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My son and his same-sex partner of many years planned an extravagant wedding, which is mostly paid for. They’ve decided to have a party anyway, but they want guests to know the wedding is called off. In returning the wedding presents, what do I do? I’ve been put in charge of the task because they can’t bare to send back all the fabulous gifts, so I said I would help.

They don’t want any more presents and they will return all presents. What exactly should be done?

–H.H., Manhattan

What a good mother you are to sign on for the arduous task of not only sending back the presents when your son’s wedding is called off, but passing on the news.

Get a hold of the guest list. If you have an excel-style spreadsheet, you can find out who sent what easily. All gifts are returned to the store from where they came from and credited to the guest’s card.

Meanwhile make up a correspondence card to send out for your son and his former partner that sounds appreciative, yet also has a touch of humor and is still informative. Use the wedding colors and font centered on the card with wording something like this:

Alastair and Marc have mutually agreed not to tie the knot after all. For those who already sent a wedding present know this. As much as we would love to keep your fabulous wedding present, it would be impossible to decide who gets it. Which is why we’ve returned your gift and asked to have your card credited. 

Our party is still happening without the ceremony.  Please know that we can’t wait to see you on July 10th at the Waldorf.  

The etiquette is the same as a straight wedding, you would follow the these guidelines. A lot of people still think the rules for a gay marriage are more complicated than they are.

Somehow people think it is different, marriage is marriage. The etiquette is the same.

~Didi