Cubicle Etiquette Archives - Newport Manners

Stinky Office Food — Office Etiquette
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Stinky Office Food — Office Etiquette

About office etiquette and lingering odors from the office kitchen.

I know that what might smell like stinky food to me, may not be stinky to others, but where do we draw the line? Microwaving food to stink up the office is not considerate. What constitutes an offensive smell? How can we make coworkers more aware of their stinky food? My fellow office workers thrive on ethnic food, the stinker the better and when it is heated up, the smell hovers into the next day.

–Name Withheld

The office etiquette for who decides which foods emit stinky smells from the office kitchen, is a team decision. If there were to be a list of No Stinky Foods in the office kitchen? A banana may smell warmly familiar to you, but the aroma of peanuts or a tuna sandwich could be an olfactory irritant to others. Let's not blame all the stench on ethnic food. Make up a list (or better yet have HR post it). Be sure to add to the list fish of any kind, including No Fish Reheated in the office microwave. Then list such favorites as hot dogs, hard boiled eggs, raw onions, reheated Chinese or fast food, and Korean kimchi (spiced pickled cabbage). Encourage your coworkers to make additional suggestions to the No Stinky Foods list.

To cut down on unpleasant odors in the workplace kitchenette, suggest that all food and beverage being stored in the office fridge is labeled with the initials and date of entry: PJL 3/5/17. Cutting down on the bacteria-ridden fridge clutter will help to keep food fresh. Half full bottles of soda and sports drink aren't as inviting once opened, so make way for fresh food and beverage. Office fridges are rarely cleaned, perhaps only once a month. Studies show that some are thoroughly cleaned only once or twice a year. In a work culture where over seventy percent of Americans eat lunch at their desks, the obvious place to store to store snacks and lunch is the office refrigerators.

~Didi

Multiple Daily Greetings — Relationships
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Multiple Daily Greetings — Relationships

Aside from the weird noises of clearing throats, sneezing and cellphone ring tones that I have to endure listening to daily working in a cubicle, what bugs me even more is having to say “hi” several times a day to the same coworkers all day long. I can cut them off when they ask, “How are you?” by simply saying “good” and not asking them how they are. Do I have to greet the same colleagues all day long with a “hi”?

–VM, Seattle, WA

Use body language and facial expression to acknowledge the person's presence. A simple nod, smile, wink, peace sign or slight wave of the hand can get you by in most instances.

When passing by, don't slow down, but don't speed up either.
Then there is always the looking away as though you are distracted by a sound or reading a text.

~Didi

How Not To Be Rude — Relationships
Creative Etiquette Solutions

How Not To Be Rude — Relationships

My question concerns manners and etiquette in relationships. Between work and play there is a slippery slope about how not be rude. My girl friend, who recently lost her father, told me I was “a rude individual” and that I should be more aware of other people. What can you do to help me? I need a crib sheet in a nutshell.

–RG, Stamford, CT

Relationships are hard enough to negotiate as it is. If your girlfriend complains that you're rude, you probably are. It's hurtful, I know, but politeness is a badge of its own. Look at your mistakes and learn. Your girlfriend can straighten your tie and make reservations for you and your friends to have dinner. But, how not to be rude in any situation takes empathy and consideration. And, buddy, there is a difference between expressing your opinion and being rude. In a heavy nutshell, toss over in your mind some of the points below and think about how you behave now and how you could behave better. Never be intimidating Don't make people accommodate themselves to your needs. For instance:

Be patient and allow a person to adapt, adjust, orient herself to the loss of a family member. Grieving is a process. She will reconcile herself to her loss in her own time and in her own way.
In the workplace, keep in mind that nobody appreciates a high-maintenance colleague. Instead of forcing someone to kowtow to your idea, be flexible. Show the person they are worthy of alterations on your part. Work it out. Teammates support one another.

Be a better communicator:

Communication Is Everything

Communicate when you're running late, whether you go virally or verbally. A few minutes tardy when meeting someone is understandable; a longer wait is unconscionable. Send a text to say you're on your way and give your estimated time of arrival. Missing any meeting or date you're expected at without explanation is rude.

Don't be a no-show. Even if you recognize the meeting will be productive without you, let people know that you've been detained and when they can expect to see you.

On the other hand, never apologize too profusely for being late or a no-show, because over-explaining is a surefire sign that you're not telling the truth or that you're exaggerating.

RSVP when there is a cutoff date and it is not a pay-to-play event (such as a charity or political fundraiser). If I've asked you to RSVP to a birthday dinner for a mutual friend, and your seat is one of twelve at the table, I need to know if you will fill that seat.

Passive-aggressive behavior is tiresome. We get it, you're shy or you're waiting for a better invitation before accepting mine. It is still rude not to accept or regret in a timely fashion.

Within three days, preferably sooner, answer a letter with a letter, an email with an email, a phone call with a phone call, a text with a text -- except if he's in the next cubicle and you can walk right over.

If you're strapped for time, just say, "I'm boarding a plane to Dubai, will get in touch." Ideally, answer in the other person's method of communicating.

Confirm a date or meeting. If you've accepted a verbal invite and told the person you were putting the date into your calendar, there is nothing wrong about going ahead and confirming the date for exact time and place.

When you've invited friends or colleagues, the verbal invitation needs a confirm with the invitees who have accepted. The message should be simple, such as "We have a reservation for lunch at the Black Pearl at 12:30, Tuesday. See you then." When confirming, whether you're the host or invitee, clarify who is paying. "Let's go dutch treat." Or, "It's our turn to treat you." Or, "I'm paying."

Otherwise, the person who initiated the invitation pays the bill. The exception is when it has explicitly been specified from the start that, say, the two couples are going "dutch treat," with each couple paying their own way.

Never be intimated by rudeness Vancouver psychologist Jennifer Newman warns -- that, according to research -- rudeness in the workplace can spread like a virus. She urges workers who have been treated rudely to take some time before interacting with anyone else. The height of rudeness is profound language accompanied by finger wagging. images-171

Who pays? Dutch Treat: When one person says to the other, "Let's meet at the Clarke Cooke House for lunch on Tuesday," it is understood that the cost of the lunch will be shared. Otherwise, when you're having lunch or meeting for lunch the assumption is that you are both paying your share.

When the person is inviting you to lunch and says, "Let's have lunch, my treat?" she's telling you she's paying.

Treat waitstaff wisely

At the restaurant, don't be rude to the waitstaff. You don't have to chat him up and ask him his name and where he's from because he's got other tables waiting for his attention. If you overdo it with the chit-chat, he see tips from his other tables being effected big time.

Respect the waitstaff's time. Rudeness will only get you bad service. Personal Space Respect other people's psychological boundaries. Honor the fact that there is a good reason why they were late, negligent, absent, forgetful, or dysfunctional. Physically, hold back on touching, not everyone wants you to touch their hand, arm, shoulder, or back, or be hugged or kissed.

Show concern. But never ask questions that are too personal, especially when it is "personal business." 'Personal' means none of your business.

Everybody is dealing with something. When the person is ready to talk about it, they will do so. When they don't want you to know that their son dropped out of college, they won't want to talk about it, because discussing it will only make them feel worse.

Respect the fact that everyone has their own personal space and that zone is not like any other person's space; keep at an arm's length from people who aren't related to you

If I don't really want you touching me, I'm going to like you even less because you're being disrespectful of my personal space. Try to tune into the other person's body language before mauling them. More on personal space:

It's bad manner to invite a particular person to lunch or to party after work in front of other people, unless all of those listening have already been asked to join you.

When approaching a friend or colleague and he is talking to another person, wait to proceed until you're signaled to come into the conversation. If he wants to include you, he will turn to you and say, "Fred, come over here and meet Jim Harris, our new CMO."

When I'm following you as you walk through a door and approaching your personal space, hold the door open for me and I'll do the same for the person behind me.

Same goes for when budging into traffic. You may not know me, but if I'm on foot and there's no crosswalk, let me pass through before you inch your way forward.

Whatever you do, don't cut the line at the grocery store, even if you are only carrying three items. I'm busy, too, with a pre-schooler to fetch at noon.

Don't be a name dropper At no time, do you want to be caught namedropping, whether it is invoking your boss's name -- to make you sound more privy to him or her -- or, socially to give the appearance that you're best of friends with a popular person whose social sphere you aspire to belong.

What if the boss had told the person you weren't at the top of his list?

An exception would be if you went on a date in high school with Julia Roberts.

It can be social suicide to try to use a higher-up's position to further your own goals by dropping their name.

~Didi

When The Office Bully Is The Boss’s Wife
Creative Etiquette Solutions

When The Office Bully Is The Boss’s Wife

We are employees at a family-owned business who have a major problem with the owner’s wife, who is bossy, critical, and cruel. There is obviously something off and odd about her. Her comments and actions are inappropriate, mean and way off-base. She’ll pat one of us on the butt and laugh. She’s started making jokes about one of us gaining weight by pointing to his gut and making a lewd comment She has asked one of us to pick up her dry cleaning and another to take her cat to the vet to have her claws trimmed, neither of which is in their job description. The part-time HR person is her aloof daughter, so is it proper protocol to talk to her or can we talk to the crazy woman’s husband, our boss?

It isn’t just the personal attacks. She forgets important things related to the business and then blames one of us when she’s shirked a responsibility. How do we handle this delicate matter politely? We really like our boss. We don’t want to lose our jobs by complaining.

–Anonymous, Portland, OR

When the office bully is the boss's wife and she is as wacky as you say, her husband and daughter won't be surprised to hear what you're telling me. Decide which one of you will make an appointment with your boss. Whoever is elected to the task should start the conversation by saying he has been delegated by some of the other employees to speak to him. Have a mental list of examples to illustrate the problem of his wife not being able to follow through on her responsibilities. Then gently bring in the other incidents. Your boss will realize that his wife shouldn't be coming into work any longer. Tell him that your team is sympathetic to the situation and that you cover for her, but, collectively, you think her behavior is impacting the office culture negatively. He will understand that it took a lot of courage to take the lead in talking frankly to him and, at some point in the future, he will show his appreciation. Things may not get better immediately because your boss may have to observe his wife's office behavior more closely and question some of your coworkers. The images of those personal incidents may well influence the outcome. Prepare yourself for another eventuality: looking for a new job.

