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Our friend owns a popular upmarket restaurant where we dine frequently. The food is as excellent as one can expect in a resort town. The restaurant service is over the top. When I say over the top, I mean the service is too intense. I know that sounds utterly amazing for a resort restaurant, but hovering service can be extremely annoying. Every time we dine there, with friends or without, the waiter or busboy tries to remove our plates before everyone has finished eating.

Much to my husband’s amusement, I speak up and say, “No, go away” before rushing to explain: no plate should be removed before the last diner has stopped eating. It is rude of the waitstaff to pressure diners to hurry through an expensive meal and puts a damper on what should be an utterly pleasurable experience.

When we signal that we are now through eating, the waiter stacks three or four plates, which is also tacky! Any suggestions?

–MV, Newport, RI

Don’t make a point of this by sending a text or an express letter to your friend the restaurateur complaining about restaurant service and his rude staff. But next time he stops by your table, or if you run into him socially or at the dry cleaner, mention your pet peeves.

• Ask him how you should signal your waiter that you don’t want the plates removed from the table until the last person has laid down his/her fork.
• A good restaurateur will see to it that a notation of your requirements are made on the computer.
• On your own, in the future tell the waiter in advance that you do not want any plates removed until the last person is through eating.
• Let your waiter tell the busperson.

A good gratuity should encourage better listening.

~Didi