Entertaining Archives - Page 3 of 19

Shyness Is Old-Fashioned
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Shyness Is Old-Fashioned

My question is about how to help my girlfriend overcome her painful shyness.

My girl is extremely shy and fears people, she can’t even look me in the eyes but claims to love me so much to the extent of boasting to her friends that I’m hers … Is this normal, and is there a way I can help her boost her confidence??

–SF, Kenya, Africa

Thank you for your question about how to help your girlfriend overcome shyness.

Why not buy her a pair of hoop earrings to show off to her friends. When she wears them she may feel empowered with pride.

More importantly, talk to her. Tell her about your feelings for her.

Say that you want her to look you in the eyes when she speaks to you and to listen with her eyes when you are telling her something. She can break the habit of not making eye contact if you instill in her the fact that eye contact is a powerful way to communicate.

And that when she talks to someone she has strong feelings toward, she should back up her words with eye contact.

Eye contact is a kind of intimacy that develops over time when there is genuine trust on both sides.

My hunch is that she's shy about having sex. You can't assume from anyone's behavior that they are consenting to having sex.

Your girlfriend needs to feel safe about her feelings. Sex is performance based. She may not understand how to talk about sex or how to decide whether to consent or not.
You and she need a more nuanced understanding of consent. Verbal and visual signs are significant indicators. Talk about sex openly.
No subject should be off limits.

~Didi

Acknowledging A Tip
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Acknowledging A Tip

My question is about acknowledging a tip.

Having given a lot of tips over the holidays, is it fantasy to expect some kind of acknowledgement for having given those tips? I find it rude that people don’t have the good sense to say, “Thanks for the check (tip, money card)!”

A certain sense of entitlement has risen around tipping. Is there a graceful way to suggest that I would appreciate acknowledgement for the tip?

–JD, Provience

I like your question about acknowledging a tip.

Post holidays, the tip - no matter the amount - becomes the elephant in the room.

If you mailed the tip or gave someone else the tip to give to the recipient, then you can ask an indirect question and say, "I hope you received your tip in time for Christmas shopping."

Or directly say, "I'm checking to find out that you received my (cash) tip." Of course, checks can be tracked, but checking up on cash is perfectly acceptable to bring up in a jolly, ho, ho conversation.

When you don't pay the minimum wage, you cannot expect a thank you for a tip.

Most workers, whether they're paid at the very least the minimum wage or more, feel they are vastly underpaid. They may be uncomfortable about talking about money. Or fear that thanking you might give the signal that they are satisfied with their financial situation with you, when they are not.

~Didi

Why Not Get Your Etiquette Together and Act Grateful
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Why Not Get Your Etiquette Together and Act Grateful

What’s the drill on thank-you notes and returning a gift you don’t like?

Can I email words of thanks to people, or do I have to actually buy a box of thank-you cards to write out? Especially, when you haven’t asked for a gift or expected a gift and you don’t really like it?

Also, when your mom gives you a sweater made by a popular brand, do you have to keep it? Every year she gives me a sweater that I never wear, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

–EM, Newport, RI

Act grateful. Wow, not feeling vibes of gratitude here.

At least people were thoughtful to give you something! Grow up. Grownups send thank-you emails and texts to people they are on an email and text basis with. When acknowledging special gifts, that attractive box of thank-you notes comes in handy.

It is all about giving thanks. How you say "thank you" reflects your lifestyle and the sincerity of your appreciation. Find a motif that fits your soul, there are certainly a wide range out there whether you're feeling snowed-in, seeking shade under a palm tree or simply want to remind the giver of a Newport attraction.

If you don't like the gift and are having trouble exchanging it, call or text the person to say you would like to return the sweater for a different style, color, size -- or all three.

Make a list of who you want to thank and cross off the names as you send your thank-you.

~Didi

New Year’s Eve Proposal
Creative Etiquette Solutions

New Year’s Eve Proposal

It’s gotten complicated because I had it all planned out to propose to my girlfriend more intimately on New Year’s Eve, but now she’s making me go to a big party — which has stolen my moment. Any suggestions?

–Name Withheld

Don't let a New Year's Eve party steal your big moment. You can whisk your girlfriend outside just before midnight and on bended knee ask her. Better check out the exit and exact location ahead of time to make sure the ambience is pleasing.

