Family Misunderstandings

My parents were born and raised in China, and immigrated to the US before I was born. I married a Chinese man, who was also born and raised here in the US. Last year was my daughter’s first Chinese New Year, and we had a large celebratory dinner in our small apartment. In addition to both sets of parents and siblings, we invited my husband’s brother’s inlaws as well so that he would not have to choose whether to attend or not. This year is my husband’s brother’s daughter’s first Chinese New Year, and although my husband and I have been invited, my parents have not. Space and money are not a factor. What is the proper etiquette? I am very offended that my parents were not invited. Do I go? Or is there a way I can d

–Penelope, Seattle, WA

There would be no reason why your parents would have to be invited since they are not blood relatives of your husband’s brother’s daughter, except that you invited your sister-in-law’s parents to your daughter’s first New Year celebration. On the contrary, you should attend with your husband because he is a blood relative of the honoree and you would be insulting your husband’s family, if you did not attend. Chalk this off as an oversight in etiquette on the part of the hosts. The hosts may have set criteria for a certain number and inviting non-blood relatives such as your parents did not fall into that criteria. Rise above the hosts’ social faux pas. You will be a better person for not making a big fuss. This celebration is all about the first New Year for the child. It is not a cause to wage war on your husband’s family, no matter how discourteous they may be. It would be up to your husband to quietly inquire as to whether the fact that your parents had not been invited was an oversight, and if so, gently ask if they could be invited.

~Didi

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