• When First Impressions Really Matter — Student Life
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When First Impressions Really Matter — Student Life

Our son is unhappy about his sullen roommate. Our first impressions when we moved him into his dorm and met his roommate, were not cheerful. My husband and I tried to dissuade Jake from judging him to quickly. We probably overdid it when Jake complained about his disposition. He says they don’t talk and stay out of each other’s way.

How do we handle this problem politely?

–Name Withheld

Go beyond first impressions. Your son will get to know his roommate better over time. The roommate may be feeling incredibly stressed or irritated. He may have never been away from home before, let alone having to adjust to living with a total stranger. First impressions are unfair. Everyone has something that they are dealing with, worried about and fear.
     Such anxiety often is hard to disguise. It is expressed on a person’s face. The roommate on first impression may look angry, sad or lost. Perhaps he’s just worried that he won’t fit in or be able to keep up. He may be depressed about financial concerns.
  • According to Alexander Todorov, in his new book FACE VALUE: THE IRRESISTIBLE INFLUENCE OF FIRST IMPRESSIONS, it only takes 30 milliseconds (or one-tenth of a second), for our brain to form snap character judgements from a first impression. In particular the person’s level of attractiveness, politeness, trustworthiness, and powerfulness. “These impressions,” Todorov writes, “are closer to perception than to thinking. We don’t need to think, we see.” He says that impressions register on our senses. Senses are based on past experiences.
  • University life is largely about having new experiences and learning not to base a person’s character on a first impression.
Suggest that your son, from time to time, tries smiling at his roommate to help him relax. Smiling creates what behavioral scientists call feedback loops. When we smile – even when we’re not feeling joyful – the body releases hormones that helps the body relax naturally and be happy.
     If that doesn’t work, your son should look into changing roommates. He’ll figure that out on his own.
  • In some cultures, making eye contact is a breach of etiquette, but a simple smile is universally accepted.

 

 

~Didi

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