2017 Briefly Revisited

What did you learn about yourself in 2017? With the prevalence of #MeToo and the Time’s Up movement, what can you tell us?

–CL, Peabody, MA

Reflecting on 2017

Just to give you the heads up, I’m not a life coach.

A couple of years ago a childhood friend called me from Thailand, where he lives as an expatriate, to tell me that he was sorry that he had assaulted me sexually and he wanted to make amends and apologize.

Quite frankly, I had tried to put that nightmare behind me and hearing from him opened the wound, but at the same time gave me closure.

He didn’t rape me, but it was quite a struggle trying to control his drunken aggression.

The best news about him is that he hasn’t had a drink in forty years.

That embarrassing incident taught me to watch for signs when someone is loosing control and walk away immediately. Get out.

Tell someone, anyone, what happened so that the two of you are not the only people who know about what happened.

Beauty-wise, the easiest to talk about:

Makeup you’ve been using for decades starts to fail as skins fall and doesn’t hydrate or illuminate the way they used to. No matter the price, liquid makeup is not your friend. After the first half hour, it makes wrinkles look deeper.

It is more enlivening to highlight eyes, lips, and cheekbones.

Nothing is less flattering than a man or woman over sixty who dyes their hair darker to look younger. It doesn’t work because we know you dye your hair, so stop fooling yourself. You’re not fooling us.
Having been body-shamed as a child scars you for life, so let go of fretting about your weight and accept a body image that is less stressful.
The sun is not your friend. Wear sunscreen year-round.

Money-wise over the years, the hardest to talk about:

Education is the key to success. It is constructive knowledge. If you don’t fully understand the economics of a well-lived life, you will never be satisfied with your situation.

Family-wise:

There is nothing more important in life than family. Life is too short to hold grudges. When you role model taking great care of your family, family doesn’t forget the quality time you spent just on them.

Career-wise:

Education, education, education. Pushing children to reach their potential will make them happier citizens.
Choosing a woman mentor, who was probably much harder on my job performance than a male mentor would have ever been — because male mentors usually have alternative motives for mentoring — was far more beneficial to my career.

Health-wise:

Generally speaking, people with a passion for a life-long sport are healthier physically and mentally.

Fashion-wise:

Dress your age.
Darker solid colors are more practical and complimentary.
V-shaped necklines and vertical stripes and lines are the most flattering.
Try wearing a push-up bra.
If you have a long neck, good legs and/or arms, flaunt your assets.

Friendship-wise:

Lecturing people on the fact that meditating will make them ten percent happier, or being gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, exercising and practicing yoga more, and fad diets usually backfire with people who make excuses why they don’t do it.

At the end of the year, set goals for 2018, but making New Year’s resolutions you probably won’t keep can be self-defeating. Only 17% of resolutions made are kept.

On the other hand, if you turn the goal into a resolution, you have a ten percent chance of success, especially if the goal is specific.

For instance, use the goal meditate as your password.

What to fight for in 2018: Top Seven