~Didi

Body Odor Conversation Etiquette
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Body Odor Conversation Etiquette

Is there a conversation etiquette for telling the person in the cubicle next to me that she has bad body odor? My coworker has stinky personal hygiene. A couple of the other women in our set of cubicles and I tried giving her sweet-smelling toiletries but she doesn’t get the hint. In the winter the problem gets worse, because her sweaters, tops and jackets smell really gross. When she takes off her boots to change into her shoes, the ugly scent stinks up our space. How can we tell her with sensitivity?

–Anonymous, Chicago, IL

In private, gently chat up your coworker, saying that she might not be aware but you've noticed that her body has an alienating body odor. It is more than likely that she doesn't realize she smells badly. Then add that you wondered if it was a health issue? Or was she taking a medication that causes it? Perhaps, it's simpler: She needs to try a new dry cleaner. It isn't necessary to bring in other opinions, because it will only embarrass her further and she'll hate you even more. Confide in her that you've found you simply have to shower and put on deodorant every day, as well as fresh clothing. Be happily enthusiastic when telling her you've discovered a really great new spray deodorant (Dove, Weleda, or Aesop) that makes you smell amazingly fresh and actually works. You may see her face drop but you're confiding in her. It might be hard to believe, but many people with bad body odor aren't able to detect the smell emanating from their armpits, feet and/or scalp. Or that the problem can be solved by treating the bacteria that produces the odor. Thyroid disease and carcinoid syndrome can cause excessive sweating, and so can medicines such as antidepressants. Washing the armpits, private parts, and feet daily can reduce the number of bacteria that act upon the them. Some of us have more sweat and oil producing glands than others, and, in fact, it is a fairly common problem. Shaving your armpits reduces the bacterial breeding ground. Washing clothing thoroughly is essential. Never wear yesterday's clothes because they already smell of yesterday's perspiration. Forget about wearing boots without clean socks or tights. Aside from suggesting botox or keyhole surgery to kill the nerves in the armpits, recommending one of the new nonaerosol deodorant sprays is the nicest thing you can do. Even if you have to convince her that Weleda deodorant spray, Dove dry spray antiperspirant, and Aesop deodorant comply with federal regulations. And that the water and alcohol in the spray evaporate instantly leaving only the scented essential oils on the skin. Her odor could be caused be an undiagnosed medical condition or a side effect of a medication. She won't change her hygiene routine until she understands that she has a problem, unless she already knows and doesn't care because she is focused on a far greater worry that could possibly make her depressed. You should definitely share your concerns with a member of the company's Human Resources team in the hope that they will intervene. Prepare yourself for the fact that telling her may irreparably ruin your relationship. But you won't know until you try. I always carry sugarless breath mints in my bag and once before going into a party I offered a friend with bad breath a mint as I was taking one myself, and she's been using them ever since. Confiding in your coworker about your own awareness of your hygiene could make her more sympathetic toward you, as well as help her to help herself. Be honest, all you really want to do is clear the air. For more info on body odor: http://www.newyorktimes.com/thursday-styles-spray-deodorants-rehabiliated

~Didi

Complaining During The Holidays
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Complaining During The Holidays

Is it rude to complain? I was criticized at Thanksgiving for complaining about things I knew could not change. And yet, I bond with people over areas of common complaint.

For instance, my coworker and I complain about our boss. I didn’t really like this particular coworker until we confided in each other about our extreme dislike of our boss. Who, by the way, is the owner’s son.

–S.W., Providence, RI

There is nothing more cathartic than complaining to another person who feels the same way you do whether it is about a social injustice or escalating airfares. Hating your boss may well bond you forever. It may be time to come clear with who you really are. If complaining makes you happier, make the most of it -- you're really a griper.

~Didi

Life in The Cube
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Life in The Cube

For the most part I keep my head down working eight hours a day and eat lunch in my cube. One of 520 6-by-7 foot cookie-cutter cubicles. No window or door. Four neighbors, to the north, east, south and west. I know more about my coworkers than they would want anyone to know.

I know too many secrets that are private information about medical problems. For instance, medical information the company would consider serious in terms of health insurance and promotions. There are affairs between married coworkers. One has a guy crush on our scruff-chic boss. My question is this, how do I let them know that their secrets are not safe? If I know their secrets, others must, too.

–keeping my head down, Chicago

These sound like serious secrets that would jeopardize a career. It also sounds as though you want to be nice. Go ahead on an individual basis and tell each neighbor to your north, east, south, and west that if you know their secrets, others must have heard them too. Warn them to watch what they say on the phone and in person. You better not put anything in writing or say anything while in a cubicle or corridor. Look for a silent conference room and say, "Can I have a word with you in private?" Or simply walk out with them at the end of the day to tell them. To show your sincerity show your open palms so they get the sense that you have no alterer motive or ax to grind and trust you. What you're saying is what it is and they need to listen.

~Didi

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