Romanticizing and Revitalizing A Forgotten Charming Crush

About romanticizing a secret crush from long ago.

What if you’re nearing death’s door, more or less, and you still have a crush on someone and you’ve totally haven’t stayed in touch, but you don’t want to go to your grave in silence….

–Name Withheld, San Francisco, CA

You may be romanticizing this secret crush from long ago.

Think about the people you leave behind when you die, your survivors. There was a fascinating obituary of Lillian Ross in the New York Times recently that mentions the pain Ms. Ross caused William Shawn’s family and friends by writing about her fifty-year affair with Mr. Shawn.

Specifically the amount of time she stole from his family when he was with her – and not them.

If you currently have a partner, or the person whom you wish to contact has such a relationship, think long and hard about the consequences of exposing your secret crush.

If you can pull it off without wounding your partner or hers, then by all means make contact. Feel the temperature of the water. “A dream about you came from out of nowhere, which prompted me to get in touch and find out how you’re doing…”

It also depends if there was a real relationship between the two of you, or, as you say, it was merely a secret crush – that perhaps was not reciprocated.

It is hazy weird when someone out of the past contacts you. Don’t text. Instead email to say you would like to call her. Set up a day and time. Confirm her phone number. She’ll be curious. As are you. So why not make the call. If you have a family, don’t leave a paper or Internet trail.

Figure out if you want to intensify the relationship. What if she lives a million miles away?

Actually, i would be curious to find out how she reacts. I called an old boyfriend out of the blue because I had a dream about him, and he coldly said, “Didi, do you remember why you broke up with me?” And so it was like – Why are you calling?

~Didi

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