Dress Code Archives - Newport Manners

Newport Yacht Wedding Mother of the Bride — Dressy Casual Ensemble
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Newport Yacht Wedding Mother of the Bride — Dressy Casual Ensemble

My question is about finding a mother of the bride dress for a summer wedding shipboard.

My daughter’s being married on a yacht in Newport in August. Needless to say, I won’t be wearing a long dress and high heels onboard. Would you please give me some suggestions. The options in the bridal department stores didn’t seem to fit the bill, so to speak. I need a more sophisticated yet casual look. Like what I’d wear on a yacht in the Mediterranean. Dressy Casual. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

–Loretta, New York City

Thank you for your question about mother of the bride summer dresses. Congratulations and what fun to have a Newport yacht wedding in August. Here are a few of our favorite dressy casual ensembles:

These four photos are curtesy of Maria Pucci at Gramercy Atelier.

~Didi

MOTHER OF THE GROOM DRESS
Creative Etiquette Solutions

MOTHER OF THE GROOM DRESS

HELP! As I am a working mother, I have no time to shop for a mother of the groom dress and my son is getting married next month. Everyone keeps asking me what I’m wearing and I’m embarrassed that I don’t know. My son said the color is purple and that the mother of the bride will be wearing a lavender cocktail dress meaning knee length. Can you recommend a dress that would end just below my knees that is not sleeveless or backless, please?

–Elizabeth, Boston, MA

Dear Elizabeth, the sooner you find your mother of the groom dress the better you'll feel. Not that you're not already under a lot of pressure, but let's get going. We're here to help. Let's get started. As you know, everyone may have to have such a special occasion outfit altered a bit...here or there. Either the shoulders, sleeves, hem length, or waist. Wedding photos last forever and for your dress to be misfitting would be regretful. Better department stores and small specialty dress boutiques are best for finding an establishment that will alter your dress once you've purchased it. Be advised that it is not uncommon to need two fittings for one dress. So be sure to try it on when you go to pick it up after any alteration.

My best advice is to go onto the website of a store in your area and click on dresses, after that you can click on color, hem length and sleeve length, and, of course, click on a price range. When you find a couple of choices that suit you either order a couple (if they are returnable) or visit the store in person and seek out a friendly salesperson.
Your outfit should look as good from the front for the wedding photos as it does from the rear when you're walking back down the aisle after the ceremony.

For a church or outdoor ceremony or reception (as many weddings are being held outdoors due to the continual surges in the Covid pandemic), a dress that falls just below your knees, such as a cocktail-style dress with a bit of sleeve would work nicely. You say the mother of the bride is wearing a lavender cocktail length dress, and I gather you're taking her lead, so any shade of purple would be beautiful. Go online ahead of time and spend some time looking at dresses in both the bridal department and the dresses/cocktail department in your size before heading out to the store and you'll wast less time.

Have fun! It's your special day, too!

~Didi

BRIDAL VEIL
Creative Etiquette Solutions

BRIDAL VEIL

Hi Didi,
My niece is getting married at the end of May in Los Angeles at a beautiful old Hollywood style boutique hotel. She is wondering if she should wear a single or two layer veil? Is there a significance to either? She is a beautiful, romantic and stylish woman.

–Lynda, Boston, MA

Dear Lynda,

Apologies for the delay in answering your interesting question, but - as you can imagine - we are inundated with questions this spring.

The single layer veil (made from one layer of tulle) is the most popular choice. You mention that your niece is a romantic. In that case, the mystery of the two layer veil is a gesture of romance, because in olden days her father lifted the veil that covered the bride's face as if to say: Here, she is you lucky man!

The two-layer veil, the longer back tier and the top tier called the blusher, are a bit old-fashion, but also quite fashionable. And of course, you know, the blusher (the shorter veil) is the top layer covering the face during the ceremony. So when there are two veils: the longer stabilizes the shorter veil that acts as the mysterious blusher.

The length of the veil varies from location to location, from culture to culture, and there are about four to six different lengths:

The most popular veil drops to the waist: the waist length is 54 inches long.
The second most popular is the fingertip length that's 72 inches to mid-calf.
The chapel length is 126 inches long.
The Cathedral length is 144 inches long.

