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What about paperless weddings?

My niece is getting married this fall in a church wedding with a dinner dance immediately following at a private country club.

Her dress is a Carolina Herrera and the bridesmaids dresses are from Vera Wang. The groom and his men will be wearing tuxedos and the dress code is Best Business Suits.

As you can see it is an over-the-top kind of wedding which includes a heftily priced wedding registry.

We’re happy to be included, but we’re struggling with the paperless-ness. The Save-the-Date came as an email instructing us to click on to their wedding website for information about the wedding festivities.

Their website warned us that the wedding invitation would be in the form of an email and guests will be requested to RSVP through the website.

The bridal registry is also online. I’m assuming the thank-you notes for wedding presents will be in the form of an email.

The bride’s grandmother, great aunt and uncle, and other older family friends don’t use computers much so I’ve become somewhat of the social secretary relaying the plans and wishes of the bride and groom.

Let’s hope I keep everything straight! What do you suggest?

–CH, Boston

It sounds as though you ought to host a tea for the wedding couple — as soon as possible — in order to familiarize older family and friends with the drill for paperless weddings.

• Invite guests you’re concerned about who are being invited to the wedding to come and meet, or meet again, your niece and her groom.

At that time you can give a very short toast asking the bride or groom to explain the acceptance process and to give them a few details of where to stay, what to wear, and what they should expect during their participation in the wedding.

• Guests could also sign up on a list designating which festive events they plan to attend: the welcoming party, the ceremony, the reception+dinner, the post wedding brunch, etc?
• Also, during your tea the bride can let guests off the hook about sending a gift from the wedding registry. Instead they can call the store directly and charge a gift card with their credit card information over the phone.

That way the bride and groom will be able to put the gift card toward buying an item from the wedding registry without much fuss on the guest’s part.

~Didi