GREETING FRIENDS DURING the CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC

It sure is awkward greeting friends, a person you know pretty well, on the street or in the supermarket during this coronavirus pandemic. And it could go on for six months. Gosh, I’m so happy when I see someone I know–as I’m isolated working remotely from home–but not knowing how to react to their warm smile and/or approach leaves me wondering what to do, how to react. How do we show someone we’re fond of that we’re fond of them, but no hugs.

On the verge of tears, a friend in the checkout line at the supermarket became distraught while telling me about her husband’s recent stem cell transplant and when I went to put my arm around her to hug her, we both took a double take and withdrew. With all the cares of the world on her shoulders, she offered to help carry my grocery bags to my car.

I’ve small children and parents in their sixties, so I’m deathly afraid of getting too close to anyone I run into in public, and, yet–we could all use a hug–and more groceries. Thankfully, so far we’re all well in my family, but you never know, apparently, until it hits you or a family member. We just don’t know how long this will be going on.

My natural impulse, my basic instinct, is to hug or kiss on the cheek the good friend I run into as usual, so what do we do? Well, I either stare at them waiting for him or her to make the first move or I ignore them. But the problem with ignoring them is that I know I’m going to see them in another aisle or on the checkout line, or another time when I go to the market or drugstore.

Both options seem incredibly rude.

I know it’s bad karma, impolite to give someone you know the cold shoulder, but I am more apt to put up an invisible shield and pretend I just didn’t see him or her, and assume that they’re in the same self-protective mode predicament. We’re both afraid to get too close and yet they, too, don’t know what to do. Any suggests?

–Helen, Charlottesville, VA

Hi Helen, you’re right on. We’re all wondering about the etiquette of greeting friends during the coronavirus pandemic. If the person is not wearing a mask and gloves and is shopping for groceries, then it is unlikely that they’re dangerously ill or they wouldn’t be physically able to be out and about; driving a car, and lifting groceries. And if they were ill with the coronavirus or thought they’d been exposed, they would most likely own up to the fact and tell you why they have to keep their distance from you. Although the person could be a carrier and not know he or she has been exposed to the coronavirus.

For instance, your friend told you right off about her husband’s serious medical condition and having to take care of him full time. That must have triggered a respond warding you off. She can’t risk being exposed to the coronavirus, because she has to take care of him.

Nobody wants to go in for a hug and get pushed away. Nobody wants to be the person doing the pushing away.

Take the initiative and wave to him or her while keeping a distance of at least six feet–the length of a tall person. With a cheerful smile on your face simply say, “How are you doing? It’s good to see you. How’s the family.” Then tell them that you’re working remotely from home, and so far everybody seems to be OK.

Wave, smile and keep your distance of six feet, create your own space.
If the person looks as though they’re about to come in for a hug, keep waving, smile and get them talking. The fact that your hand is waving will signal that you’re hesitant about going in for the requisite hug. You’re not waving them away, merely carving out your space.

You want your wave to be the Queen Elizabeth Wave with your hand jiggling gently from side to side, but you do NOT want your wave to mimic your car window wiper racing from left to right clearing rain drops off of your car window.

Using your body language and facial expressions, let him or her know that you’re thrilled to see them, but you’re being cautious. So smile. Everyone wants to see a smile right now.
Bringing up the subject of the coronavirus pandemic first thing will remind them as to why you’re reluctant to pull them in for a hug or a kiss. Even if you don’t have the coronavirus yourself and don’t believe you’ve been exposed.
Hold your pocketbook, hat, sunglasses, small child, knapsack, or shopping bag in front of you to your chest as a visual barrier. Of course, a shopping cart or stroller make a perfect barrier.
Chat with your friend warmly asking questions about their family, pet or work, or simply plan to talk on the phone after the kids are in bed.