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We have good friends whom we enjoy going out to eat with because they always find interesting places for us to meet for dinner. We have a good time and the food always meets our expectation, but we have a problem when it comes to paying the bill. They are big eaters, they love to eat. My wife and I love good food but we rarely have a first course and never have dessert or coffee. We’re good for a glass or two of house wine, but our friends insist on ordering “the perfect pairing” for what they’ve ordered and that often entails ordering more than one bottle of wine.

The problem is that splitting the bill fifty-fifty isn’t fair. How can we resolve this dilemma and still remain friends?

–A.Q., Providence

The sooner you break the pattern of splitting the bill fifty-fifty the better. Don’t be timid. Chances are they dine with other people some of whom won’t put up with paying fifty-fifty.

There are two ways to handle this: The next time the bill comes to the table, and you’ve estimated what you owe for what you and your wife ordered, say,”My guess is that our share of the bill rounded off is $140. with the 20% tip,” as you hand your credit card (or cash) to the waiter.

Your friends may not like the fact that you’ve set your own boundaries, but boundaries rule. The second way, is to tell them about your new set of boundaries ahead of time when making plans for where to dine.

~Didi