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A wedding I was invited to has been called off, but the reception will take place as a “party”. My question is, am I expected to bring a monetary gift? I feel they are trying to recoup some of their losses, but it shouldn’t be my problem. Since the former bride’s mother is a friend, do I opt out of the “party” because I don’t want to give a monetary gift?

–T.M., Location withheld

It sounds as though the wedding was called off by mutual consent. The reception hall, caterer, band/DJ, and other vendors have already been engaged and payments were made, so why not have a party anyway? If guests were not specifically asked to give a monetary gift to the party, then you would not have to give one to attend. The reciprocity for having attended a party (not a wedding) is a return invitation going forward. You would also send a thank-you note or email to the host and a gift, of any kind, would not be expected. On the other hand, if the mother is your friend and you go to the party, you should ask her if you can reimburse her for your food and drink.

~Didi