Ladies First

About ladies first. Is it bad manners or condescending to let a woman go through a door first? Sometimes I add insult to injury by standing there like an idiot because I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing. Opening the door for her and letting her pass through? Or open the door and pass through myself before holding the door open? Or totally ignore the person behind me and rush through?

What is a gentleman to do?

–JT, Portsmouth, RI

Ladies first is a chivalrous custom that most of us have hung onto. A good habit passed down from parents to child. It is a protective protocol that prevents us from bumping into each other.

There’s a French theory about the origin of ladies first. The lady went first to give the gentleman protecting her from behind time to draw his dueling sword, if villains were waiting to ambush them in the street.

Nowadays, it is more than likely that kids in school are encouraged to be considerate and helpful. Much the way saying, “Please,””Thank you,” or “You’re welcome” are commonplace. So, they’re more apt to hold the door open for the person — irrespective of gender — who is behind them, but not necessarily wait for that person to walk through ahead of him.

The same holds true for etiquette and manners in the work place and public buildings.
When it comes to dating, well there’s a whole other nuance there — even without the threat of being ambushed on the street.

Do boys still carry girls’ school books? Well, I doubt it because it would be near impossible for anyone to wear two knapsacks at once.