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My son is marrying his girlfriend in June 2015. I want to know if it is a custom for a mother-in-law, me, to buy her a piece of jewelry and what type? Or is this a custom at all? I would like to do the right thing, because she’s a very lovely girl.

–Chickibb, Mid Atlantic

The tradition used to be that the groom’s family presented a piece of jewelry to the bride to wear on her wedding day. Either a family heirloom or something new. For instance lovely earrings or a necklace. Find out what jewelry your future daughter-in-law is planing on wearing with her wedding dress. Ask her what she would like.

Nowadays, a bride appears in beautiful earrings rather than a necklace that might distract from the fine design of her wedding dress. If the piece of jewelry is an heirloom, it can be her ‘something old.’ New, it could be her ‘something new,’ or even ‘something borrowed’ or ‘something blue’ — if there is a blue stone. But it should be her choice. If the bride is wearing her grandmother’s Victorian earrings, a modern necklace may not work with her wedding dress.

After World War II, the tradition became more about giving the bride monogrammed silver flatware. Nowadays, couples are marrying later, because a woman is more likely to have a career and her parents are close to retiring or retired, and the wedding couple can pay for their own wedding. In that case, you might offer to give them their wedding trip, or pay for the wedding flowers, music, or photographs. Instead, you would be giving the wedding couple a significant gift.

My best advise is to give your future daughter-in-law something she wants and needs. Tell her you wish to give her a special, personal gift and ask her what she would like. Suggests a couple of choicest and go from there.

~Didi