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Not to seem ungrateful, but we recently received an invitation to ‘participate’ in a birthday party for my husband’s best friend from high school. We have wined and dined this couple for decades and never received anything more than a bottle of ordinary wine upon their arrival. We’ve never been invited to their home before, although they always spoke of ‘having us over.’ Well, this seems to be the ‘having us over,’ but we’re supposed to bring a birthday present, liquor, and a pasta salad for twenty people, ‘because they like mine so very much.’ I want to say, “It’s cook’s day off that day,” but the directive came in the form of a compliment. What would you do?

–H. W., Providence

It’s tough when you’re always doing the inviting (prepping, cooking, serving, cleaning up) with little appreciation. It makes a person a resentful when they’re taken advantage of over and over again. You could snub the event instead of antying up, or you can say you won’t be able to make anything that day, but you will bring a bottle of wine.  Dress up an ordinary bottle of wine up in a chic bottle bag with a tag saying “Happy Birthday!” and leave it with the other presents. When your friends are open the bounty of gifts after guests have left and they see your present, they won’t be angry. They’ll have fond memories of all the fabulous dinners they had in your home.

~Didi