About wedding invitation etiquette. Our daughter and her fiancé are insisting on including a reply card with their wedding invitation. It has a cut-off date for responding and a list of entree preferences: vegan, filet mignon, or halibut. Since the invitations will be received six weeks before the reception dinner, how do guests know that far in advance what they’ll want to eat?
If they came to our house for dinner, they certainly wouldn’t be given a choice of three entrees!
As the hosts, we should be able to serve one entree and have the caterer prepare a smaller amount of vegan entrees for those who don’t eat meat.
Why do we even need a reply card? Why can’t the guest write us a short note telling us whether or not they are attending? If they can’t write us a polite note, do we really want them at our daughter’s wedding?
–Anonymous, Savannah, GA
People are talking about the changes in the etiquette of the wedding invitation. The problem runs deep. Don’t get your knickers in a twist. The millennials (a third of the US population born between 1980-2000+) simply don’t know how to write a note in longhand.
This generation, also called Generation Y, was never taught penmanship as we know it. It was not part of their school curriculum; they were taught how to type instead of learning cursive writing, the Palmer Method.
The purpose of the cutoff date is to give the caterer an accurate headcount. If you tell the caterer you are feeding fifty guests and only forty-two actually show up, you will be charged for eight uneaten dinners. Why? Because the caterer will have to buy the food and arrange for waitstaff in advance.
About having an entree choice. It is about waste. It is about pleasing your guest. Making sure they are fed so that the alcohol is absorbed before getting in their car and driving home.
Your guests who have strict dietary concerns know how to deal with this. Beforehand they will let you know that they have an allergy to seafood or nuts. Those dealing with sugar, salt, dairy, and gluten restrictions will snack ahead of time, and eat what part of the meal being served they can digest properly.
You’re hosting guests who, predominately, have the ‘me first’ mentality. The host and the caterer are best served, if they know ahead of time who eats what.
All invitations are courtesy of The Printery, Locust Valley, New York.
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Accepting A Compliment