Entertaining Archives - Page 4 of 19

Holiday Office Party Rules and Protocol for Professionals
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Holiday Office Party Rules and Protocol for Professionals

About the current rules for holiday office parties.

With the winner of the Time magazine person of the year the collective of women who have spoken out and are still speaking out about sexual assault and harassment, I feel a certain chill has come over Christmastime merrymaking.

Meanwhile predators are speaking up in denial sending a huge mixed message that some can get away with it while others cannot. What should we know when attending a Christmas office party?

–AD, Hoboken, NJ

Keep in mind the fact that the holiday office party is not the last time you will be seeing everyone in the office -- bright and early the following morning.

To play the game of office politics, you have to know the rules. To win respect you have to remember the protocol.

You must

dress appropriately, meaning dress festively.
remember that the holiday party is ruled by the good manners of the office.
have good hygiene, you're not off the grid.
turn off your cellphone.
keep track of your alcohol intake.
behave in a professional manner at all times.
keep the vibes convivial, it is not the time for petty grievances, revenge, gossip or political debate.
never bring a plus-one, SO, or spouse unless the invitation specifies that you can bring a guest. Guests don't bring guests -- and remember even at an office party, you are a guest.
be sure to wear your name tag on the right side, because it will be more visible.

try to keep your glass in your left hand to allow your freed right hand to shake hands.
remember that people will be watching and taking notes, which is why you keep your hands to yourself.
before departing, thank your host.
remember that you never want to be the last person standing.
report any sexual assault to #MeToo or #BalanceTonPorc.

You must never

miss the office party or arrive too late -- even if you have to pay a babysitter extra or miss finishing a report.
grope, grab, slap on the back, kiss or hug, without saying, for instance, "Can I give you a hug?"
talk and eat at the same time because food can go shooting out of your mouth.
drink too much.
discuss work matters, unless your boss asks you a direct question.
make a fool of yourself.
take a call, but you can look for messages and go outside the party to text or return the call.
forget to thank the host.

A recent survey of 150 human resources representatives found that the number of office parties will be the same this year, however, only 47.8 percent of employers will be offering alcohol -- down from 62% in 2016.

Holiday gatherings are taking a low-keyed turn toward focusing on team building such as volunteering to work on community projects.
Others are limiting the amount of alcohol by providing no more than two tickets for alcohol cocktails.

#Me Too #BalanceTonPorc

~Didi

Be A Great Toaster
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Be A Great Toaster

As a guest, do I toast the hostess and host on behalf of our side of the family? We’re having a holiday dinner at the home of our daughter-in-law’s parents for the first time. I don’t know what’s expected.

Does it matter whether my wife gives the host or do I have to? Public speaking is not my thing and under pressure I’m apt to stutter.

–JW, Providence, RI

How to be a great toaster isn't as complicated as you think. You can even use a crib note.

Overcome your speaking challenges for the holidays.

Make your toast as brief as possible.
Only a sentence or two is needed at a holiday dinner.

Be a great toaster

Rehearse your two or three sentences in the mirror ahead of time.
Make eye contact with those assembled but certainly don't stare at the same the person the whole time.
Handle nerves and don't fiddle with the hand that isn't holding your glass.
You don't have to be a storyteller. Give a natural toast that sounds as though you sincerely appreciate spending time with all who have come together to celebrate...

People love a toast, even a bad one. Toasts aren't only given by men, so bow to your wife and let her deliver the toast.

The important thing about giving a toast is to look at her or him to reply in gratitude.

If you're the guest of honor, you could give the first toast. When there isn't a guest of honor -- such as the birthday boy -- usually the host gives a welcoming toast. Following the welcoming toast any guest can gently tap their glass, stand, and briefly express their appreciation to the host or hosts.

Hold the glass by the stem

while you make your toast.

~Didi

How To Handle the Delirious Christmas Houseguest and It’s Not Santa
Creative Etiquette Solutions

How To Handle the Delirious Christmas Houseguest and It’s Not Santa

My question is about having a Christmas houseguest and I don’t mean Santa.

I just got a text from a friend, whom we socialize with over the summer, asking if she and her husband could stay in our guesthouse for the week of Christmas.

Her text began: BIG ASK. I’ll say. that’s a big ask!