~Didi

Christmas Gift Tips — Family
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Christmas Gift Tips — Family

My mother, by proxy from my dad, makes all the decisions on gift giving. They have sixteen grandchildren, half of whom have working highly paid parents who can afford to shop to their heart’s content.

Mom asks us two months in advance what Christmas gifts they should send our children. We let her know and send her the links.

But often the toy, article of clothing, or book is SOLD OUT and mom goes off on her own sending gifts that they don’t like.

So when they ask the four-year-old grandchild, “Do you like your toy guitar,” we’re embarrassed.

Point of fact, she didn’t like it, we sent it back and found something else.

How can we help mom and dad spend their money more favorably?

–HT, Peoria, IL

Try having each family send your parents a list of two presents for each child, with the links. If that doesn't work, it would be OK if your parents purchased each grandchild a gift card that works at a box/online store, such as Barnes & Noble that stocks books, CDs, and toys.

The gift cards are sent to the parents who then attach the envelopes to the Christmas tree or put it in the Christmas stocking.

~Didi

Tips On Holiday Tipping
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Tips On Holiday Tipping

I find the whole idea of tipping at Christmas confusing and bad ass difficult to figure out. There are people who support my life that I really need to tip because if they didn’t like me, I would have to find someone else to do what they do so well. But there are those that you’re stuck having to tip.

Who do I tip and how much?

–HG, Miami, FL

It sounds as though you may have several categories where you tip individuals during the holidays. Remember that a tip is never necessary or required.

Although some apartment buildings send residents a list of the building's employees, which you may want to acknowledge with the suggested tip, if you want continued good service throughout the year.

Weekly Worker

Housecleaners and housekeepers are the best compensated because they not only know your secrets and bad habits, but they pick up after you when you're too busy to do certain things for yourself.

The median may be to tip $50, but you have to evaluate the tip by how many hours a month they spend taking care of your home.

If you pay $15 an hour and she works for four hours a week, her Christmas tip should be at least $120, two weeks salary, for a year's worth of taking care of you.

What does the service of a full time domestic, such as a nanny, personal caregiver, cook, butler, housekeeper, mean to you? It could be worth anywhere between a week and up to a month's salary, plus a small gift.
Although, if you're just tipping because it is expected, apparently you can squeak by with a $50 holiday tip.
When there is a long running history of care, loyalty and devotion, then $250 would be appropriate.

Daily Worker Dog Walker, Nanny and Caregiver, or any other daily domestic help, would receive, again, a tip equal to two weeks of salary.

Other professions typically receive a gift card for $20, or just that in cash.

Cash is always preferred. Gift cards are always appreciated, but if there is a problem with it or it has expired, then the worker is stuck in the embarrassing situation of having to explain that they were not able to use your gift card. Then you have to hem and haw and make good on the card or give cash to make up for the mishap.

Boxed and wrapped gifts are not so popular. Unless the worker has specifically asked for an electric tea pot, but when there is a problem returning the gift, the worker is put on the spot.

To get back to the cash, make the gift look nice and festive by placing the cash in a holiday card, with handwritten words of thanks.

At the end of the year, it is all about how dearly you appreciate the quality and frequency of the service, your relationship with the recipient, how long you've been using their service, and your budget.

Then factor in your location, because workers commuting in dense urban locations are apt to have a more lengthy and expensive commute.

Also under consideration:

Homemade gifts, such as propagated plants, baked goods, or homemade jam, are charming and show your sincere appreciation when your budget doesn't provide for end of the year tipping.
Already readily tipping your hairdresser, manicurist, masseuse/masseur, or trainer per service? Then your holiday tip doesn't have to be as generous.
Mail carrier, paper deliverer, garbage collectors, etc., who may or may not be the same person every day or week.
Doormen and building janitors are usually tipped once a year by the resident and not on a daily basis

Handwritten notes of thanks are always appreciated no matter how generous the gift it accompanies. They show a lot of about your style and grace.

~Didi

Holiday Office Party Rules and Protocol for Professionals
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Holiday Office Party Rules and Protocol for Professionals

About the current rules for holiday office parties.

With the winner of the Time magazine person of the year the collective of women who have spoken out and are still speaking out about sexual assault and harassment, I feel a certain chill has come over Christmastime merrymaking.

Meanwhile predators are speaking up in denial sending a huge mixed message that some can get away with it while others cannot. What should we know when attending a Christmas office party?

–AD, Hoboken, NJ

Keep in mind the fact that the holiday office party is not the last time you will be seeing everyone in the office -- bright and early the following morning.