When choosing the length of the veil there are three points to consider: Your niece's veil length should be in proportion to the length of her dress and the veil should not be so busily decorated that it overpowers the lovely design of the dress.

If your niece's dress has lots of intricate details and is highly decorated, it would be chicer if she wore a simple veil with a clean raw edge.
On the other hand, if her dress is simple as in a sleek sheath, the veil can be ornate with detailed embellishments or floral accents.

Mistake not to make: If the length of the veil falls where a focal point begins, for instance, at the waist, it will look as though the bride is being cut in half. So the veil should fall below any horizontal lines.

Most importantly, the style of the veil depends upon the silhouette of your niece's dress:

For instance, with a sheath: the veil is slightly longer than the hem of the train of the chapel length or floor length dress.

If you would, please, kindly let me know the style of your niece's dress--sheath, mermaid/trumpet, a-line, or full skirt--it would help me to give you a more detailed answer. A more personalized answer.

~Didi

Cash Wedding Gift: What Is Correct?
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Cash Wedding Gift: What Is Correct?

I have an etiquette question about giving a cash wedding gift. My nephew was married last weekend. My family of five adults–me, my husband, and three children, all in their twenties, attended. So I thought $200 per person would be the $1,000 wedding gift. Is that correct? I typically ask my sister these questions, but she’s the mother of my nephew and I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

Last question, our daughter who lives and works in Paris is attending a wedding in the south of France and she is a bridesmaid. Do you know what the protocol is for a wedding gift in France? Does she give cash to a wealthy couple? Sorry to pester you with these questions. Any advice would be appreciated.

–Deb, Portsmouth, RI

Deb, you did exactly the right thing for your nephew by giving him a cash wedding gift.

For your daughter's friend the bride, she should check out the wedding couple's wedding website for details of a "liste de mariage" (wedding register or bridal register). By typing in the couple's names in the browser and adding "liste de mariage," it should come up. Bridal registries are great because you want to give the couple something they want and not just give them something you think they should have. The other bridesmaids will probably know where the registry is listed. If all else fails, try Le Bon Marche: http://listes.lebonmarche.com

Since your daughter the bridesmaid has expenses attending the wedding, she will not be expected to give a major gift. The $200. (in francs) sounds like too much. As you say, the wedding couple are wealthy. In Paris your daughter can easily find a pair of candle sticks or a picture/photo frame that would be more memorable - and less expensive. Also, there are honeymoon funds where you can, say, buy the couple a couple of bottles champagne for their hotel room.

I'd be curious to know what your daughter ends up giving the wedding couple.

~Didi

BLACK TIE OPTIONAL — WEDDING DRESS CODE
Creative Etiquette Solutions

BLACK TIE OPTIONAL — WEDDING DRESS CODE

I am from Florida and have been invited to a black tie optional wedding in Newport. The ceremony is at 1:30 pm and the reception is at 5:30 pm at The Bohlin. Am I supposed to wear 2 different dresses?

–MH, Florida

The dress code Black Tie Optional is rather confusing. You want to be dressed appropriately, and yet, not overdressed -- nor underdressed. Additionally, having the ceremony three to four hours earlier than the reception leads one to wonder if one needs to dress down for the ceremony and then hours later dress up for the reception: A two outfit wedding? That's thought provoking for most of the guests. The Black Tie dress code request asks all who identify as male to wear a tuxedo. In Newport we're a bit more laid back with the dress code Cocktail Attire being the most popular. Cocktail Attire is a step down from the dress code Black Tie Optional.

First off, I go to the website of the venue to look at recent wedding photos to get a sense of the formality of the facility. Is the reception taking place in a ballroom at one of the fancy mansions, or is it a more casual affair on one of the docks on the harbor?

Secondly, ask the bride or someone close to the bride about the length of the bridesmaids' dresses. If they are long, you can wear a long dress, if the dresses are short, you can wear short. If the reception is on a yacht then you wouldn't wear an evening dress and stiletto heels; you would wear a more comfortable outfit.

By looking at The Bohlin in Newport website (the company organizing the wedding you're attending) photos, you'll see that the wedding may be taking place on a very cool dock on the harbor front under a tent. Most likely not in a ballroom at one of the fancy mansions, for instance. You'll also notice in the photos that many of the men are wearing white (or khaki) trousers and navy blue (or colored) blazers, which is considered Cocktail Attire. Don't be deceived into thinking it is a very formal wedding by photos showing a formally dressed wedding party; the wedding party is overdressed so they stand out and look uniformed in the formal photos.

You would only be expected to wear a formal evening dress if there was to be a seated dinner (called a candlelight dinner) with a starting time closer to eight o'clock.

In a nutshell, you would not be expected to change into an evening gown for a 5:30 reception.

When in doubt wear a lovely cocktail dress or a long dress that is more casual than formal, but still of good quality and design.

Also, the wedding couple's wedding website should make note of the dress codes of the various events surrounding the wedding.

You say the invitation mentions that Black Tie is an option, so, again, you can assume that it is not the most formal of weddings.

Google the actual venue address for photos of recent wedding to see how guests are dressed at receptions at that location: for instance go to Rosecliff weddings Newport that caterers to the most formal weddings and then to the dockside terrace in the marina The Bohlin where more casual receptions are held.

Basically, that seemingly long period of time between the end of the ceremony and the start of the reception allows for wedding photos of just the wedding party.

If you go with a short dress, you can wear a hat to the ceremony, but not to the wedding reception; adding jewelry, such as dangling earrings for a more festive evening look at sunset.

Tip: You may be happy that you brought along a warm pretty shawl or stylish long sweater to Newport in late spring.

~Didi

MINIMONY WEDDINGS: POSTPONING – WEDDING ETIQUETTE – COVID
Creative Etiquette Solutions

MINIMONY WEDDINGS: POSTPONING – WEDDING ETIQUETTE – COVID

Our wedding in October was planned over six months ago. Postponing it for another year seems like dragging a good thing out for the long haul. We had an engagement party at home in Newport over Christmas and people are expecting their save-the-date card so they can make hotel reservations.

We’re weighing our options wondering if we should be flexible – as in here’s hoping everything will be opened up – or whittle down the list for a mini-mony, or simply elope when it becomes easier to travel. A destination wedding wouldn’t work because the old people won’t travel, especially now, and we wouldn’t want them to feel left out.

Not that you’re a fortune teller, but what would you advise, Ms. Didi?

–Althea and Ben, Washington, DC

Dear Wedding Couple,

You are not alone in trying to plan your wedding during the Covid pandemic. Who knows when travel and hospitality venues will be opening up. A lot depends upon containment practices and the availability of a vaccine. As of this writing, the end of 2021 is a safe guess.

We've gone from relatively simple backyard weddings, such as you see in the original 1950 Father Of The Bride movie with Spencer Tracey and Elizabeth Taylor and the 1991 version staring Steven Martin and Diane Keaton, to the 2018 over-the-top Royal wedding between Prince Harry and Megan Markle (that according to the British press cost 45 million US dollars). It would be interesting to know the stats as to which couples stay together longer; the marriages of those who had small versus those marriage whose weddings were huge, but this question is about you.

Remember, you can always have a post wedding reception, or sequel wedding, at another time. Even if it is in celebration of a wedding anniversary, and what could be cheerier?

What we're seeing now are lots of mini-ceremonies and micro-weddings. A mini-mony is all about the ceremony and includes up to a dozen people including the officiant and the wedding couple, and social distancing is top priority; there may be no celebratory party following the ceremony, and a post wedding reception, or sequel wedding, is a possibility at another time. On the contrary, micro-wedding can include up to fifty people, depending upon the size of the venue and the regulations of the state and town: the ceremony is followed by a celebration and a sequel wedding is not anticipated. Just be sure, in both cases, to keep track of the names and addresses or people who have already sent engagement and/or wedding presents, so that you can include them in any larger celebration that you may eventually host.

