresser, manicurist, masseuse/masseur, or trainer per service? Then your holiday tip doesn't have to be as generous.
Mail carrier, paper deliverer, garbage collectors, etc., who may or may not be the same person every day or week.
Doormen and building janitors are usually tipped once a year by the resident and not on a daily basis

Handwritten notes of thanks are always appreciated no matter how generous the gift it accompanies. They show a lot of about your style and grace.

~Didi

Holiday Office Party Rules and Protocol for Professionals
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Holiday Office Party Rules and Protocol for Professionals

About the current rules for holiday office parties.

With the winner of the Time magazine person of the year the collective of women who have spoken out and are still speaking out about sexual assault and harassment, I feel a certain chill has come over Christmastime merrymaking.

Meanwhile predators are speaking up in denial sending a huge mixed message that some can get away with it while others cannot. What should we know when attending a Christmas office party?

–AD, Hoboken, NJ

Keep in mind the fact that the holiday office party is not the last time you will be seeing everyone in the office -- bright and early the following morning.

To play the game of office politics, you have to know the rules. To win respect you have to remember the protocol.

You must

dress appropriately, meaning dress festively.
remember that the holiday party is ruled by the good manners of the office.
have good hygiene, you're not off the grid.
turn off your cellphone.
keep track of your alcohol intake.
behave in a professional manner at all times.
keep the vibes convivial, it is not the time for petty grievances, revenge, gossip or political debate.
never bring a plus-one, SO, or spouse unless the invitation specifies that you can bring a guest. Guests don't bring guests -- and remember even at an office party, you are a guest.
be sure to wear your name tag on the right side, because it will be more visible.

try to keep your glass in your left hand to allow your freed right hand to shake hands.
remember that people will be watching and taking notes, which is why you keep your hands to yourself.
before departing, thank your host.
remember that you never want to be the last person standing.
report any sexual assault to #MeToo or #BalanceTonPorc.

You must never

miss the office party or arrive too late -- even if you have to pay a babysitter extra or miss finishing a report.
grope, grab, slap on the back, kiss or hug, without saying, for instance, "Can I give you a hug?"
talk and eat at the same time because food can go shooting out of your mouth.
drink too much.
discuss work matters, unless your boss asks you a direct question.
make a fool of yourself.
take a call, but you can look for messages and go outside the party to text or return the call.
forget to thank the host.

A recent survey of 150 human resources representatives found that the number of office parties will be the same this year, however, only 47.8 percent of employers will be offering alcohol -- down from 62% in 2016.

Holiday gatherings are taking a low-keyed turn toward focusing on team building such as volunteering to work on community projects.
Others are limiting the amount of alcohol by providing no more than two tickets for alcohol cocktails.

#Me Too #BalanceTonPorc

~Didi

Be A Great Toaster
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Be A Great Toaster

As a guest, do I toast the hostess and host on behalf of our side of the family? We’re having a holiday dinner at the home of our daughter-in-law’s parents for the first time. I don’t know what’s expected.

Does it matter whether my wife gives the host or do I have to? Public speaking is not my thing and under pressure I’m apt to stutter.

–JW, Providence, RI

How to be a great toaster isn't as complicated as you think. You can even use a crib note.

Overcome your speaking challenges for the holidays.

Make your toast as brief as possible.
Only a sentence or two is needed at a holiday dinner.

Be a great toaster

Rehearse your two or three sentences in the mirror ahead of time.
Make eye contact with those assembled but certainly don't stare at the same the person the whole time.
Handle nerves and don't fiddle with the hand that isn't holding your glass.
You don't have to be a storyteller. Give a natural toast that sounds as though you sincerely appreciate spending time with all who have come together to celebrate...

People love a toast, even a bad one. Toasts aren't only given by men, so bow to your wife and let her deliver the toast.

The important thing about giving a toast is to look at her or him to reply in gratitude.

If you're the guest of honor, you could give the first toast. When there isn't a guest of honor -- such as the birthday boy -- usually the host gives a welcoming toast. Following the welcoming toast any guest can gently tap their glass, stand, and briefly express their appreciation to the host or hosts.

Hold the glass by the stem

while you make your toast.

~Didi

How To Handle the Delirious Christmas Houseguest and It’s Not Santa
Creative Etiquette Solutions

How To Handle the Delirious Christmas Houseguest and It’s Not Santa

My question is about having a Christmas houseguest and I don’t mean Santa.

I just got a text from a friend, whom we socialize with over the summer, asking if she and her husband could stay in our guesthouse for the week of Christmas.

Her text began: BIG ASK. I’ll say. that’s a big ask!

They stayed in our guesthouse for a week last May for their daughter’s wedding and we went all out, without feeling much appreciation in return. Inexplicably, I immediately texted SURE.

But now we’re having a change of heart.

We really don’t enjoy their company very much and, as I said, we don’t feel appreciated.

How do we get out of this?

–RK, Newport, RI

As soon as you read this, text your would-be-Christmas-houseguest to say, "I answered your BIG ASK text too quickly. We cannot possibly have you staying with us for a week over Christmas. We have other plans."

Leave it at that.
No lies (the Plans could be that you hadn't really planned on having them to visit).
If she asks why not? Say, "It is not a good time for us to have houseguests."
Should she persist. say, "Xmas week is not a good time to visit."

~Didi

Most Important Essentials for First Time Holiday Entertaining
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Most Important Essentials for First Time Holiday Entertaining

I’ve never entertained for a major holiday and I think I’m in way over my head. Can you give me some tips on how to make my first foray a success?

–LB, Portland, OR

No worries. Here's a check-off list.

* Invitation List: About a month out, find out from a few of your favorite friends and family if they are able to attend on the date you've chosen. If one date, doesn't work, try another. Build on your party core of guests well in advance.

Choosing the date: Better yet, say that you're thinking of one or two dates, and ask which would work best for them.
Personalize your invitation to reflect the season, occasion, or place (location) where you're holding your party.
Mix and match, invite a diversity of friends: Choose from varying ages and different backgrounds -- people whom you know from the most important arenas of your life.

* Don't turn down help. If a guest offers to bring a festive dip, side dish or dessert or do something to pitch in say, YES. They'll be more committed to showing up when they receive your invitation if they're contributing to the festivities. But do confirm two days in advance to give them a final head count of attendees. And to find out exactly what they're bringing, and how they intend to help out.

Delegate: They say they want to help, so let them bring appetizers, play bartend and bring a bag of ice, light the candles and/or fireplace, pass canapés, etc.
Keep a list of who is doing or bringing what.
Have backups: start bagging ice cubes into your freezer, stocking up on nuts, olives, and cheese and crackers to put out. If the friend who is bringing the appetizers is late, at least you'll have snacks for your guests.

* Ahead of time, prepare as much as possible.

If you don't cook, investigate ahead of time where you can buy prepared foods, which you can always personalize with parsley and colorful garnish. Nobody cares if you've bought the gluten-free apple crisp because you're serving it with really good vanilla ice-cream.
Don't experiment when hosting. Use your tried and true recipes.
Clean out the fridge to make room for the turkey and trimmings. You need icepacks and a cooler to keep everything that needs to be kept cool. Such as wine, beer, the uncooked turkey.
Cook the turkey or ham the day before.
Set the dinner table and children's table (if you're having enough kids) ahead of time..
Chill the wine and beer. Figure out if you need coolers.
Ask someone else to make an appetizer.

*Have a good time with any children in the house and let them make pumpkin pies to scent the house with holiday spices.

Encourage kids to be creative by making decorative place cards.

~Didi

Holiday Top Ten Really Best Table Manners for Kids
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Holiday Top Ten Really Best Table Manners for Kids

My question is about table manners for kids.

My two kids have the worst table manners. My mother-in-law is a stickler for good manners. She’s prim and proper and thinks her five and seven-year-old grandchildren should tote the family line and have good table manners, as well. The big problem is that their friends don’t know how to behave nicely at the table, and kids like to fit in with other kids. Any suggestions?

–CM, Arden, NY

Thank you for your question about table manner for kids.

Find time to take your kids out to eat where there are other people eating. A breakfast out on the weekend. At home you're too busy serving them their food and cleaning up after them, so you'd be less likely to have the patience to talk about table manners in a playful manner.

Role model good table manners and quietly point out the bad manners of other diners.

Talk about outside voices versus inside voices in enclosed spaces -- such as a restaurant.
To keep them focused, play a mind game while waiting for your food.
Talk about why you use a napkin and where it goes.
Elbows on the table are the primary reason why milk glasses topple over.
Don't lay your arms and head on the table for the same reason.
Flatware is not about waving flags and remains on the table or plate when not in use.
Chew with your mouth closed.
Don't talk with your mouth full.
Sit up straight, with feet on the floor.
Bring food to your mouth and don't eat like a dog with your head in the bowl.

You know the drill. Make table manners make sense to your children. When they mirror your good table manners, they win a chance to estimate the tip when the check comes -- and get to keep the change.

Reward the child with a present -- something other than food -- for having been a good, happy guest on Thanksgiving day.

~Didi

How To Be The Good Guest Who Will Be Invited Back
Creative Etiquette Solutions

How To Be The Good Guest Who Will Be Invited Back

What exactly is a good guest? I’m not particularly outgoing, but my boyfriend — as it turns out — is a real party animal and especially loves Christmas. I try to get into the spirit and look with envy at how easily he glad handles everyone whether he knows them or not. Any advice on how to be a good guest would be appreciated.

–CH, Seattle

The best guests are usually themselves the most experienced hosts.

The more you personally entertain, the practice will make it easier for you to be the perfect good guest.

Don't

arrive late
be a no-show
play with food
kiss, hug or touch just anyone
get drunk
gossip about the host or other guests
take home the remainder of the wine you brought
eat more than your fair share of the food
bring an uninvited guest or plus-one
be the rude guest that stares at their phone the whole time
assume everyone knows your name and relationship status
let friends drive who have had too much to drink

accept as soon as you receive the invite
be well-dressed and well-groomed
listen to your host's requests about coats, boots, gifts, dress code
do find out where the coats are being kept
bring a small gift when the invite doesn't stipulate 'no gifts' and you are not able to reciprocate
be a self-sustaining guest and mingle
keep your hands to yourself, not everyone wants to be pawed
sense when the host or another guest doesn't wish to be kissed
introduce yourself, even if you vaguely know the person
offer to help with the cleaning up
ask for help getting home
offer a drunk guest a ride home
send a thank-you text, message, note, or holiday card

~Didi

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