Entertaining Archives - Page 3 of 19

The Many Joys of Kisses and Kissing — Romance
Creative Etiquette Solutions

The Many Joys of Kisses and Kissing — Romance

When I greet someone and they give me a smack on the cheek or a smooch on the lips I always wonder how that person knew what kind of kiss to give me. My partner doesn’t enjoy kissing, so my kisses with him are those of affection — more than passion.

–FS, Penobscot, ME

Described in a variety of words there are many kinds of kisses used in different types of relationships to express love, affection, peace, respect, friendship, romance.

The French have twenty words and the Germans use over thirty words for a kiss.
The physical act of kissing between two people consists of the combined sensitivity of touch, taste and smell.

There are a lot of reasons guys don’t kiss. Someone at some point, perhaps when as a kid playing Spin the Bottle or Post Office, or when he was a pimply teen, told him he didn’t know how to kiss.

Or that his kisses were too wet or not wet enough. Maybe he was repelled because he was too rough. He may know, or think, that he has bad breath.

Why ask me? It is you who should be so curious that you ask him — your boyfriend.

Opening up to you about kissing may well loosen his lips.

However, keep in mind:

Kissing is not universally accepted; there are parts of the world where it is taboo to kiss in public.
In some cultures lip-kissing is still banned.

~Didi

Why Valentine’s Day Matters
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Why Valentine’s Day Matters

Why do we celebrate Valentine’s Day? My boyfriend actually thinks it’s just an excuse for having to take me out to dinner. He says because it is not a public holiday it is merely a trick, a commercial contrivance.

–Stephanie, Providence, RI

Whether you have a SO or choose to fly solo, Valentine’s Day is a universal plea to embrace the love in your life. To open your heart and celebrate your closest relationships.

As one of the largest commercial holidays, the tradition of Valentine's Day has been celebrated for centuries, although, your boyfriend is correct, it isn’t a public holiday anywhere.

However, it is a holiday globally without celebrating any religion. Except in Palestine where Valentine’s Day is banned.

Saint Valentine became a martyr during the Roman Empire for marrying soldiers who were forbidden to marry. While in prison, after apparently healing his jailer’s daughter, Bishop Valentine sent her a letter shortly before his execution, signed “Your Valentine,” as a farewell.

In the 14th Century, the date of Saint Valentine’s execution became a day when couples would declare their love for each other by giving sweet treats, flowers, love letters and cards to their sweetheart.

In Chaucer’s “Parliament of Foules”, he wrote: “For this was on St Valentine’s Day when every bird cometh to choose his mate.” Leading a tradition of poets penning verses about Valentine’s.

In fact, Stephanie, if your boyfriend is feeling strong-armed about taking you out to dinner, then it’s up to you to give him a bit of sweetness in return. How about a box of chocolate covered espresso beans?

~Didi

Hosting A Glitch Free Dinner Party — Wining and Dining The In Laws
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Hosting A Glitch Free Dinner Party — Wining and Dining The In Laws

We invited my future in-laws for dinner. What is the procedure for a proper dinner party? They are very stiff and formal and coming from another culture, I need to know how to make a good impression. My fiancé says I have to relax, but I feel that everything I do will be scrutinized.

–Name Withheld, Jersey City, NJ

A. Hosting a glitch free dinner party is easier than you can imagine.

Start by creating your menu (if possible two weeks in advance).

Recreate a menu that you've had success with in the past.

Make a list of the ingredients you'll need for the evening.
Figure out what china, flatware, glasses, serving utensils and linens you'll use to set the table.
Don't forget candles and a centerpiece.

Once you start envisioning the picture of your dinner party in your mind, you'll feel less stressed.

Two days to go:

Two days prior to the dinner, be sure you have all of your ingredients.
Put your fiancé in charge of beverages, including wine other alcoholic beverages they might ask for.
He can also be responsible for ice, filling ice cube trays, and making a playlist.
Ahead of time, prepare as much as you can. A dip, dessert, soup can all be made the day before.
He or you should double-check with his parents to make sure you know exactly what time they plan to arrive.
It goes without saying that your fiancé would have given you the heads up about any dietary needs. For instance, if either of your future in-laws are watching their salt, sugar, or diary intake. If one is vegan, be sure to serve extra salad and vegetables.

One day to go:

The day before the dinner party, tidy up the rooms that your in-laws will see. If they're putting their coats in your bedroom, tidy it up. Whatever bathroom they'll be using should be pristine with fresh soap and clean hand towels.
Arrange the flowers for the centerpiece or in the living room.

Day of the dinner party:

In the morning, set your table and lay out on the kitchen counter all the utensils and equipment that you'll be using to make dinner.
Empty the dishwasher. Remove all garbage and anything in the wastebaskets.
If your fiancé is cooking with you, go over who will do what when.
Have your bar and snack area ready next. Cheeses should be room temperature, wine and beer chilled.

Two hours prior to your in-law's arrival:

Arrange the pots, pans and utensils needed for cooking.
Take out previously prepared foods so you know where they are and don't forget to put them on the table.
Place bottled water or a pitcher of water on the dining table.
Take a twenty minute break to get ready for the evening leaving your fiancé to welcome your in-laws should they arrive early.
Have him light the candles and start the playlist. Music will soothe your guests as they settle into the lovely scene you've created.

Seating:

Ahead of time, you'll have figured out what time you're seating the table and who sits where.
Your fiancé can do the seating, pulling out the chair to your right for his mother and motioning for his father to sit between you and his son facing his wife. (You never seat spouses next to each other.)
You would give the signal for everyone to start eating by picking up your utensil first after having placed your napkin in your lap.

On a personal note, once you get into the swing of having a dinner party, you'll develop creative ideas about how to garnish the plate of cheese with red grapes and and a stem of rosemary, or whatever.

Having color on every plate is important visually because it's more inviting than staring at a plate of bland looking food. Parsley, herbs, fruit, even edible flowers will perk up any table.
Working as a team, you'll be able to plan ahead as to who does what and when.
Don't get into the routine of waiting on everyone. Decide ahead of time, he clears while you plate the next course, or vice versa.

Important to know for the next dinner party and what to add to your wedding registry: While cleaning up after the in-laws are out the door, recap the evening.

What was good and what could have been better.?
Cast no aspirations.
Don't take it personally, because the two of you are responsible for the evening.
You might even make a list of utensils, linens, servicing pieces, etc. to add to your wedding registry.

~Didi

Shyness Is Old-Fashioned
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Shyness Is Old-Fashioned

My question is about how to help my girlfriend overcome her painful shyness.

My girl is extremely shy and fears people, she can’t even look me in the eyes but claims to love me so much to the extent of boasting to her friends that I’m hers … Is this normal, and is there a way I can help her boost her confidence??

–SF, Kenya, Africa

Thank you for your question about how to help your girlfriend overcome shyness.

Why not buy her a pair of hoop earrings to show off to her friends. When she wears them she may feel empowered with pride.

More importantly, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings for her.

Say that you want her to look you in the eyes when she speaks to you and to listen with her eyes when you are telling her something. She can break the habit of not making eye contact if you instill in her the fact that eye contact is a powerful way to communicate.

And that when she talks to someone she has strong feelings toward, she should back up her words with eye contact.

Eye contact is a kind of intimacy that develops over time when there is genuine trust on both sides.

My hunch is that she's shy about having sex. You can't assume from anyone's behavior that they are consenting to having sex.

Your girlfriend needs to feel safe about her feelings. Sex is performance based. She may not understand how to talk about sex or how to decide whether to consent or not.
You and she need a more nuanced understanding of consent. Verbal and visual signs are significant indicators. Talk about sex openly.
No subject should be off limits.

~Didi

Acknowledging A Tip
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Acknowledging A Tip

My question is about acknowledging a tip.

Having given a lot of tips over the holidays, is it fantasy to expect some kind of acknowledgement for having given those tips? I find it rude that people don’t have the good sense to say, “Thanks for the check (tip, money card)!”

A certain sense of entitlement has risen around tipping. Is there a graceful way to suggest that I would appreciate acknowledgement for the tip?

–JD, Provience

I like your question about acknowledging a tip.

Post holidays, the tip - no matter the amount - becomes the elephant in the room.

If you mailed the tip or gave someone else the tip to give to the recipient, then you can ask an indirect question and say, "I hope you received your tip in time for Christmas shopping."

Or directly say, "I'm checking to find out that you received my (cash) tip." Of course, checks can be tracked, but checking up on cash is perfectly acceptable to bring up in a jolly, ho, ho conversation.

When you don't pay the minimum wage, you cannot expect a thank you for a tip.

Most workers, whether they're paid at the very least the minimum wage or more, feel they are vastly underpaid. They may be uncomfortable about talking about money. Or fear that thanking you might give the signal that they are satisfied with their financial situation with you, when they are not.

~Didi

Why Not Get Your Etiquette Together and Act Grateful
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Why Not Get Your Etiquette Together and Act Grateful

What’s the drill on thank-you notes and returning a gift you don’t like?

Can I email words of thanks to people, or do I have to actually buy a box of thank-you cards to write out? Especially, when you haven’t asked for a gift or expected a gift and you don’t really like it?

Also, when your mom gives you a sweater made by a popular brand, do you have to keep it? Every year she gives me a sweater that I never wear, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

–EM, Newport, RI

Act grateful. Wow, not feeling vibes of gratitude here.

At least people were thoughtful to give you something! Grow up. Grownups send thank-you emails and texts to people they are on an email and text basis with. When acknowledging special gifts, that attractive box of thank-you notes comes in handy.