They stayed in our guesthouse for a week last May for their daughter’s wedding and we went all out, without feeling much appreciation in return. Inexplicably, I immediately texted SURE.

But now we’re having a change of heart.

We really don’t enjoy their company very much and, as I said, we don’t feel appreciated.

How do we get out of this?

–RK, Newport, RI

As soon as you read this, text your would-be-Christmas-houseguest to say, "I answered your BIG ASK text too quickly. We cannot possibly have you staying with us for a week over Christmas. We have other plans."

Leave it at that.
No lies (the Plans could be that you hadn't really planned on having them to visit).
If she asks why not? Say, "It is not a good time for us to have houseguests."
Should she persist. say, "Xmas week is not a good time to visit."

~Didi

Most Important Essentials for First Time Holiday Entertaining
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Most Important Essentials for First Time Holiday Entertaining

I’ve never entertained for a major holiday and I think I’m in way over my head. Can you give me some tips on how to make my first foray a success?

–LB, Portland, OR

No worries. Here's a check-off list.

* Invitation List: About a month out, find out from a few of your favorite friends and family if they are able to attend on the date you've chosen. If one date, doesn't work, try another. Build on your party core of guests well in advance.

Choosing the date: Better yet, say that you're thinking of one or two dates, and ask which would work best for them.
Personalize your invitation to reflect the season, occasion, or place (location) where you're holding your party.
Mix and match, invite a diversity of friends: Choose from varying ages and different backgrounds -- people whom you know from the most important arenas of your life.

* Don't turn down help. If a guest offers to bring a festive dip, side dish or dessert or do something to pitch in say, YES. They'll be more committed to showing up when they receive your invitation if they're contributing to the festivities. But do confirm two days in advance to give them a final head count of attendees. And to find out exactly what they're bringing, and how they intend to help out.

Delegate: They say they want to help, so let them bring appetizers, play bartend and bring a bag of ice, light the candles and/or fireplace, pass canapés, etc.
Keep a list of who is doing or bringing what.
Have backups: start bagging ice cubes into your freezer, stocking up on nuts, olives, and cheese and crackers to put out. If the friend who is bringing the appetizers is late, at least you'll have snacks for your guests.

* Ahead of time, prepare as much as possible.

If you don't cook, investigate ahead of time where you can buy prepared foods, which you can always personalize with parsley and colorful garnish. Nobody cares if you've bought the gluten-free apple crisp because you're serving it with really good vanilla ice-cream.
Don't experiment when hosting. Use your tried and true recipes.
Clean out the fridge to make room for the turkey and trimmings. You need icepacks and a cooler to keep everything that needs to be kept cool. Such as wine, beer, the uncooked turkey.
Cook the turkey or ham the day before.
Set the dinner table and children's table (if you're having enough kids) ahead of time..
Chill the wine and beer. Figure out if you need coolers.
Ask someone else to make an appetizer.

*Have a good time with any children in the house and let them make pumpkin pies to scent the house with holiday spices.

Encourage kids to be creative by making decorative place cards.

~Didi

Holiday Top Ten Really Best Table Manners for Kids
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Holiday Top Ten Really Best Table Manners for Kids

My question is about table manners for kids.

My two kids have the worst table manners. My mother-in-law is a stickler for good manners. She’s prim and proper and thinks her five and seven-year-old grandchildren should tote the family line and have good table manners, as well. The big problem is that their friends don’t know how to behave nicely at the table, and kids like to fit in with other kids. Any suggestions?

–CM, Arden, NY

Thank you for your question about table manner for kids.

Find time to take your kids out to eat where there are other people eating. A breakfast out on the weekend. At home you're too busy serving them their food and cleaning up after them, so you'd be less likely to have the patience to talk about table manners in a playful manner.

Role model good table manners and quietly point out the bad manners of other diners.

Talk about outside voices versus inside voices in enclosed spaces -- such as a restaurant.
To keep them focused, play a mind game while waiting for your food.
Talk about why you use a napkin and where it goes.
Elbows on the table are the primary reason why milk glasses topple over.
Don't lay your arms and head on the table for the same reason.
Flatware is not about waving flags and remains on the table or plate when not in use.
Chew with your mouth closed.
Don't talk with your mouth full.
Sit up straight, with feet on the floor.
Bring food to your mouth and don't eat like a dog with your head in the bowl.