Here are some of the concerns we've been seeing when substantially sizing down your wedding plans:

Depending upon the location regulations, a mini-mony, a small ceremony, consists of a total of a dozen participants, and has the possibility of a follow up celebration or sequel wedding at another date.
If you already have a wedding website be sure to update it so that you won't have to be answering the same questions over and over from guests. When your wedding is a go, add local hygiene guidelines; suggest they time washing their hands to the chorus of "Marry You" by Bruno Mars.
Remember many churches and wedding venue sites may have to integrate tighter restrictions on the number of people in the church or the banquet hall after the restrictions are lifted. Seating may still be limited.
Keep in touch with your wedding planner or venue.
Keep up to date on local government developments: state and town.
If your wedding insurance policy was taken out before the lockdown and venue closures were put in place, check to see if your policy covers cancellation or rearrangement due to issues relating to travel bans, flight cancellations or government acts, including bans on public or social gatherings or any kind of travel restrictions.
Call your wedding insurer to ask about the terms and conditions.
If you paid any of the downpayments with a credit card, you could be covered, so check that.
Most travel insurance policies cover trips cancelled due to government restrictions, be sure to check your individual plan.
Check on your wedding dress as many are made in China and you want to be sure you have time to get it fitted properly whether your wedding is huge or mini. If there is a problem, you can buy wedding dresses on line to try on at home.
Hygiene guidelines for your wedding should include asking the venue to have antibacterial soap and disposable paper towels in the restrooms, additionally ask that staff spritz every guest with high quality alcohol-based sanitizers and provide for everyone to wear a mask, except the bride and groom.
Chic gift bags could include additional masks and hand sanitizers.

Whatever you decide to do,

working it out together

will deepen your love for each other.

~Didi

DOUBLE-CHEEK-KISSING and the CORONAVIRUS — POSTPONING A WEDDING
Creative Etiquette Solutions

DOUBLE-CHEEK-KISSING and the CORONAVIRUS — POSTPONING A WEDDING

When I think of weddings the image of double-cheek-kissing in the receiving line comes to mind – but what about the coronvavirus? Do we postpone our daughter’s June wedding because of the coronavirus? If so, how do we go about postponing the wedding? When would we postpone it to? We booked a lovely wedding event space in Newport a year ago, and I dare say our daughter and her fiancé don’t wish to wait another year.

–Parents of the Bride, Brooklyn, MA

Dear Parents of the Bride, you have my heart felt sentiments and I agree that if there is ever a time for double-cheek-kissing it's at a wedding, but the coronavirus is testing many couples hoping to be married this year. Some wedding couples are saying, "Let's not wait," and are being married at City Hall or quietly elsewhere. With many churches closed, they are being creative.

Should your daughter and her fiancé opt for that route, they can always have a post-wedding reception down the road.

Purportedly, the number of new coronavirus diagnoses will slow down in the warmer months.
Have a quiet wedding now.
When the coronavirus fatality rate stops growing and, for instance, the state of Rhode Island is no longer in a State of Emergency, you can reset your plans. I know that's painful, but everybody loves a wedding and all those who intended on attending will make a good show.
On the upside, if the wedding dress you ordered is being made abroad, there will most likely be a delay in receiving it on time, but with a change of date you'll have it.

Postponing your daughter's wedding would definitely take finagling.
- Talk to your wedding coordinator and have her or him speak to the events manager where your daughter's wedding is booked about a contingency plan. Ask for a date later in the year, even if it's in the fall. Newport is absolutely beautiful then, and double-cheek-kissing will be all the rage again.
- Another upside is that the wedding couple can keep guests and family amused and in the loop through their wedding website. The trick is to lightened up and have fun with the delay.
- Your guests who received the save-the-date card will be wondering about their hotel and plane reservations, so it is important to act quickly.
Happy to talk to you further about your

daughter's upcoming wedding by phone

or by text at #917-816-0800.

~Didi

Wedding Guest Dos + Don’ts — Red Dress Code
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Wedding Guest Dos + Don’ts — Red Dress Code

My best friend says that I cannot wear my new knockout red dress to an upcoming wedding because it is not appropriate wedding guest dress code attire to wear a bright red dress. Red is my color and the style is my lucky style!

Why does she think I shouldn’t wear a red dress to our mutual friend’s wedding? It’s a beautiful bright and happy dress!

–Lucy, Newport, RI

Hi Lucy,

Red is a truly gorgeous color and since you can wear red -- and not all of us can -- it seems like a natural to you, but put the red dress aside for another special occasion. Red is the foremost attention-grabbing color.

*In many circles, it is considered poor etiquette to wear a red dress to a wedding , because it is an act of rudeness to the bride -- and might even bring you bad luck.

