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My daughter insists on sending out the save-the-date cards for her wedding ten months in advance. Not only that but she’s asking people to let us know – prior to the actual invitation being sent – at her wedding website, whether the person can attend. Who knows that far in advance? Seems a bit pushy to me.

–EN, Wayne, PA

Thank you for your question about save-the-date cards sent ahead of time to announce weddings and ‘invitation only’ events.

Who doesn’t like receiving an invitation or save-the-date card. It makes us feel special knowing far in advance that there is a command to attend a wedding, milestone birthday or anniversary, or even a favorite charity event.

Nonetheless, in all fairness and considering that life happens, the save-the-date should be an announcement and not a command for an appearance.

• In fact, a guest isn’t expected to respond to an invitation until six weeks before the wedding.
• Except of course when there is a cutoff date that says please reply by a date that is usually two weeks prior to the wedding day —  and one should RSVP by that date.
• That cutoff is mainly for the caterer, who has to know in advance how to plan for the food and beverages.

Look at it this way. A well-mannered person would let the wedding couple know after receiving the save-the-date card but before being sent the wedding invitation when they know for sure that they will not be able to attend. Due to long standing prior commitment.

The good news is that there will be one less invitation packet to send. Unless of course the person owes a present and plans to reciprocate by sending a gift from the wedding registry.

~Didi