To play the game of office politics, you have to know the rules. To win respect you have to remember the protocol.

You must

dress appropriately, meaning dress festively.
remember that the holiday party is ruled by the good manners of the office.
have good hygiene, you're not off the grid.
turn off your cellphone.
keep track of your alcohol intake.
behave in a professional manner at all times.
keep the vibes convivial, it is not the time for petty grievances, revenge, gossip or political debate.
never bring a plus-one, SO, or spouse unless the invitation specifies that you can bring a guest. Guests don't bring guests -- and remember even at an office party, you are a guest.
be sure to wear your name tag on the right side, because it will be more visible.

try to keep your glass in your left hand to allow your freed right hand to shake hands.
remember that people will be watching and taking notes, which is why you keep your hands to yourself.
before departing, thank your host.
remember that you never want to be the last person standing.
report any sexual assault to #MeToo or #BalanceTonPorc.

You must never

miss the office party or arrive too late -- even if you have to pay a babysitter extra or miss finishing a report.
grope, grab, slap on the back, kiss or hug, without saying, for instance, "Can I give you a hug?"
talk and eat at the same time because food can go shooting out of your mouth.
drink too much.
discuss work matters, unless your boss asks you a direct question.
make a fool of yourself.
take a call, but you can look for messages and go outside the party to text or return the call.
forget to thank the host.

A recent survey of 150 human resources representatives found that the number of office parties will be the same this year, however, only 47.8 percent of employers will be offering alcohol -- down from 62% in 2016.

Holiday gatherings are taking a low-keyed turn toward focusing on team building such as volunteering to work on community projects.
Others are limiting the amount of alcohol by providing no more than two tickets for alcohol cocktails.

#Me Too #BalanceTonPorc

~Didi

Be A Great Toaster
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Be A Great Toaster

As a guest, do I toast the hostess and host on behalf of our side of the family? We’re having a holiday dinner at the home of our daughter-in-law’s parents for the first time. I don’t know what’s expected.

Does it matter whether my wife gives the host or do I have to? Public speaking is not my thing and under pressure I’m apt to stutter.

–JW, Providence, RI

How to be a great toaster isn't as complicated as you think. You can even use a crib note.

Overcome your speaking challenges for the holidays.

Make your toast as brief as possible.
Only a sentence or two is needed at a holiday dinner.

Be a great toaster

Rehearse your two or three sentences in the mirror ahead of time.
Make eye contact with those assembled but certainly don't stare at the same the person the whole time.
Handle nerves and don't fiddle with the hand that isn't holding your glass.
You don't have to be a storyteller. Give a natural toast that sounds as though you sincerely appreciate spending time with all who have come together to celebrate...

People love a toast, even a bad one. Toasts aren't only given by men, so bow to your wife and let her deliver the toast.

The important thing about giving a toast is to look at her or him to reply in gratitude.

If you're the guest of honor, you could give the first toast. When there isn't a guest of honor -- such as the birthday boy -- usually the host gives a welcoming toast. Following the welcoming toast any guest can gently tap their glass, stand, and briefly express their appreciation to the host or hosts.

Hold the glass by the stem

while you make your toast.

~Didi

How To Handle the Delirious Christmas Houseguest and It’s Not Santa
Creative Etiquette Solutions

How To Handle the Delirious Christmas Houseguest and It’s Not Santa

My question is about having a Christmas houseguest and I don’t mean Santa.

I just got a text from a friend, whom we socialize with over the summer, asking if she and her husband could stay in our guesthouse for the week of Christmas.

Her text began: BIG ASK. I’ll say. that’s a big ask!

They stayed in our guesthouse for a week last May for their daughter’s wedding and we went all out, without feeling much appreciation in return. Inexplicably, I immediately texted SURE.

But now we’re having a change of heart.

We really don’t enjoy their company very much and, as I said, we don’t feel appreciated.

How do we get out of this?

–RK, Newport, RI

As soon as you read this, text your would-be-Christmas-houseguest to say, "I answered your BIG ASK text too quickly. We cannot possibly have you staying with us for a week over Christmas. We have other plans."

Leave it at that.
No lies (the Plans could be that you hadn't really planned on having them to visit).
If she asks why not? Say, "It is not a good time for us to have houseguests."
Should she persist. say, "Xmas week is not a good time to visit."

~Didi

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in: