In reality, my daughter _____’s biological father is no longer a part of her life. He has never made any attempt to call her or communicate with her in any way. Now that she is getting married in eight months, even though he has never asked her anything about the wedding, he expects his daughter from his second marriage to be a maid-of-honor. We’ve heard from other people that he badmouths _____ a lot. He has never asked what he can do to help. My husband and I are paying for everything. Our question to you is, do we have to put his name on the wedding invitation?
–Name withheld
Hell, no. Disregard his pleas for attention. If your daughter does not have a close relationship with her half-sister, then she shouldn't make her a maid-of-honor for his sake. However, should he agree to pay for at least a third of the wedding costs and your daughter wants his name on the invitation and his second daughter in her wedding party, it should be at the discretion of the bride. But only then.
I have a friend with a sailboat who uses it for entertaining. While he provides beer, water and soft drinks, he always expects his guest to bring the food and wine, which we have done many times. Another couple and I have had him over to our homes for dinner to reciprocate. We are wondering, would it not be polite for him to ask us out on the boat occasionally and not expect us to bring the food, especially since we have him over to our homes and don’t ask him to bring dinner? Alex, Newport
–Alex, Newport
Not all sailors are good cooks. Have you ever cooked for friends on a sailboat? Cooking in a tiny galley is not easy. Your sailor friend probably thinks it is a thrill for his mates to come aboard for drinks and a sunset sail, but not being a foodie himself, he asks guests to bring food and wine in return. Next time ask your sailor friend for dinner, suggest he bring a couple of bottles of wine or two six packs. Be specific: a six-pack or Newport Storm and a six pack of Guiness; or a bottle of Chardonnay and a Cabernet Sauvignon.
Recently I went out with another couple who are childhood friends and a guy we grew up with who is our buddy. It was a mini-reunion and they wanted lobster at an upscale restaurant. Even though I knew I couldn’t afford to pay a quarter of the bill, I wanted to go. Paying the same as the others who drank a lot more was a buzz kill. I would have been happy hanging out and only ordering a glass of wine, but it is a really nice restaurant. Is there any way around this without looking like a cheapskate?
–Kate, Newport
Next time, have a twenty-dollar bill in your pocket for your glass of wine. Tell the others ahead of time to order without you. Arrive late and say you're only having a glass of wine. Then, when the bill arrives, put down your twenty and say, "This is for my glass of wine, plus tip." My point is this: roundoff the cost of what you order, plus tip, and have a five, a ten, and a twenty in your pocket ready to pay for only what you ordered and approximately a twenty percent tip.
