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Don’t chat me up with brain-picking. If you want my advice on your funding project, pay me for my advice. When a line is crossed between friendship and brain-picking how do I suggest that I need to be compensated, even by my existing clients?

In particular, a former grad school classmate, who is not a client and a new client, who thinks I should be at his beck and call. Billable consulting services are available, you can’t consult me for free!

How to ask for a monetary reward when someone picks your brain?

–AB, NYC

Sit on top of the situation by creating a time to talk on the phone or to meet up for a brain-picking discussion. Make it clear that weekdays are for clients and weeknights and your weekends are for friends.

• If you don’t want to suggest weekends or evenings, propose a Friday afternoon when most people are generally not as busy.

• Should the person want to talk sooner or at a more convenient time for them, let him or her know they will have to pay for your time.

When you’re caught totally off-guard, offer the person a twenty minute phone conversation.

• A phone chat is invariably more amenable to being kept short.

• When scheduled for a brain-picking session do a bit of homework so you can share a few ideas.

• Make the phone appointment for “brain thinking time.”

Help the person understand not to expect too much expertise unless they pay for it.

Most importantly, be gracious and generous with your friends and listen with compassion. Let he or she tell you what they had planned to communicate to you.

Often that person may be looking for affirmation of their idea, project, strategy or intention — even more than they want to pick your brain.

~Didi