You know the drill. Make table manners make sense to your children. When they mirror your good table manners, they win a chance to estimate the tip when the check comes -- and get to keep the change.

Reward the child with a present -- something other than food -- for having been a good, happy guest on Thanksgiving day.

~Didi

How To Be The Good Guest Who Will Be Invited Back
Creative Etiquette Solutions

How To Be The Good Guest Who Will Be Invited Back

What exactly is a good guest? I’m not particularly outgoing, but my boyfriend — as it turns out — is a real party animal and especially loves Christmas. I try to get into the spirit and look with envy at how easily he glad handles everyone whether he knows them or not. Any advice on how to be a good guest would be appreciated.

–CH, Seattle

The best guests are usually themselves the most experienced hosts.

The more you personally entertain, the practice will make it easier for you to be the perfect good guest.

Don't

arrive late
be a no-show
play with food
kiss, hug or touch just anyone
get drunk
gossip about the host or other guests
take home the remainder of the wine you brought
eat more than your fair share of the food
bring an uninvited guest or plus-one
be the rude guest that stares at their phone the whole time
assume everyone knows your name and relationship status
let friends drive who have had too much to drink

accept as soon as you receive the invite
be well-dressed and well-groomed
listen to your host's requests about coats, boots, gifts, dress code
do find out where the coats are being kept
bring a small gift when the invite doesn't stipulate 'no gifts' and you are not able to reciprocate
be a self-sustaining guest and mingle
keep your hands to yourself, not everyone wants to be pawed
sense when the host or another guest doesn't wish to be kissed
introduce yourself, even if you vaguely know the person
offer to help with the cleaning up
ask for help getting home
offer a drunk guest a ride home
send a thank-you text, message, note, or holiday card

~Didi

How To Gracefully Recover From Forgetting A Guest’s Name
Creative Etiquette Solutions

How To Gracefully Recover From Forgetting A Guest’s Name

What do you say when you’re having a lapse in memory and can’t remember a guest’s name when he arrived for dinner, and so you don’t know how to introduce him to the guests who are already there? I was mortified.

–GP, Brooklyn, NY

Here's what to do when guests are arriving and you can't remember a guest's name.

Be a chicken. You should have ushered him in to meet the other guests, and then quickly excused yourself to "tend to something in the kitchen."
With you out of the room they would have been forced to introduce themselves while you slyly eavesdropped at the door to recharge your memory.

Entertaining can be surprisingly stressful. No matter how much you love the company of friends, there is much to do in preparation. Details upon details. Stress can certainly cause you to forget names as easily as to neglect to put butter with the bread or a pitcher of ice water on the table.

It happens to us all. Once I was having such a good time playing hostess, I forget to bring out the salad course! Of course, I didn't discover till the next day that my beautiful salad had missed the dinner party -- when I spied it snugged in the back of the fridge.

Three times -- that I can remember -- I've been called out on forgetting to show up at splendid parties that I had accepted. For me, life is far from all about parties. Although, in all three cases it was a huge faux pas.

To help you remember names - aside from writing out every guest's name on a separate place card that you place in front of their place setting, to help guests remember the person's name - here is a good exercise:

Next time you entertain: Rehearse your guest list ahead of time by repeating the names out loud over and over again. It will help you not only to learn the names, but remember them as well.

~Didi

How To Efficiently Make A Complaint — Restaurant Etiquette
Creative Etiquette Solutions

How To Efficiently Make A Complaint — Restaurant Etiquette

My question is about restaurant etiquette.

What’s the most efficient way to complain about poor service and food in a restaurant? We know the owners, but don’t want to go there even though we think they should know our complaints.

We’ve been dining at this particular restaurant for what seems like generations, but the food and service has become less and less satisfactory over the years. When we run into the owners, they say, “We don’t see you as often as we used to.” But they never ask why.

–Name withheld

Thank you for your question about restaurant etiquette. A recent British survey found that 38% of those asked would never think of making a complaint in a restaurant -- even if something was dreadfully off.

