Why We Get So Annoyed With Our Life Partner
As much as I think I love my boyfriend, his bad habits annoy me. I point them out — time and again — by reminding him to put the toilet seat back down, shine his shoes, throw his used tissues away or not to scrape his plate at the dinner table, etc. Worst of all, he’s a hoarder.
Will he ever break these bad habits? I sound like a broken record complaining over and over about the petty ways he annoys me. Do you think he does them on purpose to get my attention?
–EB, Dorset, VT
Some irritation in a relationship is a good thing. It can be stimulating. But most annoyed partners would agree that it is not okay to drive each other crazy.
Being able to handle low-level conflict is an essential relationship skill. Recognizing annoyances as a sign that life could be better is frustrating, but it gives you something to work on.
- Don’t beat yourself up about letting an annoyance get under your skin, just get back on track.
- Talk about what’s really bothering you.
- Let him know what irritates you and find out what annoys him about your behavior.
Often when partners are annoying each other it can be playful. Some annoyances are pointless. Others can trigger change. Look at it this way, annoyances can be a sign of a strong relationship.
On the one hand, it might be boring to eliminate all frustrations with one’s partner; on the other hand being yourself means you have strong feelings.
Take annoyances as a sign that life with your SO could even be better — and work on it.
~Didi
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