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  • Tipping the Wine Steward and Sommelier — Restaurant Etiquette
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Tipping the Wine Steward and Sommelier — Restaurant Etiquette

When the advice of a wine steward or sommelier is accepted, do I tip him or her aside from tipping the waiter and if so, how much?

–LB, Manhattan

About tipping extra for fine wine. No matter how well you know your wines, the advice of a wine steward or sommelier can indeed be reassuring and even helpful. A hearty few words of thanks may be all that is necessary.
  • Traditionally, you would tip 15% to 20% of the cost of the meal including the wine, before the tax is added. It is always good etiquette to tip a sommelier, but it is not mandatory when the cost of the wine is included in the bill.
  • On the way out the door, you can, of course, slip the sommelier cash, again 15%-20% of the cost of the wine, along with your generous words of appreciation.
On the other hand, if you do not like the recommendation, the wine steward should find you a different wine. You shouldn't feel stuck or intimidated into drinking a wine that isn't to your taste.
  • The wine steward should exuberantly say, "Let me find something else."
If you're going to pay for a great bottle of wine, you should drink what you like. If the wine is particularly good -- a real find -- you may want to slip the sommelier an extra $5.  

~Didi

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  • Should You Expect Thanks for A Tip?
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Should You Expect Thanks for A Tip?

We actually followed your advice about giving a holiday tip — to a point.

We didn’t tip the sanitation workers because they are never the same guys.

We had always tipped the paper delivery person because we want our paper every day; he then included a thank-you card with the next paper.

For the first time, we tipped the mail carrier and he thanked us personally and then in a greeting card.

My husband and I use the same hair-stylist and we give her one nice holiday tip and she was very grateful.

Contrarily, we tipped our once a week cleaning person with a cash tip in a cheerful holiday card and she has not said a word. Since we each work sometimes up to ten hours a day, a cleaning person, who comes in three hours a week, is part of our budget. Was she expecting more?

–LT, Weston, MA

When you give a holiday tip you shouldn't expect a thank-you note, because it is usually an unsolicited gift. Unlike, for instance, when you attend a wedding and are given information about the bridal registry, from which you are expected to send a present. It is hard to say without knowing her, if your house cleaner was disappointed by her tip or she simply didn't know that she should acknowledge it. You could certainly show her the paper deliverer's card and say, "To think he comes every day, rain or shine, and still finds time to thank us for his holiday tip." If that not-so-subtle hint doesn't register, figure she doesn't want to get it and don't expect even a word of thanks next Christmas, let alone a card.  

~Didi

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  • Houseguest Tipping
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Houseguest Tipping

As a houesguest is it appropriate to ‘tip’ the housekeeper following a weekend stay with a close friend or family member? We are by no means high-maintenance, tried to make our stay as low-impact as possible while in residence, and emptied the wastebaskets and stripped the beds before leaving. But we did, of course, incur extra laundry and the rooms would have to be cleaned following our departure.

As I would in a hotel, I felt I should leave something for the employee who would clean up after us but my husband was not sure that would be looked upon favorably by our hostess. Your opinion on the matter would be welcome.

–Hoping To Be Asked Back, New England

About the etiquette for houseguest tipping. Mention to your host that you would like to leave a tip for their employee: house cleaner, cleaning lady, or housekeeper. Ask how much of a tip she would suggest --keeping in mind that some hosts don't want their staff to expect a tip, when not all guests are thoughtful enough to leave one. The amount of the tip would depend upon the length of your stay, the number of people (a couple vs. family) and how much time the staff member spent assisting you by, say, ironing your husband's trousers or your dress, or walking your dog. It goes without saying that when someone went out of their way to help you connect to the Internet or babysat your child for the evening, you would compensate them. For a couple such as yourself, a twenty dollar bill -- preferably in an envelope with the person's name on it and the words "Thank you" -- would be a fair tip for a weekend visit. However, you would check with your host saying, "We wanted to leave Mary a token of our appreciation, if that's alright with you?" Especially when you're a houseguest abroad or in the islands, be sure to ask what the custom for tipping is in the household. In some cases, the host may even suggest that you leave a tip and let you know how much is expected.

~Didi

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