Didi, what is the etiquette these days for inviting friends to a wedding shower but not inviting them to the actual wedding? Due to Covid our daughter’s wedding had been postponed. We are trying to keep everyone safe by keeping the numbers down and the wedding will be outside under an open sided tent for ventilation. Before the wedding weekend we are planning a wedding shower in our former home town to invite friends to meet the wedding couple, but we’re concerned about the wedding etiquette that says a guest invited, for instance, to the engagement party is always invited to the wedding. Is that still the proper etiquette?
Does that etiquette apply to a wedding shower?
Would it be alright to have a wedding shower that includes some guests that are not invited to the wedding?
There was an engagement party last month in the city where the wedding couple live and work for those who probably wouldn’t be making the trip to the wedding this spring. We’re trying not to leave anyone out and we want our many friends and family to know the wedding couple.
–NPW, Portsmouth, RI
Thank you for your timely question about wedding shower etiquette. The current etiquette for a wedding shower has been updated since the pandemic.
Now that restrictions on the number of people allowed at a social gathering are loosening up, weddings that had been postponed are happening! The actual wedding--for the most part--is smaller and wedding couples and their families are hosting social occasions to include friends that are not being invited to the wedding.
Most of the guests you are inviting to the wedding shower will understand that times are changing and that they should not expect a wedding invitation.
The one part that is tricky is that if a wedding shower guest goes to the wedding website to find the wedding couple's registry to send them a present, they may feel left out of the actual wedding when they see info about the other events around the wedding: the welcoming cocktail event, rehearsal dinner, bridal lunch, ceremony, reception and post-wedding brunch. Perhaps for that very reason, you would not put the wedding website address on the wedding shower invitation, even though they could probably find the website on their own.
Are we to assume that this wedding shower will be the only shower? That there won't be a bridal shower hosted by the bridesmaids? In many areas of the country the wedding shower is called the "Jack & Jill."
Thank you for the timely question. We're here to help. Have fun organizing your daughter's wedding and remember that wedding etiquette is always evolving.
