Wedding Archives - Newport Manners

NEWPORT COCKTAIL ATTIRE: WEDDING @6:00pm Waterfront
Creative Etiquette Solutions

NEWPORT COCKTAIL ATTIRE: WEDDING @6:00pm Waterfront

I am attending a Newport Wedding at 6:00 PM on the waterfront. The invitation says Summer Cocktail Attire. Can you define a women’s selection? Assume not a sundress or formal either. Printed dress okay? Ceremony, cocktail, dinner and DJ.

–Jackie, Vermont

Thanks for your dress code question about what to wear when the invitation suggests SUMMER COCKTAIL ATTIRE. What could be more fun than a Newport summer wedding on the waterfront at six o'clock. The sun will be setting over the harbor, there will be cocktails, dinner and dancing to a DJ. Summer Cocktail Attire is pretty easy going. It's more about the quality of the clothing than the dressiness of the outfit. Casual can mean sleeves, length and pockets! Nothing glitzy or with too many sequins. You probably don't want to wear a prairie dress, it should be chicer, but casual. Be careful with the shoes as you may be dancing dockside, so no pointy heals to get caught between the cracks between the planks on the dock. Here are examples of dresses that are fun from daylight into the early morning that you can accessorize with jewelry and a sweet evening bag.

We're here to help. We always appreciate feedback! Please, let us know, if this post has been helpful. You mentioned further on in your email that you had a print dress already picked out, so why not send us a photo in an email and we'll get back to you with our thoughts. In the meantime, you can see more of Camilla Bradley's Newport Collection at ckbradley.com Have a great time in Newport!

~Didi

Newport Yacht Wedding Mother of the Bride — Dressy Casual Ensemble
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Newport Yacht Wedding Mother of the Bride — Dressy Casual Ensemble

My question is about finding a mother of the bride dress for a summer wedding shipboard.

My daughter’s being married on a yacht in Newport in August. Needless to say, I won’t be wearing a long dress and high heels onboard. Would you please give me some suggestions. The options in the bridal department stores didn’t seem to fit the bill, so to speak. I need a more sophisticated yet casual look. Like what I’d wear on a yacht in the Mediterranean. Dressy Casual. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

–Loretta, New York City

Thank you for your question about mother of the bride summer dresses. Congratulations and what fun to have a Newport yacht wedding in August. Here are a few of our favorite dressy casual ensembles:

These four photos are curtesy of Maria Pucci at Gramercy Atelier.

~Didi

MOTHER OF THE GROOM DRESS
Creative Etiquette Solutions

MOTHER OF THE GROOM DRESS

HELP! As I am a working mother, I have no time to shop for a mother of the groom dress and my son is getting married next month. Everyone keeps asking me what I’m wearing and I’m embarrassed that I don’t know. My son said the color is purple and that the mother of the bride will be wearing a lavender cocktail dress meaning knee length. Can you recommend a dress that would end just below my knees that is not sleeveless or backless, please?

–Elizabeth, Boston, MA

Dear Elizabeth, the sooner you find your mother of the groom dress the better you'll feel. Not that you're not already under a lot of pressure, but let's get going. We're here to help. Let's get started. As you know, everyone may have to have such a special occasion outfit altered a bit...here or there. Either the shoulders, sleeves, hem length, or waist. Wedding photos last forever and for your dress to be misfitting would be regretful. Better department stores and small specialty dress boutiques are best for finding an establishment that will alter your dress once you've purchased it. Be advised that it is not uncommon to need two fittings for one dress. So be sure to try it on when you go to pick it up after any alteration.

My best advice is to go onto the website of a store in your area and click on dresses, after that you can click on color, hem length and sleeve length, and, of course, click on a price range. When you find a couple of choices that suit you either order a couple (if they are returnable) or visit the store in person and seek out a friendly salesperson.
Your outfit should look as good from the front for the wedding photos as it does from the rear when you're walking back down the aisle after the ceremony.