There are not as many dos and don'ts to wedding dress code etiquette as you might expect, but wearing a red dress is at the top of the list.

All eyes should be on the bride -- who, by the way, is the only person wearing an all-white dress at her wedding.

A red dress at any wedding is a distraction. By wearing a red dress you would be saying to those assembled, "Look at me!"

There are many beautiful less obvious reddish hues that you could wear that won't make you stick out as blatantly as bright red. Go with any shade of light or dark coral or pink, such as: blush, cherry, ruby, currant.

Going into fall and winter the colors, burgundy, wine, cranberry, blush, ruby and berry would all be more subtle shades of red. Stay away from bright red, rose, scarlet, candy red, and crimson.

In the photo below, your eyes immediately go to the women wearing red dresses first -- before they gaze at the bride.

All eyes should be on the bride on her wedding day.
It would be incredibly rude to try to upstage the bride on her special day.

~Didi

Wedding Guest Dress Code — Do I Have to Wear A Dress to My Stepson’s Wedding?
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Wedding Guest Dress Code — Do I Have to Wear A Dress to My Stepson’s Wedding?

My question is about wedding guest dress code. My stepson is getting married this October, an outdoor wedding at 4:00 pm. His biological mother will also be at the wedding. What is the appropriate attire for me? I’m 70, petite and haven’t worn a dress in years.

I would consider wearing a dress, just haven’t a clue what to look for.

–Ann, Savannah, GA

Dear Ann,

How formal is your stepson's wedding? That's the first thing you'll need to find out. A four o'clock wedding starting time does not necessarily have a Black Tie wedding dress code. If the dress code is Black Tie, the women will be wearing either an evening dress, a dressy cocktail dress, or a dinner suit, all of which go with the men's tuxedo dress code.

Can you chat up the future bride, her mother, the future groom's mother, or even a mutual family friend? Start by asking them what they will be wearing. Say that you don't want to show up in the same dress but you do want to wear a outfit similar in length (knee length, mid-calf of ankle length), style (strapless, sheath with a matching coat, of an evening suit) and color, but not exactly the same color.

I'm going to stick my head out on a limb and say that since you're not into wearing dresses, you may find that a special occasion jacket with a skirt or dressy slacks is more your style.

I also think that an outdoor wedding may call for a lovely jacket.

See below the beige jacket that we like for you from the Gramercy Atelier that would be comfy and chic to wear to an October Savannah wedding beginning at four o'clock and taking place outdoors:

This Lorca Beige Charleston Jacket from Gramercy Atelier is the perfect solution.

Go to the gramercy-atelier.com website to look at all the different styles of special occasion jackets and the Testimonials, where I found, for instance, this stunning jade special occasion jacket (below) and the sage green suit (here in the group photo where the other women are wearing pink or black).

About the wedding colors: Find out what the wedding colors are so you are in the same color hue. If the wedding colors are blue and silver, for instance, you wouldn't were blue or silver, but you could wear beige or green. See more green special occasion jackets at gramercy-atelier.com.

Maria Pucci's custom made special occasion jackets can go anywhere -- day or night, indoors or out. Dress them up, dress them down, they always look graceful and elegant.

Dressy enough, but too dressy.

We're here to help, so if these suggestions don't appeal to you, you're welcome to come back to us with your size and price range, and we'll try again.

~Didi

NO NECKTIE WEDDING — BUT WHAT ABOUT A JACKET?
Creative Etiquette Solutions

NO NECKTIE WEDDING — BUT WHAT ABOUT A JACKET?

Invited to an informal no neckwear wedding in June. Do I have to wear a jacket? I’m not part of the wedding party, just a roommate from college. The wedding is not in a church, but outside. The groom isn’t wearing a tie, but he is wearing a jacket.

–JG, Portsmouth, RI

Wear what your buddy the groom is wearing to his no necktie wedding. Which is probably a collared (but not button-down) shirt and a lightweight jacket with either matching or contrasting well-cut trousers.

By showing up in a respectable jacket you won't risk being mistaken for one of the caterer's waitstaff.

Whether the wedding is taking place on a beach, in your friend's backyard or a at favorite restaurant, out of respect for the bride on her wedding day, wear a lightweight suit or lightweight jacket or blazer with dress khakis, white or colored trousers.