The Sorriest Word In The Universe Should Not Be Sorry

I need to apologize to someone and I just can’t bring myself around to making the actual apology by saying that I’m sorry. It doesn’t help that I’m being pressured by others to apologize. The walls are closing in. Any advice?

–Name Withheld

Never underestimate the power of a straightforward apology to say that you are sorry. Even when it wasn’t personally your fault. As tiresome as it might be, verbalizing your regret and sympathy for another’s adversity demonstrates benevolence and helps to cool a heated exchange — often preventing unfortunate consequences.

Nor does an honest apology mean telling the person that you’re “sorry that they feel that way,” or that you’re “sorry that you’ve chosen to take offense,” because, of course, that puts the blame on the other person.
Saying you’re sorry is only the first step. Next you’ve got to make it alright by rectifying the mistake.

With a family member, lover, friend or colleague:

Don’t procrastinate a moment longer, because bad feelings fester.
Ask if you can meet in person. When that’s not possible, pick up the phone. Remember that a voicemail, text, or email saying that you’re sorry won’t have the backbone of a one-on-one conversation.
Make sure that the apology takes places in private.
No matter how awful you feel, do NOT turn the blame around onto the other person.
Reiterate with a follow up message. Sending a gift shouldn’t be necessary unless you’ve inadvertently destroyed something irreplaceable.

You’ve got the essentials, however, if there is contributory blame, find out if the aggrieved person would help you analyze what went eschew. In going over the incident, during the process their own short comings are identified as are those of the person making the apology.

Lastly, it goes without saying that if the incident stemmed from a comment you made or something you did that others were witness to, you probably want to apologize again in front of that same audience.

~Didi

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