It is all about giving thanks. How you say "thank you" reflects your lifestyle and the sincerity of your appreciation. Find a motif that fits your soul, there are certainly a wide range out there whether you're feeling snowed-in, seeking shade under a palm tree or simply want to remind the giver of a Newport attraction.

If you don't like the gift and are having trouble exchanging it, call or text the person to say you would like to return the sweater for a different style, color, size -- or all three.

Make a list of who you want to thank and cross off the names as you send your thank-you.

~Didi

New Year’s Eve Proposal
Creative Etiquette Solutions

New Year’s Eve Proposal

It’s gotten complicated because I had it all planned out to propose to my girlfriend more intimately on New Year’s Eve, but now she’s making me go to a big party — which has stolen my moment. Any suggestions?

–Name Withheld

Don't let a New Year's Eve party steal your big moment. You can whisk your girlfriend outside just before midnight and on bended knee ask her. Better check out the exit and exact location ahead of time to make sure the ambience is pleasing.

~Didi

Christmas Gift Tips — Family
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Christmas Gift Tips — Family

My mother, by proxy from my dad, makes all the decisions on gift giving. They have sixteen grandchildren, half of whom have working highly paid parents who can afford to shop to their heart’s content.

Mom asks us two months in advance what Christmas gifts they should send our children. We let her know and send her the links.

But often the toy, article of clothing, or book is SOLD OUT and mom goes off on her own sending gifts that they don’t like.

So when they ask the four-year-old grandchild, “Do you like your toy guitar,” we’re embarrassed.

Point of fact, she didn’t like it, we sent it back and found something else.

How can we help mom and dad spend their money more favorably?

–HT, Peoria, IL

Try having each family send your parents a list of two presents for each child, with the links. If that doesn't work, it would be OK if your parents purchased each grandchild a gift card that works at a box/online store, such as Barnes & Noble that stocks books, CDs, and toys.

The gift cards are sent to the parents who then attach the envelopes to the Christmas tree or put it in the Christmas stocking.

~Didi

Tips On Holiday Tipping
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Tips On Holiday Tipping

I find the whole idea of tipping at Christmas confusing and bad ass difficult to figure out. There are people who support my life that I really need to tip because if they didn’t like me, I would have to find someone else to do what they do so well. But there are those that you’re stuck having to tip.

Who do I tip and how much?

–HG, Miami, FL

It sounds as though you may have several categories where you tip individuals during the holidays. Remember that a tip is never necessary or required.

Although some apartment buildings send residents a list of the building's employees, which you may want to acknowledge with the suggested tip, if you want continued good service throughout the year.

Weekly Worker

Housecleaners and housekeepers are the best compensated because they not only know your secrets and bad habits, but they pick up after you when you're too busy to do certain things for yourself.

The median may be to tip $50, but you have to evaluate the tip by how many hours a month they spend taking care of your home.

If you pay $15 an hour and she works for four hours a week, her Christmas tip should be at least $120, two weeks salary, for a year's worth of taking care of you.

What does the service of a full time domestic, such as a nanny, personal caregiver, cook, butler, housekeeper, mean to you? It could be worth anywhere between a week and up to a month's salary, plus a small gift.
Although, if you're just tipping because it is expected, apparently you can squeak by with a $50 holiday tip.
When there is a long running history of care, loyalty and devotion, then $250 would be appropriate.

Daily Worker Dog Walker, Nanny and Caregiver, or any other daily domestic help, would receive, again, a tip equal to two weeks of salary.

Other professions typically receive a gift card for $20, or just that in cash.

Cash is always preferred. Gift cards are always appreciated, but if there is a problem with it or it has expired, then the worker is stuck in the embarrassing situation of having to explain that they were not able to use your gift card. Then you have to hem and haw and make good on the card or give cash to make up for the mishap.

Boxed and wrapped gifts are not so popular. Unless the worker has specifically asked for an electric tea pot, but when there is a problem returning the gift, the worker is put on the spot.

To get back to the cash, make the gift look nice and festive by placing the cash in a holiday card, with handwritten words of thanks.

At the end of the year, it is all about how dearly you appreciate the quality and frequency of the service, your relationship with the recipient, how long you've been using their service, and your budget.

Then factor in your location, because workers commuting in dense urban locations are apt to have a more lengthy and expensive commute.

Also under consideration:

Homemade gifts, such as propagated plants, baked goods, or homemade jam, are charming and show your sincere appreciation when your budget doesn't provide for end of the year tipping.
Already readily tipping your hairdresser, manicurist, masseuse/masseur, or trainer per service? Then your holiday tip doesn't have to be as generous.
Mail carrier, paper deliverer, garbage collectors, etc., who may or may not be the same person every day or week.
Doormen and building janitors are usually tipped once a year by the resident and not on a daily basis

Handwritten notes of thanks are always appreciated no matter how generous the gift it accompanies. They show a lot of about your style and grace.

~Didi

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in: