• GENDER BASED JOB DISCRIMINATION
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GENDER BASED JOB DISCRIMINATION
This question about gender based job discrimination may be an ethics question or it may be about etiquette, perhaps you can help me. I’ve applied for a big job that I know I’ll be good at.
      Am I under any obligation to give information about my children? Friends, who are also mothers in a similar dilemma and “confessed” to having children, didn’t get the job.
      I am totally covered as far as childcare is concerned, but if something did come up and it was discovered that I have children, will it seem that I’ve done something remiss by not having volunteered that information?

–Name Withheld

On the job application there should not have been a question about children or, for that matter, any gender based job discrimnation issue. During a job interview you're not obliged to bring up your parental status. You should not be asked.
      Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964: Equal Opportunity, prohibits employment discrimination based on race, color, religion, national origin and sex. Legally, you cannot be penalized for being a mother.
  • Remember that a man who makes it known that he has children is traditionally paid a higher salary or/and accrues more benefits than a woman in the same job.
  • Men in the workplace are rewarded for having children, while women doing the same job are penalized.
      Keep your parental status private: My best advice is to keep quiet about the kids until after you're weathered and tested. Leave your children's photos in your office desk drawer and on your cellphone. Eventually when you've secured the respect of your colleagues and those you report to, gently let out tidbits of news about your brilliant off-spring. Sorry, that's the way it is.
  • Should a colleague say, "I didn't know that you had children," nonchalantly respond saying, "I didn't think anyone would be interested."
The biggest mistake in terms of office politics is swearing one or two coworkers to secrecy. Your maternal status shouldn't be a secret per se, as a man wouldn't have had to keep his adorable kids hush-hush, because strutting paternity is considered macho.
      It's the gaming system. You're not alone. I know that it doesn't sound fair, but until you're sure of safe footing, you may have to play the game.
      Of course, if you're directly asked in a job interview (which is illegal) it may be the first clue that the job really isn't for you.
  • Check out the company culture at glassdoor.com.

~Didi

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  • How To Ask For A Salary Raise
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How To Ask For A Salary Raise
How do I go about getting a salary raise? I’ve worked for two years and not received an increase, nor a promotion nor any additional compensation.
      I work overtime when I have to get my job done on time. I like my job, but it is a startup company without a Human Resources department to go to for advice.
      I’m not confrontational because I’m constantly being cradled into complacency when I’m told that my work is exceptional and appreciated. But those praises are not reflected in my paycheck.
      I happen to know that three of my male coworkers recently received raises. What really ticks me off is that I recently completed a certificate process in my field that these coworkers don’t have.

–Name Withheld, Providence

The gender gap is real, especially when it comes to paychecks, but it is slowly shrinking. I'm not asking you to wait it out, if anything, I want you to create a sales pitch - but you'll need to do some research.
Figure out your pitch to your boss.
      The onus is on you to prove that you deserve a raise in salary. Start by preparing your pitch.
  • Made sure you've had an end to the 2017 job review. If you didn't get one, ask for one and for specific performance-review goals. Find out what is expected of you.
  • Ask what's different about your work from that of the coworkers who did get a raise and what it would take to bring you to parity.
  • If represented by a union and you work on a contract, find out where you are on the pay scale.
  • Research salaries in your line of work at several online sources.
  • Check the Bureau of Labor Statistics that oversees a thousand occupations.
Then practice:
  • Now that you're ready to practice your sales pitch, start by reciting it, alone, in the mirror, before cajoling a colleague or friend to critique your pitch.
  • Give examples of instances where you've shined to remind your boss that you are worthy of a raise.
  • Remember you're not asking for a special present, only compensation for your work.
Once you're confident that your arguments are valid:
  • Email your boss for an appointment to discuss your work.
  • Set up a time to meet by suggesting two different days, and let her/him set the exact time of the meeting.
Should your boss turn down your request for a raise:
  • Don't back down, stay firm.
  • Be prepared to suggest other duties you are willing to perform to meet your salary requirements.
  • Request that you and s/he revisit your request for a raise in six months.
  • Ask for a bonus or stock options.
  • Suggest training opportunities that would make you better skilled at your job.
  • Worse comes to worst and it is obvious that you won't be getting a raise, ask for a different work schedule or more vacation time. If traveling is part of your job, ask for fewer trips.
At the end of the day, if you're not receiving the compensation you feel you deserve, look for another company to work for.
      But don't give up your current job before you have a better one.

~Didi

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  • 21 Body Language Don’ts — Etiquette
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21 Body Language Don’ts — Etiquette

My question is about the don’ts of body language etiquette on a job interview. Friends are always telling me to watch my body language, but I don’t know what that means.

–JC, Providence

Body language etiquette for business:
  • Don't check for the time.
  • Don't slouch, instead hold your shoulders back.
  • Don't use dramatic gestures with your arms, such as pointing.
  • Don't turn your body away from the interviewer.
  • Don't cross your arms.
  • Don't spread your knees.
  • Don't fake a smile; your facial expression should be in sync with the tone of the conversation.
  • Don't nod your head in agreement with everything that is said.
  • Don't avoid eye contact.
  • Don't try to maintain constant eye contact.
  • Don't roll your eyes.
  • Don't frown or scowl.
  • Don't clench your fists.
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  • Don't glance at your cellphone; turn it off before the interview.
  • Don't fidget, tap, scratch, pick at your nose, ears or nails or fiddle with your hair, clothing or jewelry.
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  • Don't forget to check the odor of your mouth and body before leaving home.
  • Don't invade his or her space; keep at least two feet away at all times.
  • Don't touch or have any body contact between the greeting handshake and the exiting handshake.Don't overstay your welcome, take the cue that the interview is over.
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  • Don't forget to thank the interviewer for their time.
  • Don't neglect to send a thank-you note adding any pertinent info.
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~Didi

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  • Returning to Work Etiquette
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Returning to Work Etiquette

My question is about going-back-to-work etiquette.

Going back to work after a mean divorce and raising three wonderful children — mostly on my own, because my ex distanced himself emotionally after he lost his job and his career took a nose dive. We dated in high school and through college before getting married. I’m fine, and ready, willing, and able to get back to work.

My problem is that I have a gap in my résumé a mile long.  At least that’s what it looks like to me, and I’ve worked in human resources. What is the best etiquette for dealing with this decade breach in my career?

–AJ, Boston, MA

Straightforwardness is the best protocol for back-to-work etiquette. Yes, you've been out of the workplace. However, you haven't been living in a Buddhist monastery. Anyone with kids is hip to new trends, styles, and technology, or they haven't been paying attention to the culture while raising a family. images-159 It is considerably better to explain any hiatus in your career than withhold the information that you've been caring for three children.
  • Even though research shows evidence of unfair hiring practices toward stay-at-home parents re-entering the workforce, forget about the "don't ask, don't tell" approach.
Describe that it was a difficult decision to make and that you have no regrets because you learned a lot (elaborate on how the experience may have related to your field). Your reason for staying home might have been as simple as not being able to find affordable, skilled childcare. Be as honest as possible. Unknown-26 Don't forget that any future employer is well aware of the fact that you could file an anti-discrimination suit and won't bring up the hiatus on his own. That doesn't mean you shouldn't bring up the information.
  • On the contrary, not bringing up the subject of your interval could actually lower your chances of being hired. You could find that because of the existence of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 that established a Commission on Equal Employment Opportunity (amongst other purposes), the interviewer may not want to broach the subject.
  • Title VII provides that an individual can bring a private lawsuit against a company that employees 15 or more employees, for 20 or more weeks a year, within 180 days of learning of the discrimination.
Dispel the mystery. You weren't imprisoned for bank fraud or institutionalized for drinking. Be up front about who you are. You were teaching your children survival skills.
  • There is no need to apologize or explain because you took time off to raise your children and now you're eager to get back to work.
images-161 A recent hiring process study of 3,000 on-line participants, showed that when applicants revealed their reason for their hiatus they were 30-40 percent more likely to be offered the job. Once the reason for the gap is out in the open, you both can stop walking on egg shells and talk about the job and why you would be the right fit.
  • A single mother should be prepared for one legitimate objection. If she has young children and the job requires travel, early mornings or late nights, the interviewer might think that her family could intrude on the quality of her work, and she is not a good fit.
  • Have a good answer worked out ahead of time.
Only talk briefly about how during that lapse you were doing freelance work and volunteering. Many working mothers do one or the other or both.
  • Even the interviewer herself, could be doing pro bono work on the side: for instance, teaching Sunday school or volunteering at a soup kitchen.
From recent Pew Research Center studies:
  • About 4-in 10 Americans say women are held to a higher standard than men when it comes to getting top jobs.
  • 60% of highly educated women at the end of their childbearing years have had two children or more, up from 51% in 1994.
  • In 46% of two-parent families, both mom and dad work full-time.
  • Among mothers and fathers who have taken a significant amount of time off from work to care for a family member, women are much more likely than men to say it hurt their career overall.  Even so, about nine out of ten mothers and fathers say they are glad they did it.
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~Didi

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