• Home
  • Ask Didi
  • FAQs
  • How Tos
  • Be Your Best
  • Meet The Challenge
  • About Didi
  • “NEWPORT ETIQUETTE”
  • Home
  • Ask Didi
  • FAQs
  • How Tos
  • Be Your Best
  • Meet The Challenge
  • About Didi
  • “NEWPORT ETIQUETTE”
  • Fall Cocktail Dress Code
  • Creative Etiquette Solutions

You may also be interested in:

Bridal Shower Faux Pas Correction
Cell phones in restaurants
Negligent Parent — Parenting
Fall Cocktail Dress Code

Would you please tell me what the cocktail dress code attire would be for a six o’clock birthday party cocktail party?  There will be heavy heavy hors-d’oeuvres. I’m forty-one-years old and want to dress appropriately, but also for fun.

–Kim, NC

For a cocktail party starting at six o'clock, the dress code would be a knee-length cocktail dress. If slacks are flattering on you, wear a well-made pair of slacks with a beautiful blouse or top. A party such as this -- a cocktail party with the twist of being a birthday party -- is more about the quality of the clothing than the dressiness of the outfit. A cozy fringe shawl, beautiful shoes and a small evening bag would add to the look. Above is the perfect fall look from oliviapalermo.com, where you can see more sophisticated styles. This is a fun fall pant-look from renttherunway.com -- Derek Lam'a Pendulum Button Rop that gives a bit of festive flare. We like Rent the Runway where you can rent, buy or just browse the latest fashions from the most popular designers. DLM3 Here is LBD option. A little black dress with a fringe, anything with a fringe is popular right now. 3302934-p-multiview-1 A Green Light Dress from ERIN erin fetherston for the holidays: EF74-1  

~Didi

Read More…

  • How To Be The Best Guest
  • Creative Etiquette Solutions

You may also be interested in:

Devastated by Her Husband's Facebook Status
Sister Is Mean to My Ex at Holiday Parties
Mother-of-The Bride 2:00PM September Las Vegas Destination Wedding
How To Be The Best Guest

What are the dos and don’ts for being the best guest? We’re going to a wedding this weekend and then the following weekend to my boss’s house for a barbecue. After that we’ve got a cocktail party that’s an engagement party. In general, what should we remember to do and not do?

–TGW, Providence, RI

Guests who may possibly wish to be invited back, want to know how to be the best guest. The ideal guest is a self-sustaining one. As soon as you know your plans -- whether you are able to attend or not -- respond to the host directly or simply follow the cues for replying to the invitation. When there is a cut-off date for the RSVP, be sure to answer promptly. Otherwise your hostess will have to phone to find out if you're coming in order to get an accurate headcount for the caterer and/or bartender. Or just to know herself how much food to prepare. When responding, make it clear as to who is replying by giving your first and last name, as well as the name of your partner or date when you are answering for both of you. A guest should never invite their own guest without asking the host first. Should your plans change, let your host know ASAP, so he doesn't get stuck paying for your two empty place settings. (Caterers are given a headcount in advance to insure there is enough food, and have to charge your host for your dinners if you are a no-show.) On the other hand, if you arrive with an unannounced date, you may find there is no seat at the dinner table for her. It is even more humiliating for your date than it is for you. What if she is suddenly the 13th guest and the host only bought 12 lobsters? Don't assume an invitation includes your whole family -- or your dog. You don't want to be embarrassed by showing up with your small children only to find there are no other children their age at the party -- or that your host is allergic to dogs. Having to leave Fido in your car on a hot summer night is a bad idea. Check ahead of time if you're not sure. If the invitation -- whether it is for a  wedding or a cookout -- isn't addressed to your whole family, then the entire family is probably not invited; even if you are bringing the coleslaw and two bottles of wine. Again, check ahead even if you know the host has a child your child's age. You just can't assume you can bring Junior because the host's child may be away at a sleepover or boy scout camp. Figure out the dress code ahead of time. Out of respect for your host and/or the guest of honor, dress up as opposed to dressing down. Even if it is a cookout or potluck picnic, wear your nicest appropriate clothes and shoes. Whenever in doubt wear a tie and jacket. When the dancing gets hot, you can always take off your tie and fold it into your jacket pocket before leaving the jacket on the back of your chair. The older the host or guest of honor, the more respectful it is to dress your best. When the invitation suggests Black Tie or Formal Attire, then the dress code for a man is a tuxedo -- or in summer a white dinner jacket with tuxedo trousers. A woman should wear a long dress or a dressy cocktail dress or slacks and top. Black Tie Optional means if you have a tuxedo, wear it. If not, wear your best dark business suit. Your host is being considerate by offering you the option of not having to rent or borrow a tuxedo. Examine the invitation. The more formal the invitation card, location and time, the dressier the dress code for the guests. Usually the later in the day the start time, the dressier the party. A lunch picnic is far more casual than a five o'clock cocktail party. Even in the summer, after six o'clock is time for party clothes. (Guys would not wear button-down collars after six, and don't have to wear socks with loafers.) When the event is hosted at a restaurant or private club, the dress code rule Jacket and Tie can apply-- especially in the evening when all male guests are required to wear a jacket and tie. If you show up without one, you will be loaned the use of a jacket or/and tie for the evening. What to bring as a hostess gift? For parties in an informal setting ask ahead of time, "What can I bring?" Or when you arrive ask, "What can I do to help?" [caption id="attachment_99522" align="aligncenter" width="335"]Young women and men holding drinks standing around bbq Young women and men holding drinks standing around bbq[/caption] Make suggestions, "I can pick up some ice-cream or cold beer." Don't arrive empty handed especially when you're bringing a date or family. You would not bring anything room temperature that is normally served chilled, because there may not be space in the fridge. If the party is potluck, be sure to communicate with your hostess to find out if another guest is already bringing coleslaw. Would she rather you brought potato salad? Find out how many guests are coming to assure your decadent chocolate cake that serves twelve is indeed large enough. summer-bbq Upon arrival, be sure to greet your hosts and thank them for inviting you. Be a self-sustaining guest. Not a needy guest. If it's raining, find a place for your coat and go look for the bar introducing yourself to other guests along the way. A guest with food allergies should eat ahead of time and not expect her host to drop everything to make her something special. Leave your dietary needs at home or bring a small container of prepared food for your personal use -- that does not have to be heated up. If you don't know anyone at the party, be a self-sufficing guest by introducing yourself and your partner. "Hi, I'm Didi Lorillard and this is my husband Rod Stewart. We're related to the groom." Or, "The host is our neighbor." Stating your connection with your host or guest of honor is a sure way to initiate chitchat. Even though it is polite to go through a receiving line at a formal wedding, it is not mandatory. But be sure to talk to your host or the wedding couple later. Waiting in the receiving line, however, does give guests the opportunity to meet and chat with strangers informally. Circulate and circumnavigate to figure out the seating for dinner. Is there a table card directing you to sit at table number 6? If so, is there a place card with your name on it? At an unseated buffet ask a few people if they would like to share a table, so you don't end up wandering around looking for an empty seat while balancing your filled plate and wine glass. backyard-wedding-reception3 At a wedding, for instance, a good guest not only talks to the host and/or guest of honor, but asks them to dance. He also talks to the person on his left and the person on his right while seated or standing in the buffet line, receiving line, or in line for the restroom. Take advantage of opportunities to be social informally. About a gift. For an engagement party, shower, and wedding find out from other guests where the couple have registered their wish list and send a gift from the store registry, which will have the recipients address. Ahead of time, type in at least one name to a bridal registry search, such as TheKnot to find options for a gift in your price range. How much to spend on a gift? To find the optimal amount to spend, roughly estimate the cost of hosting you and your partner for the event. If you think it cost $75 a person to host you, then you and your partner would give a wedding present valued at $150. For instance, a wedding could cost the host anywhere from $75 to $1,00 or more per person.) Obviously, if you're a student, retired or unemployed, a thank-you note would suffice. Arriving with a boxed gift to a large wedding is dicey. Cards detach from wrapped packages and go missing or end up on the wrong present. Is a gift mandatory? No. But be sure to send a thank-you note to your host or a handwritten note or card to the wedding couple or birthday boy wishing them well. It is not always possible, but if it is, be sure to thank your host before saying good night. Can I give a toast? Who gives a toast? A better question is: should I give a toast? Probably not, unless the occasion is truly informal. If you do, make it as short as possible. The more formal the wedding or party, the more formal the toasts. For a formal event certain guests are handpicked to stand up and raise their glass to give a toast. Toasters are often chosen ahead of time so that there are not too many toasts that go on way too long. A good host doesn't want to bore guests who won't get the often subtle nuance of a toast. When to leave? When the invitation states a timeframe arrive shortly after the arrival time and leave a bit before the end time. A good guest never overstays his welcome -- no matter how good of a time he is having. You never want to be the last guest to leave the party. At a three hour cocktail party, where a meal is not being served, don't stay more than two hours. The timeframe for a cocktail party is more about having guests pop in and out, and seating is not a priority because the intention is to encourage guests to circulate. Never sit down, because you can get stuck without an exit plan talking to a bore. A good host not only makes a point of introducing guests to other guests they may not know, but he also makes an effort to stand by the exit to make sure those who are driving don't need a another cup of coffee before hitting the road. Friends don't let friends who are high drive. About tipping. The only time you are prompted to tip is at the end of a party where there is a vendor handling the valet parking. Tip the valet who brings your car a couple of dollars. Within two weeks after the party, be sure to have your thank-you note written and mailed. If the invitation came through an email or text, then you can thank your host with a return email or text. However, thank-you notelets are always more memorable. 1009597

~Didi

Read More…

  • Cracking Festive Dress Codes
  • Creative Etiquette Solutions

You may also be interested in:

NO NECKTIE WEDDING — BUT WHAT ABOUT A JACKET?
Polo Match Dress Code
What to Say about Baby
Cracking Festive Dress Codes

It used to be when you looked at the dress code on an invitation you had clear instructions. Wear a tuxedo (Black Tie) or a jacket and tie (Cocktail Attire).

Now I’m getting invitations with dress codes such as Smart Attire, Festive Attire, Cocktail Glamour, Party Chic, Country Club, Festive Fete. What’s a guy to do?

–clueless about dress codes, Boston

Or no instructions. Which means wear what you like. The first principle of etiquette is to make guests comfortable Nevertheless, you want guests to dress in a certain way and they may not understand your vision without guidelines. You don't want to embarrass an over-dressed or under-dressed guest, but you hope your friends will still flaunt their own style. The time of year, starting time, and location of the party are your first clues. In warmer weather, the codes are rather fun because they are generally more relaxed with guests wearing sandals, boat shoes, open-collar shirts, shorts and no socks. For instance: Casual Hawaiian, Country Western, Casual Fun Attire, Costal Cocktail, Newport Chic, Smart Casual, Dressy Casual, Yachting Attire, Indoor-Outdoor, and No Socks -- my personal favorite. During the holiday season dressing becomes more celebratory with festive dress codes: Black Subversive Glamour, Cocktail Glamour, Party Chic, Festive Fête, Gold & Silver, and Festive Attire -- not necessarily black-tie but season appropriate. When we see the words 'Formal Attire,' we think black-tie or tuxedo, and yet for some guests 'Formal' may mean a tie with a tweed jacket or blazer. Upmarket restaurants and private clubs require a Jacket & Tie, and you won't be allowed in without both. Actually -- because we're bored with the same-old 'Black Tie' and 'Cocktail Attire' -- we're seeing more helpful dress codes specific to cracking codes: Suits & Dresses, Business Suits, Black Tie Formal, Black or White Tie, White Tie (can be with or without tails), Black Tie Optional, and 'Dress: Uniform, Morning Coat or Lounge Suit.' What to wear where? Out of respect for the host, dress up. At the very least, wear a tie and jacket. To fit in, when the party timeframe spans between 5:00 PM and 9:00 PM, you can count on 'Suits & Dresses,' meaning a knee-length or midi cocktail dress and pantsuit. Or wear what you want to wear.

~Didi

Read More…

  • "Party Chic" Dress Code for Office Party
  • Creative Etiquette Solutions

You may also be interested in:

Breaking Wedding Dress Code
Setting Holiday Boundaries with Multigenerational Families
Knowing When To Use A First Name
"Party Chic" Dress Code for Office Party

My husband and I have been invited to an event at his work and the dress is “party chic.” I have a knee length, off the shoulder black dress with embellishments on the shoulders. Would this dress be appropriate for the dress code? I have heard that other women are wearing pants, so I don’t want to be too dressed up.

Also, what would be appropriate dress for my husband. We are both in our late 40’s.

–H.M., Seattle, WA

Chic is personal. For you, your black, off the shoulder, knee-length dress is chic. For other women, pants are chic. It sounds as though you've found your own style, so flaunt it. I'm with you. "Party Chic" is a fun dress code encouraging guests to be fashionable and flaunt their style. Cocktail attire for a man is a jacket, tie, and well-shined shoes. Suggest to your husband that he wears his favorite combination. If this isn't the conservative jacket and tie crowd, look at the Belstaff.com website for men's jackets; when he finds a look he likes, scroll down to find 'Complete The Look,' with ideas for trousers, sweaters, and short boots. The dress code for cocktail parties, office parties and "Party Chic" are more about the quality of the outfit rather than the dressiness.

~Didi

Read More…

Ask Didi
your étiquette question
Explore
Didi’s collection of responses
discover
How To...
POPULAR TOPICS
  • Codes + Conduct
  • Awkward Situations
  • Entertaining
  • Dilemmas
  • Wedding
  • Relationships
  • Manners
  • Tricky Conversations
  • Sticky Social Situations
  • Family
  • Dress Code
  • Conversation Etiquette
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. ~Henry David Thoreau

Our Newsletter

As you've shown an interest in Newport Manners & Etiquette, Didi Lorillard thought you may wish to subscribe. You can easily unsubscribe at any time. Thank you ever so much!

* indicates required



 

  • Home
  • FAQs
  • How Tos
  • Be Your Best
  • Meet The Challenge
  • About Didi
  • “NEWPORT ETIQUETTE”
  • Sitemap
© 2014 All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact didi@newportmanners.com site design AtlanticGraphicDesign.com