Our daughter will be married next summer. The guest list is overwhelming. We assumed because it is considered a destination wedding by most of the guests, we would have fewer acceptances.
The core of the wedding guest list is the Engagement Party invitation list. It consisted of close family and relatives, people who will be in the bridal party, closest friends and a few business colleagues, whose children’s wedding we attended.
Some people were really tacky. When they got word of the Engagement Party they sent an engagement present, before receiving an invitation! These are people who are not relatives or close friends and sent a present in order to get invited! Unfortunately, we were tricked into inviting them to the Engagement Party, which took place last week.
My question is this: Does the rule still hold that everyone invited to the Engagement Party has to be invited to the wedding?
–Alice P., Beverly, MA
It was cheeky to send a gift before receiving an invitation. A sense of entitlement does not make a guest appealing.
In this case, where the Engagement Party guest sent the gift before being officially invited, you need not invite that person a second time. He has already been reciprocated having attended the Engagement Party. In other words, he sent a gift as a social bid. In return, you invited him to the party. You are no longer in his debt, but you need to explain why he won’t be invited to your daughter’s wedding.
Going forward, you will have to find an opportunity in which to say to Mr. Tacky or Ms. Tackless something such as this.
“You were kind to come to the engagement party, but the wedding will be much smaller because we cannot accommodate as many guests, which is why we’re pleased you could come tonight to meet our daughter and her fiancé.”
Even if the cheeky acquaintance sends a wedding present off the bridal registry, you already told him not to expect an invitation to your daughter’s wedding.
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Accepting A Compliment