For a church or outdoor ceremony or reception (as many weddings are being held outdoors due to the continual surges in the Covid pandemic), a dress that falls just below your knees, such as a cocktail-style dress with a bit of sleeve would work nicely. You say the mother of the bride is wearing a lavender cocktail length dress, and I gather you're taking her lead, so any shade of purple would be beautiful. Go online ahead of time and spend some time looking at dresses in both the bridal department and the dresses/cocktail department in your size before heading out to the store and you'll wast less time.

Have fun! It's your special day, too!

~Didi

BRIDAL VEIL
Creative Etiquette Solutions

BRIDAL VEIL

Hi Didi,
My niece is getting married at the end of May in Los Angeles at a beautiful old Hollywood style boutique hotel. She is wondering if she should wear a single or two layer veil? Is there a significance to either? She is a beautiful, romantic and stylish woman.

–Lynda, Boston, MA

Dear Lynda,

Apologies for the delay in answering your interesting question, but - as you can imagine - we are inundated with questions this spring.

The single layer veil (made from one layer of tulle) is the most popular choice. You mention that your niece is a romantic. In that case, the mystery of the two layer veil is a gesture of romance, because in olden days her father lifted the veil that covered the bride's face as if to say: Here, she is you lucky man!

The two-layer veil, the longer back tier and the top tier called the blusher, are a bit old-fashion, but also quite fashionable. And of course, you know, the blusher (the shorter veil) is the top layer covering the face during the ceremony. So when there are two veils: the longer stabilizes the shorter veil that acts as the mysterious blusher.

The length of the veil varies from location to location, from culture to culture, and there are about four to six different lengths:

The most popular veil drops to the waist: the waist length is 54 inches long.
The second most popular is the fingertip length that's 72 inches to mid-calf.
The chapel length is 126 inches long.
The Cathedral length is 144 inches long.

When choosing the length of the veil there are three points to consider: Your niece's veil length should be in proportion to the length of her dress and the veil should not be so busily decorated that it overpowers the lovely design of the dress.

If your niece's dress has lots of intricate details and is highly decorated, it would be chicer if she wore a simple veil with a clean raw edge.
On the other hand, if her dress is simple as in a sleek sheath, the veil can be ornate with detailed embellishments or floral accents.

Mistake not to make: If the length of the veil falls where a focal point begins, for instance, at the waist, it will look as though the bride is being cut in half. So the veil should fall below any horizontal lines.

Most importantly, the style of the veil depends upon the silhouette of your niece's dress:

For instance, with a sheath: the veil is slightly longer than the hem of the train of the chapel length or floor length dress.

If you would, please, kindly let me know the style of your niece's dress--sheath, mermaid/trumpet, a-line, or full skirt--it would help me to give you a more detailed answer. A more personalized answer.

~Didi

COVID PROTOCOL WEDDINGS
Creative Etiquette Solutions

COVID PROTOCOL WEDDINGS

Didi, our question is how do we deal with COVID during our upcoming wedding weekend? We’re in the midst of planning our wedding and I’m a May bride, after a year long postponement because of Covid. We thought Covid was on the wane, but apparently it’s not.

Last night we were at a dinner party with ten other people and today we were told that one of the guests tested positive for Covid. Not only do we feel badly for this person, but now we’re worrying: What if one (or many) of our wedding guests test positive after our May wedding?

This Covid isn’t really going away! It’s too late to postpone our wedding again and, of course, there are all the deposits, etc. Please HELP us figure out how to handle this Covid menace.

Our families are all vaxxed and boosted, but we don’t know about our hundred, or so, wedding guests?

–May Bride & Groom, New England

Dear May bride and groom, thank you for your question about COVID wedding protocol.

Understandably, you are awfully concerned and we, of course, are hoping you both test negative now after the dinner party. Sadly, this is a major problem for many. You are not alone in your concern.

This is what I want you to do:

Two weeks before your wedding send out an email blast to all the guests on your wedding website who accepted your invitation to your wedding with this request under the subject COVID. "On your phone, please, send a photo of your CDC vaccine card to this number: _____ by such and such date" (before the first date of an event celebrating the wedding couple).
Then make it clear that on the day of the first wedding event they are attending (perhaps the welcoming party/rehearsal dinner), all guests have to report to the below address to be tested for COVID before joining the wedding festivities. At that time they will also be asked to show their actual CDC card.
Those who test negative will go forward on the guest lists for all the wedding activities. It's awful to have to do this, but in order to protect all of your guests testing negative, obviously, those who test positive won't be admitted. (In other words, they won't find a place card with their name on it.)

I know this sounds harsh, but it's a crazy world out there and there are those who think they'll never get COVID but, truth to tell: COVID is everywhere. You don't want your wedding to be known as the COVID wedding they went to in 2022 -- where even people vaxxed and boosted got COVID.

As you know, COVID variants keep evolving. The best you can do to ease your worries is to follow the simple safety protection procedures above. It will all be fine, when you both know that you've protected your family and guests to the best of your ability during this brutal pandemic. The rest is up to them -- your guests.

How do you politely handle the many various attitudes about COVID? You can't assume all your guests will comply. We've all learned a lot over the past two years about masking, testing, tracing and self-isolating, but not even one of the most protected people in the world, the Queen of England, is immune from COVID. As with all good manners, you want to minimize asking too much of your guests. By having clearly stated your concerns, your guests will know your concerns and will honor them.

I've not included mask wearing here because I think mask wearing should be up to the individual guest. By asking for a texted photo of the guest's CDC card and testing each and every guest under your wedding planner's guidance, you've set protocol for a wedding in the time of COVID.

Most of all, May Bride and Groom, you've got this! Our recommendations sounds brutal, but COVID is brutal. At least, you won't have photos of masked family and guests -- which would be your only other alternative, and which we would not recommend at this point in time.

~Didi

WEDDING SHOWER ETIQUETTE
Creative Etiquette Solutions

WEDDING SHOWER ETIQUETTE

Didi, what is the etiquette these days for inviting friends to a wedding shower but not inviting them to the actual wedding? Due to Covid our daughter’s wedding had been postponed. We are trying to keep everyone safe by keeping the numbers down and the wedding will be outside under an open sided tent for ventilation. Before the wedding weekend we are planning a wedding shower in our former home town to invite friends to meet the wedding couple, but we’re concerned about the wedding etiquette that says a guest invited, for instance, to the engagement party is always invited to the wedding. Is that still the proper etiquette?

Does that etiquette apply to a wedding shower?

Would it be alright to have a wedding shower that includes some guests that are not invited to the wedding?

There was an engagement party last month in the city where the wedding couple live and work for those who probably wouldn’t be making the trip to the wedding this spring. We’re trying not to leave anyone out and we want our many friends and family to know the wedding couple.

–NPW, Portsmouth, RI

Thank you for your timely question about wedding shower etiquette. The current etiquette for a wedding shower has been updated since the pandemic. Now that restrictions on the number of people allowed at a social gathering are loosening up, weddings that had been postponed are happening! The actual wedding--for the most part--is smaller and wedding couples and their families are hosting social occasions to include friends that are not being invited to the wedding. Most of the guests you are inviting to the wedding shower will understand that times are changing and that they should not expect a wedding invitation. The one part that is tricky is that if a wedding shower guest goes to the wedding website to find the wedding couple's registry to send them a present, they may feel left out of the actual wedding when they see info about the other events around the wedding: the welcoming cocktail event, rehearsal dinner, bridal lunch, ceremony, reception and post-wedding brunch. Perhaps for that very reason, you would not put the wedding website address on the wedding shower invitation, even though they could probably find the website on their own. Are we to assume that this wedding shower will be the only shower? That there won't be a bridal shower hosted by the bridesmaids? In many areas of the country the wedding shower is called the "Jack & Jill." Thank you for the timely question. We're here to help. Have fun organizing your daughter's wedding and remember that wedding etiquette is always evolving.

~Didi

FAMILY CREST — INVITATION — WEDDING ETIQUETTE
Creative Etiquette Solutions

FAMILY CREST — INVITATION — WEDDING ETIQUETTE

On a wedding invitation, whose family crest should be displayed? The bride’s or the groom’s? The bride’s family is paying for most of the wedding – if that matters here.

–EG, New York

Thank you for your recent wedding question to NewportMannners.com.

The primary important objective is to keep to one particular style and stick to it -- making all decisions easier throughout the wedding planning. Otherwise you can find yourself all over the place and people (family and guests) like to know, feel and see the level of formality so that they can understand the decisions being made. Whether the style of the wedding is really informal (no ties and jackets), informal (jacket required), semi-formal (tie and jacket required), formal (black tie) or white tie.

You say that both families have a family crest. Since you are opting to use a family crest, then you're headed for a more formal, traditional wedding. Which does not necessarily mean a more expensive wedding. Or that you can only use the bride's family crest, because you can also use a combined monogram (see below).

When the bride's family is guiding the wedding, then the bride's crest would be used. If the groom's family is paying for most of the wedding, then many wedding couples in such a position opt for a combined monogram of their initials. It would be in bad taste to only use the groom's crest. That's my opinion. Here is an example of a combined wedding monogram on a recent wedding invitation where the bride's last name first initial is S and the groom's last name first initial is P; you can even see the thickness of the paper which would be necessary when using gold:

The couple used this monogram on absolutely everything. Here it it in gold on the wedding invitation, but they've used it also on other occasions and for other purposes not in gold but in a solid color. I show it to you here because it is a trend right now that seems to solve the problem nicely.

My first choice would be to use the bride's family crest. Second choice would be a combined monogram of the couple's last names (see above).

I like to give more than one option for these complicated situations. I would be most interested to learn what you end up using, so please let me know. As well as letting me know of any further questions. We're here to help.

~Didi

VEGAN WEDDING RECEPTION MENU — SEATED DINNER
Creative Etiquette Solutions

VEGAN WEDDING RECEPTION MENU — SEATED DINNER

Didi, we are vegan and we are in the midst of planning our vegan wedding reception dinner menu. Understandably, not all of the guests are vegan–especially those guests of our parents’ generation. We’re not redneck hippies about food, but we want to adhere to our principles about food. Do you have any recommendations for us? We’re looking for a festive menu for a seated wedding reception dinner that will appeal to 150 guests. Or least be palatable to most. Do you have any suggests?

–C & W, Boston, MA

Here is an autumn & winter dinner menu that works well for a seated wedding reception dinner. Having the name of the guest at the top of the menu allows the menu to double as a place card.

(Guest's name in a large handsome font.)

FIRST COURSE

macomber turnip and apple soup

roasted heirloom baby carrots, hazelnut pistou

SECOND COURSE

grilled marinated cauliflower steak

shoestring onions, vegan demi-glace

sweet corn polenta cake

baby kale, caramelized onion, piquillo pepper

roasted sunchokes

shallots, lemon, herbs

orecchiette with vegetarian meatballs

caramelized onion, arugula

local green salad with herbs

shallot-champagne vinaigrette

romanesco cauliflower, endive, fennel and turnip

saffron poppy seed dressing

DESSERT

wedding cake

sweets and dancing, dancing, dancing

Date of reception

CHARLOTTE & WILLIAM

C & W, please, do let us know--if you do use any of this above menu--how it worked out so that we can be helpful to other vegan hosts. Have fan at your fantastic wedding!

Vegan wedding care and sweets.

Photo credit: VG Patisserie, Paris, France

~Didi

Both Parents Escort the Bride Up the Aisle & Father’s Toast: Wedding Etiquette — Ceremony
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Both Parents Escort the Bride Up the Aisle & Father’s Toast: Wedding Etiquette — Ceremony

I have two questions about my daughter’s upcoming wedding: escorting her up the aisle and my toast. My former wife and I have come to an agreement that both parents escort the bride up the aisle at our daughter’s backyard wedding next weekend. My former wife at first insisted that just she should escort our daughter up the aisle. We reached a compromise and we’re both walking our daughter up the aisle. My questions are: On which side do we each take, and at the altar where do we, her parents, stand during the ceremony? It’s a backyard wedding. They were supposed to be married in a church followed by a large reception at the height of Covid-19.

Instead of paying for a big wedding, I helped my daughter and my future son-in-law finance a house in New Hampshire (where their wedding ceremony and reception are taking place) with the money I would have spent on their large pre-Covid wedding. My toast has been relegated to the rehearsal dinner the night before, because the groom’s father “isn’t up to it,” and my wife is giving what should be my toast at the wedding reception. I prepared a fifteen minute toast, and was told it was too long. Then I pared it down to eight minutes. Please advise.

–A Traditional Dad, Newport, RI

First off, congratulations on your daughter's upcoming wedding. It's great fun to see your child launched in whatever endeavor they choose. It's even better when you're asked to participate in a monumental and memorable event. Honor and respect should be at the heart of all wedding celebrations. Whichever side the father of the bride walks is up to the bride. Traditionally, the father of the bide walks down the right side of the aisle with his daughter on his left - facing the officiant with his daughter to his left.

At the altar you would stand on your daughter's right side. Your daughter the bride stands to the left facing the officiant at her father's right side.

It's a topsy-turvy world. Everything is slightly ajar, slightly akilter. The global pandemic has changed the way we live now. How we celebrate now. Many old traditions have been augmented. Ask your daughter the bride these questions and abide by her wishes. Lest we not forget that in many cultures it's traditional to have both the mother and the father escort their daughter down the aisle and stand by her during the ceremony. When the bride is escorted by both parents the father is usually on her left arm and the mother on her right arm. Ask the bride where she wants you to stand. Now, about that fifteen minute toast reduced to eight minutes: The protocol exists with good reason. Some things haven't changed and the length of the toast is standard: three to five minutes. In this instance, you are stepping in for your daughter's future father-in-law in making the toast for him to the wedding couple (use their names) at the rehearsal dinner. If the groom's family is paying for the dinner, you would have the guests raise their glasses in thanks to the father and mother of the groom. The rehearsal dinner introduces the main characters to one another.

Welcome the guests to the wedding and specifically to the rehearsal dinner; if you are not also paying for rehearsal dinner, thank the groom's family by name(s) for hosting the rehearsal dinner.
Introduce yourself with, perhaps, a short story about when you first met the groom.
Thank the guests for coming to the wedding couple's happy celebration.
Make it clear that you're proud of your daughter for making such a wise choice.
Tell your daughter you love them both.
Toast the wedding couple to have a brilliant loving future.
Time your toast to last three to five minutes.

MEMORY MAKERS As parents, we are responsible for making and preserving good memories. It is important that anything you say in your toast is kind, generous, and loving. Never sarcastic nor critical. This is not the occasion for the witty father to be roasting his son-in-law. Go in peace. Have fun!

~Didi

Cash Wedding Gift: What Is Correct?
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Cash Wedding Gift: What Is Correct?

I have an etiquette question about giving a cash wedding gift. My nephew was married last weekend. My family of five adults–me, my husband, and three children, all in their twenties, attended. So I thought $200 per person would be the $1,000 wedding gift. Is that correct? I typically ask my sister these questions, but she’s the mother of my nephew and I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

Last question, our daughter who lives and works in Paris is attending a wedding in the south of France and she is a bridesmaid. Do you know what the protocol is for a wedding gift in France? Does she give cash to a wealthy couple? Sorry to pester you with these questions. Any advice would be appreciated.

–Deb, Portsmouth, RI

Deb, you did exactly the right thing for your nephew by giving him a cash wedding gift.

For your daughter's friend the bride, she should check out the wedding couple's wedding website for details of a "liste de mariage" (wedding register or bridal register). By typing in the couple's names in the browser and adding "liste de mariage," it should come up. Bridal registries are great because you want to give the couple something they want and not just give them something you think they should have. The other bridesmaids will probably know where the registry is listed. If all else fails, try Le Bon Marche: http://listes.lebonmarche.com

Since your daughter the bridesmaid has expenses attending the wedding, she will not be expected to give a major gift. The $200. (in francs) sounds like too much. As you say, the wedding couple are wealthy. In Paris your daughter can easily find a pair of candle sticks or a picture/photo frame that would be more memorable - and less expensive. Also, there are honeymoon funds where you can, say, buy the couple a couple of bottles champagne for their hotel room.

I'd be curious to know what your daughter ends up giving the wedding couple.

~Didi

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