DatingTips forTwits

My brother’s into dating, but he’s a twit and can’t keep a girlfriend. He’s a one-date kind of guy. I don’t know where to start in helping him.

–Amy, North Scituate, MA

Hi Amy, make your twit brother, who is into dating, a gift of Will Forte’s book, 101 THINGS TO DEFINITELY NOT DO IF YOU WANT TO GET A CHICK. Our watered down abbreviated list appears here:

Never use cheesy pick-up lines.
Never take anyone to dinner without bathing and dressing for the occasion ahead of time.
Never compare her to others you’ve dated.
Never confess details of past relationships.
Never take her to dinner and attempt to pay with an outdated coupon or credit card.
Never use her credit card.
Never go on a date with jagged finger nails.
Never reveal old grudges.
Never tap the table, while dining, as though you’re playing a set of drums.
Never engage a skywriter to express your feelings.
Never take card or board games too seriously.
Never introduce her as your girlfriend early in the relationship.
Never brag about knowing a celebrity or name drop.
Never be critical, because criticism destroys relationships.
Never pick at or scratch your ear, nose, mouth, hair or nails.
Never name your boat after her mother.