Chefs have been known to throw out a guest who complained. Or who, say, asked for ketchup to doctor his ceviche.
Never order something that is unfamiliar to you and then complain that you didn't know it was raw fish. Ask before you order.
If the chowder is cold or the steak is not rare enough, speak up.

When making your complaint known:

Be clear, calm and concise in voicing your complaint. Then be patient - mistakes happen. Allow for the error to be rectified.
Be straightforward, don't wait to complain about a dish until you've practically cleaned your plate.
Speak up immediately. Once you walk out of the restaurant door, it's over.

Good restaurant etiquette would be to let your waiter or management know of your complaint before exiting the restaurant - and not through social media.

Although if you made the reservation through sites like OpenTable, you can send a private message to the restaurant when you receive their followup survey in your inbox.
Don't ask to be compensated for your discontent. Any good restaurant will want to turn your criticism into a positive complaint and may offer a complimentary dessert or after-dinner drink as a reward for your patience.

Problems can occur when the waiter doesn't write down the order.

There are waiters who think it is not cool to write up an order. No hip waiter wants to be seen using a pen and pad. He prides himself in his keen memory.
Writing things down takes time. Memorizing an order means less time is engaged with the guest.
When a waiter tries to bond, he makes eye contact, but maybe the guest would rather that the waiter focus on writing up the order.
When a waiter isn't interested in bonding with the guests, he'll want to get away from the table as soon as possible and so doesn't accurately write down the details, such as 'sauce on the side.'
When a waiter does write up an order he then might take back control to show who he thinks is really in charge. That's when things can go wrong.

As a paying guest, you have a right to question the waiter by asking, "Are you sure you can remember all this without writing it down?" After all, there probably has to be a ticket order for the chef, so the waiter might as well get it right from the start -- whether the order is then recorded on a touch-screen computer or a paper chef ticket.

The waiter will either accept the challenge and roll his eyes to say, "You can trust me."
Or take out a pad and pen and write down the order. But he may still have to enter your order into the computer.

~Didi

How To Tastefully Toast With Authentic Style and Grace
Creative Etiquette Solutions

How To Tastefully Toast With Authentic Style and Grace

What is the best way of going about giving a toast?

After toasting the host at a party the other night, I was mortified when the person next to me reprimanded me for the way I pinged glasses with her. She said the real way to clink after a toast was to make eye contact. She went on to say, “The French become suspicious of you if you don’t made eye contact while toasting.”

Never before had I even considered that making eye contact clinking flutes was a prerequisite to toasting. Is it really?

–Ava, Dover, Delaware

From now on make eye contact with anyone you are clinking glasses with and add a smile. Although, be careful.

In some cultures making eye contact is considered impolite.
Even in the USA, you'll find that certain people avoid eye contact - period. Especially Native American and Native Alaskan cultures.
Also, many Asian do not adhere to the practice of going eye ball to eye ball.
In cultures where eye contact is made only among their peers, eye contact could be considered rude or arrogant coming from someone from another cultural level.
In much of America intense continuous eye contact - unless it is during an intimate romantic moment - can be interpreted as odd or even hostile.

~Didi

When Strict Vegan Falls Madly In Love With A Meat-Eater
Creative Etiquette Solutions

When Strict Vegan Falls Madly In Love With A Meat-Eater

Should vegans date meat-eaters? Is it too much of an issue in a relationship? I’m actually afraid to include the fact that I’m vegan on my dating web site profile, out of fear that I will be perceived as being too finicky. But when I find out after falling in love with some guy online that he’s a real meat-eater, I can’t imagine what life with him would be like?

–Annie, Brooklyn, NY

Look into a recent new dating app Hinge, which declares that it is the "anti-Tinder." Its motto, "We have swiped left on swimming and are on a mission to truly connect people in a digital world" with similar commonalities.

Communication is key: In an un-preachy way, people need to know how important veganism is to you. It's about others being able to understand where you're coming from. If you're going to live together you totally need to be clear about what you are and are not OK with.
For instance, would you mind having any non-vegan products in the house? If that's potentially going to be a huge issue, he should know that because it won't make sense buying two of everything.
Would you ever cook meat for him?
If he doesn't understand why you're a vegan or disses you for it, then you're wasting your time on him.
In that case, you might want to look into Grazer, a dating app for herbivores.

~Didi

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in:

You may also be interested in: