Family Archives - Newport Manners

I Can’t Get Rid Of My Husband — Divorce
Creative Etiquette Solutions

I Can’t Get Rid Of My Husband — Divorce

My husband and I separated a year ago. I’ve tried many times to persuade him to get a lawyer so we can get a divorce and let bygones be bygones, however, he’s lazy and cheap and can’t seem to find time to deal with our fizzled out marriage. I’ve tried talking to our mutual friends for support, but he doesn’t listen to them either. Help!

–AW, Brooklyn, NY

Do online research to look for how to get a quickie divorce. For instance, Angelina Jolie's divorce lawyer, Laura Wasser, offers quickie online divorces (as well as annulments and separations) starting at a fee as low as $750 at: It's Over Easy -

https://www.itsovereasy.com

~Didi

Why Not Get Your Etiquette Together and Act Grateful
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Why Not Get Your Etiquette Together and Act Grateful

What’s the drill on thank-you notes and returning a gift you don’t like?

Can I email words of thanks to people, or do I have to actually buy a box of thank-you cards to write out? Especially, when you haven’t asked for a gift or expected a gift and you don’t really like it?

Also, when your mom gives you a sweater made by a popular brand, do you have to keep it? Every year she gives me a sweater that I never wear, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

–EM, Newport, RI

Act grateful. Wow, not feeling vibes of gratitude here.

At least people were thoughtful to give you something! Grow up. Grownups send thank-you emails and texts to people they are on an email and text basis with. When acknowledging special gifts, that attractive box of thank-you notes comes in handy.

It is all about giving thanks. How you say "thank you" reflects your lifestyle and the sincerity of your appreciation. Find a motif that fits your soul, there are certainly a wide range out there whether you're feeling snowed-in, seeking shade under a palm tree or simply want to remind the giver of a Newport attraction.

If you don't like the gift and are having trouble exchanging it, call or text the person to say you would like to return the sweater for a different style, color, size -- or all three.

Make a list of who you want to thank and cross off the names as you send your thank-you.

~Didi

Christmas Gift Tips — Family
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Christmas Gift Tips — Family

My mother, by proxy from my dad, makes all the decisions on gift giving. They have sixteen grandchildren, half of whom have working highly paid parents who can afford to shop to their heart’s content.

Mom asks us two months in advance what Christmas gifts they should send our children. We let her know and send her the links.

But often the toy, article of clothing, or book is SOLD OUT and mom goes off on her own sending gifts that they don’t like.

So when they ask the four-year-old grandchild, “Do you like your toy guitar,” we’re embarrassed.

Point of fact, she didn’t like it, we sent it back and found something else.

How can we help mom and dad spend their money more favorably?

–HT, Peoria, IL

Try having each family send your parents a list of two presents for each child, with the links. If that doesn't work, it would be OK if your parents purchased each grandchild a gift card that works at a box/online store, such as Barnes & Noble that stocks books, CDs, and toys.

The gift cards are sent to the parents who then attach the envelopes to the Christmas tree or put it in the Christmas stocking.

~Didi

A Son With Three Dads
Creative Etiquette Solutions

A Son With Three Dads

My question is about a son with three dads.

Soon I’ll be picking my step-son up at the airport to spend his Christmas vacation with his dad, my husband, who left his mother for me, a gay man, ten years ago.

My hubby’s ex married a man who has been an extremely generous and good step-father. I’ve briefly met my step-son four times, but since they live in Orange Country, CA, we rarely see him. Not that my husband hasn’t tried.

When I greet my fourteen-year-old step-son in the airport baggage claim area, I’ll want to hug him, but I don’t know if that’s appropriate.

We’re also squeamish about whether my husband and I should sleep in different rooms? The second of our two bedrooms has twin beds.

My husband won’t be home from a board meeting in Dubai until late that night and I’m having to deal with this entry into fatherhood solo.

–The Third Dad, Manhattan

Hey, dad, hold back. Test the waters with your step-son before going forward.

Stretch out your arm first to shake hands.
If your step-son is sporting a smile, and is genuinely warm and happy to see you, try the less intimate half-hug (where you reach one arm around his shoulders, rather than both arms -- as though you're posing for a photo).

Then there's the bro-hug that is especially quick and physically reserved. It's the hug that made Obama so popular.
Whichever, don't linger. Let go.

Make it all about your step-son's father to start.

Let him know what to expect.
Say something like this, "Your dad's been looking forward to your visit. He won't be back until late tonight, so we'll order pizza and hang out watching TV until he gets home. He'll be happy to see you."

Your step-son will be groggy from the flight and may become silent as a shy defense.

Don't ask him a lot of questions.
Don't ask him to made any decisions aside from what he likes on his pizza.

You don't want to be overbearing.

Make it clear that he and his dad will be sharing a room. Show him his room and suggest that he choose either bed.
During the course of his visit, facilitate having father and son spending blocks of time together alone.
Don't let the worst outcome be that your step-son becomes depressed. A morose fourteen-year-old is hard to get to know.

Be yourself, dad, but keep tuned to your step-son's body language.

If he touches his ears, he doesn't like what you're saying.
If he places his hands near his eyes, he doesn't like what he's seeing.
If his hands are on his forehead, nose or chin, he's either contemplating his life or wondering where to the find the cookies and milk.

~Didi

Holiday Top Ten Really Best Table Manners for Kids
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Holiday Top Ten Really Best Table Manners for Kids

My question is about table manners for kids.

My two kids have the worst table manners. My mother-in-law is a stickler for good manners. She’s prim and proper and thinks her five and seven-year-old grandchildren should tote the family line and have good table manners, as well. The big problem is that their friends don’t know how to behave nicely at the table, and kids like to fit in with other kids. Any suggestions?

–CM, Arden, NY

Thank you for your question about table manner for kids.

Find time to take your kids out to eat where there are other people eating. A breakfast out on the weekend. At home you're too busy serving them their food and cleaning up after them, so you'd be less likely to have the patience to talk about table manners in a playful manner.

Role model good table manners and quietly point out the bad manners of other diners.

Talk about outside voices versus inside voices in enclosed spaces -- such as a restaurant.
To keep them focused, play a mind game while waiting for your food.
Talk about why you use a napkin and where it goes.
Elbows on the table are the primary reason why milk glasses topple over.
Don't lay your arms and head on the table for the same reason.
Flatware is not about waving flags and remains on the table or plate when not in use.
Chew with your mouth closed.
Don't talk with your mouth full.
Sit up straight, with feet on the floor.
Bring food to your mouth and don't eat like a dog with your head in the bowl.

You know the drill. Make table manners make sense to your children. When they mirror your good table manners, they win a chance to estimate the tip when the check comes -- and get to keep the change.

Reward the child with a present -- something other than food -- for having been a good, happy guest on Thanksgiving day.

~Didi

What Girls + Young Women Really Fear + Worry About The Most
Creative Etiquette Solutions

What Girls + Young Women Really Fear + Worry About The Most

We’re worried about our daughter who doesn’t go out much. She has a fear of going out whether to school or to the mall to meet friends. We’re wondering if this is normal. She has an allowance, but buys everything she needs on line with a debt card.

We think she spends too much time alone in her room on her laptop.

How do we encourage her to socialize more?

–Name and location withheld

Thank you for your question about what girls + young women actually fear and worry over the most.

Be careful of what you wish for, especially if your daughter is college bound and is conscientiously working on her grades. The world is a really scary place right now.

For more and more teenagers, being scrutinized by their peers while they're at school is about as much socializing as they can handle. Socializing outside of school may be social overload for her.

We found this survey conducted by Girlguiding you might like to take a look at. The research discovered that 55% of over 1,900 girls and young women ages seven to 21, say gender stereotypes affect their ability to say what they think.

The Girls' Attitues Survey found:

Only a third of the girls feel pressure to live the 'perfect' llfe online.
Only 47% feel their parents understand pressures they face on social media.

They're most worried about:

Grooming
How pictures of them will be used by others
Threats from strangers
Comparing themselves and their lives to others
Seeing unwanted pornography
Bullying from people they know

Highlight from the October 2017 Survey

54% of girls aged 11-21 have come across unwanted violent or graphic images online that made them feel upset or disturbed.
95% of girls aged 11-21 said the advertising industry should make sure adverts show more positive, diverse representations of girls and women.
57% of girls aged 11-21 don’t think politicians understand the issues girls and young women face today.
76% of girls aged 7-21 feel confident in digital skills.

Take a look at the full report, from which the above facts were culled: girlguiding.org.uk

~Didi

Make A Promise, Keep A Promise — Family
Creative Etiquette Solutions

Make A Promise, Keep A Promise — Family

My dad promised he would take us trick-or-treating. Now he says we’re too old to trick-or-treat. He thinks it’s just an excuse for us not to do our homework. How do we get him to keep his promise?

–JW and PW, Cranston, RI

A promise made means everything. Keeping a promise to yourself and your loved ones is essential. Your dad must know that. Why not try the following:

Be kind to your dad. Make him a Halloween card. Ask him if he'd like to do something else with you and your sibling instead of going trick-or-treating.

If that doesn't work: Get him to talk to you about what he did as a kid on Halloween. Be curious. Listen to his stories. Help him to remember good memories by asking questions. What Halloween costumes did you wear when you were about my age?

If that doesn't win your dad over, ask him to spend time with you on a day he has off from work. Make it about dad spending fun time with you and your sibling and don't make it about Halloween.

Who knows, perhaps your dad had a really bad experience when he was your age. Or that his family simply didn't recognize Halloween as a fun family activity. Find out his reasoning. My point is that he made a promise knowing you might have homework. Why did he break his promise? He owes you a better answer.

~Didi

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